He found it! He finally found it! He can save Dean now. His brother didn't have to go to Hell now. Of course Sam was going to be doing something as good as switching places with him, but that didn't matter as long as Dean was saved.
"Oh, God," He prayed, hands clasped in front of his bowed head as he kneeled on the grimy floor of the motel bathroom. He didn't want Dean to catch him praying. "Thank you. Thank you." Dean had done so much good in his life, this would work.
This would be the hardest thing he had ever done and it might very well kill him too, but he had to save Dean from Hell. There was no other option. He couldn't find any other way. He only hoped Dean forgave him, even if he didn't deserve it.
He didn't realize he was crying until he saw his tears dripping onto the floor. He wiped them away, worried that when he came out of the bathroom Dean would notice. He had to pull himself together. He had to find that coldness he had when the Trickster left Dean dead for six months, and cold he had been. He hated that he was willing trying to wear that mask.
"Sam!" Dean's voice called from the other side of the door. "Stop hogging the bathroom, b*tch!"
Sam took a shaky breath and hoped his voice didn't shake when he replied. "Whatever, jerk!" He used the sink to help him back his feet and then opened the door and slipped past his brother standing on the other side. Dean shut the bathroom door behind him and yelled,
"Your turn to get food! Don't forget the pie!"
Sam smiled sadly and tried to hold back more tears. "'Course, how could I forget?" He rolled his eyes. Pie is the least he could do for his brother tonight. Tonight when he was going to do the most terrible thing he's ever done.
He grabbed his jacket and the keys to the Impala and headed to the only diner in town. The lady working the counter looked at him with concern but didn't say anything as he ordered and stood to wait. He was glad. He didn't think he could handle talking to anyone at the moment.
He sat in the Impala in front of the diner with the keys in the ignition and took the top off of Dean's drink with shaky fingers. God, give him strength. The irony of him praying to God while doing what he was about to do was not lost on him.
He pulled a small white packet from his pocket and emptied its contents into Dean's coke. It was tasteless, Sam knew, and Dean wouldn't even have to drink the whole thing for it to take affect. He used the straw to stir it in and put the lid back on. Then he leaned his head against the steering wheel and choked back sobs. This would work. This had to work. God help him it had to.
Where the h*ll was Sam? How long did it take to get freaking pie? He flipped listlessly through the channels on the crappy motel tv and sighed. Sam had been so moody lately, or more moody than usual, it was Sam after all. Sam was always a little emo, that was just how his baby bro worked. It was just lately he was spacy and Dean kept catching him staring at him all intense like and it kinda gave him the creeps. What was going on in Sam's head, he was beginning to worry.
Of course, that's when his little bro gets back and Dean can't help but want to frown at the obviously fake smile on his face. He doesn't, but he wants to. Never let it be said he doesn't know how to show restraint.
"Dude, what took you so long?" He asks, his tone speaking of annoyance with an undertone of worry.
"There was some kinda wreck on the main road, had to find an alternate route back." He says and Dean thinks it sounds almost rehearsed. What is Sam hiding? What does his brother have to lie about?
"Yeah, whatever, you got the pie?" He won't push it, not now.
"'Course." Sam scoffs, like he's affronted Dean thought he would forget.
Sam sets the food on the rickety table in the room and they eat in silence. Sam picking disinterestedly at his rabbit food while Dean watches him. He's really worried now, Sam doesn't eat when he's upset and he's so clearly upset. His eyes keep flicking up to meet Dean's before flicking back down. The pie is good, but it tastes kind of bland with the way Sam looks. Dean can't really enjoy it with his little brother sitting across from him still picking at food he clearly won't eat and looking like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.
"I can't stop it." Sam whispers when Dean's done eating. His little brother is still just poking his food with his fork, but there are tears in his eyes. Dean's kinda beyond worried now.
"Is this about…" He almost says 'my deal' but can't. He's really tired, he doesn't know if he wants to deal with this now, he's kind of scared too. He doesn't want to think about dying, about leaving Sam behind and going to H*ll.
"I can't, Dean." Sam says and looks at him with those heartbreaking eyes of his. "But I found a loophole. I can save you, Dean."
"Sam…" He trails off as his head spins, braces a hand on the table to try and stop the world spinning. He's scared, and confused, and really really tired.
"It's okay Dean." Sam says and Dean wonders how Sam got over here so fast. Sam tugs him to his feet and drags him over to one of the beds.
"It's all going to be okay." Sam says as he lays Dean down. His limbs feel kind of disconnected from his body, like jelly. It's kind of unpleasant. He thinks maybe he should be worried.
"I'm so sorry." He can see Sam's face above him, can see Sam's crying, but he can't really feel any of his brother's tears drip onto his face. "If you die before the deal's up they can't collect your soul."
It hits Dean then, what's happening. Sam poisoned him. Sam poisoned him. Oh, God. His little brother's killed him. Horror rolls in his gut along with nausea.
"It's okay, you're not going to go to Hell. You're going to go to Heaven." Sam says with his hand on Dean's face and Dean tries to fight against the heaviness of his eyelids. He's dying.
"Don't fight it Dean, just let go and say hi to mom and dad for me, huh?" Sam's voice breaks about halfway through and he sobs.
"I love you, De." It's the last thing Dean hears before his eyes fall closed and darkness wraps around him.
A/N For any who may have read this before, I have done some minor revisions and am somewhat more happy with it. I still am iffy on how to continue this, but anyway I hope it brings people some enjoyment or angst considering it's kinda a death!fic.