Disclaimer: I do not own "Love Live" nor do I profit from the writing of this story.
Author's Note: I have been completely and totally addicted to this anime for the better part of the New Year. Anyway this is a story concept I had thought about when re-watching the series and it is an alternate telling of episode 12 where Honoka quits Muse. Enjoy.
Honoka stared blankly at her computer screen as the images of various idols danced before her like fairies in an electric Eden. She had been sitting in her room all day with a dirty, smelly blanket draped over her shoulders. Her room was dark with the only source of light coming from the computer screen.
Packets of various snacks littered the ground as the empty strawberry juice cans lay like exposed landmines. A fortress of soda cans adorned the table which sat her computer. The reflection of the idols danced in mesmerizing synchronization to each other. Posters of various Idol groups such as A-Rise held a monopoly on the spaces of the walls.
It was a prison, a manifestation of the destructive idolatry that Honoka had succumbed to.
Today was the biggest competition of the professional idol circuit, the Love Live Pro Tour, where Idols from all over the country congregated in a battle of glittering lights and dance regiments. It was here that they would bare their souls to all those who cared to watch them, to bask in the wonderment of their fans' adulation. They did not set out to cure cancer, or promote world peace or even address the political issues that were ravaging their country.
Instead they chose to sing about what moved them as humans with each idol becoming her very own Siren; a voice that harkened towards that heavenly glory which had long since been lost to humanity since the days of Adam. It was here that their fans could forget their burdens and to simply enjoy the show before them. Once it was all over the fans could go back to the sordid grind of their lives, whether they were fishermen, construction workers, doctors or teachers. Their outlook would be more positive and they would have the heart to continue their struggle for survival.
Honoka chose to no longer struggle.
Instead she quit because she did not have the heart to continue struggling.
It had been five years since she had quit Muse and she had regretted that decision ever since. Kotori had moved to France when she was accepted as a student at a prestigious fashion design school. Now she was working for Hermes designing clothes at the European market. Honoka had not spoken to her since she left.
Eli went to school at Moscow University and was now teaching as a private ballet instructor. Nozomi had followed her best friend to Russia where it was later revealed that they were dating. Funny enough this did not come as a surprise to Honoka though her own opinions regarding same sex relationships were nebulous.
Then there was Umi.
Umi had once been Honoka's best friend but had not spoken to her since they graduated high school. Honoka harbored a simmering, deep seeded anger towards Umi for abandoning her all for quitting their high school idol group.
Was that truly the summation of their friendship? To be broken apart by something as inconsequential and petty as a school idol group? At least that was what Honoka tried to justify it as. However she couldn't help feeling that she would have been just as upset had it been the other way around. But Honoka did not want to think about that.
The crowd roared in excitement inside of Honoka's computer screen interrupting her from her thoughts. She turned her tired eyes over and was then jolted awake when she saw who was next to perform.
It was Nico Nico Constellation.
The idol group consisted of Honoka's former classmates though Honoka could barely recognize them.
There was Maki, who expressed her desire to continue writing music and become an Idol when she graduated high school to her parents. Surprisingly enough both her parents gave her their blessings and opened their hospital business to the Japanese market where their stakes could be bought by potential shareholders and investors. It would mean an end to the Nishinko dynasty in the healthcare business but that didn't matter to them as long as their daughter was happy.
So she stood on stage radiating a regal, mature aura that reminded Honoka like a queen of old fairy tales. It was amazing just how beautiful she had become.
Hanayo too had matured. She stood on stage with a strong willed confidence and yet still exuded the neotenic cuteness that she was well known for. Her hair, a light green, shimmered brilliantly against the sparkling lights of the stage.
Rin was also there, still tomboyish and with short hair but was amazingly fit with lean muscles that looked like steel wire.
However the most amazing of all was Nico herself.
Once a social shut in who hardly took the time to care for herself she now stood apart from her peers. There was a magnetic aura about her which attracted the attention of her beloved and she spoke with a voice that would make Diana proud.
Nico Nico Constellation had come in second place for the past three years in a row. They had lost to Dynamite Girls their first year and then to A-Rise for the following two years after that but that did not stop them.
Each girl possessed an indomitable will which superseded the limitations of their flesh. They were desperate to show the world what they were truly capable of, to show that they too could inspire the hearts of their fans and to relieve them of the burdens of existence even if it were only a few minutes.
That was what it all came down to.
An entire year of sweat, blood and tears all to be determined in this competition where a lifetime of dreams could collapse in as little as five minutes.
So when Nico Nico Constellation started their performance Honoka could not help but stare mesmerized at the screen.
What does it take to find our dreams?
I wonder as I stretch my arms towards tomorrow
Desperate to know why we still try.
There is nothing that can fix the past
Except for our dreams of the future.
Love and hate is what we all feel
Like life is trying to beat us down.
So I bear my heart to you
Holding it in my hands
Still beating
Will you take it?
