Summary:

After a life changing event at eighteen, Charlotte has sworn off people, and emotions, entirely. Except, of course, bitterness. After taking up smoking, a small eating disorder, and being a bitch, Charlotte knows that's the only way to deal with her pain. In an effort to make Charlotte herself once again, her older brother Matt brings around Kevin and Joe, two friends from Princeton, and their littlest brother Nick. But they don't stop there. In different attempts to get Charlotte to let her guard down, which one will work better? Loving her for who she already is? Or loving her for who she could, and once used to be?

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If You Can't Love, You Can't Hurt

"Charlie!" My mom's voice was loud, screeching almost, in my empty room. Its enthusiasm bounced off the walls, echoing slightly. I winced, dotting out my cigarette carefully on the side of the house dropping the butt alongside the three story home we owned in Beverly Hills. It was a miracle that no one noticed all the cigarette ends scattered across the side of our yard, but no one really cared anymore. I think the lawn people noticed, but they obviously didn't say anything to my parents about it. I stepped off the edge of my window sill that I had been sitting on for the past while, until now.

"Charlotte Reyes! Come here!" My mom's cheerfulness was already getting on my nerves. I groaned, leaving my window open so that the smoke would leave my room. I sprayed myself and my room with perfume, shaking my arms out.

I walked to the door just as my mom was screaming my name again. "MOM! I'M COMING!" My voice was rather annoyed, but can you really blame me? I get the picture. I'm needed. Let's leave it at that. Damn.

Today was the day that Matthew, my twenty year old brother, was coming home from Princeton. What that's like, 3,000 miles away right? So hey, I'm sure I should be excited. But I am, deep down, past the façade that I don't show any emotion anymore. But it's not much of a façade. It's not my fault I'm constantly empty, staring at that stupid little silver ring that lays on my dresser staring back at me. It's not my fault.

I ran down the stairs, the sunlight pouring into my family room while my parents stood there, glancing down at their watches while whispering to each other: "We have to leave. I mean we should have left by now. Where is she?"

I looked them up and down, pulling my hood over my black hair. "I'm here." I announced with no emotion. Both of my parents looked at me, and then looked at each other.

"Well we should be going then." My mom said fluttering her hand over her purse as she grabbed it. Her excitement was running through her veins. I knew it because she never acted like this. Unless she's really enthusiastic about something. This something just happened to be my brother's arrival.

I looked at her confused. "Going where? I thought he was coming here?" I waited, creasing my eyebrows together.

My dad looked at me, my mom and him wearing the same expression. Like they were dealing with a six year old. "He is coming here. After we pick him up from the airport." My father answered me.

I groaned turning to go grab a pair of shoes that were nearest to me. I don't care whose shoes they were or what they looked like. I'm not running upstairs to grab a pair of my own. Luckily, I had left a pair of converse sprawled across the entryway tiles. I slipped my feet into them, walking back to my parents who were already walking across the living room and into the kitchen. My mom had gotten into the garage, opening it and tossing the keys to my father across the hood of the dark grey 2007 Mercedes SUV we had just gotten. He grabbed them effortlessly opening the driver's door and getting inside. I ran behind the car, opening the backseat and getting in.

My dad started the car, backing out of the long driveway slowly while my mom closed the garage door, along with the gate once we were out on the road. She smiled, laying her hand over my dad's. "I'm so excited Matthew's coming home."

I rolled my eyes, pushing my knees harder into the back of her seat. I haven't seen Matthew since Christmas. Oh and of course the little event that changed my life pretty much forever. He was there for that too, giving me as much support as possible. I, however, couldn't accept anything. Too afraid to let go.

I was still semi-excited for the beginning of this summer. The beginning of the rest of my life. After I so helplessly graduated high school, rejected the school of my dreams and planned on going to Europe to backpack while I tried 'finding myself'. This would be the summer I could get on with what happened. To forget the past and focus on the future. And the future as of right now included Matthew coming home.

