A/N: I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this, but I got called off of work for my first shift, so I thought, what the hell? OK. this is a another A/U. (It's NOT the sequel to IWAS, still working on that.) This sprang in my head from reading too many Jennifer Crusie books, and wondering how to make Chloe's super hacking believable if you can wrap your head around that. LOL. Also, just so you're prepared, Clark is a bit more cynical than on SV, in the fic. I tried not to make him or Lois too OOC, though.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Also I didn't come up with rules, I just borrowed them. They are not my invention. I wish I was that clever.
Pairing: Lois/Clark, and maybe some others I haven't decided, yet. But mostly Clois
Rating: T/NC-17- eventually, those chapter will be put in the appropriate thread.
Chapter One
Welcome to Smallville
Lois Lane didn't like Smallville, Kansas even before Ben Hubbard crashed into her '04 Subaru, gave her cousin whip lash, almost tossed her little sister out of the front passenger side window and confirmed all her preconceived suspicions about people in small towns that drove blue pick up trucks.
Forty-five minutes earlier, Lois's sister Lucy had been happily speeding down route 31, her dirty blonde highlighted hair rustling in the wind as she sang Slow an' Easy along with Whitesnake, at the top of her lungs. The irony wasn't lost on Lois as she gazed out of the window at the tall stalks of corn that lined the road whipping past. She tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, courtesy, she was sure, from the sixth sense that had kept generations of Sullivan's out of jail- well for the most part, anyway.
"Slow down, Mario there isn't any rush," she said eyeing the speedometer, warily.
"Like you're one to talk," Lucy muttered, purposely accelerating. "And actually if you remember correctly, there is a rush. We do have a dead line."
"Poor choice of words, Luce!" Lois groaned, almost pulling down the sun visor to grab one of her 'emergency cigarettes.' She was trying to quit. She really was. And she'd been doing pretty good until about a month ago when Lucy showed up at her door step, being escorted by two huge thugs. Out of all the things she could have inherited, Lucy had to get the general's gambling gene.
"Would you relax? Everything is going to be fine. We're already half way in."
"Setting up a cover is the easy part, especially when we've got Chloe." Lois nodded to the back seat where their cousin was sleeping, peacefully. Lois envied her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good night sleep.
"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Lois asked.
"I just do what Sacagawea tells me too," the younger Lane answered, glancing at the small GPS mounted on the dashboard.
"Just remember when we get there-"
"I know I know. We're here for a film class shooting a documentary. What last names did Chloe use this time?"
"We're Leitz and she's Seaver. First names stay the same."
"What about-"
"It's all taken care of, Luce. Chloe's knows what she's doing. One day I hope she uses that brain of hers for good instead of evil.
"This isn't evil-"
"Stealing is stealing- even if you are stealing from a thief," Lois sighed.
She hated this. She always had on some level. Even when she was a kid and her mother told her they were playing a game. Admittedly, it had been fun- at first, memorizing different names and background stories, meeting new people, going from town to town- every couple of months was a new and exciting adventure.
But as Lois grew older, it became less and less entertaining; they were always on the go. Always running from something or to something, Lois could never tell. The only time her mother ever really tried to stay rooted somewhere was when she married The General and even he hadn't been able to hold on to her-
"Look! We're here!" Lucy exclaimed excitedly. Lois jolted out her thoughts and looked up just in time to see an enormous brightly colored billboard that read, in big sweeping letters,
Welcome to Smallville, Kansas
Pop. 45,001
The Meteor Capital of the World!
"Oh, joy," Lois, said dryly, wondering if she had any Tums in her purse. They passed a few wheat fields; at least it wasn't more corn, she thought wryly, before they arrived in town.
"I guess this must be Main Street," Lucy excitedly chatted away next to her sister. "Wake up Chloe, she'll wanna see this!"
"No need. You're squealing got me up," Chloe replied groggily, stretching her arms above her head, arching her back. "Wow. This is like Mayberry meets the twenty-first century," the blonde commented looking out the window.
"Oh, look! They're having a town meeting in a few minutes," Lucy pointed to building that was either an actual movie theatre or had been one at one time. The town meeting announcement was spelled out in black block letters. Sheriff Clark Kent was presiding. "How cute," Lois said, imagining some poor over the hill sheriff having to mediate a bunch of whiney townspeople.
