Grandpa had taught me to always look at the benefit of something negative.
'Pumpkin. If something bad happens, or something hurts you, or something makes you upset. You have to look at the bright sight of it!' I looked up from the gift he just had given me for my birthday.
'Where do I have to think about when you say bright things grandpa?' I had set my gift next to me and turned my whole body to the figure sitting in the armchair.
'Well, sometimes school grades are very important, I guess. And when you fail a test.' He stopped talking for a few seconds to find the perfect words for this answer. 'The bright sight of failing a test is to learn from your mistakes, darling. We are people and we make mistakes. And when we make them, we know not to make them again!' I nodded. I actually learned two lessons that day.
'So it's like when somebody dies, someone else lives?' I asked him to confirm myself understanding his point. His thought again for a few seconds.
'Yes, you could see it like that.' I smiled and nodded and remembered there was still a gift waiting for me and I ripped the wrapping paper off.
That was when I turned twelve. Now I'm seventeen. Grandpa had died a year ago, but I didn't know who was born that day.
Learning from mistakes was bullshit. I knew people who made the same mistake more than once. People including me! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I had made the same mistake twice. Grandpa's example, 5 years ago, was just incorrect. No one could always tell the truth, not even my grandpa. But still.. I would obey him. So there I go, counting my benefits out of this disaster!
Everybody knew me, I had a higher chance of becoming a professional singer.
I didn't have to change, I could finally act like myself again.
I could do things without having to think about what other people would think about it. (not completely true, but the amount of people was much smaller)
I could always blame everything on this disaster, but I knew that was very pathetic.
I wasn't responsible for so many people.
Grandpa would have said there were way more benefits. I just couldn't see them right now. So I left 5 more places open. They would be filled, just not today.
I had finally come home after months. But the street where I lived was still the same. The house was the same too. To enter my house we walked around the house and used the backdoor. The backdoor would bring us to the kitchen. Ronald, my little brother of fourteen, was there doing his homework. When I saw me he stood up from his chair and hugged me awkwardly. He was a great buddy but also a teenager.
'How you're doing, soldier?' I asked him. He wanted to become a soldier because grandpa had been one too. And when grandpa felt like it, he would tell great stories about the war he had fought in. But since my first rebel attack in the palace I saw the big truth of being a soldier. Giving up your own life for others was the right definition. Or even better, signing your own death sentence. And I didn't even want to think about how the New-Asian war would be. So I had some serious talk to do with Ronald.
'I'm glad you're finally home, sis. Someone who CAN help me with my math problems.' He gave mom an irritable look. I chuckled and looked over his homework.
'Well you need to inform me on what happened since I was gone, soldier.' I asked him. He closed his biology book and turned to me.
'Let me think,' he said. He did some counting on his hand and he look to the ceiling. 'The old lady living next to us moved to a retirement house. The house has been empty ever since. Oh yeah, her cat died too, got into a car accident. And the mayor has bought a new car, you'll see. Prim is officially no longer having a crush on the prince.' I laughed but it still hurt to hear his name. My little sister had loved Prince Maxon before the selection had actually started. Every Friday night she sat in the chair that was the closest to the television screen. She had become twelve when I was in the palace.
'Did you hear the Spanish teacher finally has a girlfriend?' he told in excitement.
'No! Since when!' I gasped. I remembered the Spanish teacher was always against love. I giggled about the thoughts and now seeing him with a girlfriend.
'Just for a few weeks, but I am not really expecting something from it.' I said, like he knew the future.
'How could you know. Maybe he really loves her.' I said giggling. He looked at me strangely.
'Gale got married to the girl he got pregnant.'
'Ron! Don't talk like that. They are very much in love, their planning was just a little bit different then normally.' My mom came between our conversation.
Gale had been my friend since I was ten. We were always in the woods together. We would build forts our search for special plants. I remember the day we shot our first squirrel. My dad had learned me to shoot with a bow. And after two weeks of doubts we shot it. I was so happy afterwards, that I brought it home. My mom had screamed and stood on the table while my dad and grandpa praised me for it. That night we ate squirrel for the first time.
The night before I left for the selection, Gale had told me he loved me. I told him it was too late. Later when I was in the palace, he had mentioned, in his letters, he had found someone else. I knew the girl by name, nothing more. The next letter of Gale was about his wedding and him becoming a father. I was shocked at first and didn't know what to respond, so I didn't. His wife would give birth very soon. When somebody had died.
'Whatever mom.' Ronald rolled his eyes and mom got back to what she was doing, still eavesdropping us. 'There opened a new bakery two months ago. The baker and his sons moved to this town. They have the best donuts!' he closed his eyes and licked his lips. I laughed from his reaction on donuts.
'The bakers wife died a few years ago. They probably tried to move on and moved to our town. I'm not complaining, he bakes some delicious bread,' mom chuckled. 'and he has some handsome boys!' Mom looked at me smirking.
'Mom, I am not into it right now.' I stood up from my chair and walked to the suitcase. 'I'll be unpacking.' And rolled my eyes too.
I walked through the living room to the stairs. Leading me to my room. Goosebumps formed on my skin. I hadn't been in my room for a very long time. I fell on my bed and closed my eyes. Long enough to be scared by Ronald who opened my door.
'You said you were going to unpack.' He joked at the sight of the suitcase still closed. I let myself roll of my bed and opened the suitcase. On top of my stuff I had put some picture. One with my maids, Mary, Lucy and Anne, one with Marlee, another selected. Ronald saw me looking at it.
'Mom told us we're not allowed to talk about it Kat, but we're here for you.' He said. I nodded and gave him a smile.
'It sucks, because he told me many times I was the one for him. Ronald... it's in the past, I am here for you guys, only you!' that was all I could say about it to him. I was not going to give him any details about it. He smiled back to me and took the pictures from me, only to set them up about my little desk.
'Thanks Ron.' I took his hand and pinched it. Making sure I was totally fine.
Totally fine after prince Maxon chose Kriss over me in the selection and had sent me home without giving me any explanation why. I was a heartbroken girl who got home and tried to start a life where no selection had ever happened.