A/N:

This is AU set in the US. Strap yourselves in and enjoy this KakaxSaku ride. Please leave me your thoughts! Major OOC. Rated M for language and citrus.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-Tk

Chapter 1

SPOV

I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be doing this with him. The joy I used to feel had long since subsided and in its wake were residual emotions of dread.

I was thrown on my back with the wind escaping me faster than I had time to register. Spots danced in my vision as I wheezed, awaiting the verbal onslaught from my perpetrator.

My boyfriend.

A mop of fiery red hair coupled with a concerned face entered my hazy vision as my breathing finally began to regulate.

"Sakura, are you alright?" he placed his hands on either said of my head atop the cushioned mat we had been sparring on.

Trapped in his arms, I felt it was symbolic of the way I was trapped in this relationship as well. But I love him don't I? He loves me too. And when you find someone that you love who loves you back, you hold on to them.

My father ingrained this in me at the tender age of 9 when our nuclear family household turned into a single family household. He was never the same after mom died. We were never the same after mom died. But we had each other, and he always doted on me as best he could. So I heeded all the advice he ever gave me, to the moon and back. Even when my heart said otherwise sometimes.

"I'm fine," I managed to get out through gritted teeth. My body appeared to be bracing itself against any pain but in reality it was awaiting his bipolar tendencies.

After his father committed suicide he had almost little to no control over his emotions. He was broken. And in him, I saw myself as a child when I had found out of my own mother's death. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to rid him of any pain. I wanted to help build him up and not allow him to tear himself down. But I neglected to realize he could tear me down in the process. I'm always so ready to help others, never once placing myself into the equation.

"Then why would you leave yourself open to me like that? Where the fuck is your head at?" His face contorted from one of concern to the familiar anger with a twinge of impassiveness I was used to.

I rolled out from his caged arms and stood up, dusting my dark colored Gi as I went. "Listen, I had a very long day at the hospital and can't seem to focus. Let's just wrap up." I walked away, already rolling my eyes to the heavens at the continued negative energy exuding from his person. Really, Jiu Jitsu used to be fun with him. I got just as much as I gave and he never went easy on me. It used to be a good way to reign in any negative emotion and direct it into a physical activity for him; however much like me, it turned out to only be a temporary fix.

It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough.

He was a black emotional pit that was sucking me in and I was drowning. But I refused to let him endure himself alone. He needed someone. He needed me. Even if he wasn't still the same man I fell in love with three years ago, he needed me.

When will you ever let your happiness matter?

These thoughts nagged me daily, but I was always taught in med school that the overall product was bigger than the sum of its parts. I just had to be strong.

I was yanked back into the present by a strong grip on my shoulder bringing me to a halt and turning me to face him fully. His pale blue green eyes swam with confusion, hurt, and ire.

"Do you not want to spar with me anymore? I'm struggling with the signs you've been throwing at me these last few months Sakura," his eyes gazed at me imploringly, warning me not to say the wrong thing. I read underneath the underneath and saw what he was really asking.

Do you want to leave me?

I steeled my nerves and chanted my father words of wisdom in my head as I answered him, "Gaara, you know it's not like that. These last few months have been rocky, but you know that I care about you."

I watched as he visibly relaxed and all of his anger seemed to subside. And just like that, he was back to being the rational Gaara I knew before. I smiled tenderly at him, wishing that he would stay this way. I knew that he wouldn't though, and this small outburst was minimal on the totem pole of his abilities.

My closest friends began questioning our relationship about a year ago. I'd taken to only seeing them sometimes, never staying for more than a couple hours, and consistently checking my phone for calls and texts. They joked at first at how I must have made Gaara fall insanely in love, something only I could do, but then one night two of my best friends overheard the nature of one of his many calls.

He was furious I had missed his first 3 calls due to leaving my phone in a cubby as we rode a rollercoaster. He laid into me over and over, taking out any pent up emotional frustrations he hadn't already expelled for the day and demanded I leave the park and head straight to his apartment 'or else'. I was more scared of what he would do to himself or someone else if I wasn't around versus if I was. That was enough to strike some panic in me and I left, leaving curious and upset faces in my wake.

