Just a little tidbit I had one my mind...enjoy!
Slender fingers flew over the keyboard as their owner concentrated on the screen. Behind her, the tall detective stood with her hands on her hips impatiently.
"Almost done." Maura soothed as she triumphantly hit 'submit' on the computer screen.
"Now what?" Jane questioned, her voice sounding strangely close to a whine. "C'mon, Maur. Just pick somebody and be done with it. I'm starving. I thought we were going out to get dinner?" And a beer. Her voice added internally. Throwing her head back and sighing miserably, Jane tried to get her point across.
Ignoring her antics, Maura turned in her chair to look at Jane. "Don't fuss. This is the fun part." Her expression became one of extreme excitement. "Once our information is received, the company will send us an email with a username and password. Then we can either browse the listings, or search by certain criteria. Have you given any thought as to what keywords you would like us to search by?" Clearly, any type of shopping excited Maura.
"Not a loser." Jane huffed, rolling her eyes. "Or a convict. No rapists, serial killers, Yankee fans, professional golfers, or men who enjoy sushi."
"What's wrong with sushi?" Maura argued. "It's delicious, and very healthy. I love sushi."
"I know you do." The detective responded. "But I don't. I want our kid to have a decent chance of being normal." When she noticed the narrowing of her lover's eyes, Jane decided to change tactics. Quickly.
"Sweetie, I know you like the finer things in life, and that's one of the things I love about you." She sensed Maura's increasing aggravation and added rapidly, "I am content to be a perfectly average human being, that's all."
"Nothing about you is average." Maura stated firmly. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Jane."
Internally, Jane 'high-fived' herself.
"Oh!" Maura exclaimed, bouncing happily in her ergonomic and very expensive computer chair. "The email arrived! We officially have an account!"
Running a hand through her lover's honey-blonde curls, Jane smiled. There were few things in life that were more adorable than an excited Maura, and years ago Jane had taken it upon herself to try and witness as much of Maura's joy as she could. It was just that endearing, and quite contagious. Always one to try and hide her emotions as much as possible, Jane couldn't help being affected by the Medical Examiner's enthusiasm for certain things, and this was no exception.
"Login!" Jane exclaimed as her hands clenched on the back of Maura's chair.
Concentrating, Maura typed in their username and password. The screen refreshed, and they were logged into the sperm bank's directory.
"Let's discuss search terms." Maura directed. "We should make a complete list, sorted by priorities, and have a special column for undesirable traits." Clearing her throat slightly, she continued. "For example, I'd like our child to be fathered by someone with at least a master's degree from a reputable university. I'd also like to choose someone who has unique interests, and an athletic build."
"Maura." Jane explained patiently, as if she were talking to a child. "It doesn't really matter who we use. It's our child, and it will turn out fine because we'll raise it right."
"Studies have shown that genetics play a very important role, Jane. I just want to make sure we have made the best possible choice." Maura answered back, her chin firmly set in place.
Jane sighed; knowing that once Maura has made her mind up about something there was little left to be done to change it.
"Fine." Jane deferred. "Pick some genius to father our kid. It doesn't really matter, you know?" Maura tilted her head in response. "C'mon, Maur. Look at your parents – your sperm donor is one of Boston's most wanted. I mean, he seemed like a nice enough guy and everything, but seriously, he is a criminal."
"Exactly why I want to make sure we make the best choice!" Maura argued.
"Let me finish." Jane soothed, her hands gently squeezing her lover's shoulders. "You are nothing like him. You are nothing like your birth parents either, thank God." She smiled at the Medical Examiner, her lips twitching at the corners. "You are who you are, without the help of anyone." Leaning down to gently plant a kiss at the corner of Maura's mouth, Jane continued. "And you're perfect. Exactly like our kid will be. Regardless of who we choose to give us the donor sperm."
"But.." Maura interjected before being interrupted by Jane.
"No buts about it. As far as I'm concerned, there will never be anyone good enough to contribute sperm to your gene pool. So, do your research, sort through every single man on that website, and make the choice. It makes no difference to me. I just want to have a baby with you."
Acquiesced, Maura focused her attention back the computer screen and started sorting search results into a list of favorites. She worked silently for a few minutes, Jane standing supportively behind her.
