Sincerity

Mimoe sap! Mimoe sap! Mimoe sap! This is allllll for Tachikawa Mimi-sempai, the coolest sempai a girl can have (and the most fanatical Mimoe fan, too ^_^). Happy birthday!

The mall inspires me. ^_^ I had to do research for this fic -- I had to go shopping! ^_-

I don't own Mimi. I don't own Joe. Does anyone own Izzy or Cody? I'll take them...please...

Sincerity
by Rb

"What do you think love is, Sora?" Mimi asked.

Sora froze, her cup of cocoa half-way to her lips. "Mimi?"

"Yes?"

Sora set down her drink on the table. "Why do you want to know?"

The younger girl pasted a bright smile on her face. "Just wondering!"

But she wasn't, and both girls knew it.

Sora tried to sum up all of her impressions and feelings about the attribute she supposedly understood and found herself failing for words. "It's..."

Mimi looked at her encouragingly.

"When you feel it, you'll understand," Sora finished lamely.

Mimi chirped, "Thanks, Sora!" and stared into the depths of her cup.

But what if I don't?

---

Sometimes I wonder...what does sincerity really mean? I mean, it's suppoedly my strongest trait, but what does it mean?

I looked up 'sincerity' in the online dictionary at school once, when I was supposed to be doing other work. It said "the quality or state of being sincere; honesty of mind or intention; freedom from simulation, hypocrisy, disguise, or false pretense; sincereness," which wasn't much help. Then it included two quotes, which I thought was kinda neat.

Sincerity is a duty no less plain than important. --Knox.

I protest, in the sincerity of love. --Shak.

And that got me thinking, yes, Mimi thinks, thankyouverymuch, and I was really wondering how strong I was. When I was in the digiworld, I never worried about how I was...

But now I do. I've been having dreams, and they all end the same way, with more death, and I can't stop it...

And I ended up zoning out in front of the computer, and Izzy had to shake my shoulder before I woke up, and I whined at him, and we starting arguing.

Was that sincere of me? Probably not.

What is sincerity, really? I looked inside my heart, and the only answer I could find was a soothing green light, the light that warmed me when I was cold.

The Crest of Sincerity was tear-shaped, does that mean I have to cry a lot? I cried when it glowed and Togemon digivolved to Lillymon, but only one drop...

Augh! I'm so confused. I envy Izzy a little, at least he knows about his crest, at least he's never confused about what it means, it's so straight-forward.

It's so unfair. I can't figure out what I mean anymore. This is so horrible...what if I get into problems? What if my sincerity grows weak?

Why did I start doubting my own sincerity? I don't know anything that I thought I did. Not anymore.

---

Mimi kneeled down in the middle of a hallway. School had been out for the past fifteen minutes, but Mimi had wanted to stay after. She didn't like being in huge crowds, all pushing and shoving and sweaty and loud. They jarred her nerves and made her mad.

Her light brown hair fell in front of her face, covering her features as she bent down and adjusted her pink backpack.

"OW!" screeched Mimi as someone tripped over her. She landed on her back with someone pinning her to the ground. "Get off of me, you weirdo!" she yelled.

"Sorry!" said a voice. A male voice. A familiar male voice.

With one hand, Mimi moved her bangs out of her face to reveal the embarrassed and bespectacled features of Joe Kido. His nose was an inch from her own.

"Joe!" Mimi squealed. "What are you doing here?"

"Uhh..." Joe blushed and rolled off of her. "I wanted to visit the old school. See my old teachers."

"Joe, it's a teacher's in-service day. All of them are busy."

"I realize that," said Joe haughtily. He pushed his glasses up onto his nose and shrugged. "Now, anyway."

"So?" Mimi said, also getting up. She swung her backpack onto her back.

"Well, my parents don't expect me home for," Joe consulted his watch, "another three hours and forty-seven minutes."

Mimi smiled suddenly. "My parents won't care."

"Won't care about what?" Joe asked suspiciously.

Mimi twirled around and stuck out her fingers in a V-sign. "Let's go shopping!"

Joe facevaulted. "Mimii~i!"

---

Joe's a really nice guy. He's calm and relaxing. He's like, I dunno, when you go to the beach and you lean back in your beach chair and you let the sun's rays be soaked up by your skin and the fresh salt air blows against you and all you can hear is the crashing of the waves, because nothing else is really important except for the crash crash crash of the waves, regular and steady and calming.