I'd never divulged to any of my friends the details of the handful of times I was on the receiving end of his physical frustration but at the same time I didn't think I had to. They knew. They'd seen me a few times not wearing a jacket and jeans, and in turn had seen the tell-tale fingerprint sized bruises. Gaara never means to hurt me, I know it. But sometimes he just can't control his rage. I forgive him when he apologizes and hold him while he cries.

That was normal, right?

He ghosted a finger down my cheek and cupped my chin, "You know you're mine, right?" His eyes flickered back and forth between mine as if he was searching for something. "I love you."

"And I love you," I said the words with as much conviction as I could muster, but they didn't hold the significance the used to. This was a different kind of love now.

xxx

I'd barely made it in the house before my cell phone was screaming bloody murder into the silent space.

I was happy I was able to still keep my townhome across town from Gaara. He insisted that we move in together and that he needed me around more often, but I was firm against that notion. I knew that living together would be the start of the deterioration of our relationship, but didn't tell him as much. How could I? I would literally waste away to a shell of a human being, all my emotions and energy being sucked into his black abyss faster than I could ever dream of.

No. I wasn't ready to completely lose myself like that. Instead I insisted the hospital was eons closer to my home than his, which it was, and so was my father's home. He wasn't having any of it initially, but after my resolve hadn't waned, it was the one thing he had stopped fighting me on. Small miracles do exist.

It was a very nice upscale townhome that I could happily afford with my hospital salary. Being head nurse at such a young age had its benefits. My home was colored in lavenders, greys, whites, and deep purples. My foyer flowed up some steps into the living room which opened to a rather spacious kitchen with the most up to date appliances I could fit into it. I ran my toes over the faux sheep skin rug laying atop the deep hardwood floor of my living room before throwing myself onto my plush couch, answering my phone.

"What woman?" came my frank greeting.

"Are you alone?" she whispered into the receiver.

I laughed at her antics as well as internally cringed knowing that they were warranted given my particular choice in men.

"Yes, thank god. What's up?"

A sigh was heard on her end as well as her iterating to someone in the background that the 'coast was clear'. "Alright bitch, we're going out for drinks, so get dressed. And don't come out looking like a homeless grandma."

I groaned in frustration at the idea of going out and knowing the ensuing anxiety I would be feeling from constantly having to check my phone to make sure Gaara didn't blow up on me. I also didn't fancy the impending hangover that would be gracing me this beautiful Saturday morning if I did decide to go. This woman was known to drink like a fish – she and whoever she decided to bring along for torture. In this case me.

"Tsunade, you know how Gaara is," I bit my lip in anticipation of her outburst that was sure to come, "I don't think I'll be able to make it out. He'd be so mad I wasn't with him instead!"

"Oh for fuck's sake Sakura, man up. You're not even acting like the same girl I grew up knowing. This guy has you so twisted around his fingers and you don't even realize it! Plus, you know Kankuro would help you out, no questions asked. Besides, I already called him." She ended her rant almost feigning disinterest in having to elaborate how she had already swindled all of my excuses out the window.

I instantly perked up on the couch, "But I just left Gaara an hour ago and he didn't mention doing anything with Kankuro tonight." I sincerely hoped I was wrong though because now I actually was excited on the prospect of going out with my best friend. I needed someone to talk to. I felt like I had reached my breaking point recently with all of the negativity.

"Yeah, well he went to forcefully remove him from his home and distract him about a half hour ago. Good guy, ain't he?" I heard the smile in her voice and figured she probably looked something akin to the Cheshire Cat.

"Yeah, that and he was probably conned into doing it thanks to a busty female," I rolled my eyes, already feeling for the poor sap. It was no secret he was crushing on Tsunade – hard, and she really was a total minx always teasing him and never letting him have it.

"Oh, whatever," she said with a teasing lilt in her voice, "I'll be over in exactly 45 minutes so you better hurry."

We hung up and I sprang into action, taking a few quick moments to shower and do a quick shaving. I stood in front of my full length mirror in my bedroom in a black lace rob 10 minutes later, staring at my reflection. My emerald green eyes peered back at me and my freshly washed and towel dried pink tendrils flowed down to my navel. I undid my sash and slipped the robe from my shoulders inspecting every inch of my body. I wanted to be sure there were no fading marks or bruises from any accidental tussles with Gaara whether it be from Jiu Jitsu or not. I just didn't want Tsunade to give me any disapproving glances.

