Disclaimer: Transformers, anything to do with it, and any other characters mentioned in this story do not belong to me in any shape or form. This story is not written or used in any commercial purposes.
By: Wind of the Dawn
Chapter 1 Not your Average Morning
Little word before the beginning: Well, this is a really sudden plot that popped up for me and I just could not resist writing it... Hope you guys enjoy it.
Warnings: Extreme crack, language, slash, and some ooc abound. If you don't like it, then please don't read it.
Morning did not agree with Sam.
When Sam woke up groaning in the bright early morning, with the sweet (annoying) sunshine and the soft (loud) trills of the feathery life forms of earth singing next to his ears, he had expected to open his well-rested (still tired) eyes to the pleasing (dull) ceiling of his tidy (messy) room. What he didn't expect, was the ever leering face of a certain screechy Decepticon smiling (scowling) blindingly at him from what used to be his ceiling, as tiny pieces of broken concrete rained down into his room like projectiles.
Mind instantly jumping from dead tired to hazy awake instantly, Sam utilized a sideways barrel roll and dived off his bed, screeching wildly as he did so. "Starscream!"
"Yes, boy, Starscream," The mech snarked, disdain coating his every word as he squeezed out words in attempt of a civil conversation "It pleases me so much that you remember my name from our previous encounters. Now, would you get dressed and come with me?"
Mind still in reboot mode, Sam stared in blank horror at the towering seeker, completely bypassing whatever the mech had said. It was still too early in the morning for him to deal with this kind of shit. Couldn't they wait until he got his morning coffee or something? What was with the hole in the roof anyway? Didn't they know that renovation and repair fees were sky high these few days? And where was Bumblebee?
"Oh god, you killed him didn't you?" Sam rasped out, morning had never agreed with him and his mind was still going off in tangents.
Starscream stared at him in confusion, where did this sudden leap in conversation come from? "What?"
Looking out his cracked windows at the yard of his parent's pride and joy, Sam searched for the constant yellow presence that should have been there, waving his trusty cannons at the menacing seeker perched on his roof, threatening his charge with a too bright leer and a lack of caffeine. When he didn't see any such sights, Sam despaired. Yes, Bumblebee must have been destroyed by the posing mech above him; why else would he not notice the groaning noises the house made under the additional stress and the bulk of an extremely heavy lump of metal moving about on his roof, punching holes wherever he pleased?
Unless, of course, for some reason the scout had lost his audio and scanning systems overnight. Which didn't make sense.
Fraggit, the entire situation didn't make sense anyway. It was too early to think.
"You killed him. I can't believe you killed him." Dropping down onto his pyjama clad knees, Sam moaned in agony. His guardian, destroyed by this flying object while valiantly trying to protect his charge, and said charge was just sleeping his life away while Bumblebee died to protect him! The angst! What woe! He needed his coffee.
"Boy, you are making no sense."
"Stop," Sam beseeched with his hand raised above him at the sun reflecting robot, telling him both to shut up and angle himself to stop making himself sparkle with the sunlight at the same time "I must grieve for my friend." The other hand rising to cup his aching head in his palm, Sam dropped his head down and drooped into sadness.
Why was his head aching so badly like he had just been run over by an elephant?
From above him, Starscream watched the human proceed with his eccentric antics and resisted the urge to just squish the little insect. Of all mechs, why was he the one who had to fetch the little brat? Growling loudly at the nonsensical mumbling the boy was emitting while scrunched up on the debris littered floor, he poked the human lightly with one spindly finger.
Of course, lightly for Cybertronian was a full on sucker punch for a human; hence when Sam actually felt the bone bruising force poke him on his already tender backside, he was sent flying across his room into the pile of dirty laundry he stashed near his door. Head cracking against the door with a loud sound, Sam yowled out loud. What the fuck was wrong with these people and violence?
