Yalelock Bungalows and the Hound of the Basketballs
Bungalows sat in his favourite old chair stroked the side of his cheek thoughtfully, "What are you doing" Dr Timeout, his assistant, asked him curiously
"I'm stoking my cheek thoughtfully" Bungalows replied, "Oh" Timeout said, cursing himself for his own stupidity. He was just about to ask another equally stupid question when a young, rather attractive woman ran into the room. Bungalows stood up at once and took her hand "My dear lady what is the matter?" he smiled at her (Bungalows had always fancied himself as a bit of a ladies man.) "You look terribly upset."
"Are you Yalelock Bungalows the famous detective?" she asked running her fingers hurriedly through her hair "Yes he is and I'm his equally famous assistant Dr Timeout!" Timeout added hurriedly, she ignored him and spoke to Bungalows "you are very famous" Bungalows smiled and pretended to be embarrassed, she glanced momentarily at him before continuing "I was wondering if you could help me?"
"You see me when my name has become known far and wide. ... How can I assist you?" asked Bungalows, "Its this" she shoved a note into Yalelock's hand, he took out his reading glasses which perched jauntily on the tip of his nose and began to read out loud…
Dear Miss L Espionne
I have captured a valuable member of your schools basketball team, and unless you want to see any harm come to him I suggest you follow my demands. Number one. I wish you to allow more funds to go towards the school cheerleading team, we have no decent uniforms and our pom-poms are extremely raged, and Number two. The staff at your school would like chocolate biscuits in the staff room at lunch AND break!
If you comply with these demands the dog will be returned unharmed.
Yours sincerely Edwin Vernon Ian Lawson
"Dog?" Timeout said, rather puzzled by this concept "yes" Miss Espionne told him "Poochie, he's our school basketball team mascot and we are all terribly worried something could have happened to him." She wiped away a tear "We need him tomorrow for our first match, please help us find him"
"Of course we will" Bungalow said, "We must examine the evidence." He ran his fingers over the torn paper and over the bumps of the newspaper cuttings, he put his nose to the paper and took a deep sniff and then with an "ah ha" he licked the side of the envelope making Timeout feel rather queasy. "Well from testing this letter I conclude that the man we want is holding Poochie captive at the canal boat yards not far from here!"
"Wow" Miss Espionne looked impressed "you worked that all out from looking at the letter"
"Well err yes, mainly, of course it helped that the address was written at the top. But enough about me, we must save Poochie, a school's basketball team depends on it! To the horse and cart!"
They all clambered into the carriage that was waiting outside, and Bungalow said to the Cabby "We wish to proceed immediately to the construction place of boats and other such floating creations"
"What?" the cabby asked totally confused, Timeout lent over to intervene "take us to Lawson's boat and barge yard please." He said and off they set.
"Where would he be keeping Poochie?" Timeout wondered out loud
"My dear fellow, he will guard him as the apple of his eye. It is probably situated near him, but it is quite safe of course," Bungalow said rather pompously
"The boats" Timeout suggested
"Hmm of course! I've got it now, the boats, what a perfect place" Bungalow exclaimed.
They clambered out of the carriage and found themselves in a dusty yard full of half built boats and barges, "over there" Bungalow pointed, Timeout looked up, hundreds of barges and boats were moored along the canal.
"How are we supposed to know which one he's on?" Miss Espionne asked
"Well we'll just have to wait for Mr Lawson to show up," Timeout said
"How will we know who he is?"
"Well by assessing the surroundings and environment I think that he is probably a red-haired, elderly, 3ft dwarf who wears half moon glasses," Timeout said proudly
"Very clever Timeout. Did you work that out, from the way everything here is set to an extremely low height, therefore he must be short, and that the signs are all written in an extremely large font suggesting that he has a eyesight problem. That he is elderly due to the fact that there are "help the aged" posters every where and that he is red haired because you noticed to comb full of red hair over there on the floor! But you failed to notice the handicapped toilets which implies he has a disability, say a limp?"
