It was raining during his funeral.
He had collided with a drunk driver on his way to get a new carton of milk.
It was all Gilbert's fault, if only he hadn't drunk the entire old one, he would still have his Matthieu.
Rain dripped through his hair and down his face, masking his silent tears as he mourned his loss.
So focused on his deceased lover's casket he did not notice his friends come up beside him until Francis placed a hand on his shoulder.
"We are so sorry he is gone... We will all miss him dearly." He said quietly tightening his grip on Gilbert's shoulder.
"Don't cry Gilberto, Mattie would not like it." Antonio said patting his back comfortingly, wide green eyes sympathetic.
Gilbert wiped away the tears staining his wet face to no avail because they came back as quickly as he had wiped them away. "What else am I supposed to do? He's...gone." He coughed, choking back a sob that threatened to send him to his knees sending him falling into the grave with his beloved. "I can't believe he's gone."
Francis and Antonio gave him a hard hug trying to ease some of Gilbert's pain but it just made him cry harder gripping onto his friends for support from his heavy heart and weak knees.
Gilbert washed his face in the sink staring at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like he had aged quite a bit from the bags under his eyes and his wrinkled brow. He sighed walking out of the room deciding to go to bed even though it was early.
He crawled under his comforter looking over at the empty spot where Matthieu would have been laying if it wasn't for... Gilbert looked up at the picture of Matthieu he kept on his night stand of his late lover pulling it off the stand and pulling it to his chest. "Mattie..." he whispered holding the frame tightly.
Gilbert drifted off into a dream where he saw the crash playing out in his head. Over and over and over, it haunted him; playing like a broken record.
But the dream faded into memories of him and Matthieu playing in the sand on the beach just a week prior to the accident.
"Come on, Gil!" he called with a wave of his arm as he ran towards the surf, Gilbert chasing after him playfully. Gilbert laughed tackling Matthieu once they reached waste deep water and when they surfaced they shared a salty love filled kiss that had sent Gilbert's heart reeling. He would never be able to feel those soft lips anymore...
Gilbert woke with a gasp tears streaming down his face again as he sat up wiping them away. He rubbed his bleary eyes scanning the room looking for his clock.
"3:00 am..." Gilbert sighed leaning back against his headboard eyes searching for Matthieu's picture though it was nowhere to be found. Panicking he switched on his light tossing back the sheets in search for his Matthieu. He checked under the bed, under his pillows, on the floor but came up with nothing he slowly sank back down on the bed.
He had the real thing taken from him...Couldn't he have at least had the mercy to be able to have a fake version?
"Looking for this?" asked a timid voice from behind him. Gilbert recognized the voice but ignored it thinking it was his own imagination... It couldn't be... Could it?
He slowly turned eyes growing wide as he found he had been right... Matthieu.
"Mattie...?" Gilbert stood staring amazed at what was before him. "Is this a-... Are you...?"
"No Gilbert." He said stepping closer picture frame in hand. "I'm not alive anymore... I haven't been accepted yet so I get to wander for a few days. I missed you, Gil." Matthieu felt tears springing to his eyes as he came face to face with the man he had loved when he was alive.
"It's you..." Gilbert said softly reaching out and touching Matthieu's face lightly feeling his skin but it was different. Cold and lifeless. Like his eyes. "It's really you!" Gilbert grabbed hold of Matthieu pulling him into a tight hug heaving a sob into his shoulder. "Mattie! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry... If I hadn't...You would have never... Mattie..." he cried.
"Shh..." Matthieu crooned hugging Gilbert back. "Don't cry. It's not your fault. It was that drunk man's negligence that had killed me. Please don't blame yourself."
"But it is my fault! I should have never let you go... It could have waited until some other time."
"It's okay." Matthieu said. "I'm fine with being dead. I didn't want to be but I've accepted it. And you should too. Someday...we'll meet each other again and we can live together."
"Why can't I just follow you now?" Gilbert asked pulling him tighter against his chest.
"You can't!" Matthieu cried pulling away looking Gilbert in his eyes. "If you kill yourself you'll never make it where I'm meant to be! You'll be stuck in limbo for the rest of your life! We'll never be able to see each other again. Gilbert, you must promise me that you'll never EVER do that to yourself... To me."
Gilbert nodded. "I promise... I just miss you so much Mattie. I never expected this to happen. I never got to say goodbye."
Matthieu smiled at him adoringly." Well, you'll have your chance now."
"Do I have to?"
"No, not yet... I still have time. A few days a max, I'll tell you when it's my time."
"I don't want to let you go again..." Gilbert said quietly. "It's was hard enough the first time."
"I'm not going anywhere right now. Let's go back to bed and I'll see you tomorrow and the next day. Till I have to go. I love you, Gil."
"I love you too, Birdie." He said softly smiling for the first time today.
"Let's go back to bed. I'll see you in the morning." Matthieu reassured him leading him back to the bed laying down on his side and Gilbert felt as if everything was right again. He had Matthieu to comfort him as he slept, as he snuggled under the covers, Gilbert joined him pulling Matthieu into his chest not wanting to ever let go again.
"Are you sure you'll be here in the morning?" Gilbert asked.
Matthieu sighed. "No, I'm not. But if I'm not then I'll be back tonight. I promise."
Gilbert held onto Matthieu tighter trying to prolong the time they had together but sleep was slowly pulling at him.
"Good night, Gil." Matthieu sighed pressing his lips lightly to Gilbert's chest.
"Night, Mattie."
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So I'm posting this ask kind of a beginning of the end type of deal.
I hope you guys have enjoyed the first chapter.
Review me?