As we finally reached the airport, parking the Mercedes in the lot and jumping out to find the gate to where he was coming, I was getting more excited. "I think he's over here." I said pointing to the opposite direction of which we were heading. I stared at the screen, looking at the flight number, to the arrival time, to the gate.

My mom walked up behind me, squinting at the bright screen as well looking at the same flight as me. "Oh," She said all defeated. "Honey," She called to my dad and he turned around to walk to where we were at. "I think Charlie's right." My mom pointed to the gate number on the screen.

"Are you sure? We've been down that way. I didn't see his flight." My dad protested. My father was the type of guy to always be right about everything. No matter what it was. That's exactly where Matthew got it from. Ah, all right, I'm calling him Matt. 'Matt' is my brother, not 'Matthew'. He's too wild child for 'Matthew'.

"You know," A familiar voice from down the terminal just a ways had called to us. Its tone was matter-of-fact, or amused. "You guys never could find anything if your life depended on it."

We all turned at the same time to see Matt standing there, his bags in hand wearing that you-are-really-lucky-to-be-my-family-otherwise-I-wouldn't-love-you look. At the same time we all screamed: "Matt!" He laughed, dropping his bags to the ground while we all raced up to see him. My mom hugged him first, petting his hair while she did so.

"Oh honey, I'm so happy you made it." She said to him. My mom was obsessed with my brother. I'm not sure why though. He wasn't anything really…special. :).

Matt shrugged. "Yeah, I'm happy I'm home too." He hugged my dad after a second then looked at me. "Hey Charlotte." He smiled.

The look on my face must have been priceless because my entire family started laughing. "Charlie, please. Call me Charlie." I answered grimacing as I did so.

"Come here." He whined while he opened his arms for me. I took them instantly. Grabbing his back tight against my hands. I buried my face in his chest while he just petted my hair. If I wasn't so opposed to crying, I would have right there. Matt knew everything about everything. And you know what? I actually think he was okay with that. I leaned back, looking up at him with wide eyes and he just smiled knowingly at me.

Matt had the normal Reyes look about him. The black eyes, the black red-tinted hair, the dark Spanish skin and of course the trademark smile. Bright white teeth that gleamed ever so perfectly. He and I looked a lot alike. He was tall though, athletic build, but still slender. His style was kind of preppy, rich bitch kind of thing. He enjoyed looking like he just walked off a Lacoste ad or something. But he wore it well – making all the ladies swoon the second he walked into a room. That's where we were different. I was skinny, not athletic really, and I didn't dress like a rich bitch. I dressed like I walked off an Urban Outfitter's ad with a boho touch. I only made one boy swoon when I walked into the room, but all that's changed.

"So do you have all of your bags?" My mom asked concerned, searching my brother for some kind of default.

Matt looked around him, picking up his stuff. "No I'm good. I shipped the rest of it, so that should be here tomorrow." He started walking, my family heading back to where the car was.

I followed behind them, zipping my jacket up and then zipping it back down just so I could listen to noise over and over again. Matt finally looked at me with a weird expression. "Sometimes I wonder how we are related."

I glared at him, dropping my hands back into my pockets. "I wonder the exact same thing."

We reached the car within no time, shoving Matt's bags into the trunk of the Mercedes while I sat in the back listening to them debate over where we want to go out for Matt's 'Welcome Home' dinner. I didn't care, I don't really eat much anyways. Matt slid into the backseat with me, looking at me with a smile on his face. I gave him a nod instead. After a while of being on the road, Matt kept looking at me and finally I glared at him. "Whatcha want!" I said giving him a funny accent.

Matt shrugged, looking awkward in his state. "Nothing." He answered giving me more unwillingness. "How have you been Charlie?" He said quietly.

