Get ready for this one, sweetiepies.
It was 11:04 PM on Wednesday, February 8th when Hinawa had answered the phone, and was told that Claus was in the hospital.
Lucas, who was up in his bedroom, woke up to the sound of the phone being dropped and a bloodcurdling scream ripping through the air. He quickly snapped out of his tired state and rushed downstairs, where he saw his beloved mother on her hands and knees, in tears. He instantly knew that something had happened to his brother. Earlier that night, Claus had gone out to attend a doctor's appointment, and was supposed to be back by 9:00. However, when he hadn't returned by 10:34 PM, Hinawa began to worry, and called the police. She told Lucas to go to sleep, promising him that everything would be fine.
Everything was not fine.
With one arm around his sobbing mother, Lucas managed to compose himself and shakily pick up the phone, where the social worker was still struggling to calm down Hinawa.
"Ma'am? Hello? Ma'am! I need you to stay calm. Hello?" The social worker kept her composure, but still had a sense of urgency. In the background, Lucas heard muffled yelling of multiple voices.
"Hello, yes...this...this is her son! What's happening?" Lucas asked, still too confused and shocked to have a clear reaction.
"This is her son?"
"Yes."
"What's your name?"
"Lucas."
"Okay, Lucas, I'm gonna ask you to listen, okay? Listen, I need you and your mother to get to Brookview Hospital right away, can you do that? Is your mother well enough to drive?" The social worker asked.
"The hospital?" Lucas repeated, the severity of the situation still not setting in, "Geez, uh...I can-I can drive, I'm sixteen. I can get us there, just...what happened?"
"Your brother is named 'Claus', yes? He's been admitted to the hospital. There was an accident on 46th, he was very badly injured."
Lucas finally broke. With his heart pounding and his eyes beginning to sting, he helped his mother stand up and guided her to the front door, not bothering to put on shoes or even hang up the phone. Although his vision was blurry, he managed to get Hinawa in the car safely. Using the map on his phone, he drove as fast as he could without getting a speeding ticket to the hospital. By the time he had parked, he was beginning to panic. Hinawa had composed herself, and was able to stand up by herself. Together, they rushed into the building and were almost immediately greeting by a nurse.
"You're Claus' family, yes?" The nurse guessed, his eyes filled with worry.
"Yes, his mom and his brother." Lucas replied. The nurse nodded.
"Follow me."
By 11:14 PM, Lucas and Hinawa were sitting in a waiting room just outside the Emergency Room, both wearing shoes that the hospital staff had lent them. And at 11:15 PM, the same nurse from before came from around the corner and motioned for them to follow him. Lucas still had an arm around his mother, who was a mess at this point. The three of them soon entered a room with a row of sections closed off by curtains. They were led to the second last section, where the nurse pulled back the curtain and allowed them to walk in.
Lucas had originally expected to see his brother bruised and cut, covered in bandages, but intact.
What he saw was much worse.
Claus wasn't just bruised and cut; he was broken. His usually bright, happy face was covered in dust and red smudges, and was much more pale than it usually was. His eyes were closed, almost as if he was sleeping. His red hair was choppy and covered with dried mud. He was covered in a mess of IVs and cotton patches being held down by medical tape, as well as slowly drying casts wrapped around his left arm and lower left leg. The most noticeable thing was the brace wrapped around his neck. Next to him, an ECG slowly beeped as multiple green lines ran across the screen, making jagged hills and divots. Surrounding him were multiple machines with dials and buttons that Lucas didn't even try to know the purpose of.
Hinawa instantly shrugged off Lucas' arm and rushed to Claus' side, cupping a hand around the side of his face and pressing her forehead to his. Lucas slowly approached the hospital bed behind her, solemnly glaring at his twin's crumpled body.
"Mama's here, sweetie...I've got you..." Hinawa gently whispered, running her other hand through Claus' hair. As if on cue, Claus' lip twitched, and his eyes fluttered. Hinawa jumped back in surprise, having been startled. Though his eyes weren't open, Claus was awake. He muttered something that neither Hinawa nor Lucas could understand. Hinawa approached him again, "What was that?"
"M...mh..." Claus' mouth barely moved, "...Mom..."
"Yes, yes, I'm here." Hinawa breathed, relieved that her son was awake. Claus' head shifted ever so slightly to the side, and he caught sight of Lucas.
"...Luc..." He murmured. His voice was low and raspy.