Wholly unconcerned with any potential damage to the humans already messed up mental and physical status, Starscream leered down at the boy. He didn't have time to deal with this sort of nonsense, and by Primus he wasn't going to take anymore of this ridiculous situation. He was as busy as it was. Leaning further down into the room, ignoring the rapidly tumbling concrete and iron that bent under his weight, Starscream grasped the protesting human in one edgy hand and lifted him out of the room. Forget changing and giving the human time to complete his morning ritual, if he had to continue dealing with this kind of lunacy they would accomplish nothing for a very long time.
Jumping down from the roof onto the fine green grass ("Nooooooo" Sam screeched, his father's lawn!), Starscream marched onto the deserted street, ignoring any passer-by's that might have seen him. Revving his flight systems, he dropped the human and transformed into his alt form right underneath him, catching the puny human perfectly in his cockpit while Sam waved his arms around frantically and called for the revenge of his parental unit's lawn.
"You killed Bumblebee and now you're gunning for dad's lawn?" he questioned hysterically, completely skewering his priorities and defying the expected character reaction that he was supposed to exhibit. "Are you insane?"
Rapidly tiring of the human's unexplainable behaviour for the day, Starscream just lashed the boy down securely with his seatbelt and proceeded to drive down the empty road for take off. Funny how he wasn't shrieking about being taken away. And what was that about him killing the yellow bug anyway? He hadn't even seen the slagger since the week before!
"Oi, answer me! Is this a conspiracy?"
Snarling at the human that had now started to rap on his sensitive dashboard, Starscream flashed his internal lighting systems brightly, earning a satisfying squawk from Sam as he clawed at his eyes to get rid of the blinding spots. What conspiracy? Was the human inhibited? And on such a day? What irresponsible behaviour!
"Sam," Audio systems straining at the pure agony it was to refer to a squishy as an equal, Starscream counted to three and started trying to drag the human down from his delusional cloud "This is not a conspiracy, and neither have I harmed your previous guardian."
Incensed and enraged over the pure atrocity that was his wake up call, Sam continued to muddle his way through his wild questioning and accusations, ignoring the bits that he really should have taken notice of. "Not a conspiracy? Then why did you destroy the garden again? Fess up Starscream! Every Cybertronian that comes here always destroys the garden at one point or another. If that isn't a conspiracy, what is!"
Garden? He was now raving over a garden? Starscream was starting to think that there was something seriously wrong with the human today. Immediately browsing through the internet for delusional symptoms and erratic behaviour (he didn't want to get blamed for any happenings on the human while he was in his care), he flipped through the results efficiently and searched for the potential cause of his current charge's funny behaviour. When he reached one of the much visited results, he raised an optic internally. Ah, he thought in enlightment, so this is why he is acting so eccentrically.
Suddenly feeling a small, small, rush of fondness for the fragile human ranting within him, Starscream soothed Sam with a burst of bright classical music from his audio systems (pre-built within by a certain mech's insistence so that the human wouldn't be bored on his journey). His behaviour was perfectly understandable right now. In fact, Starscream was surprised with himself in how he had actually skipped over the most reasonable reason to the boy's unexplainable doings. For shame, how many mech's had he seen acting like this before! He should have expected such behaviour on this day.
Paying no attention to the increasing loud insults within his cockpit as Sam protested fervently against the choice of music and how Starscream was completely ignoring him, Starscream continued his journey to a safe spot he could take off at. How illogical, he was getting strangely excited as well. And he wasn't even connected to the main event itself! Then again, it had been so many millenniums since such a ceremony had been performed, and in Cybertronian tradition as well! Sure, they had to consent to a couple of changes within the event itself for the sake of certain parties, but still, a real live one to be held right in front of him! The Autobots would be so jealous.
Laughing evilly over the angst and sadness that his enemies would no doubt feel and scaring Sam several metres past the side in process, Starscream turned his alt mode around on the narrow street and got his wing stuck in a tree for his trouble. Grumbling over the sheer nerve of the organic flora messing up his alt form and tempo, he fired a point black cannon blast at the tree amidst Sam's horrified shrieks. It was at that moment that he felt that he may have found an unexpected companion in the boy; after all, he was capable of screeching and shrieking just as shrilly as he could, and wasn't that surprising.
Gunning his engines with renewed optimism, which the Autobots would no doubt lack once the ceremony was completed, Starscream aimed for the sky and prepared for lift-off.