Satisfied with my assessment, I moved to my closet and walked to the back where I kept all of my going out clothes that rarely ever got touched. I plucked a delicate bronze silk tank top that dipped low in the front and transitioned to a teasing T strap in the back, leaving my back exposed. I forwent a bra for that reason and instead settled for some gel pasty covers. I pulled on a pair of black leather leggings with faux gold zippers on the front and pockets in the back, and pulled on some peep toe black knee high boots that laced in the front.

I set to doing my makeup, keeping it mostly minimal with eyeliner, mascara, and a cherry lip tint. I had just put on some accessories when I heard some incessant banging on my front door.

I grabbed my leather jacket and wallet on my way out, halting to scold Tsunade. I paused when I took in the form of Shizune next to my busty best friend.

"I come baring gifts," Tsunade giggled pointing at Shizune. She already had a small tinge of pink dusting her cheeks which led me to believe she had been pre-gaming and Shizune was actually just the only way she could get over here.

I pounced on Shizune so happy to see her after so many weeks of failed plans due to me. She looked as happy as ever in a long sleeve mesh black shirt, red bra, and tight fitting black pants with ankle boots. I sized her up and questioned, "That man you got sure has been good to you, hasn't he?"

She blushed brilliantly, the old Shizune making a return but nodded her head all the same.

"Yes, he's wonderful. He never makes me question my worth and beauty," she responded with a far off look in her eyes as her cheeks warmed.

I envied her in that moment.

I wanted to be with someone that made me feel beautiful. Someone that gave as much as they got. Someone that built me up too. It was all too one sided now. Gaara had long since made me stop feeling that way and I no longer held the spark that Shizune was exuding.

Tsunade must have sensed my discomfort as she leaned against my now closed door in her plunging white top, jacket, and dark blue jeans. "Alright kiddies, let's go get some more drinks!" she huffed, propelling herself towards the car.

Shizune and I side-eyed each other, knowing it was going to be a long eventful night with this blonde, brown eyed woman.

xxx

It was a little nippy outside on this Florida night in October. It was low 60s with a cool wind flowing through the bay area and I honestly couldn't wait to get inside the bar and put on a nice alcohol blanket. The bouncer checked our IDs unnecessarily and soon we were inside, taking in the dimly lit atmosphere with a stage that was set to the back. There were to different bars on either side of the establishment with a slew of high top tables and chairs set in the middle. Men and women of all ages stood and lounged in the casual atmosphere laughing with one another, some even conversing intimately.

Tsunade insisted Shizune and I find a table while she went to go and round up some drinks. I wouldn't be surprised if she managed to come back with an entire bottle.

We hijacked a recently vacated high top close to the back of the bar diagonal to the stage and began happily conversing.

"It's so good to finally see you out Sakura. I never thought I'd get the chance again!" Shizune gushed with some sadness in her voice.

I smiled fondly at her and teased her a bit to lighten the mood, "Oh I know you didn't miss me much. Genma must have been keeping you busy." She blushed scarlet at the accusation. "Where is he tonight anyway?"

"He's visiting some family over in Orlando for the weekend" she sighed wistfully.

Oh to be young and in love again. I internally rolled my eyes at my depressive antics. Something would have to give soon, I was barely recognizing myself.

Tsunade returned then with a massive bottle of sake and some shot glasses. I stared wide eyed at the bottle along with a few patrons around us, wondering how she conned the bartender into handing that over.

"Boobs can really do anything!" she cackled as she poured us shots.

We talked amicably for almost a half hour. Tsunade laying into me time and time again as Shizune nodded her head in exasperation. They wanted more for me. They saw me wasting away and were determined to try and help me in any way that they could. All I needed to do was say the words.

I was feeling pretty fuzzy after our bouts of shots and happy knowing I had the world's best friends it could offer. I took off my jacket and draped it over the back of my chair and noticed some sound technicians sets up a chair and guitar. It peeked my interest so I pivoted my body towards the stage, all the while continuing to watch Tsunade embarrass Shizune.