"I'm here too, man. We're both here." Lucas assured, placing his hand on Claus'. It was cold. Claus' eyes opened a bit more, and his mouth barely formed a smile.
"...Hi, guys..." He uttered, "...I got a little hurt...at least now I can tell people I've been rammed..."
"Oh, for goodness sake..." Hinawa couldn't help but laugh through her tears. Typical Claus. Lucas appreciated his trying to lighten the mood. He'd been able to resist tears up until now. His eyes began to water. Suddenly, the curtain shifted, and a different nurse entered, holding a clipboard. She bowed her head in acknowledgement to Hinawa and Lucas, and smiled warmly at Claus.
"Sir, Ma'am, I'm going to ask you to come with me." She said. Upon noticing Hinawa's unwilling expression, she added, "I promise you won't be away from Claus for long."
Both Lucas and Claus glanced at Hinawa, assuring her that the nurse could be trusted. Hinawa kissed Claus' forehead and reluctantly followed the nurse, who held open the curtain. She led her and Lucas down a few hallways, before gesturing to a dark room covered in diagrams and graphs of the human body and such. Already sitting in the room was a doctor and the social worker who had called them earlier.
"Good evening," The doctor began, once Lucas and Hinawa sat down across from her, "As you may have guessed, Claus here was struck by an out of control car when crossing a walkway. I'm afraid to say that his injuries are quite severe. He's suffering moderate head trauma, and what we believe to be a dislocated vertebrae in the cervical region. There is also minor damage to the spinal cord. His arm and leg have also been severely wounded. There also seems to be signs of internal bleeding."
Lucas grabbed Hinawa's hand underneath the table to keep her calm. Her hand was shaking like a leaf.
"Is he going to be okay, though?" Asked Hinawa.
"It won't be that simple," The doctor answered, steadying her glasses and pulling out a manila folder and opening it, revealing a few X-rays, "His injuries, like I said, are incredibly severe. We're surprised he wasn't left in a comatose state, and even more so that he was able to regain consciousness. It was all a stroke of luck."
Lucas heard a small gasp from Hinawa, and glanced at her from the side. She had a hand over her mouth, and she was staring at the table. Lucas rubbed her back, and took over the conversation.
"So...is there treatment available?" He asked.
"Oh yes, but there's no guarantee that it will work." Replied the nurse, "He's in a very critical condition, honey."
"We've had to explain this to plenty of families, and it always pains us to do so." Added the doctor, "There's a very low chance that Claus will survive."
Once again, Hinawa broke down. Lucas struggled to keep a straight face, knowing he had to stay brave. His mother buried her face into his chest. Lucas hugged her close, looking up to reveal that tears had finally spilled from his eyes.
"Please tell me you'll help him." Lucas muttered, voice shaking with anger, "He's all we have left."
"Sir, remember that it is our job to do everything we can. However, remember that treatment doesn't always do the job. I'd suggest that in the following days, you spend as much time with him as possible. Give him good memories. He'll want to be with his family." The doctor solemnly replied, drawing in her lower lip.
Lucas didn't say anything, he simply grit his teeth and stood up, bringing Hinawa with him. Without a single glance or word, he left the room. The whole way back to the emergency room, his mind was clouded. He let Hinawa be aided by some nurses, and she was taken to a separate room. The fuzz only grew stronger as he entered the closed off section, and once again winced at the sight of Claus, who seemed fully awake now. He weakly looked over at him.
"Hey, buddy..." Said Lucas, smiling. "They, uh...they say that you might just make a smooth recovery." He explained, unable to tell the full truth. "All it takes is some more time, some, uh...medication..." Before he could speak again, Claus interrupted.
"I'm not gonna make it, am I?" He rasped.
Lucas bit his lip, avoiding eye contact. He drew in a breath, and exhaled as he sat on the nearby stool. He leaned over, running his fingers through his hair and holding his face in his hands. Unsure of what to say, he let out a small nervous chuckle.
"Jesus..." He muttered, "Claus, I...I'm sorry, I..."
Claus shook his head, "I'm just glad that you and mom were with me." He sniffed, having teared up. "Crap, I just...wanted to go a little further. You and I were supposed to graduate next year, y'know?" His breath hitched, and he squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, he stared up at the ceiling, his face now tear-stained. "L-Lucas..." He stammered.
Lucas moved them stool closer and grabbed his hand. "Yeah?"
