Chapter 1 : Tokyo Lights

There he was, standing for red traffic light in the middle of the biggest crowd of people he's ever seen in his entire life, right in the middle of Shibuya crossing on Monday night. Haru can feel a light tremor running through his body, and since it's the beginning of April, the warm spring night couldn't be the cause. Gingerly, he lifted his gaze up and looked around.

For Haru, Tokyo always feels too much. Everywhere his eyes landed, it's tall glass buildings, lights after bright lights after even brighter lights. His eyes hurt and he closes them, trying to calm his heart that's pounding hard in his chest. The sounds, he can hear all of them at once. People talking on the phone, chatting animatedly to each other, and the blaring ads. He can hear different tunes of catchy pop songs assaulted his senses from every direction, blending chaotically with honking cars and random laughters.

The dizziness came without warning, and his head swam. With short breath now, he squeezed his eyes shut even harder, but the lights' still there, burning through his eyelids. Haru took his mind back to Iwatobi with its gentle waves, tranquil nights and quiet mornings, and the streets with dim lights that just feels warm and right. He remembers the cool breeze and poplar trees in spring, and the cheerful, familiar ring of bicycle bells.

He took a deep breath again to calm his nerves and opens his eyes, but his vision's swimming. And right that moment, the green light is on, and the crowd move forward in unison to every direction. By reflex, his feet took him forward, blindly following a pair of feet in black leather boots in front of him. His feet feels heavy and so does his breath, and all he can hear now is the violent drumming of his heartbeat. When he looks up to see where he is going and where he should be going, everything went hazy, and Haru stopped dead on his track. He just realized on that moment, he can't remember and can't recognize where he should go. The streets and building looks alien, and when he forced himself to find the answer in his mind that he knows is there, he came up with nothing, only blank.

He looks around, only finding more and more people passing by in all direction. He tried so hard to tell his body to calm down and think, to do something, but all he can feel is his overwhelming panic, all he can hear is footsteps after footsteps, and all he can think about is 'this is not real... this doesn't feel real.'

The crowd is thinning out, and the only thing Haru can do now is to haul himself onto the closest sidewalk he could see. He's there again, in the middle of another moving crowd and chatter. Sitting himself on the closest bench he could find, Haru stared at the ground and noticed his hands trembling on top of his lap. He's sweating profusely, nauseous and hyperventilates.

'what happened to me?' he thought again and again, finding no answer whatsoever, the only thing he knows is he's lost not because he doesn't know the way home, but because his mind and body is not processing in the right way.

'What should I do now?', he looked around watching people walk by, considering to ask the direction to his place in Udagawa. But the sight of people walking fast is blurry to him, and as much as he hates to admit it, he never ask for direction to anyone before in his life. All this time, even when they're lost back in Iwatobi when they were kids, it has been Makoto's job to approach people, put on a smile and ask where they both should go.

Makoto.

By reflex, he searched for his phone inside his shoulder bag, and dialled Makoto's number. The dial tone rings, and even since the first ring, Haru had started to get angry at himself.

Makoto picked up on the third ring.

"Haru?"

Makoto sounds worried. Haru couldn't answer, his mind is too busy scolding himself inside.

"Haru, what's wrong?"

Of course he knows something is wrong.

"Makoto.", it's all he could mutter with his labored breath, his heart still hammering in his chest, he can feel it in his skull.

"It's sounds noisy over there. Where are you?", Makoto sounds panic now. Haru took another deep breath, pushing himself to speak.

"Shibuya.. crossing."

He can hear sound of rustling and thumping here and there, and a faint jingle of keys.

"I'm coming now. Stay where you are, ok?", he sounds like he's running already, and he hung up.

Haru sighed. Coming? It is 9.30 pm and it took more than 35 minutes from Makoto's dorm to Shibuya, Haru knows this. He wants to call makoto back to say he doesn't have to come, that he will manage this himself, but Haru knows whatever he says, Makoto will still come anyway.

'Then why you called him in the first place?'

The same voice who scold himself earlier inside his head asks, and Haru can feel his chest tightens. His mind took him back to their chilhood mornings, just before school, under those steps on his bike, waiting for Makoto to come out of the door of his house and flash him his usual warm smile. Even back then, the voice taunts him too.