A figure in my peripherals took the stage and sat down, picking up the guitar and immediately playing some feather light melodies with practiced nimble fingers. He had dark Doc Marten boots, long lean legs covered in black denim, and a black and red striped loose fitting turtle neck that covered his broad shoulders and lower portion of his face. His eyes were hooded and lazy looking as he played. He had such a peculiar hair color, not silver but not white but also not grey and definitely dark at the roots. Did he dye it himself?

He was plain but not so plain at the same time, and he was handsome to me from what I could tell. My face started to heat and my pores prickled with sweat as I watched him play, watched his lithe fingers move over the frets. He finished his last chord and looking into the audience, directly into my soul it felt like. His mismatched deep grey and brown eye boarding on red in the lights captivated me. I released a slow breath I didn't know I was holding and basked in the feeling of a million cranes taking flight low in my tummy.

I think I wanted this man and it was a foreign feeling. I hadn't felt this invigorated in a long while so maybe it was the Sake talking. Few seconds had passed but it seemed like I was trapped in his gaze for hours underneath some sort of spell.

'Come to Mama' my drunken brain promptly whispered to me

"Hello, earth to Sakura!" Tsunade interrupted my internal musings and stare down with this mystery man.

I gazed back at her dazed and confused, "What!" I huffed, eyes flickering back to the mystery man as I saw him chuckling slightly it seemed while he shook his head and placed the guitar back in its stand.

"We've been talking to you, for fuck's sake. What's gotten into you?" Tsunade followed the flicker of my gaze and saw the retreating form of the mystery man. Her eyes widened as she looked between him and I repeatedly. "Oh, you want him!" She said a little too boisterously.

Shizune giggled from beside her and I cradled my flaming head in my hands, wishing that the heavens would eat me alive. Shizune knowingly slid me another shot of sake and I downed it gratefully, hoping it would take the embarrassing edge off.

Tsunade was up and out of her seat, heading in the direction mystery man had just gone before I could even protest.

I immediately spun on Shizune and grabbed her arm insisting that we had to leave before the blonde bimbo returned. Shizune's eyes danced with mirth as she giggle and pointed beyond my shoulder, muttering that a little change would be good for me.

Good for me? A little change? I had a boyfriend being distracted to an inch of his life by his cousin Kankuro clear across town. How would Tsunade hailing this mystery man down benefit me? Gaara would kill me!

I turned just in time to watch Tsunade happily slam back into her chair with her hand caged around her prey's forearm. A very nice, handsome, muscly forearm with a smattering of dark hair.

I snapped my eyes up to mystery man's face and immediately felt the familiar burn of my blush. I hoped to god he would just think it was the sake. His eyes, even more piercing in person, crinkled as he looked at my face so I assumed he was smiling at me. I could hardly tell from the turtle neck that extended far too high up his face.

He slid an unoccupied chair from another table up next to mine, not at all afraid to get too close. As he sat down his knees brushed against mine and I barely contained my squeak of surprise. I was going to kill Tsunade and Shizune!

"Soo," Tsunade started off, leering at the two of us. She looking almost evil in the dim lighting of this bar and I swore she was knit from satan's soul himself. "What's your name?"

He glanced from Tsunade to me before turning his gaze to the table, absently picking at the marks that adorned the top. "Kakashi," he said in a velvety deep tone. Such a stark contrast to Gaara's voice.

At the thought of Gaara, my panic started to creep back into my drunken state and as if Shizune could sense it, she placed her hand over my knee under the table and smiled at me, giving a slight shake of her head.

I nodded back to her slightly and studied his body and face from the side. How do I even speak to him? What do I say? Surely once he finds out about the relationship I'm in he'll go running for the hills.

He turned his face towards me and just stared again like he had been while he was on stage. Once again I was trapped and powerless under his sinful gaze. He took in my attire, almost undressing me with his eyes, before bringing his stare back to my face. He stared at my lips and the remnants of my vanilla lip gloss. I subconsciously bit my lip, all of a sudden feeling parched as my body broke out into a sweat.

What the fuck was happening to me?