I got the message, the hint he was trying to give me. I didn't want to answer seriously because what has happened since then? I took up an addiction. A bad one at that. One that causes lung cancer. But I don't smoke that often, just when I'm feeling really tense and need to ease down a little bit. That happens to be more than once a week, but less than once a day. So that's good, right? At least I'm not smoking two packs a day or some shit like that. What else? Oh right, I quit eating. And when I do, I binge. And after I binge, I throw it up. Not on purpose of course. Like I'd really admit to everyone I was bulimic. Good one. Let's see? I have no friends, all I do is sit in my room, listening to emo-indie music while my heart continues to break. Hm, yeah Matt…I think I'm, "All right. I'm not dying or anything."

I laughed awkwardly and his face was all tensed up. I stared at him. "Matt I'm kidding, god take a joke. At least I can make one." My tone was annoyed. I hated being treated like this, all the damn time.

"Charlie, are you sure?" He asked more anxious now. God one flipping joke and suddenly I'm suicidal.

I stared back at him. "Matthew Reyes. I'm perfectly fine. My life will go on. I've come to terms with that." Actually I haven't. That's probably why the ring is still sitting on my dresser, just below the picture of him and me kissing on our anniversary.

I turned back around, just in time to catch my parents exchange a worried glance at each other. I rolled my eyes. God damn, these people should just put me in a mental hospital. I might actually be sane there.

I jumped, hearing Matt's ringtone scream from his pocket in his white jean shorts. He fished it out, glancing at the screen and hit the talk button. "Hey man." He said after bringing the phone up to his ear. "What's up?" Matt's deep voice filled the car; my mom even had to check if he was talking to us or someone on the phone. I stared out the window listening to him occasionally say, "Yeah," "That would be smart." It seemed like a boring conversation until he said, "Yeah I'm home. Are you coming over later?" He nodded, like jotting notes down without pen and paper. Finally he said, "All right man, I'll talk to you soon."

He snapped his phone shut shoving it back into his pocket. I looked over at him with an evil smile. When he caught my gaze he said, "What?" innocently. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Was that your gay lover?" I teased.

Matt's eyes narrowed into mine giving me an icy stare. "Ha-ha. Good one Charlotte." He smiled devilishly back.

I widened my smile while saying, "You never answered my question."

Matt rolled his eyes. "No Charlie, I'm not gay." I laughed jokingly. "I'm not!" He argued.

I held my hands up in surrender. "Chill dude. I'm just kidding. I know you're not gay." I said honestly. My brother seemed like the last guy on earth to be gay. You really should see the kind of girls he brings home. Oh my god. "But really, who was that?" I asked more casually now.

He looked out of his window, then back at me. "That was Kevin." I felt confusion sprinkle across my face. "He's a friend from school." I still looked confused, at least I felt that way. "He lives in town as well."

I rolled my eyes again. "God, everyone lives in L.A." I pulled my hoodie down further by shoving my hands deeper into my pockets. Everyone comes to L.A. to make it big, to be famous. Isn't that just annoying?

"So is he coming over later?" My mom interjected. She glanced over her shoulder at Matt with a motherly expression on her face. This meant one thing: hospitality. She was obsessed with guests, I'm really unsure why.

Matt nodded. "Yeah if that's cool. After dinner and everything." He glanced at me once more and I finally closed my eyes tightly as if I could disappear. Oh how many times I wished this during sleepless nights. "His little brothers Joe and Nick are coming too." He almost threw to me. I think he expected me to say something, like, 'oh wow, no way!' Which most girls my age, eighteen, would really care about. But I don't. Not at all.

"How old are they?" My mom asked 'innocently'. I knew she wanted Matt to continue, hoping that maybe they would get a reaction out of me – any kind of reaction.

Matt was staring at me from the corner of his eye. I could feel it burning. "Well Nick's only sixteen." Too young. Thank god. I'm hoping Joe's like eight or something. That way I can just give him toy and shut him up. "Joe's a freshman at Princeton. He's nineteen." I sighed. Fuck. My age. And we all know how annoying boys are at my age.

My mom exclaimed a happy gasp. "Oh that's great." No, no it's not. "Did you hear that Charlie?" My mom asked me. I rolled my eyes. No I didn't hear that. No I don't care. "He's your age." Fantastic. I feel like we're all playing match-maker or something. I'm not interested. "You guys can hang out."