He needs Makoto, he knows this. He thought as they grown up, the bitterness and resentment he felt at times like this will disappear, but it's still there, rooting and growing inside of him like a parasite. He doesn't know who it's directed to; to himself? To Makoto? Or maybe both of them.

Trying again to find some escape from the lights, he looked up to the night sky.

'Ah, that's right,', he thought.

'I can't see the stars from here.'

"Haru!"

Makoto arrived 20 minutes later, faster than he should be. He's running, his backpack bouncing on his back, brown hair clearly visible inside the crowd.

He went straight to Haru, eyes wide, catching his labored breathing. He looks anxious in some way. Haru stay silent and watch him sit down beside him on the bench, shoulders hunched by fatigue.

"Sorry I took so long, I didn't know exactly where you are."

Ah... he didn't told Makoto where his waiting location was.

"Sorry.", He mutters.

"No, I should've asked. That's silly of me.", Makoto laughed, still panting. A second later, his gaze fell on Haru's trembling hands and his smile gone in an instant.

"Haru?"

Haru avert his eyes to the ground. He didn't know how to explain all those things he was feeling to Makoto. He didn't understand what he's experiencing himself, so how can he even explain? Haru settled with short answer instead.

"I got lost."

Wihtout even looking, Haru can feel Makoto's worried gaze on him, and can almost hear the wheel turning inside his head. He does this a lot, trying to figure him out.

"Are you okay now? Should we sit here longer, or should we go?"

He asked him with a concern smile, and Haru knows what Makoto meant with 'should we go' is for him to walk Haru back to his apartment, away from the crowd.

He's still as meddlesome as always.

"I know the way back."

'Then why did you call him in the first place?', the voice taunts him again.

"I know.", Makoto smiles. "It's just shock and panic, Haru."

Of course he figured it out.

Makoto filled the next fifteen minutes with his usual chit chat, in an attempt to bring Haru to relax. He told Haru he likes his campus and the change of atmosphere, that it's refreshing. He told him about his dorm mates, a bunch of names and where they're from, which Makoto manages to memorize in such a short time. Haru thinks Makoto is always like this. He can blend in well enough wherever he is, and embracing change with so much ease.

"It's just orientation today too for you isn't it? So, how was it Haru? You like your college?"

A bunch of things running through Haru's mind. 'It's feels weird' was the first in line. Everything is new. It's a different kind of new from Australia, because back then, Rin was with him and it gives him a sense of security he doesn't feel when he's alone. The classrooms, library, cafeteria, everything is new and alien. Strangers talked to him and ask him questions sometimes all at once, everyone is so eager to know each other on their first day. Outside though, is a different story. His campus has a big grassfield near the entrance, as big as his eyes can see. Near the administrative building away from the main college building, there are sakura trees everywhere, and it's in full bloom right now. Haru loves it there.

"It's okay.", he sums it up for Makoto. Makoto smiles, taking his answer as a good sign.

"You went swimming yet?", he asked again.

"Yeah." As soon as he saw the big pool, he swam right away. That's what got him into this mess in the first place, walking home so late. He always forgot about time when he's swimming.

Makoto told him what he had for lunch in the cafeteria, and when he asked Haru about it, he just shrugged.

"... they dont have mackerel there, so i settle with tuna."

Makoto laughed. "You have so much in your fridge already. You can eat it whenever you want."

They got up then, walk together and blending in the stream of people, chatting quietly. On that moment, everything feels the same as before. The same walk they have together for years back in Iwatobi, but with different place, different light, different sky.

Eventually they arrive at the crossing and Makoto looks around, then back at haru. Haru can feel his heart beats faster again, the tremble's coming back, and he can feel makoto staring at him with worry without even looking. He stared at the ground again.

"Haru." Makoto called out to him, puling him back from his daze. "It's okay."

"I know where i'm going now. I was just—"

Haru tried one more time, unfinished words hanging in the air.

Makoto smiles again. "I know."

And when the light flash green, "Come on.", He hold Haru's hand gently and pulled him forward, leading him to the right direction anyway.

Notes:

Can't believe I haven't been writing for 6 full years!
I hope you guys enjoy it, and sorry for the short chapter. It's only a warm up, the next one will be definitely longer.
Thanks for reading, and comments will be really appreciated!