It was also at that moment that Sam finally snapped out of his coffee haze and finally noticed that, oh, he was being taken away against his will.
Starting his feeble assaults against the missile proof glass, he screamed out a loud "BUMBLEBEE!", looking around wildly for the familiar sight of his yellow guardian. Where was he?
When he didn't show up even after Sam's wild pleading of "Please save me I promise I won't eat so much junk food anymore" and "I'll do my homework. I swear!", Sam felt his heart splinter into tiny tiny pieces. There was no hope for him. Resigned and slumping against the surprisingly comfortable contour of Starscream's single seat (The Decepticon was still basking in victory, happiness, and whatever he felt most of the time), Sam pleaded for intervention.
And lo and behold, apparently Primus felt charitable that day, because from the distance a familiar figure approached.
Triumphant trumpets flared and Sam's heart leaped with joy, he was saved! Then, it immediately took a pit fall when he saw that the familiar figure was, in fact, his mother. Face going through a mirage of interesting colours with less time it took you to say "Oh shit!", Sam gestured wildly at his approaching female parental unit, telling her to avoid the large F-22 perched on the street and please ignore the familiar lunatic seated within it. Alas, his telepathic attempts were a failure, and instead of retreating Judy Witwicky smiled brightly and approached the Jet with much vigour.
Attempting to do some damage control before his mother came within reach of the homicidal jet, Sam opened his mouth widely and started to talk to the dashboard, certain that if the neighbours ever saw him in this situation he would never live the end of it. "Starscream, look, I'll do anything you want. Just please don't hurt my mom."
Silence reigned in the cockpit like a giant balloon, threatening Sam with a sure to be loud 'Boom' if the Decepticon decided that he didn't like Sam's proposition at all. Closing his eyes tightly, Sam pleaded hard that the mech would accept his request and leave his mom alone. Pleaded that he wouldn't say -
"That is ridiculous, why would I hurt her?"
Yes, that. It was all over now, and it was all his fault. Sam would never be able to face the world again ... Wait, what?
Mind doing the mental equivalent of a fast paced backtrack, Sam ogled at the Jet. Did he just say that he wouldn't hurt his mom? That was... that was... so out of character for the normally volatile mech! Wasn't he supposed to go on a rampage now and delight in the chaos that he would no doubt cause? Was he not going to gloat in the Autobot's face? Not that it was not a good thing of course.
Feeling increasing like he had just stepped into some whacked out alternate dimension, Sam's confusion jumped straight up to eleven as his mother walked up to the jet and actually petted it affectionately on the side.
"Good morning, Starscream," She called with her usual exuberance "How are you today?"
To Sam's eternal shock, Starscream actually answered politely. "Very well, thank you. And how are you?"
Judy giggled, a sound that Sam had felt slightly creeped out hearing in the current situation. Since when were they both on speaking terms? "Oh, excited of course. It's not every day that something like this happens."
What, Sam wanted to ask, What's exciting? Talking to a giant robot that had previously been all for world domination?
The situation was quickly going from alternate dimension to twilight zone, and Sam wasn't even sure which one was worse.
Feeling like he was missing out on something very important here, Sam tugged futilely at his restrictive safety belt and tried to catch a glimpse of his mom. "Mom," he called from within the high up cabin "Mom!"
Acting in an oh-why-I-never-you-were-here-all-along manner, Judy flashed a confused smile at her horrified offspring, idly wondering why he was giving her such an odd look. It was when her eyes drifted across the watch on her wrist that she came to a conclusion about her son's no doubt attempt at asking her to hurry up and get ready. To think that she was going to make them late! Petting the side of the massive jet once more, she gave one last fond smile at the F-22 and walked away from it.
Just as Sam thought that she was finally getting out of the danger zone though (He was going to have a talk with her on trusting mech's that had a habit of destroying one's house, if he came back), she turned around and bestowed a few last sentences to her very much confused progeny and his current transport that was starting to attract no few stares.
