A/N: Akito is a "he" in Yuki's thoughts and perspective until the point in the story when he learns the truth.
I wanted to have this ready in time for OfAmethystEyes' birthday…but I failed. DX I'M SORRY SQUEAKY! Here it is now…I hope it's worth the wait~ (sorry if some parts are similar)!
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is not mine, has never been mine, and never will be mine. X3
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Dedicated to Emily, whom I have never physically met but love all the same~
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"Yuki, my Yuki…" Akito chanted gently, cupping Yuki's face with her small, soft hands. "Are you comfortable?"
Yuki couldn't help but jerk away, startled by the question. "I…I'm fine," he said in a small voice, gaze flickering toward Akito to see how he took that answer. It seemed to satisfy him.
"I want you to be comfortable because I love you, Yuki. You know that, don't you? That I love you?" Akito looked at the rat expectantly, but went on before he could come up with an acceptable response. "Shigure told me that you should want the people you love to be comfortable."
"I'm comfortable," Yuki informed Akito, not wanting her to get upset. And it was true, at the moment he was perfectly comfortable – aside from the tension he was feeling due to the god's presence. But that was familiar enough not to create such a dynamic in the atmosphere.
"Good," concluded Akito, flashing Yuki a happy smile. It pleased Yuki to please their god, but he had to admit that doing so also gave him shivers.
I want to hug you…I want to run away.
"Do you want happiness, Yuki?" Another question that caught him off guard. "Do you want to be happy?"
"A-ah…" Yuki blinked. He wasn't sure what to say that would appease Akito, and had to think about his reply. "Yes, I do. Doesn't everyone?" The words came automatically, but after considering them he thought that they must be true, too – even god must want to be happy. He'd never thought about that before.
"I know how you can be happy," started Akito, and Yuki's heart plummeted. He knew he wouldn't enjoy whatever the god had planned for him. "I'll show you how." Akito took the rat by the hand and led him back to that room, confirming Yuki's fears.
The god motioned for him to sit on the edge of the futon, and Yuki did, placing his legs so that they only touched the floor.
"You can surrender to me. Submit everything – here, in this room. Then we'll be happy. Together," whispered Akito, transfixed by the idea. She sat down next to Yuki and threw her arms around him, smiling.
Surrender? thought Yuki in confusion. Surrender what?
But he didn't dare ask, for fear of making things worse than they already were.
"Don't you want us to be happy? Don't you love me? I love you," stated Akito, as if it offended her. "Will you make me comfortable?"
A pregnant pause. "Yes, Akito-sama." He would do that much, if he could.
"Then tell me you love me."
"I-I love you," he whispered, unsure what this would do to make Akito feel any more comfortable. It felt…wrong, somehow. But he knew better than to go against their god's wishes.
"Now show me," commanded Akito, pushing him down onto the light gray bed sheets.
He looked up at the god, wondering what he was supposed to do. "Akito-sama…" he began softly, uncertainly.
"Show me." The repetition was Yuki's only answer.
Perhaps he meant willingness? If Yuki showed Akito he was willing, willing to do whatever he wanted, maybe the god would let him leave this dark room.
Akito stared at Yuki. Although this wasn't the first time she'd done this, it still frightened her a little.
But her rat couldn't know that, so Akito did what someone else had done to her once before, a year or so ago – someone who had recently angered her by spending copious amounts of time away from her.
Is this real enough for you?
She pinned Yuki's arms to the sides with her own, then leaned in close, breathing in the rat's earthy scent.
"You're mine." She would make sure Yuki remembered this – the rat had always, was always, would always be hers.
Now that you've decided to stay, we'll remain together.
Yuki hated himself for replying, "Y-yes, Akito-sama." Akito relished his anxiety, taking it as a sign of compliance, and smiled to show it.
"Yuki, my Yuki…" Akito clicked her tongue as if she was disappointed with Yuki, but she was still smiling. "You will remember this forever, will you not?"
Again Yuki reluctantly replied, "Yes, Akito-sama."
Akito's smile grew, sending chills down Yuki's spine. "What exactly will you remember?" she breathed in the rat's ear, nestling her cheek in Yuki's silver hair.
"T-that…" Yuki stuttered, nervous beyond himself. He took a gulp of air and desperately tried to continue, "T-that I am yours." The words were so quiet even Yuki didn't quite catch them.
You belong to me. Breathe in and take my life in you, no longer myself – only you.
"That's right," answered Akito cheerfully as she moved her hand along Yuki's side. "You belong to me now – and forever."
The rat couldn't help but shudder. Akito must have felt it, for she instantly struck him across the face.
"Lie still!" she shouted, seething with quick anger.
Yuki tried; he really did. But Akito was too close – the god's movements influenced his.
He flinched as Akito struck him again and again. The blows didn't cease until Akito had to stop and pause for breath.
"Y…you," she panted, winded. "You will…you will do as I tell you to!"
Yuki could only nod. Akito's hand was at his throat, pinching it.
Akito released him, and Yuki immediately gasped, for air. "I-I understand."
"Do you? Do you, my rat!?"
It had been the wrong thing to say, and Yuki felt his insides close up in fear.
You were so confused.
"You understand nothing!" screamed Akito, about to hit him once more. "How could you, you stupid, worthless, filthy crea-"
The god's hand froze in midair.
"Do you wonder why I want you, Yuki? Why I accept you, since you're so very insignificant?" Yuki only stared, thinking that the god wouldn't want him to say what he thought.
"Because I take pity on you. You're even more tainted than I am…because you let yourself be tainted. You choose to be tainted. You give in to it."
There's no escaping me, my love – surrender.