I know I'm not perfect
And that it may all be foolish
But we can still dream can we?
Join us in our song of wonder!
Dreams are worth fighting for!
We're here to show you
That nothing is impossible!
We are fighting dreamers!
The end of the performance was marked by an explosion of fireworks coloring the sky like cosmic nebula, a brief reflection of Heaven itself. Each member of Nico Nico Constellation were panting and sweating but still as vibrant as when they started. The crowd in attendance had gone crazy in their adulation of the performance.
They were moved.
Honoka was moved.
She sat there with tears streaming down her eyes as she realized the extent of her folly. The performance had been sublime, far beyond anything she believed her former classmates were capable of and yet here they were on the grand stage and considered one of the best Idol groups in the country.
The event was finalized as the winners of the competition were announced. Once again A-Rise had won the competition though the margin was very narrow this time between them and Nico Nico Constellation.
Tsubasa Kira was interviewed at the end of the event and she had nothing but good things to say about Nico Nico Constellation and acknowledged them as a worthy rival.
Nico was then interviewed and though she was crying, like the rest of her group, she still managed to summon her courage and smile at the face of adversity.
"We are never going to give up! We are going to prove that we are the best no matter what! All this does is make me want to work harder because dreams are worth fighting for and I'll keep fighting until I can fight no more! We'll be back next year and I promise our fans that we will win!"
It was at this point that all the pent up anger and regret within Honoka erupted like a geyser from within her. Screaming loudly she slammed her fist at a nearby wall and broke the sheetrock making a large, gaping hole.
Footsteps could be heard as Honoka's mother ran upstairs and rapped harshly at the door.
"Honoka! You have been locked up for over two days without coming down to eat! Open this door right now!"
Honoka ignored her mother and the incessant knocking at the door. Instead she crawled back into bed as she nursed her bruised hand.
She was a failure, a college drop out with no goals or aspirations. Due to the recession they were forced to close down Homura Sweets with her father having to take a dangerous job fishing out in the Pacific where he was gone for weeks at a time.
Honoka knew that her father adored her and let her stay home without anger or complaint. However her mother was not so patient and constantly nagged at Honoka to either get back to school or get to work.
But what was the point in working? Would she consign herself to indentured servitude where she was expected to put in seventy, eighty, even ninety hours a week working and for what? Money? Status? Fame?
None of that was important to Honoka. All she wanted to do was dance and sing and inspire everyone who saw her.
But she gave up on that dream long ago.
If she was willing to give up on something so precious who was to say that she wouldn't give up working in a job she hated?
Honoka knew that she would give up in the end and disappoint her parents even further so she didn't even try now.
She was a sad statistic, a hikikomori that did nothing but wallow in a piss pit full of anger and regret. She was given the chance to shine like Nico and the rest of Nico Nico Constellation but instead she flaked out at the first moment of adversity.
Honoka curled up in fetal position as she started to cry even more now. She was so fucking worthless! Even Yukiho, her little sister, was out and about working a part time job and going to the local prep school and trying every year to get into Tokyo University. Yukiho had even moved out of home and was living together with Alisa in a small flat in the city where they shared their living expenses.
Everyone who had once been a part of Muse had gone their separate ways. They had all grown up and were following their own dreams and aspirations. As Honoka thought of this she started to feel a black hatred and envy towards her former idol peers. They had abandoned her in their own selfish pursuits. It was she who had gotten them together, it was HER idea to form an idol group and yet, for one mistake she made, she was abandoned like a deformed infant.
There was no point in this sordid, miserable life anymore. If she was to continue living like this then she might as well opt out.
Ruffling through her drawers she extracted an orange prescription bottle of anti-depressant pills. The pills did nothing to curtail her anger, regret or depression, only get her high as fuck, which, sadly, had become a habit. She had grown addicted to the pills, though her parents were unaware, and used their side-effects to her advantage. She had watched many an Idol competition high out of her mind because it was the only way she could even feel like she was escaping even if it was for a little while.
However getting high was no longer enough. All she wanted was out.
Taking the prescription bottle she opened it and found about thirty tablets all of which looked like harmless breath mints. She took a deep breath as she steeled her courage.
It's finally going to be over.
Just as Honoka was about to devour the pills and insure her self-destruction her phone started to vibrate loudly. Honoka picked up the phone and was going to throw it out of the window when she saw who it was that was calling her.
Umi….
Honoka did not answer the phone but instead just let it continue to ring until it stopped. It was then that there was another vibration as the phone lit up with a text message.
Honoka I want to talk to you. Please call me back.
The bottle of pills fell to the ground as they dispersed all over the ground on impact. Honoka stared at the phone and then threw it across the room as she started to scream.
Author's Note: This is the first chapter of a very short story (probably going to be less than 10K words) that I wanted to write as an AU of the original series. I know that this is very depressing (I always said that depressed Honoka is best Honoka lmao) but it should lighten up towards the end…hopefully lol. Let me know what you all think!