"Starscream," She called, her voice echoing across the clearing in tandem with the roar of the Jet's powerful engines "Be a dear and take care of my Sammy now, won't you?"
Ignoring the blanche the human within sported, Starscream replied in an equally civilised manner, this was one woman he did not want to cross. "Of course, Judy. I will personally ensure that your son will reach his destination safe and sound. Please do not worry." Revving his engines again, he prepared for take off. They were already running slightly behind schedule, and the inner perfectionist within Starscream's processor was demanding that he make this day perfect!
Over the rising roar of the engine, Starscream called to the panicking human within him. "Sam, is there any last words you wish to say to your female parental unit?"
Perhaps he shouldn't have phrased it that way, because now utterly certain of his demise Sam started to struggle even more and gazed pleadingly at his mother. Was this really a conspiracy to get rid of him? One that even his mother was involved in?
"Mom," he cried out desperately "Mom, why?" Was this because of the lawn? If it was, he swore that he would fix it after every single incident it invited!
Judy sighed (was that a glimpse of tears that he saw in her eyes?), a melancholy sound that somehow managed to transmit the feeling of someone fondly flipping through one's only offspring's no doubt silly and embarrassing antics throughout their life together. Raising her hand jerkily, she softly brushed her sleeve over her teary eyes and clutched her other hand to her chest. Smiling up at Sam, who was now gaping at her, she replied his question with much joy and happiness.
"Oh, Sam," She said, warmth and tears leaking into her voice "We just wish that you had told us earlier."
That didn't make sense.
"Your father and I don't mind your choice one bit."
Were they on the same page here?
"We just thought that it would have been nice to have had more time to prepare."
Prepare what?
"Nevertheless ... Oh, Sam. We're so happy for you."
Ok, Sam was certain that something seriously wrong with the situation now.
"Know that even if you've left us for another, you'll always be our baby boy!"
What?
Trying to literally melt his way through the reinforced glass stopping his way to freedom, Sam pawed at the glass, much to Starscream's amusement. "Mom," he called again "What?"
"Boy, surely you can't be that dense." Starscream scoffed "Just accept her well wishes already. You will no doubt get more later."
Wait, Sam's mind cried in loud protest, his facial expression now completely incapable of expressing anything but dull horror and surprise, You mean there are actually more people happy to get rid of me and they're going to congratulate me about it?
Spluttering, he turned to stare at the dashboard once again. Was this really happening to him?
"Come now, we are behind our schedule." Slowly moving and mindful of the tiny organic that raced besides him, Starscream coaxed Judy to the side and told her to put on a pair of ear muffs to dim the noise he would make. Even though he was already rigging his systems to produce the minimal amount of noise when he lifted off, he still wasn't keen on his new friend walking near him without any protection gear.
"Oh, Sammy," Judy sniffed, completely oblivious to Sam's horrified silhouette in the Jet "Goodbye."
And as if that word was the start of the race, Starscream took off into the sky with a burst of smoke and a gust of wind. True to his skills and a contradiction to his usual noisy antics, the noise his systems emitted was miniscule. After all, he was an alien robot and such things he was just capable of. It was also due to that fact that Sam managed to catch the last bit of his mother's tearful goodbye.
"And Sammy," Her voice rang out, enveloping the sky with the vibrant feelings that she felt and reaching Sam's sensitive ears loud and clear "Remember. You'll always be our little boy, even if you get married!"
What?
The last bit was particularly loud for some reason and Sam pulled a Prowl when he fully processed the meaning of that sentence. Married, Married, What married? Fainting in a pile on Starscream's seat as Sam moaned in unconscious horror and trauma over his current situation, the Jet flew off happily into the sky with the mission 'Get Sam ready for the wedding' half completed.
A/N
Have I mention how much I love crack fanfics?
Seriously, I like, really really like them.
Laughs in corner with sleep deprivation.
Please, please, please Review! Wind of the Dawn is very reliant on reviews and she lives off them sometimes.
And if anyone is wondering why Sam is acting so weirdly ... You'll see.
Now... Reality pup calls.
Goes of to sleep then work on assignments and new chapter of EG.
Wind of the Dawn out~