That's Joe to a T. He's always strong, even when I feel weak. He's honest and sincere and calm and sweet. Even though I thought he was just a geek when I first met him (and he still dresses like one!), he's probably my closest friend from among the digidestined.

It's because we trust in each other. I don't know what he gets from my presence, maybe he thinks of me as a substitute for Gomamon, playful and cheerful and affectionate. Me, I know that I can rely on him for anything. That means a lot to me.

Hey, you can make friends because of what kind of clothing you wear and similiar hair styles all the time. It's a lot rarer -- and a lot more precious -- to make a friend who knows your true self, and a friend with a similiar heart.

---

"You're too obsessed with the mall, Mimi," sighed Joe as they walked along the street to the local mall.

"You can never be too obsessed with the mall!" winked Mimi.

"Yes, you can," he groaned.

"Joooo~ooe," Mimi grinned, placing a hand on his shouder, "we're going to shop. Deal with it."

"Shop?" asked Joe in dismay.

"Okay, okay, I'm going to shop and you're going to carry my bags."

"That makes me feel so much better."

"Well, it's your fault for knocking me down. I'm still sore."

"Ehh? How is it my fault? You shouldn't be squatting in the school hallways!"

Mimi sniffed. "I was not squatting."

"Whatever," Joe grinned tolerantly.

"Joe!"

"Mimi!"

Mimi wrinkled her nose. "The mall's one more block ahead. Can you handle the distance without suffering from an allergy attack?"

"Can you make it without five rest stops?" he challenged.

Mimi laughed, a sound like silver bells tinkling. "We really have changed, huh?"

"Yeah." Joe's expression softened. "I'm glad I went into the digiworld with you and the others."

"Really?" Mimi asked, her curiosity piqued.

He nodded. "If I hadn't, then I never would have become the person who I am now -- and before you say anything snide, I really have changed."

"So have I..." Mimi said hesitantly, and then broke off.

---

It's weird, how sincere he really is. He's so much more sincere than I am, than I can ever be. He doesn't have any pretenses at all.

Well, maybe he does. I know he did, with his constant complaining and whining when we first entered the digiworld. But he's dropped them completely around me, if not the other children.

I wonder what started that.

---

"Do you ever feel like your past is a dream?" Mimi asked him as they drew closer to the mall.

"Hmm..." Joe considered. "Yeah. Sometimes, the only things that feel real to me are our time in the digiworld, Gomamon -- "

"Palmon," broke in Mimi.

" -- yes, and the other digidestined, and our friendships, and you..." Joe colored slightly, but went on. "Sometimes, it feels like I wasn't complete until I came into the digiworld, and some part of me was ripped away when I left. Like I'm not quite here, I'm not quite real."

Mimi shivered. "Exactly." She grasped his hand with her own. "Exactly how I feel."

"Huh?" The blue-haired boy looked down at the brown-haired girl besides him. For the first time, he realized how much younger and purer she was than himself.

For her, her grasp of his hand was something pure and innocent, he thought. For me, it's...

He shook his head slightly.

"Ehh? Joe, is anything wrong?"

"No."

They continued to hold hands as they entered the mall. Mimi immediately cheered up.

"This place is so biiig! Joe, what do you want to do?"

"Food court?" he hazarded.

"You're such a...a male!" Mimi exclaimed.

Joe rolled his eyes, insulted. "Well, I am a male, Mimi."

"No, you're not. You're... Joe," Mimi shrugged.

"Oh." Slowly, Joe let go of her hand, losing their connection. Mimi frowned but also let go.

"C'mon, food court's this way," Mimi pointed.

They walked on in silence.

"Heeey!" Mimi said suddenly. "Look, Bath and Body Works is having a sale! Half-off! Let's go!"

"I'm not going in -- " Joe started, but before he could blink, he had been abducted by Mimi and dragged into the store.

The smell hit him first. It was the smell of everything feminine and flowery and fruity, the combined essence of hundreds of natural substances chemically altered into anti-bacterial spray and hand lotion and shower gel. It was a smell that was sweet, sweet, sweet, so sweet it made him want to throw up -- or at least have a severe allergy attack that would get him OUT OF THERE.