Akito leaned in, her face just inches apart from Yuki's. "You know you can't win…you surrender." Akito savored the word as if it had been a cube of sugar. But that, thought Yuki impulsively, was too white a picture for this – this black, black feeling. "To our love, to your foolish desires….you can't resist!"
With that, she ripped off Yuki's shirt – with an unusually ecstatic flourish that dwindled into dismay as soon as she brought the shirt to the floor.
"You're ugly."
Yuki felt his heart drop. He had displeased Akito somehow, again. His classmates considered him perfect, beautiful even – but he knew well that the god was different.
Different from all other people…
No one had ever had to tell him that.
The cage is white, your feathers are gray fur – this dream of flight is an unattainable cure.
"I'm sorry," he said in a tiny voice, almost squeaking. Akito shrugged it off.
"Don't apologize to me for your defects….though they do disappoint me," admitted the god. Then she smiled – something that scared Yuki more than any of her pointed words. "But don't worry – I will fix them."
Your love is mine, and nothing is pure.
Yuki didn't want to wonder how…but he couldn't help that either.
"Your flaws are what make you mine, Yuki – don't you love them too? Yuki, my Yuki…"
Akito continued to whisper his name like a heartfelt motto as she lowered herself onto Yuki – Yuki could feel the god's breath mingling with his, and felt sick inside.
"This is love, Yuki," Akito told the rat softly, then added, "And everyone says you need love to be happy, and you want to be happy, don't you? I'll show you what love really is…so you can be happy!"
Yuki didn't quite think Akito's version of love would be the same as everyone else's, but Akito was his god, and from what he'd heard of god, god wouldn't lie – god always told the truth.
But this didn't make him feel happy at all...maybe the good part hasn't come up yet, thought Yuki, feeling a spark of hope flutter to life in his chest.
But the god would never let such a feeling stay – and so she took Yuki below her.
"Akito," he gasped, the spark extinguished.
Hearing Yuki breathe her name gave Akito pleasure, made her stop for a moment. "Yes, my rat?" She could afford to be gracious to Yuki – Yuki, whom she loved.
Loved…with all her soul. The soul of the god, brought back to life by the feeble creature underneath her –
The rat could only infect, could only taint, the poor, soiled, rabid beast – but the god was already infected, and so the god was the only one who could do this, who could give this experience to the rat…and who could give it unaffected.
"I-I…" Yuki wanted to tell Akito to stop – but he knew all too well how that would end. He swallowed, feeling helpless. "I trust you," he whispered. It almost sounded like an accusation – or warning.
Where did that come from? he wondered, but thinking it was also true – if he didn't trust his god, he wouldn't listen to him and do his bidding, now would he?
Akito froze. Trust? She knew nothing of trust. Everyone she had ever known had lost or eventually would lose her trust – which she rarely gave in the first place.
Everyone, that was, except her Jyuunishi. She trusted them.
…Didn't she?
She looked down at Yuki, who looked startlingly pale. But then, Yuki had always been a sickly, fragile child.
Quite like herself, in fact.
Yuki already felt scared out of his mind, but at Akito's look he turned paler than ever.
Isn't trust a good thing? he thought, panicking, nausea threatening to overwhelm him.
Trust is for fools. Fear is the only reliable way.
The thought came to Akito's mind unwillingly – but once there, she couldn't ignore it.
But, she thought distractedly, Yuki has fear too –
Didn't he?
Fear is only in our minds – but it's taking over all the time.
"I'm going to tell you a little secret, Yuki – because I trust you," said Akito, then laughed quietly. "And I'm going to show you it as well…"
Yuki wanted to feel relieved, but all he felt was terror.
And confusion.
Secret? What secret would the god willingly tell him – the filthy rat, as he so often called him?
Spoken fears can come true.
Yuki shuddered involuntarily.
And why would he tell him?
Why indeed.
Akito slipped off her robe, but Yuki was too far gone to care about what he saw. He felt surprise, certainly – but it was easily beaten by the fear radiating throughout his heart, the blinding agony when the god broke that heart…through a ruthlessly physical and wrongful act.
"Do you see?"
Yuki didn't want to see. His slow nod felt like a dagger into his own chest.
"I can love you completely," whispered Akito, a strange joy in her eyes but no smile on her lips. "If only you'll let me, my rat…."She trailed off, the corners of her mouth lifting a little. "Just say the word."
Yuki knew what would happen if he refused. This couldn't be as bad…
Could it?
Say the word…it was like telling an executioner to go ahead and kill him.
Either way, he was sure to die –
In more ways than one.
It took all his strength to whisper hoarsely, "I let you."
Thereby officially marking the choice as his.
Painting his Zodiac sign in his own blood, in the black paint Akito was so fond of – and yet was so sickened by.
I know you will surrender to me.
There's no escaping…
Akito was right.
He was filthy, he was tainted – and he had allowed himself to be tainted.
He was all Akito.
No.
He was worse.
Akito was in a world of darkness, but he…Yuki, he was…
Filled with darkness.
Darkness, that he had chosen – not even merely given in to, as Akito had so succinctly put it. He had invited the paint that repulsed even the god…
And no matter how awful or unthinkable the other choices, he had still selected this from them…and worse than the act itself…
He had surrendered.
Surrendered all...
To his god.
Darling, there's no sense in running – you know I will find you.
Everything is perfect now, we can live forever.
Yuki placed his head in his hands and cried.
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I wonder if any of you caught the Avatar: The Last Airbender reference – well, Azula reference (I also used a few lines from other Evanescence songs). They are kind of similar (and I've been wanting to use that line somewhere for a while), except A-chan is so much closer and dearer to my heart~
Much nicer to everyone, too.
Please review! I know Akito raping Yuki isn't that original of an idea, but I'd like to think that I gave my own spin on it – maybe? *looks hopeful*
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