Claus breathed in a heavy, shaky breath, choking on his own tears, "...I...I don't wanna die, Lucas..." He whimpered, "...I'm not ready..." He paused, "I'm scared."
Feeling a sudden need for comfort, Lucas carefully climbed onto the hospital bed and gently burrowed into Claus' side, curling up to him as if he was a child. Lucas wasn't entirely sure what to think. He was terrified, not only for Claus, but for himself. What would he do without his brother? How would he make it through life? Claus was the one who sat up late with him when he couldn't sleep. He was the one who stood up to kids who would pick on Lucas in middle school. He was the one who was always there. Lucas tried his best to accept it, to accept that this was part of life and Claus would never really be gone. That's how it went in movies. In books.
This wasn't something that could happen to him. This was something you'd see on the internet; an article that someone would share. You'd read it, and feel a quick moment of sympathy. You'd click the sad react button, and move on. This was something that happened on the news. In PSA's they'd show you in schools, and you would think that it could never happen to you. It could never happen to you.
It was 8:03 PM on Thursday, February 9th when Claus died.
Lucas had grown very familiar with the sight of the wall.
This is because he spent most of his time staring at it. Lucas wasn't entirely sure what day it was, but he didn't care. The day was spent lying on his right side, in his bed. His arm had fallen asleep ages ago, but even the pins and needles weren't enough to motivate him to roll onto his other side. If he rolled over, he'd be forced to look at the left side of the room. He'd be forced to look at the bed across from his, which was empty. He'd be forced to look at the slightly messy sheets which were tossed to the side many mornings ago, and were never touched again.
He heard the familiar buzz of his phone, which lay next to his head on the pillow. He picked up the device and unlocked it, being met with dozens upon dozens of messages. Relatives, teachers, and fellow students were all sending their love to him. Some of these people had never said a word to him in his life. Staring at the screen with half closed eyes, he flicked through the endless trail of texts and comments.
"omg! lucas im so sorry that happened! :( i know we don't talk much but im always here if you need me! 3 3"
"Hey dude, that sucks, what happened. Everyone is rooting for you, man. Keep going strong."
"Lucas, I have added an extension to your current assignments. I understand if some homework is not submitted, due to the tragedy that has occurred. I am sorry that a young man your age has had to go through something like this. Claus was a lovely boy, and it will be hard not seeing him in my classroom. I give you my condolences."
Lucas frowned and turned off his phone. He couldn't help but feel a sense of...not anger, but something negative that he couldn't quite describe. The guilt he felt was overwhelming; he knew these people were trying to help him, so why did he feel so ungrateful? Then again, why were these people just now deciding to pay attention to him? And what would happen if he went back to school, not having Claus' arm linked around his own?
He didn't want to return and deal with hundreds of people. He knew that the minute he would step into that building, all eyes would be on him. Everyone would be whispering as he passed them in the hallway. The counselor would be constantly tracking him down, students would be trying to talk to him, the teachers would bump his grade up, thinking he wouldn't notice. He already saw his English grade go from a 75% to an 86%, when he hadn't done anything to deserve it. He just didn't want to deal with that. Lucas didn't want to graduate and feel like he never earned it.
Suddenly, the sound of footsteps alerted him.
He heard a soft knock, and the door to his bedroom creak open ever so slightly. He knew that his mom was standing there.
"Hey, sweetie..." Hinawa murmured, pasting a smile onto her face and leaning against the side of the threshold. Lucas, not wanting to hurt her feelings, looked over his shoulder and gave her a fake grin.
"What's up?" He replied, hiding the obvious pain in his voice. He felt even more guilty for the fact that his mother was up and about and raging her way through this, while he couldn't even find the strength to pull himself out of bed.
"There's, uh...some people downstairs. One of them's a boy around your age...how'd you like to maybe get up and socialize a bit, yeah?" Hinawa encouraged, sitting down on the bed next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. Lucas gave her an unsure look. "This boy's pretty important, Lucas. Come on, hun. Up you go." Hinawa gently guided Lucas into a sitting position, and he managed to stand up.
"Are you sure?" He asked, making sure to avert his eyes away from Claus' bed.
"Absolutely." Hinawa replied, leading him downstairs.
Once making their way down the short staircase, they turned the corner which led to the living area. There stood a woman with short blond hair, a man dressed quite formally, and as Hinawa had said, a young teenager who looked no older than seventeen.
Lucas stopped, and looked him up and down. There seemed to be nothing that special about him, with his unruly jet black hair and his tall yet stocky build. The kid smiled, and waved.