But Mimi was there, and Mimi liked it, and allergy attacks were now simply out of the question, especially after her earlier dig at them. To avoid hyperventilating, he concentrated on the decor of the place, the color-coordinated stacks of who-knows items used in, presumedly, the bathroom.

And then he just concentrated on Mimi, and all feelings of nausea went away, because Mimi and nausea never belonged in the same thoughts -- at least, not those that went through Joe Kido's mind.

"Joe! Look!" Mimi said. "They have this new scent, Tangerine Spice, do you like it?" She thrust her hand up to Joe's nose.

He inhaled. "It's..citrus-y."

"Do you like it?" Mimi asked anxiously.

"Yeah, it's...yeah."

She flipped her wrist over and again thrust it to Joe's nose. "What about this, it's Cucumber Melon, like it?"

"Yeah!" said Joe, who couldn't tell which was which.

Mimi frowned. "I've run out of space on my hands..." She selected a bottle that came from a pink shelf. "Sun-Ripened Raspberry, huh, this sounds good." Mimi looked up at Joe with pleading eyes. "Give me your hand?"

"Okay," said Joe without thought, and instantly regretted it as Mimi viciously sprayed the pink bottle's contents onto his hand. She made up for it, though, by clasping his hand in both of her own smaller hands and bringing it up to her own nose to inhale. Her hands were soft and warm. Her breath tickled the hairs on the back of his hand.

"Oh," whispered Mimi. "Oh, this is a good scent." She released his hand almost embarrassedly, snatched up the bottle, walked to the cash register, and paid.

Joe, left standing alone, surreptiously sniffed his own hand. It smelled sweet, even against the competing backround, of sunshine, of smiles.

---

Sometimes, I see the world as it really is, as a place of beauty and light. The sky is blue, the ocean infinite, and the hearts of the people warm. I really think I'm blessed to see the beauty in the shifting of light underneath a tree's branches, or in the crashing of an ocean's waves, or in the building's patterns of bricks.

Most people have to see beauty in photographs, because they can't recognize the beauty in themselves. But still, I can one-up them.

I can see beauty in the people around me. Especially now.

---

"Now what?" Joe asked as they walked out of the store.

"Rainbow," said Mimi instantly.

"Rainbow?" repeated Joe nervously.

"Yup. I need more clothes."

"No, you don't."

"Do you want me to walk around naked?" snapped Mimi. Joe blushed furiously. "Thought not. Let's go."

They walked through the mall, Mimi pausing every few minutes to greet one of her friends who was, what a surprise, shopping.

"Ah! Here we go!" Mimi exclaimed as they entered the clothing store. It was a neat store with a nice selection of clothing of a variety of styles.

Joe bemusedly watched Mimi scrutinize the selection until he was called upon to make the most difficult choice of his life:

"Hey, Joe, which do you think looks better with this skirt? The blue or the purple?" Mimi asked.

Sweat beaded on Joe's forehead. "Uuumm..."

Mimi tapped her foot impatiently. "Joe!"

"Why are you asking me? I don't know this kind of thing!" burst out Joe desperately.

"But I trust you," said Mimi, surprised at the older boy's reaction.

"Oh. Well, in that case...the purple."

"Thanks." Mimi made her final clothing selections. She took some of the clothes from the masses she'd selected and dumped the rest in Joe's arms as she went into the dressing room. Joe sunk down next to a mirror and wiped the sweat off his brow, his glasses sinking down his nose.

"Uh, sir?" asked a concerned female voice.

"Yes?" Joe said, adjusting his glasses. A salesclerk with dark hair in a ponytail was squiting suspiciously at him.

"Umm...we don't sell male clothing here," she said, fiddling with her ponytail. "So, uh, I don't think the selection here would...fit you."

Does she think I'm a cross-dresser? Joe thought, feeling the flush start.

"There's a store several shops down that would, ah, suit your needs better." The girl blushed.

So did Joe. "Miss, I'm not a -- you've got it all wrong -- I'm here with Mimi -- she's a girl -- she's the one buying stuff here!"

"Then what's with all the clothes in your arms?" she asked skeptically. "That's girls' clothing. Where's the girl?"

"Joe!" said Mimi as she exited the dressing room. "D'ya like this outfit?"