"Shots!" Tsunade screamed as she filled glasses and passed them around. She must have snagged one for Kakashi on the way back to the table. He picked up his glass and held it in front of his face with his large hand seemingly shielding his face to the other side of the table. "Cheers!" Tsunade screamed again as her and Shizune threw their heads back.

Kakashi stared at me as he hooked a finger in the top of his turtle neck and drug it down, having it pool around his clavicle. I was thinking it was extremely lickable but wasn't prepared to see how it dwarfed in comparison to his perfectly handsome and rugged face. He had a 5 'o clock shadow that wouldn't wait a minute, a straight slightly pointed nose, beautifully poised cheek bones, and a jaw that was cut for a god. This man was perfect, and must have known I thought was much as he chuckled and smiled, his perfect pearly whites peeking out for a few moments. He turned his attention back to his shot glass and took the shot before replacing his turtle neck.

I gushed, hard. I was sure there was a mark on my chair. I could do nothing but look away and take my own shot, still willing the heavens to open up and swallow me.

As the night progressed, I shamefully forgot that I was in a committed relationship, no matter how fucked up it had been over the last year. I let myself live in the moment and experience Kakashi for all he was worth.

He mainly asked questions about me, my hobbies, my likes and dislikes, how I had met the two bimbos that slipped off to dance with each other. I was enraptured in his velvety voice, twinkling eyes, and the strong hand that was planted on my knee as the other draped over the back of my seat. He completely encompassed my senses. He smelled of mint and spices, and my whole body was practically humming in response to his. I wondered if he felt like this or if he actually felt as casual as he came off. He'd seemingly changed my whole reality in a night, and I couldn't knock the feeling that I hadn't done the same to him.

The more I drank the more of a vixen I became; imagining him and me in precarious positions in a variety of places in my home. I knew it was wrong but I hadn't really been intimate with someone in months. Things with Gaara rarely ever made it into the bedroom; it was always an uncomfortable task for me. That's just what it was – a task.

I needed to sneak away and remove some discomfort. While Shizune and Tsunade were still gone, I excused myself to the bathroom, cheeks still red from constantly being around this man. I got some leers and catcalls on the way to the bathroom due to my attire and physical shape but ignored them as I hurried. I made it to the one unisex bathroom in the back of a long dark hallway and locked the door, sighing. I looked at myself in the mirror and almost took a step back because I didn't recognize the face staring back at me. My skin was flushed, my eyes hazy but bright and happy. I hadn't realized how lifeless I normally looked in the mirror. This man I hardly knew was breathing life into me.

I quickly got to work on removing my discomfort, which was in the form of a soaking wet pair of lace panties. I really would have worn something a little more practical had I known what I was getting into.

I laid some paper towels on the floor for me to stand on and removed my boots, pants, and panties before redressing and throwing the towels in the bin. I rather liked this lacy black pair so I tucked them into my back pocket. I fluffed my hair in the mirror and made sure I looked presentable before exiting and running right into a hard but pliant, warm surface.

Two hands steadied me before I apologized in by buzzed state, while trying to sidestep the person who's sent I almost recognized.

"Don't run off so soon," Kakashi implored with a teasing lilt in his voice.

I inwardly sighed at the realization that it was him, and my body hummed once again in response to his large hands on my bare arms. I smiled up at him. He was like a bean stalk even with my heels. He must have been at least 6'3".

"I figured you might need some saving. The men in this bar are treacherous," he joked, wiggling his eyebrows a little in the dim lighting, taking a step impossibly closer to me.

My senses were overloaded with him once again and I basked in the feeling, never wanting to lose it.

His hands slid from my arms and circled around to my back, sliding lower until the rested on the small of it. All I could see of his face were his eyes and up as his turtleneck was back in place. I reached up tentatively and tugged it down so it pooled again. A lazy smile took over his face and his hands dip lower, cupping my butt, squeezing. I jumped in surprised and my cheeks flushed as a giggle erupted from me. His lazy smile faltered as he squeezed something foreign in my pocket, the bulge unmistakable. He withdrew the panties from my back pocket and my giggle died, replaced by my mortified squeak.

