The thought of you, a curse
The dampness of the evening's air. My eyes water from dryness. A contradictory factor. What draws me here, what brings me here, what compels me to come and visit. On this day I'm alone.
"Flay…..I….I came to visit." my eyes befallen upon a cold grave, a cold grave for a relationship gone cold.
Three years has long passed since that day when she died, and her spirit rose to greet me one last time. It felt real, it was real, but was it a dream, a figment of my imagination? Is Flay a figure of the past, yes. At least I can answer that.
"I'm sorry Flay, but I really shouldn't stay long. I just came to pay my respects." I spoke in a low tone. I felt guilty and shame. But I can't allow myself to dwell on this, I must live my life, and I have chosen to live . Why did it make me feel guilty? Another question I wish that could be answered.
"He he he ..." a feminine giggle broke through the evening air. The voice that came from behind. That giggle from a stranger?
I slowly turned around, to face the person who giggled. My curiosity setting me to do so. My eyes met hers, a deep set blue, that I felt too familiar to. Whose brilliant red hair underneath her black cap, her devilish smile that brought memories of the past to life. Her fragrance, her stare, her image, much too familiar.
"Flay"
She looked aside, the way Flay once did before. Her slight smile, and her eyes turning away from mine, much too familiar. "I'm sorry, but you are mistaken."
"Flay, how could this be! Your dead!" I immediately yelled. This is too complexing, how can I make sense of this? Another question I can't answer. Why is this happening, especially now, when I have a life for decided to live!
Her eyes immediately shot at me, with an fierce icy blue. "You didn't listen, my name isn't Flay, like you said Flay died." her voice softly replied, a tone that I never really remember Flay ever using.
When she spoke the word died, she carried that word long, like she was trying to contemplate her word of choice, and her eyes, her eyes softened when she spoke of it.
"Then who are you?" I asked with an uneasiness.
"A person who came to visit, just like you." she spoke softly, but with compassion and sincerity. Nothing what Flay ever sounded when we were together.
"My name is……" she began, but drifted into an hesitation, and looked away from my stare. "…my name? I cannot recall my name, but i know that I am merely a figure of the past."
I was taken back. More questions. What is going on. Who is she? How could this be? Why? Is this a lie?
My head, trying to sort this out, too many questions unanswered, frustration and confusion .
"What are you?" I impulsively cried. I saw as her eyes was searching, searching for a explanation of my behavior, like me she was taken back.
She was stunned, her face said it all over. In her hand a cross was being gripped tighter and tighter. Her eyes shifting from one side to the other. Her lips quivering, quivering with every breathe she took. Her breathes were hard, grasping for air, making up for what she lost. I did this, I brought her to this, I demanded answers and I pushed her into a corner with my aggression in my words.
"wh…wh…what….what…I'm referred to as a thing?" she said trying to find some ground. "I don't know what I am, who I am, or where I'm from. I came here searching, searching for answers, but I seem to have come up empty handed. I'm sorry, but I cannot answer your questions." Her eyes now filled with sadness, how can I help her, is this my redemption?
-to be continued-