Joe's jaw dropped. After several attempts, he managed to nod.

Mimi grinned. "I think I'll take it." She walked over to where Joe was holding her stuff and selected more to try on.

The salesclerk bowed in apology. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't realize your clothing was for you girlfriend."

"M-m-m-y girlfriend?" Joe said, sweating even more.

The salesclerk rolled her eyes. "Weirdo." She walked away.

Joe wiped his forehead with his arm for a second time as Mimi continued her fashion show. No one bothered him after that episode.

---

I like trying on clothing. I like the feel of clothing against my skin and the ability to look at myself in a mirror and seeing myself in an entirely different way.

Clothing makes the person, really. You're identified by your clothing more than anything else. You feel the best when you wear good clothes and other people appreciate them.

So I might as well wear the best!

---

"Joe, where do you want to go now?" Mimi asked politely.

"Uh, no preference," he answered, startled out of his own thoughts.

"Didn't you want to go to the food court?"

"Well, if you don't want to, then it's all right with me."

"No, no, if you want to go, then let's go."

"Only if you want to."

"Only if you want to."

"But I -- " Joe started, then laughed. "Yeah, let's go."

"You have a nice laugh," said Mimi as they walked.

"I do?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks..."

"Don't mention it!"

"Don't worry, I won't."

This time, Mimi laughed.

"Your laugh is nice, too."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Thank you."

"No problem. So, what do you want at the food court?"

"I'm not hungry."

Joe facevaulted. "Then why do you want to go?"

"Because you want to go." She slipped her hand back into his. "I'll go anywhere you want."

"Thank you, Mimi." Joe held her hand firmly and vowed to himself not to let her go this time.

---

I wonder why he's become so stiff. I wonder why he grips so tightly to my hand. I wonder why my heart's beating faster as I inhale his scent.

---

The lines weren't too long, as they'd avoided the noon rush. Joe bought a hamburger and fries. Mimi bought a soda.

"You should eat more," said Joe worriedly.

"I'm all right!" Mimi sniped.

"How can you be all right if you don't eat?"

"I'm just special that way." Mimi took a sip of her soda and, as Joe bit down on his burger, stole one of Joe's fries.

"Hey, you thief!" yelped Joe in surprise.

"I'm not a thief. I'm creative." Mimi snagged another fry.

"Mimi!" Joe gasped, outraged. "You can't just take my fries!"

"Why not?" she asked as she reached for another one.

But this time, Joe's hand came down as she reached for the fries and grabbed her own in a loose, warm grasp. Mimi looked up in surprise, all laughter gone from her face.

Joe gently turned over her hand and brought it close to his face as if he was studying it. As if he was reading her palm, studying the lines and creases before telling her, you'll have a long life, you'll have two children, soon you shall meet a tall dark stranger...

But I don't want a tall dark stranger, she thought, and blinked in confusion.

"Because," Joe said in a warm, soft voice as he dropped some french fries from his free hand into her own captive one, "I'll give them to you."

---

When I was little, really little, I'd sleep in my parents' bed and feel their warmth on either side of me and be happy because I was safe. And I felt the same warmth from Palmon.

And now I feel it again, and I wonder what it is.

---

"Mimi," Joe asked as they walked through the mall again, "are you all right?"

"Me?" Mimi smiled, but it was forced and they both knew it. "Yeah."

"You seem...distant."

"I'm thinking," Mimi answered.

"About?" Joe prodded.

"I'm thinking that there's an arcade up ahead and I can kick your butt at the motorcycle game," Mimi grinned.

"Dream on, girl," Joe grinned back.

---

Izzy thinks a lot, but he doesn't have many friends, he sits around with his computer and complains about slow modems and gigas and betas and whatever and he's smart and no one ever questions him. So he's knowledgeable, and he's got the crest of Knowledge, so it fits.

Sora's nice and sweet and caring and she loves everyone and she's always nice ('cept to Tai) and she never snaps at anyone ('cept Tai, and a couple times to Joe), so she's loving, and she has the crest of Love, so it fits.

And Tai's brave all the time, so he's got Courage, and T.K. was always cheerful, so he has Hope, and Kari, I didn't know Kari well but I guess she fulfuills the requirement of Light okay, and Matt didn't think he was very friendly but it turns out he is, so he's got Friendship.