Lucy made a sudden U-turn. "What are you doing?" Lois yelled as she clutched door to steady herself. "We have to go back, I need to shoot the sign and the street and the Talon- all of it. This will be our opening credits."
Lois stared at her sister like she had five heads, "Lucy, you do know we're not actually shooting a documentary, right? That's just a cover."
"Duh. But we have to make it believable, don't we? Rule number three-"
"I know what rule number three is, Luce."
"Good, now switch places with me."
"You can't shoot in public without a permit, it's illegal. And I'd rather we do as little illegal activity as possible while we're here!" Lois groaned.
"Who's going to know?" Lucy replied opening the door and sounding way too much like their mother. Lois crawled over the stick shift and situated herself in the drivers seat as Lucy slammed the passenger door. "Chloe will you hand me that black bag-"
"Already one step ahead of you," the blonde replied placing the video camera in her younger cousin's hands. "All charged and ready to go."
"Thanks. OK, sis you keep and eye on the rear view mirror and I'll keep watch this way." Lucy propped her self up on the seat and hung half way out of the window.
Lois already knew this wasn't going to end well, but there was no reasoning with her sister, common sense and street smarts were two things that had evaded the younger Lane.
"OK, slow down, go like five miles an hour- that's good! This is a great shot. It's a shame we aren't really shooting a documentary."
Lois drove back to where the giant meteorite welcome sign was and kept an eye on the rearview mirror as they passed through, what had been a deserted, four-way intersection, only a few minutes prior. All they needed was to be rear ended by some illiterate small town hi-
BAM!
Lois slammed on the brakes as, when she felt the impact of the blue pick up truck, as it smashed head on in to her front, left fender; biting down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. Out of the corner or her eye she saw Lucy jolt forward ramming her shoulder into the windowsill sharply, dislodging the video camera from her grip. From behind her, Chloe yelped in pain as the seat belt cut into her stomach and shoulder blades- causing her neck to violently spasm. The sound of crunching metal and squealing brakes ripped through Lois's head-
Then it was over. They were sitting still on the wrong side of a dusty street, while Whitesnake sang Fool for your Loving over the speakers.
Lois took a deep breath and swallowed her panic, before letting out a cathartic string of curses under her breath; so explicit they would have made a sailor blush. This was not good. Not good at all. She licked her bleeding lip, unclenched her hands from the steering wheel, and started to assess the situation.
Automatically, she took in their surroundings and came to the conclusion that this wasn't a very busy street. There were no cars coming, either way. They were still a few minutes away from town, so there was a good chance no one had heard the collision. There wasn't a traffic light, so the possibility of being caught on security cameras was minimal. Things were starting to look up.
"Is everyone OK?"
Chloe moaned from the backseat, rubbing her neck soothingly. "I think I got whip lash," she answered, "but other than that, I'm all right."
"Dammit!" the upper half of Lucy's body was hanging out of the passenger seat window looking down at the smashed video camera.
"Lucy?" Lois questioned, nervously.
"I'm fine. Pissed as off as hell at the asshat that hit us, but fine. I'm not sure about our video camera, though," She opened the door to grab the piece of equipment. "Hey, I think its OK, actually." Lucy said examining the small device.
Lois was in the middle of an eye roll when her gaze caught the sight of the asshat in question. He was a husky, silver-haired, fifty-something Pillar of Community. He slammed the door to his pick up truck and stalked around the front the their car. Just from looking at the way he stood, Lois could tell he was the holier-than-thou type. He stared at her, unwavering with an expression thick with self-righteousness.
"Oh, I hate these kinds of people," Chloe muttered, "He's going to try to make it our fault!"
"It was our fault," Lucy said, quietly
"What?" Lois whirled around and gave her sister a stern look.
"You ran a stop sign. Don't look at me like that, if I'd told you, you would have stopped and the shot would have been ruined!"
It took all of Lois's self control not to strangle her younger sibling. "Lucy! For the last time we are not shooting a documentary!" Lois said slowly, with controlled rage.
"I know. It was just such a pretty shot-"
"Lo," Chloe's voice interjected, laced with alarm, "what are we going to do about the insurance? We can't give him our information-"
"I know. I know. Just let me handle this." Lois looked pointedly at her little sister as she grabbed her purse and pulled out her insurance card, "stay here and keep quiet."