Clicking on a donor that had the criteria Maura was looking for; she looked at Jane for her opinion.
"Well, his favorite food is Stracciatella. Ma would be happy, he's obviously Italian."
"I like him." Maura agreed. "He graduated with honors from Harvard, works in the medical industry, and enjoys hiking on the weekend. He seems like he fits all of our criteria, and he shares some of your physical traits. It says here that he is tall and slender with dark hair and eyes. His family originates from Naples and he enjoys several activities that you enjoy." Her eyes shining with excitement, Maura made one final click with her wireless mouse. "I paid extra to be able to see childhood photos."
As the prospective donor's photo loaded, Jane chewed at the side of her lip. She knew it shouldn't bother her that they were essentially shopping for someone to make a baby with Maura, but it did. She possessively wrapped her hands around Maura's shoulders as they looked at the photo together.
"Aww!" They said in unison. The donor was an adorable baby, with chubby cheeks and a thick shock of dark wavy hair.
"I think we should go for him." Maura said. "Let's review his profile one more time."
"Okay." Jane agreed amiably. "I think it's a good match."
Reading through the donor's profile, Jane felt herself relax. There is no way that Maura would have any interest in this person if he was standing next to her. Did he know how she laughed nervously right before she was about to cry? Did he have any idea how she liked her coffee? Would he be able to soothe her fear of the public with a simple glance like she could?
Jane was confident enough in herself to believe that there was no one else for Maura other than her. That said, she was still human enough to allow herself a moment of jealousy. Now that it was under control, she was able to turn her attention back to the very important task at hand.
"No." Jane said suddenly, shaking her head. "Not him. No way."
"Jane?" Maura asked, clearly confused as to her sudden change of heart. "Why not? He's perfect!"
"Maura." Jane said calmly as she the Medical Examiner turned to face her. "He wears mandals."
"Huh?" Maura responded. "What are mandals?"
"Man sandals." Jane said, the shock evident on her face. "That's a dealbreaker."
"Have you lost your mind?" Maura's hands flew at the keyboard. "Where does it even say that?"
"Right there!" The detective pointed a long finger at the screen. "Under the question 'What would you want with you on a deserted island?' He said sandals, sunscreen, and a good book."
"That is a foolish answer." Maura admitted. "It sounds like he said that because it sounds good to say. Anyone with any sense would have asked for a cellular phone with a satellite GPS and enough food and water to sustain them until help arrived."
"Right." Jane resisted from rolling her eyes. "Not mandals." Scrunching her nose, she continued. "I bet he wears them with socks. Mandals with socks are even worse. Why do men think that it's a good look? Especially with black socks. Idiots."
Maura waited for her to finish her rant. "I didn't know you had such a problem with men wearing sandals."
"It's the primary reason that I became a lesbian." Jane responded seriously. "Along with the fact that I can't get enough of your breasts."
She moved quickly enough to avoid the smack Maura halfheartedly directed at her side.
"What happened to the speech you just gave me about it making no difference to you, that I should just hurry and pick one so we could go to dinner, etc?" Maura pressed.
"I recant that statement." Jane answered, a slow smile spreading across her face. "It makes no difference to me, with the exception of mandals."
"What if the donor profile doesn't specifically mention sandals?" Maura pushed. "Then what?"
"I will use my many detective skills to establish a presence of mandal tendencies. If I find none, we proceed. If I find any, we move onto to the next schmuck." Jane smirked. "Deal?"
"And what exactly would be 'mandal' tendencies?" Maura questioned.
After a moment of thought, Jane responded easily. "Enjoying long walks on the beach, playing the bongos, a fondness for Matthew McConaughey movie, Jack Johnson music, or living in Vermont."
Maura laughed, clear and loud. The sound of it was contagious and Jane found herself laughing right along.
"Deal." The Medical Examiner agreed as she turned her attention back to the computer and began to search avidly again. "I wish there was check box we could click to display only mandal-free applicants."
"I'm sure we'll be able to tell." Jane stated seriously. "No, not that one." She said, pointing at the screen. "He likes opera, taxidermy, wine tasting, and traveling around the country. He's clearly a weirdo like that skin-wearing guy in Silence of the Lambs."
Maura rolled her eyes. This was going to be much more difficult than she had imagined.