Oe no Chisato

#23

When the moon looks down
On our thousands of kinds of
Sadness, this autumn
In the autumn of my life
Comes not to my life only.

Translation by Tom Galt, 1982

A few hours before dawn, nobody in the barrack was awake. The chilly night air in the month of a coming autumn never failed to keep everyone wrapped tightly under their blankets—except for Robin. The true, final battle against Grima was right in front of her. What she saw and heard earlier that day were recorded right in her mind, which repeats over and over again like a broken record, preventing her from closing her eyes and forgetting everything for a slight moment.

She stood outside the barrack alone, observing it from quite a distance. The wind brushed gently against her pale skin and long, pony-tailed and side-braided platinum hair, bringing the cold and solitude closer to her heart. "Aah," she hummed to herself. "The autumn sure is coming."

Robin started walking away, slowly but surely. Again, the words she heard that afternoon rang in her ears. Her vision grew hazy, and she could feel her eyes heating up. However, she ignored them and continued walking, through bushes, grasses, and trees, until she could only hear the soft sound of her own footsteps. This might be the first time that she walked out alone so aimlessly. Since the day where Chrom found her lying on an open field, she never felt this alone. There were always warmth, smile, and acceptance—but not right now.

She didn't know just how long she had walked until she stepped on a rather dry branch. She lifted her head, and the light in her eyes returned as soon as she realized that she arrived right on the side of a lake not too far away from where she came from. The moon was shining brightly—it was a full moon with no clouds but stars. It was a gentle moonlight but lonely as well, and Robin could feel her chest tightened.

With both arms hugging her legs, Robin sat down on the dry grass. Her eyes were fixed on the gentle moonlight that silently bathed her body. She knew that the moon is always at its prettiest side in the autumn, and that night's full moon clearly reflected her belief. Still, how did she know? Perhaps from one of those carefully kept old books she found at the dusty sections of the castle's library... or perhaps she learned that before, sometime, somewhere in the past she could not remember. She could feel her arms hugging tighter. Her eyes darkened, and she buried her face, but no tears were falling out.

Has it always been this lonely and sad?

"Oh, mother?"

Robin looked up as the young woman in blue called out to and walked toward her. Her boots made a calming, soft sound as it brushed against the yellowed grass. A slight smile was carved on her lips, and her eyes were fixed at Robin adoringly. Robin stared in disbelief at her for a fraction of second, but her startled face quickly turned into a welcoming expression, with warmth—and hidden sadness. "Something troubling you, Lucina?"

"Ah, no," Lucina shook her head softly. Her smile remained still. "Something woke me up, so I decided to take a little walk outside. How about you?"

Robin smiled a bit. "Me too."

For a while, there was absolute silence. Lucina sat beside her mother, and both of them looked up, gazing at the flawless late-summer moon.

"It's weird that we don't have that much gap in age. People would mistake us as sisters." Robin said, finally, laughing at her silly thought.

"I have to agree." Lucina replied, chuckling softly beside her. She looked down on her feet, speaking in a low voice, which sounded like a shivering whisper in Robin's ears. Her smile wasn't as lively now. "Still, I'm happy to be able to see you again, Mother. It's been such a long time since the last time I saw your face. It's been such a long time since I've seen you laughing so freely like this. It's been such a long time since I heard your voice, calling my name so gently.

I never told anyone because I'm the princess they rely on to bring down Grima and restore the peace, but truthfully I was scared—scared at the possibility that someday I will forget how you and father looked or sounded like. You wouldn't know how happy I was when I saw you two, alive and well in this time. If it wasn't for my mask, perhaps I'd have rushed into your arms or cried."

Lucina closed her eyes for a moment, and Robin, whose eyes were fixed on her daughter, listened faithfully. It was as if she doesn't want to lose a single word or breath. She didn't say a thing, waiting for Lucina to say something else, but she remained silent. Her eyes were staring blankly at the graceful reflection of the moon on the surface of the dark lake. Knowing that Lucina needed time to recollect herself, Robin raised her voice. "Lucina, I—there's something I've wanted to ask you," she said. "Is it all right?"