"Yeah! Totally!" I finally retorted, snapping my eyes open wide with a huge fake grin. My tone was so sarcastic it was almost evil. "We can, like, paint each other's nails and tell each other all of our secrets!" I looked at Matt, putting my hand over his. "Oh my gosh, isn't this just so exciting?!" I dropped the façade instantly taking back my hand and stuffing it into my pocket. I shook my head. "I'm not hanging out with that kid." I answered.

"Charlotte." My father's booming voice was now stern. Something I didn't hear often. But when I did, the fear in my body was definitely present. "Maybe you should give him a chance before you completely blow him off."

I scoffed, looking out the window. "No, I'm not blowing him off. We never had plans." I came back with. My anger level was rising, and at this very moment I was dying for a cigarette.

My mom's voice came back. "Charlie, you know that Nathan would have wanted you to move on with your life." I gritted my teeth as the unspoken name was officially…spoken. My mom knew not to go there. She knew damn good and well.

I clenched my teeth, my voice hissing through the enclosed space. "Mom, maybe you should just stick to giving advice to crazy people rather than speaking for the dead." I closed my eyes as my throat automatically tightened up at the word.

After that, the car was awkward, silent. My mom was the only one who ever mentioned it. She was the one to talk about it when I hadn't started the conversation. I tried letting it die, how ironic my choice of words, the conversation should just leave entirely. But it seemed like my mom couldn't let it go. The car ride home seemed to drag on, like it had taken hours to get to our neighborhood. Finally when we pulled up, I jumped out of the car, running up the stairs like a maniac and sat on my window sill, debating whether or not I should light up once more today. I had a plausible reason.

"Charlie?" My mom knocked on my door as she opened it slowly. My family doesn't knock and then come in. They don't come in and then knock. No, they knock while coming in. My family is so original – so mental actually.

At this moment I was happy I didn't light up. I'd be yelled at even more than before for smoking in the house. Well, smoking at all. "Can I come in and talk?" She asked me. Not like I was going to answer. Like I was going to smile and be all 'sure! Why not?' Not happening. She made her way slowly across the room taking a seat on my bed and staring at the ground. I sat still, peering across the neighborhood. I didn't want to give her the courtesy of looking at her. She sighed quietly. "Charlie, I'm really sorry that I said that earlier. I know that was totally uncalled for."

"Try completely one hundred percent uncalled for. Unneeded." I snapped back harshly while giving her the evil eye from the window.

My mom nodded, hanging her head. "I know. I'm just saying I'm sorry." She sighed when she realized I wasn't going to accept it or reject it. "Charlie, it's just," She paused searching in the sea of her vocabulary for the right words, "it's just that I want to help you." She said honestly. "You're not showing any signs of moving on, and I'm not even sure what I can do, or for that matter, anyone can do to help you out." She shrugged, putting her hand on my leg lightly like she was afraid I'd slap her. "We just want you to be you again."

I tried focusing on one house, one place, one time. Unfortunately my vision wasn't allowing me to do so. My mom was just trying to help. Like everyone had been trying to help. And what have I done? I've pushed them away with my smart ass comments and rudeness. My mom was right, I wasn't myself anymore. I'm not sure if I could ever be that Charlotte Reyes again.

I finally turned to look at her, my eyes sincere, and I was feeling vulnerable. That feeling rarely came anymore. I felt the emptiness wash over me, my heart pounding against my chest as I tried not crying. I nodded, smiling sadly. "I know mom. I know." I said as I placed my hand on top of hers.

--

"Hey Charlie," Matt breathed into my room as he walked past it. He paused, leaning inside as I sat in front of my door that was a mirror. It led into the giant closet that was all mine. However, I rarely went in there anymore. It held something wretched, a disgusting reminder of the past. I tugged at my hair, braiding it lazily. "They are here." Matt said.

