The Trouble With Dating a Reader

As said by Malcolm Reynolds regarding the difficulty of planetside dating with his little reader. MalRiver

So this came to me last night, hope ya like. Let me know what you think if you could. First Firefly and first Malcolm Reynolds perspective, his accent is a pain.

I don't own the content, property of Joss, I just play around with it.

Goin' out on a date with this woman is an everyday battle; hell it's a damn war. I'm a man like any other and just cuz I got this beautiful young reader wit me, don't mean every other woman in the verse turned invisible. It ain't ever somethin' I really had to worry about bfore' an no matter how hard I try, I can't stop it.

Women don't get that when a man walks out the front door, he has absolutely zero intention of hurtin' her. Every once in a while, ya take a girl out for dinner or somethin, like a date or whatever and they catch you glancing at another woman. The mental scoldin' ya get in return from your woman is just the first repercussion of yer unavoidable glance from hell. It ain't intentional, and it ain't my fault. Not a man in this verse could have walked by that woman and not looked, just the way it is. So, when you're in love with a reader, taking her out to dinner is damn near like the end of Earth-That-Was.

I know she don't try to read my thoughts, but she always is, can't help it. Sometimes it ain't the worst thing in the verse, but if I could get her to shut it off for date night, I'd be able to get through one of 'em without cryin' afterward.

At first it was something I just consciously tried to ignore, I couldn't help it, neither could she. She tried to lead on that it don't bother her, and I tried to lead on that it weren't really happenin'. Seems slowly after that I began noticin' that every time we walk by a pretty girl, not only'd I glance, but her eyebrows would scrunch. She'd get that angry look in 'er eyes an' then quick as it come, it was gone. I knew it was happenin', an she knew I knew, but she just kept scrunchin' them brows. I tried for a long time ta quit, tried to control where I'd keep my eyes, more often than not I'd just keep trippin' over my own damn feet after while. After that, I started torturing myself every time I done it, scratchin' an givin m'self mental beatings to get me ta stop. Sometimes I just cuss m'self out. Never in the verse would I wanna hurt 'er. She'd scrunch, I'd scratch. When it became a serious issue I'd notice that each time Jayne or I'd be with 'er on a job and get hit with that evil glance of lust, she'd look over at me wit da death glare. Ya'all know the face I'm talkin' bout.

One time, we was walkin' by a group of women standin' outside a brothel, an after I noticed 'em, I noticed River just twitchin' there back'n forth like she was on pause. Like them ol' videos that when ya stop em', ya see two different pictures kinda back'n forth. Well, River was doin that with her normal face, and then she'd scrunch, normal face, scrunch, normal, scrunch… Just standin' in the same damn spot. I nearly lost it laughin' 'fore I realized that'd a made it worse. She came' round when I started nibblin' behind 'er ear, but she walked straight back ta the ship.

After that, she decided she don't wanna go out no more, 't first I was grateful, hell I'd been wishin' it fer a long while, but I knew it weren't really what she wanted. I tried to talk to her about it, but she just act like it ain't never happened, just ignorin' it ta death.

I love that little woman, but sometimes I just wish I had a big ol' helmet I could put on that'd protect my brain and my thoughts. Hell, I'd wear it on date night. She's still a young woman, an a lot of this stuff's new to her, I just wish she'd git it in her head that just cuz I look don't mean I really think 'bout 'er. That little reader is the most important thing in verse ta me, and I aim to fix this 'fore this stupid evolutionary evil lust glancin' ruins it for 'er.

So she gives me one more date night planetside, or else she says we just gonna stay on the ship and spend more time in bed. Now I ain't against that as a rule, but I know it's more'n just that. I needed to do somethin' epic, so when we walked outside the ship that night I was completely blindfolded. I'd figured out exactly how ta get ta where we needed, but she found some comfort in leadin' the way I could tell. When she finally picked up on what we was doin', she let go a me an ran ahead, forgettin' about the blind man she left. When I tripped 'n lost all my footin' she somehow caught me in perfect time.

As we stepped into the little cage and locked in, she'd already started liftin' us in air, heat radatin' aroun me from the balloon above, I figured I could take off the blindfold now cuz the only woman I'd be able to see around me was the only one I'd ever really see. When I looked up and saw the smile on her face and those big brown eyes, she nearly knocked me over the edge.

I'll tell ya, makin love in a hot air balloon was somethin else, ain't another woman like her. She tol' me after how she knew after this it wouldn't be a problem anymore. That the evil lust glance wouldn't bother 'er again, knew for sure it'd always be 'er I'm lookin' at. I coulda told her that way back at the beginnin' and saved all the trouble. I believe 'er, she don't lie to me, but there will be other things. This battle was over, but with this reader thing, I'm certain the war ain't done.