Joe, Joe is always reliable, and he's kind, and he's smart, and he's nice, and he's Joe, and he's faithful...but he's more sincere than I am, I think. Then how come I got sincerity, and he didn't?

Maybe I got sincerity by default, 'cause there had to be a Sincerity person, and I guess it fits, but I'm not totally sincere, not always.

Not around Joe, not now, and I don't know why.

---

"Wow, Mimi, you're good at this."

"I know," she preened.

"I mean, I've watched you play the driving games, and no offense, but they've made me fear for my life once you get behind the wheel of a real car, buit you're good at this motorcycle game, have you ever ridden on a motorcycle before?"

"No."

"I have, and you're better than I am."

"That's 'cause your attention is divided between trying to defeat me and actually playing the game. While I can just play the game." She stuck out her tongue. "Face it, Joe. I rule at this game."

"I won't give up. I will defeat your high score."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, I will."

"No, you won't." Mimi placed her arm around Joe's neck as he bent over the game.

"Oh."

"Why'd you just stiffen?"

"What do you mean?"

"You stiffened. You've been stiffening all day."

Joe flushed, but in the semi-darkness of the arcade room it was barely noticeable. "This is not the place for this conversation."

"Oh."

"And get your arm off of me."

"Why?" Mimi sounded hurt, but Joe didn't let himself look at her face.

"Because you're a girl."

"I'm Mimi."

"No, you're a girl."

Mimi removed her arm. "I'm not just a girl!" she yelled, and ran away.

Joe cursed mentally. "MIMI!" he called, and ran after her

---

Why did he have to say that? Why was he so mean?

I didn't mean to offend him, but he was offended nonetheless.

Why was he offended? I was trying to be sincere. I was listening to my feelings, and my feelings said to touch him, to hold him...

I want to be sincere. I want to live up to my feelings. I want...

---

Joe caught up with Mimi inside the pet store.

Two dogs were running around the store. Mimi was having the time of her life chasing and holding the dogs. One was currently being given a good scratch behind the ears. The other was relieving itself inches from Joe's shoe.

"Mimi," he said. "We have to talk."

"Aren't the dogs cute?" Mimi asked, not acknowledging Joe's statement.

"Mimi..."

"We used to have a dog. But he was run over by a car."

"That's sad."

"Mom was really broken up about it. Daddy offered to get her a new one, but she refused. She didn't want a replacement doggie."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Her hair once again obscured her face.

Gently, gently, Joe brushed some of her honey-colored bangs away from her face with his fingers. Her eyes were filled with tears. She got up and stalked out of the store. Joe followed her. The two sat down on a bench, Mimi staring at her lap, Joe staring at Mimi.

"Mimi, I'm sorry that I offended you."

"I'm sorry, too, Joe," she said, her voice dull.

"I didn't mean to offend you, it's just...well...a girl like you shouldn't touch a boy so freely."

"Huh?"

"Mimi, you're a very pretty girl." She blushed. "Not all boys will act...honorably towards you, in the future."

"But you would, so it's okay to touch you, right?"

"Only when it's appropriate."

"Oh." She looked away. "You touched me."

"Only your hand."

"I liked it when you held my hand."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It made me feel safe."

"Oh?"

"And happy."

"It did?"

"Yeah. But you don't care about that, you only care about appearances, about what looks like the right thing. You aren't sincere at all!"

Joe's brow furrowed. "Huh?"

"I thought you were sincere, so I wanted to be more like you, because I'm not sincere enough, but you aren't, after all!" Mimi looked up at him angrily.

"Mimi, you are sincere." He smiled at her. "You're the most sincere person I know, because you aren't afraid to speak your feelings."

"Joe..."

"Don't worry about not being who you can be naturally. You're beautiful naturally, you're sincere naturally...you don't have to try, Mimi. You don't have to worry. You are."

Now she did burst into tears. She cried into his shirt, soaking the fabric with the sweet salty tears of the innocent. Her arms encircled his chest. Joe, having thought about appearances, his own feelings, and Mimi in a split-second of decision, rested his own head on top of Mimi's and hugged her back.

---

He's so warm, so strong. I wonder how he got to be this way.

I wonder if he'll stay like this.

I hope he does.

And that's true sincerity.