It's America, Betch, by Dickfart
"So I cornclude that vaccines cause autism, chemtrails are real, politicians are useful, and my celebrities are interesting in a totally-not-in-the-illuminati sort of way," said America, who was high as fuck off of snorting money and cocaine and drinking a gallon of coffee and seeing 92835492745629648230948520462 advertisements per minute.
"We've... lost him," said France, with tears in his eyes.
"All this time... I thought his only rotten parts were Ohio and Applebee's," said Canada, choking up.
"He buys stuff from me," said Japan and China. "You fuckers better buy more from us, or you are on your own."
"Yanno," said Russia, sliding a gun across the table. "Someone's gotta do it."
"To America? Butt... nukes!" said all.
"Yes, butt nukes, regular nukes, all the nukes, butt you know what?"
"Chicken butt," said Italy.
And everyone had a laugh and forgot all about it. Especially America.
The End