He recognized what was in his hand as he held it up in the dim lighting. They were probably still soaked and as warm as my face. I wanted to die in that moment. My forehead dropped to his chest and I willed myself to try and slink away but he held me firm.

Clearly he could smell the arousal on them and he growled into the hallway, "Kami, Sakura!"

Please just kill me!

This night was shaping up perfectly.

He rustled with his pocket before bringing his fingers underneath my chin, pulling my face up to gaze at his. "Let me kiss you, please" he begged.

I nodded my head quickly in response, glad that I didn't scare him off with my vixen ways.

He tightened his arm around me and slid his fingers into my pink locks as he slanted his hot mouth over mine. My eyes closed and I saw stars flicker behind my vision, I swear. That flurry of cranes took off again in my tummy and a burning heat pooled lower. I tightly grasped the front of his sweater, mewling as his tongue darted out to lick my lower lip. He groaned into our heated kiss, stroking his tongue against my own, abusing my lower lip with his teeth.

A sweat broke out on my skin for the millionth time that night as I felt my pores, my body, and soul come alive to this man. I unashamedly rubbed myself against him, forgetting who I belonged to and where I was. I felt him hard and hot against my abdomen and slowly began to realize where this was going, but did I care enough to stop? That must have been the sake talking.

With one hand planted firmly on my ass, the other snaked its way back to my hair and lightly tugged my head by from his. Our kiss ended with a wet pop and my chest heaved as I stared up at him, dazed.

He seemed just as much out of breath and closed his mismatched eyes, reigning himself in. I enjoyed that I had just as much an effect on him as he did me. He reopened his eyes and stared at me warmly, trapping me in this gaze. He gave me one last tender kiss before whispering against my lips, "I won't do this with you here. You deserve so much more than this, I know it."

I melted and swooned in his arms. This man was too much. What were we doing in this dimly lit hallway in the back of a bar? Clearly he had more common sense than me, and was also way less to drunk.

I nodded my head, biting my lip. He gingerly plucked it free from my teeth, muttering the word 'Nymph' to himself as he grabbed my hand and drug me back to our table, putting his turtleneck back in place to hide his swollen lips I presume. I unfortunately had nothing to cover myself up.

We made it back to the table where Shizune and Tsunade sat, breathless and giggling from all their dancing. Shizune had long since switched to water, while Tsunade clutched the remainder of the sake bottle to her chest lovingly.

They both glanced at the same time to see us walking up, first taking note of Kakashi's hand dragging me along behind him, and second to my flushed face and swollen lips. A knowing glance was shared between them as they hooted, Tsunade pounding the table. I rolled my eyes at their antics and saw a light dusting of red grace the top of Kakashi's nose. I giggled at his response as he rolled his eyes.

He turned his back to them once we reached the table, effectively blocking their view of me as he stared down upon me, trapping me in that gaze.

"I have to go," he muttered, eyes downcast as he took out his cell phone and fiddled with it a little.

He handed it over to me where I could see a fresh contact id had been started with my name staring back at me. It seemed a simple gesture but was monumental for me. After I did this, after I hit save, I felt like I would belong to him. I couldn't be with Gaara anymore, and that both hurt and scared me. Hurt because I didn't want him to have to be alone, and scared because I didn't know what he would do when he found out. But how many more times was I going to put his happiness and well-being over my own.

I typed out my phone number and edited my name, putting a kiss and heart icon at the end before pressing save. Sealing my fate.

I handed the phone back to him, tugging at my bottom lip with my teeth again as nerves wracked me.

He pocketed the device before freeing my poor bottom lip again, swiftly leaning down to capture it. I moaned unknowingly at the contact and he released me all too soon, shaking his head and licking his lips as he muttered to himself again.

He dismissed himself from our table, eyes lingering on me before he disappeared from sight. I stared dreamily after him, sad for our little bubble to be gone so soon.

I had it bad, already.

"She's got it bad Shizune," Tsunade snickered across from me.

I glared at her and pursed my lips, "Well it's your fault."

Already dreading what I had to do next in my life. I steeled my nerves once again and took a deep breath, looking them both in the eyes, "I need to break up with Gaara."

A/N: Still with me? I know it's fucked, but who doesn't like a little drama!

-Tk