I finished my braids, they extended to my boobs since my hair was so long. My loose curls added something different to the braids – how about, not normalcy? I patted my hair down, looking up at Matt with a confused expression. "Who's here?"

He sighed exhausted. "The boys Charlie. The boys!" He walked away from my room stomping down the steps. I listened to him tell both of my parents, my mom already prepared things for them to snack on. Gosh she was a freak.

We had been back at the house for a while, after we ate and said our official welcomes to Matt. It was going to be nice having him home for the summer. I missed having company all the time. With my mom always gone during the day. She was therapist, and a very popular one at that. My dad on the other hand owned a chain of restaurants. That should probably explain all the nice cars and huge gated houses. Yeah…

I sat up, glancing at my concave stomach. My ribs were sticking out, but I wasn't like disgustingly thin or anything. At least in my opinion. I can't even imagine what my mom has thought about this. I threw on a black Princeton t-shirt along with a pair of white basketball shorts. The white made my legs look tan, which therefore made them look toned and hot. I walked to the edge of my room, glancing down into the entryway as I heard Matt opening the front door.

I snapped back the instant I heard their voices. I don't want to meet them, I don't care about them. I'm just going downstairs to watch movies all night by myself. All the way downstairs. That might be impossible to pass by them without being noticed. I mean I am the only girl here. And I'm sure Matt has told them about me – simply because he wants me to move on with my life.

Like I'd really do it with one of these losers.

I sighed, turning off my light and closing my door all the way so that no one would go inside. I hated that, when people went into your room without your knowledge of it. Biggest pet peeve ever! I walked down the hall, tugging on the end of one of my French braids as I stepped on the top of the stairs. I tried hard to be invisible, my hardest actually. I reached the end of the stairs where Matt and his friends were standing, talking to my parents. I closed my eyes tightly, running my hand down the railing as I reached the bottom step. My toes met the cold tile floor and I pivoted swiftly the other direction toward the basement door. I was so close, so close to getting away without being noticed!

"Charlie," My dad's voice has overcome my quest. He terminated me. I stayed where I was, my body half seen by the new arrivals and my face was panicked. I didn't want to meet them, seriously I didn't. "Charlie, come and meet Matt's friends."

I gnawed on my bottom lip as I turned back around. I stepped unwilling toward the group of six. I tried not looking at them, knowing that I was going to have to fake this happy-welcome-to-our-house shit. My braid seemed most interesting at this very moment as I picked it up, placing it on my shoulder and pulling down my shirt a little bit.

"Charlie, this is everyone." Matt finally said, pointing to his awkward friends as they stayed in the doorway.

I looked up at Matt, giving him one sarcastic look before I said, "Wow, that's specific." My mom's gaze seemed more scolding now as I stood there.

Matt rolled his eyes. "That's Kevin." He pointed to the oldest looking guy. His hair was curly, a dark coffee color. His eyes were brown as well, his skin paled compared to his brothers. He was tall, but not the tallest, slender with muscular arms. His style was more preppy, rich bitch like my brother's. It finally clicked on why they got along so well. Kevin smiled at me, his teeth white and straight. I could spy the gum in the back of his mouth wedged between two molars. "Hey, it's nice to meet you." Kevin had replied.

I bounced up on the balls of my feet, giving him a forced tired smile. Matt moved on. "That's Nick." Matt pointed to the one on the end closest to me. I wondered why he purposely skipped the middle brother, but I had a hunch. Nick's hair was curly just like Kevin's. But a shade lighter, and it was closer to his head giving him a James Bond look while his face stayed serious. His style was much like Kevin's besides the fact he seemed brighter and younger. He didn't give me much besides a small smile. Wow, nice manners kid.

Matt looked at my parents, who were looking at me as I continued giving the same smile over and over again. The one that said: I really don't want to be here right now. Finally Matt pointed to the middle one. The one with nice straight black hair that was long enough to run your fingers through. His face was happy, like go-for-gold! kind of happy. His smile was brighter than the others probably since he was the tannest of them all. The tallest as well. His style resembled mine, urban, different, eclectic. But he used bright colors and weird patterns. "This is Joe." Matt finally said after giving me a full stare down trying to egg me on with his mind.