"Well actually Bungalow" Timeout replied feeling a tad stupid "his photograph is over there, mounted on that wall!" Bungalow looked "oh yes well… nice try Timeout, and I think that's our man right over there," Timeout saw the dwarf hurrying towards a nearby barge 'The Kidnapper'.
"Hey you! Stop right there!" Bungalow shouted and raced towards him, the little man leapt aboard 'The Kidnapper' and revved up the engine.
Bungalow, Timeout and Miss Espionne leapt onto the barge behind his, 'The Avenger', and started up the engine too. "Let us follow it out to the bitter end!" Bungalow announced. Both boats drove off down the canal, going at full speed; ducks flew everywhere trying to escape these mad tearing beasts chasing after each other. Mr Lawson glanced backwards over his shoulder, to see Bungalow gaining on him. A policeman yelled at them for creating off shore breakwaters, and a fisherman made violent jesters when the barges got tangled up in the line, but still the two barges charged after each other.
Bungalow looked ahead of Lawson "oh great" he exclaimed " a lock!" Bungalow waited patiently while Lawson got off the barge, opened the lock gates and wound up the paddle. It took at least fifteen minutes for both barges to get thorough, once Lawson was one the other side he waited for Bungalow, so that they could both shut the gates, then the chase continued.
On they sped past pub after pub. Until they were nearing the aqueduct Ponty Skylight, boats arrived at the Ponty Skylight at the same time, it was raining heavily and mist was starting to settle all around them. "That's it" Timeout declared "we're lost"
"To be lost is find ones self in a place where one has never been before" Bungalow told him, "however" he continued "I will go and venture an enquiry to as our whereabouts with the enemy." Leaving the steering in the care of the once Boy Scout Timeout he ran to the front of the boat and with a sweep of his coat he stepped easily onto the back of The kidnapper. Lawson was rather surprised when Bungalow suddenly appeared behind him, "what do you want?"
"I have come to enquire as to our whereabouts at this précis moment?"
"No idea, I'm just following orders, go see the boss, he's hiding inside the barge!" Lawson told him.
Bungalow crept into the barge and into the kitchen, there was no one there, he was just about to check the room next door when he heard a cruel, dark voice filled with hatred come from behind him
"So we meet again Bungalow" Bungalow turned "Arty! As I suspected all along, you have planed this, have you not? You decided that you had to get me on a case then bring me here. So you hired Mr Lawson to lead me here… but… ah yes it's all as clear as crystal, as you put it. Miss Espionne! She was the key to all this, well this really takes the cake, how much are you paying her? You steal her dog she comes to me and we end up here. So it seems that matters are going from bad to worse! You must tell me where is the dog?"
"Right there next to you" Mr Moris Arty pointed next to him at a small stuffed dog "What!" Bungalow exclaimed. "You cruel man you made him into a stuffed toy!"
"Don't be stupid Bungalow, he never was real! The school was so worried about the stupid stuffed toy, that they led you right into my trap, mwahaha ah!" his evil laugh rang out across the waters.
Bungalow grabbed a bacon butte from the counter "at last" he said, "at last I am bringing home the bacon"
"Not if I can help it," Professor Arty said, " I will finish you once and for all"
"Are you prepared to become a cold-blooded murderer? Can you live with the guilt, knowing that you struck down a man in his prime, can you?"
"I can't do it " professor Arty sank to his knees "good" Bungalow said "that's what I was counting on" he grabbed Poochie and threw the stuffed dog out of the door and over the side of the aqueduct. "Noooooo" Arty shouted and leapt over the side and off the aqueduct, he fell and he fell and he fell.
Timeout could only watch as his best friend committed murder and Morris Arty fell to his death and Miss Espionne covered her eyes so as not to see poor Poochie hit the rocks. "Well that was a curious incident" remarked Yalelock Bungalow.