I Saw the Ocean
It was then, there, at that moment that Daniel Fenton knew that he would make a terrible bureaucrat. With a heavy sigh he continued to slowly twirl around in high rise padded office chair, the creaks and squeaks echoing through the halls of Amity Public Library.
"Why in the hell am I still here?..." He pondered, resting his head in his hands. "Nobody ever comes here after eight." With a hearty sigh he kicked off his loose fitting sandals and left his post at the front counter. He trotted lightly as his bare feet slapped against the smooth tile floors, reverberating through the open hall. Daniel's pace slowed as he arrived at the rotunda, a grand sprawling open room, dotted with open tables and computers. The area often served as an open forum where students from the local high school would gather to cheat on their homework, yet this summer, like all before it left the rotunda empty.
Along the edges of the hall was a clear area meant for more casual gatherings. Large, mocha coloured padded chairs sat in three groups of four. Normally, this section of the library, a small nook situated against the backdrop of the single stone staircase above the reference desk leading to the second floor and the vending machines created a small oasis, prime real estate for teens looking for a secluded place to unwind from the horrors of high school. However, today, it too was a ghost town.
Daniel slowly made his way to the soda machine with change he had "borrowed" from the register and purchased a diet cola. "It all goes to the same place." He thought of the money. He slumped down in the closest chair, using leverage he let himself get lost in the comfort of the feathers. Slowly, he opened the bottle, letting the crisp liquid flood his mouth.
"I guess this isn't soooo bad." He said with a hint of sarcasm. "Free soda, little work, free wifi, no customers, this is the life." The allure of boredom quickly wore thin, as Danny found himself fidgeting around in the chair, his brain's signal that attention, rather distraction was in order.
Danny retrieved his phone from his pocket, like most his age, his prized possession. Sliding his legs over the arms of the chair, Danny made himself comfortable as he turned on his devise. After checking all his normal social sites, he was sure then that absolutely nothing in the world was happening. Grabbing his soda and phone, Danny made his way around the building, prepping everything for an early close.
Upstairs in the library was a different world from the bright lights and comfy chairs of the first floor. Up here, there was little in the way of furniture. Only a few modest wooden desks, with equally primitive chairs dotted the floor. Among the musty old books and tattered tomes, a lone reference computer sat at the back of the hall, elevated away from the main shelves of books. Daniel made his rounds, gathering the few loose books that lay strewn in chairs or on the floor. His hands full, he made his way back down stairs to work out the remaining half hour of his shift.
Still barefoot, Daniel traipsed down the solid stone stairs, back to the front desk. Slipping on his sandals, he finished his remaining duties, closing the registers, turning the lights off in the remaining areas. Slowly the seconds ticked away from his watch, all leading to the magic ten. Using online television to buffer the gap, that time finally arrived. Clocked out, and ready to leave, Danny retrieved his keys and wallet from his assigned locker and made his way out into the dense August air.
Danny had always been a fan of this type of weather. The sky was lit with thousands of other worlds shining down to Earth. The remaining twinge of twilight was beginning to fade under a line of oak trees in the distance. While in the daytime, the library was a cornerstone of the community, while under the guise of darkness, one was reminded of the rural nature of it's location. In three directions around him, Danny could only admire the seeming endless horizon, unspoiled by the intrusive nature of human progress.
Fumbling for his keys, Danny entered his automobile. A modest, but newer model 4 door blue sedan, paid for partly by his parents and partly from his previous summer employment. It was practical, however, it didn't score any points with those who drove new model muscle and exotic cars. He turned the key, bringing the machine to life. The smooth melodic jazz of Illinois public radio filled the air. Danny slowly back away, leaving his work behind and began his trek home.
The wind rushed through the open windows while the haunting tones of a sad horn heavy tune flooded the car. "Way too depressing…" Danny said aloud. He turned the radio off as he allowed his car to come to rest at a freshly turned red light. Habit grabbed hold of the teen as Danny reached in his pocket for his cell phone. To his delight the message indicator light was flashing a welcoming green.
"What are you doing?" It was his older sister, Jazz Fenton.
"Im goin home from work… u? Danny replied, his eyes darting from phone to light at every word. He clenched the phone in his hand as he turned to the adjacent traffic light. He would soon have clearance to pass the intersection. Hearing his signature ring tone, he quickly viewed the message.