"Hey." He greeted casually. Lucas, with his brow furrowed, only raised his hand, not even bothering to wave.
"Hi." He replied. He mentally flinched, knowing that he just replied to a seemingly nice young boy with the most bitter voice known to man.
"Lucas, um...this is Nesley." Hinawa introduced.
"You can call me Ness. Everyone does." Ness assured, shrugging. Lucas nodded in acknowledgement.
"And this is his mother, Nancy." Hinawa gestured to the pretty blonde woman, who smiled, "And this is his social worker." She motioned towards the formally dressed man.
"Hi." Lucas repeated. "Not to be rude, but, uh...what're you guys doing here? Not that I don't want you here, I'm just...curious."
Hinawa and Ness' mother exchanged glances. Hinawa spoke, "Well, um...Lucas, uh...I don't know how well you'll take this."
"You see, sweetie, my son over here, he was recently diagnosed with a serious heart condition. It was urgent that he had a transplant right away, or he would surely die. But..." Nancy paused, looking down at Ness, "He survived, because he got the transplant he needed."
Lucas' blood ran cold, and his eyes suddenly turned fiery. He glared at the person in front of him. His hand slowly balled into a fist.
"Your brother saved his life, Lucas." Hinawa finished, her face fallen, but hopeful.
The group of people waited, but Lucas said nothing. He simply continued to stare at Ness, his eyes slowly shifting to his chest. After days of not being able to feel anything, Lucas finally felt something that he often tried not to: rage. He'd been upset with people before. He'd held grudges. He had disliked people. But nothing could compare to the overwhelming, burning feel of pure hatred he felt for this boy. He wanted to yell. He wanted to swear, and curse, and throw any insult he could think of. But instead, he turned to more desperate measures.
Ness had a split second to react when he realized that he was being attacked. The second Lucas tried to throw a punch, Ness managed to grab his wrist and keep it there. Hinawa panicked, grabbing Lucas from behind and pulling him back, while Nancy and the social worker did the same with Ness.
"That was his!" Lucas shrieked, "That belonged to him! You killer!"
"Lucas, get a hold of yourself! What do you think this'll solve?!" Hinawa cried, putting all of her strength into holding Lucas back. He continued to try and get to Ness, not giving her an answer. Hinawa's small frame couldn't hold back Lucas' strength for long, and he eventually broke out of her grasp. In one fluid movement he lunged forward, once again raising a fist.
Then, he stopped.
The room went silent, and everyone went into a tableaux of sorts. Lucas stayed there, trying to bring himself to finally strike the person who stole his brother's heart. But each time, he only found himself looking into Ness' eyes. Ness stared back with horror, but also strength. Lucas drew in one shaky breath after the other, and slowly lowered his hand. Hinawa was right. This wouldn't solve anything.
Claus was dead, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Lucas, unable to face the fact that he had attempted to hurt someone, backed up a few steps before making a run for it. Hinawa only followed him for a few steps, but the front door had already been swung open and slammed shut before she could reach it.
She had almost begun to open the door to chase after him, but when she looked out the front window, Lucas had already disappeared in the distance. There was no way she could catch him. Shaking her head, she turned back around too see Ness, still visibly shaken.
"Goodness, I don't know what to say! Lucas is normally such a kindhearted boy, I-I've never seen him show any sort of aggression...Ness, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, especially after your surgery..." Hinawa murmured. Ness shook his head.
"Don't worry about it." He replied, "I get it, he needed to take it out on someone."
"I'm glad you understand. Here, I'm gonna go talk to him, you're welcome to stay here and make yourselves at home." Hinawa grabbed her jacket from the nearby coat hanger.
"Actually, ma'am, um..." Ness stopped her, "Pardon me, but...could I go talk to him?"
Hinawa stared at him, bewildered. She glanced at Nancy, who gently nodded. Hinawa looked back down at Ness, and lowered her jacket. "I suppose...it might take you a while to find him, lord knows where he's gone."
"I think I have a good idea." Ness said, before making his way out the front door.
Lucas heard the crunching of leaves behind him. He narrowed his eyes.
"Go away." He muttered, not even bothering to turn around. He knew who was there.
"You know that it wasn't my fault, Lucas."
The sound of Ness' voice only made Lucas more upset. He gripped at the dried grass below him and locked his jaw.
"I'll hurt you if I have to." Lucas growled.
"No you won't."
"Oh yeah? How do you know?"