"Anything, mother!"

Lucina stared at Robin's face long, and she returned her gaze to her right back.

"In the future, I—my other self—"

Robin paused. Her throat suddenly felt dry like a dried up well, but she forced herself to continue. "...killed Chrom and turned into Grima. Wouldn't that also mean that the me Grima possesses, who we are about to face, was once me—was once the mother you knew and gave birth to you?"

The time seemed to have stopped for both of them. Lucina's lips parted slightly as she stared at Robin with such startled eyes, but she soon snapped out of it. Again, a sad, weak smile formed on her lips. A gentle wind blew, framing more of her face with her own brilliant blue-colored hair, which reminded Robin so much of the man she loves.

"That's... correct," Lucina replied, shutting her eyes in pain, and then slowly opening them again. Robin could see a glint of loneliness in her eyes as she turned to face her. "However, my mother is gone. She is no longer herself... she is no longer the mother I knew... she isn't her any longer. We all saw her! The mother I knew would have never done what she did to father! She wouldn't have abandoned us! She isn't—"

Robin didn't know what drove her into bringing Lucina in her arms even before she finished her sentence. She wanted to calm her down, let her know that she is not alone, ease her pain and make her smile. From the very beginning, she knew how to handle both swords, tomes and enemies alike, but she didn't know what to do except hugging her right now without saying anything.

Tears gushed out of Lucina's eyes as she clutched Robin's robe as though she never wanted to let go. She sobbed quietly, and Robin could imagine how hard she must be biting her lips right now as to prevent herself to cry out. "I never wanted to believe that my mother would betray us... Even now—even now I don't want to believe it at all. I only know a little about you and father, but all I want to believe... all I want to remember is the you who were always so gentle and kind of a mother to both me and Morgan. But in the end, I lost everything because I was weak. I lost father, you, and Morgan—all because I wasn't capable of continuing you and father's cause..."

"That's not true. You fought well. I'm sorry, dear," Robin stroked Lucina's hair gently. She shut her eyes as she kept Lucina close in her embrace, feeling both pain and anger that fill up inside her. "I'm sorry that I left you. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to protect you. I'm sorry that I didn't return to you. I'm sorry that I picked the wrong path and made you fight all this time.

But hear me: tonight, I swear to you that I will never leave you by yourself. I swear that I will protect you with my life, as my life has always been yours. I swear that I will always return to you regardless of where I go. I swear that I will find a way for you to live happily and put Falchion to rest. I swear that we will change the future. You have done enough. This time... it is my turn. So stick with me until the end and see it for yourself, okay? See for yourself that we will definitely change the future."

Robin smiled gently at Lucina and wiped her tears off her face. Lucina nodded and smiled back at her—the brightest smile Robin has even seen of her daughter. "Yes, mother!"

Robin could not tell how much time has passed since she told Lucina to go back to the barrack and get some rest. She was still, but then she called out to someone without looking away from the moon she was gazing at tirelessly: "You can come out now, Chrom."

Noises of somebody walking through against the bushes turned Robin around. She snorted as soon as she saw Chrom standing and smiling directly behind her. "Now I know from whom Lucina inherited that eavesdropping habit of hers."

"No kidding," Chrom replied. "I mean... I was just passing by."

"From the very start?" Robin raised her left eyebrow.

"Uh... from the very moment you left our tent?"

Robin laughed at his answer and troubled face. She softly rested her head on Chrom's shoulder when he joined and sat next to her. The warmth that was transmitted somehow sobered her up from the troubling thoughts she had before she came to the lakeside. Everything became clearer, and she suddenly felt safe and at peace. She closed her eyes and whispered quietly. "We will change the future, right?"

Chrom looked at her with gentle but determinate eyes. "We will. You swore to do so, remember? See it happen with your own eyes."

She chuckled and opened her eyes, staring back again at the moon whose light shone so brightly in the midst of the cold dawn. They stayed where they were without exchanging any more words, cherishing each other's company and the little time they have together until the sun finally raises—a mark of another battle to come.