"Ice cream? I need to talk to you before I go back to school! I'm downtown… my treat. Its important." Danny stared as his blinding phone, the black text burning in his eyes. He clenched the phone and threw it into the seat beside him as he began to drive to his new destination.
"God damn her!" Danny shouted aloud, slamming his fist against the center of the steering wheel, a brief toot of the horn escaped the hood. "I've made it this whole damn summer just fine! But nooooo, she has to bring this up and be the savior. 'Oh, everybody love Jazz'" Danny began sarcastically. "That's so nice of you to take care of your helpless little brother! Here's more money. Well I'm sick of it! I'm not doing this and I'm not letting her do this to me." Thoughts raced through his head, as he tried to think of a way out of this new situation. He knew, however, that it was in vein, she would accomplish her goal, and in the end, he knew what she was doing was probably, maybe for the best.
Danny lead his car with the utmost care around the tight corners of the small Midwestern town. Subconsciously, he wasn't in any hurry to meet his sister, however, a nagging voice reminded him that the inevitable was looming. Downtown was free of it's normal hustle and bustle of a Thursday night. However, that soon would change… the distance hum of a city bus replaced by the collective roar of two thousand college students crawling from bar to bar. Parking was not an issue, as space was plentiful. He eased his car down the brick road and slowly turned into a stall directly in the front of the building. Through the window he could already see his sister waiting eagerly for her brother to arrive.
Danny slowly stepped out from his auto and locked the door. Fumbling, he put his keys in his pocked and removed his wallet. Pausing, Danny stopped and closed his eyes. Drawing in a deep breath, he filled his lungs. He could already feel his fingertips trembling with nervousness and fear.
"I'm not going to let her run this conversation…" He said aloud, his arms extended, palms wide open, facing the earth. "She's not going to run your life… This is your decision." Danny gathered the rest of his courage and strode into the parlour.
In its own right, Dairy Store Drive was legendary. In the face of constant corporate bombardment and competition, Dairy Store Drive has out performed them all. Jazz Fenton sat in the far south counter of the large establishment, her height hidden in the corner table against a wall adorned with bright local photography and a storefront window. In her age, Jazz had grown to quite a remarkable woman. She had since moved on to college, perusing her passion of pediatric psychiatry. Which, for better or worse kept her full of advice and anecdotes to pass along, much to Danny's chagrin. It appeared though, as appearances change, old habits rooted in for the long haul.
"Hey you!" She called to Danny. Her voice was ripe with an odd, mother like lilt. He figured she hadn't been here long as her bowl was full of her favourite chocolate, brownie sundae. Jazz shot from her chair and rushed to give Danny a long hug. Her long, cornflower hair flowed between them, getting caught in Danny's face like a soft curtain, however, neither paid it any attention. Jazz's grasp calmed Danny, it was different in a way. It lacked it's normal feeling of this being a required greeting. Jazz's hug was comforting, empathic, true.
"How's my Danny been today?" She said cheerfully, suddenly breaking the hold, her hands remaining on his shoulders.
Danny smiled and reached to his side and retrieved his mint, cookie dish that had made for him. He thanked its creator and led Jazz back to their table. Sitting down he took the first bite. The sharp, sting of fresh mind hit him first, it's earthy tones quickly removed by the subtle bitter flavour of fresh baked chocolate, chocolate chip cookies. "I'm great!" he replied, his mouth full. "How's School? How's Arman?"
"School is great! Just gearing up for junior year. I'm finally doing work related to my major, so It's super exciting!.:" She exclaimed, mimicking the tone of a bubbly teenager. "Arman is great. We're really excited for the wedding. Getting things in order, flowers, venue, dresses, suits. I'm sure we'll be asking you for help at some point."
"If you're one of 'those' brides, which I know you will be, then I don't want any part of it." He replied, still enjoying his icy treat.
Jazz smirked and whipped her hair back behind her head. Beginning to dig into her own order which had become softer and warmer with time. She stared across the table at the young man sitting in front of her. Freshly seventeen, Danny's physically characteristics had made themselves more apparent. His body was now more toned and defined, as evident through his tightly fitting sky blue polo shirt. However, even with all of the jogging and weight lifting, he had never lost his baby face, his black hair trimmed short and his smaller than average frame.