"Because that isn't what your brother would have wanted."
Lucas shook his head and violently turned around, "Maybe he isn't around to tell me what he would've wanted!" He cried, feeling hot tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He looked up at Ness. He stood just behind Lucas, his hands in his jean pockets. He didn't seem phased by the sudden outburst. Lucas only scoffed and turned back around, facing what he'd come to see; a gravestone.
Ness had followed Lucas to the cemetery where Claus was buried.
The autumn breeze ruffled Ness' hair. It felt nice against his skin. Despite standing in a place of death, he stood his ground. Ness slowly walked over and gently sat down beside Lucas, who was now collapsed on his elbows, quietly crying to himself. Ness raised a hand to put it on his shoulder, but quickly retreated, guessing that Lucas didn't really want to be touched right now. He sighed.
"Lucas, I'm sorry that he's gone." He murmured.
"Sure you are." Lucas spat, his voice slightly muffled.
"Don't even try that with me, okay? You don't get to decide whether I'm sorry or not!" Ness only raised his voice a little, but quickly returned to his usual volume, "Listen, I know this isn't you. I know that you're better than this. I know you'd never hurt anyone."
Lucas didn't say anything, he only sat up. He stared at the carvings in the gravestone. He stared at his brother's name.
"That was his heart. It was supposed to stay in his chest, understand?" Lucas said.
"Claus saved my life, alright?"
"Don't say that! You don't deserve to say his name!"
"I'll say it all I want, you hear?" Ness sighed, "Lucas, do you know what you see when you look at Claus' driver's license?" Lucas didn't answer. Ness continued, "In the bottom right corner, you see the words 'organ donor'. You know what that means?"
"Mmhmm." Lucas replied.
"In a way, I do know what Claus wanted. And you do too. Claus wanted to save people. You know what happened? His kidney went to a mother of three, so now she doesn't have to say goodbye to her family." Ness explained. "His blood went to someone who lost half of theirs."
Lucas slowly looked over at Ness, who inched his way closer to him.
"There's a little girl out there who can see now, because she was donated working eyes." Ness added, "And you know what else?"
"...What?" Asked Lucas, his voice soft.
"There's a guy who was days away from dying, with a heart condition that would've taken away his future as an athlete, a condition that would have destroyed the life of a single mother and a little sister. But thanks to your brother, that kid was given another chance." Ness murmured, taking his hand,"...His heart went to me, Lucas. Of all the people in the world, your brother saved me. And trust me, every day, I wish it was me under this gravestone instead of him."
Lucas' face turned from sadness to sympathy. He'd never thought about how guilty Ness must've felt.
"But with your brother's passing, he gave life to four other people, and he'll most likely help even more in the future." Ness explained. "This is someone who cannot be remembered through sadness. I'm sure he trusted that you'd carry on for him. Live your life, Lucas." He gently placed a hand over his own chest, "And I'll live his."
He and Lucas shared eye contact for a few seconds. Lucas, once again, was unsure of how to feel. But, he knew deep down that Ness was right. He once again began to cry, before suddenly throwing his arms around Ness and pulling him close, his body shaking with every sob. Ness, although surprised at first, smiled a bittersweet smile and returned the hug. He felt Lucas' fingernails dig into his skin. This boy needed as much affection as he could get, and Ness had plenty more where that came from.
Forty seconds had passed by the time Ness pulled away. He once again looked deep into Lucas' eyes and held out his hand. Lucas, though confused, hesitantly raised his hand and set it gingerly in the palm of the other. Ness, still giving him an assuring look, guided his hand to his chest, and gently pressed it to the center. Lucas' breath caught in his throat.
Underneath his fingers, he felt the steady rhythm. With every beat, he could feel Claus. He remembered Claus' voice, his laugh, his love.
"That's your brother in there." Ness said softly, "I'll take good care of him."
Lucas, for the first time in weeks, smiled a genuine smile. He didn't force this one. It felt amazing. Once again, he hugged Ness, tighter and less reluctant than last time. It felt as if no two people were more meant to fit together like this. He breathed in, taking in the scent of the dried leaves and the smell of Ness' cologne. For the next hour, Lucas gave many apologies for his actions. To each apology, Ness assured him that all was forgiven. For the first time in what felt like ages, Lucas felt like he truly could make it through this.
At 6:37 PM, on Wednesday, March 22nd, Lucas grabbed hold of his brother. By doing this, he'd also truly begun to let him go.