I, as always, ignored them all. I looked at each brother giving them yet another smile. This time it was more polite. "It was really nice to meet you all." My over cheeriness was already annoying myself. I really can't think I'm pulling this off. "But I'm going to excuse myself." I batted my eyelashes pretending I cared, then I looked at my parents. "You all have a blast!" I said quietly and with a thick coat of sarcasm.

I turned around, heading back to where I was originally going to. I climbed down the steps, into the large basement that held a giant entertainment center with a huge television screen. I scanned the movies, picking Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, and then Juno. I'd get my 1980's classics with a touch of today. I put them into the multiple-DVD changer we had and pushed the tray in. I grabbed the remote to the DVD player and the surround sound, oh and the television itself. I walked back to the last row, sitting in the middle while I turned the volume up on Sixteen Candles. I placed the remotes next to me, inside the chair's arms.

I was barely even through the beginning of it, when I heard footsteps, many at that, come stomping down the stairs. I sighed. Fuck, it's been five minutes and I already hate their guts. At least give me some time to form some kind of hatred. I tried keeping my eyes on the television as the four of them poured into the basement. Matt and Kevin were already talking, while Nick stood back awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. Joe was walking over so that he could see the screen. He watched for a second, then looked at me.

"Sixteen Candles?" He asked. His face was up in an amused smile. I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Was he being nice or trying to tease me?

I couldn't help but look away from the TV. I stayed where I was, trying to remain untouched as Matt and Kevin walked to where I was, sitting down besides me. Kevin was farthest away on the end. I still stared at Joe. "Of course. Molly Ringwald is the best." My voice was dry and bored, but still contained some kind of emotion, a little bit at least.

Joe shook his head once. "I'm not sure. Anthony Michael Hall really has her running for her money. He's pretty damn funny."

I stared at Joe, afraid of how exactly he knew all this. I mean I can't imagine him sitting home on a Saturday night in his basement watching Sixteen Candles alone. God forbid he went to Princeton with my brother, and he looked like that. Not like I'd say that out loud. There was no way. I didn't disagree with him though, instead I just looked back at the TV while Nick jumped across the screen while he walked over to his oldest brother's side. He took a seat, and they all settled in. Except Joe.

Joe watched while standing in front of the first row. He glanced back at us then walked to my side of the aisle. I prayed he wouldn't actually sit down. Them sitting down meant they were here to stay. And obviously Joe had seen this movie before, he said he thought Anthony Michael Hall was damn funny, therefore he liked him. Therefore he would probably stay and finish the, what three out of five movies, he was in? Oh damn it!

As predicted, Joe took a seat next to me, crossing his leg over his other one. His fingers on the side of his face while he smiled at the movie. I glanced at the boys surrounding me, their eyes glued to the TV. This…was…not…happening.

"Matt?" I asked, my voice full of annoyance and ready to snap at anyone at any moment. Matt turned to me, looking alarmed. "What do you think you are doing?" I tried hinting to him to go away, to leave me the hell alone in my peace. My emptiness.

Instead he smiled brightly. "I'm watching a movie. What are you doing?" He asked innocently back. But he knew what he was doing. He knew I wouldn't bark at him in front of his friends. I'm a bitch, but not that big of one. So, strangely, I recoiled back into my seat, facing forward like that's what I had been told to do.

And just like I that, I stayed listening to the people talking and the boys around me chuckling. I think I even cracked a smile when Long Duk Dong leaned over the bunk bed and said: "What's happening hot stuff?"

--

:). New Story. Go Figure. I told you I had an inspiration over my vacations. Enjoy please, you'll learn a lot about what's going on later.

REVIEW please!! To tell me what you're thinking about this. That would be grand!

PEACE AND LOVE.