"Danny." Jazz said under her breath. She twirled her spoon in a carefully choreographed circle. Danny's eyes remained fixated on the outside world, his attention removed from the situation about to present itself. "You know why I wanted to talk to you right." Danny sighed and turned his head away from the window slightly. His left eye came into view and stared at Jazz with a sense of mercy.
"I…" He started, his head sinking back into his shoulders. " I don't think I'm ready…" Jazz smiled and reached her hand across the table searching for Danny's. He stared at the offer with skepticism. This was not the Jazz he was used to. There had always been days of compassion and camaraderie, however, they like most siblings shared days of betrayal and fighting.
"Do you remember when you came out to me?" She asked. Danny sighed loudly and closed his eyes, his head whipping around to stare back into the evening streets. Indeed Danny did remember the circumstances surrounding the discovery of his second biggest secret.
"… Why are we talking about this." Danny asked.
"Because, Danny." Jazz said in a hauntingly stern tone, her melodic voice seemed to echo with an assertiveness that was still as comforting and pure as a hymn. "I'm going back to school in two weeks, and you're going to leave home soon. I just don't want to see this hurt you anymore."
Danny paused and turned around to stare at the ice cream he had barely touched and didn't really want in the first place. Now, the subject was making his appetite even more scarce. He twirled his spoon around and began to eat.
"Your ice cream is melting, Jazz." He said blankly, doing his best to convey his reluctance to continue this conversation.
"Danny, I'm not dropping this until it's settled."
"What's there to settle?" He replied.
"Danny… you know this is the right thing to do. Our parents love you and are going to support you…" Jazz finally succumbed to the awkward silence. She dipped her spoon into her ice cream and began to eat. "You don't have to worry. We've talked and…" Jazz instantly realized what she had said and hoped it wouldn't get her much further.
"You've what?" Danny asked viciously. "You've what? You've talked to them?"
"Danny no…" she pleaded, arms extended.
"Jazz… Do you remember when I 'came out' to you?" Jazz let off a relived sigh, however still sensing that a fight was brewing.
"I do, Danny." She started. " We were in the living room…"
"Stop!" Danny said angrily. "Let me refresh your memory! It wasn't the living room, it was my room! And it wasn't some grand, keynote, 'I'm a fag, vote for me!' speech. It was you. It was you snooping in my room, on my computer. It was you snooping on my Facebook and email, Jazz."
Jazz sat, silent and heartbroken. She knew the truth, and she knew he was right. Jazz knew it was an accident, and although it was a case of bad judgment, she'd always longed to at least justify the situation. "Danny," She started. My battery was dead, and I needed to check my email for school, I've told you."
"Bull, crap, Jazz!" Danny replied, his voice raising in frustration, drawing the attention of the employee behind the counter.
" You know, you could have not left your internet open on twink gallery dot org, Danny." Jazz said with a smirk.
"And you could have asked me to use my computer, or used that four hundred dollar phone you've been parading around all year!" Danny rose sharply, finishing off the last of this ice cream. He moved around to Jazz's side of the table and knelt down meet the edge of the table. "What do you want Jazz? What's in this for you?" He asked his visibly upset sister.
"I want us to be friends again. I want you and I to be tight like we used to be." Jazz put her hand on Daniel's head, drawing his face to meet hers. "I want this last year of our lives to be that. Last year. I don't want anymore secrets."
Danny stood up and rolled his shoulders, his hands carefully slid into his pockets to retrieve his keys. "This will be resolved by your wedding." He stopped and turned his head. "I'm doing this on my terms, not yours, Jazz."
As he turned around to exit, Jazz made one final gasping plea for a more sudden resolution. "Arman wants you to be his best man." Danny stopped in place and let his arms sink to his sides. Letting out a very audible shrug, he turned to face his sister.
"Arman loves you like a brother, and he wants you to be happy too, like me. Danny, " Jazz stood to grab her brother's shoulders. "Danny, you're eighteen. You're great looking, and you're a senior in high school. You're going to want to date. There's going to be someone that you want to bring home for a night to meet the family and play some boring board game where mom and dad drink too much and start giving raunchy answers to the trivia questions. I don't want you to have to slink around and lie to people just to go out to dinner with someone." Jazz leaned forward and gave Danny a hug, a gesture that had been absent in their lives for too long. At that moment, Danny's heart shifted, the year of anger he felt towards her had melted like the food they just enjoyed. Danny returned the hug, happy to know that he again was someone's younger brother.