The Pillar glowered at her as she strolled toward him, her balance slightly off. "That was very reckless driving, young lady. I hope you have insurance!" He drew himself up to his full plaid wearing, lock jawed height, which since Lois met him eye-to-eye was about five eight.
"Do you know how fast you were going? Do you know how dangerous speeding is? We're only a few miles away from the elementary school!" When he jabbed his pointed finger in her face, Lois noticed how violently his hands were trembling. But before she could say anything Lucy stuck her head out the window.
"What the hell do you mean, speeding? We were going maybe five miles an hour- maybe. This is your fault, grandpa!" Sometimes Lois wished she and her sister weren't so much alike.
"Shut up, Lucy," Lois snapped, "here." She plucked The Pillar's insurance card from his other hand and gave it to her sister, "copy down this information- silently!"
"I am so sorry, sir." She said to the Pillar, smiling her gotta-love-me-give-me-what-I-want smile. Mr. holier-than-thou stopped glaring at Lucy and turned his attention back to Lois. "Yes, well-"
Lucy opened her mouth to protest, but shut up when Lois held up one finger behind her back- One: Make the mark smile.
"You know one day my sister's brain will catch up with her mouth," Lois began, her voice like honey. "Until then, all I can do is apologize for her." To show her sincerity, she deepened her smile. The Pillar's lips twitched upward, a little. "Well, I don't know-"
Lois put up two fingers behind her back. Two: Get the mark to agree with you.
"We're from the city, you see. So we don't really know these country roads too well. You know how confusing it can be, trying to find your way in a new place." She explained.
"Yes, I suppose. But that still doesn't excuse-"
Three: Make the mark feel superior.
"I bet you never get lost, huh." Lois made her eyes go wide with admiration, "I'm sure you always know where you're going." She grinned up at him. The Pillar unfolded his arms and shifted his body weight to one side. He was finally relaxing- letting down his guard. "Well, of course I do, but that doesn't mean-"
"And now look what we've done!" Lois continued, her voice heavy with apology. "I bet we've made you late for the town meeting, haven't we?" It wasn't too big of a stretch he looked like he was probably the Reverend Shaw Moore of Smallville.
Four: Give the mark something
"So we'd better let you go on your way. Standing out here in this humidity isn't going to do you any good. Here's a copy of my insurance." She gave him her real insurance card. He took it and placed it in his breast pocket. This guy really was going to make this too easy, wasn't he?
The Pillar smiled back at her, this time. He looked a little confused, but still at ease.
"Yeah, you're right it'll probably take Clark a while to get out here, anyway."
Great. Lois thought, he knows the sheriff on a first name basis, just beautiful!
But Lois didn't let her smile falter. Five: Get what you want and get out.
"So, you have our information and we have yours," Lois said, casually as she snatched his card out of Lucy's hands and held it out to him. The Pillar took it. "Yes, well then I should go-"
"Of course, I understand- Oh!" Lois collapsed into him. "I'm so sorry!" She grabbed onto his biceps for support. "I must still be a little shaken up from the accident."
"That's quite all right," the older man said holding her shoulders to help her balance. "Where are you headed, anyway?"
Lois licked her still bleeding lip. "Oh, uh- we're staying at a guest house on a farm."
"Renting from Martha?"
"Yes, I think that's her name." The gleam in his eyes caused an alarm to go off inside Lois's head. This guy was up to something. "Well, I have to be going, now." He said a bit too hastily, "you ladies drive safe, ya here!" He gave Lois one last stern look before getting back inside his truck and speeding away.
Lois, followed suit and climbed back into her car, as well. "You know, that gets less and less fun every time."
Lucy snorted. "Maybe for you, but I happen to embrace my talents."
"The whole reason we're in this mess is because you embraced your so-called talents!" Lois snapped.
Glancing the review mirror the elder Lane saw her cousin's outraged expression in the reflection. "I can't believe you gave him your-" before Chloe could finish Lois whipped out her card. "He stuck it in his breast pocket, Chlo. It was like taking candy from a sleeping baby. What was his name, anyway?" Lois asked, out of curiosity.
"Benjamin," Lucy answered, "Benjamin Hubbard."
********
Several miles up the road, Clark Kent was trying very hard not to activate the sprinklers inside The Talon with his heat vision. It was cruel and unusual punishment having to mediate these "rowdy' town meetings, if they could even be called 'meetings.'
Really it was just an excuse for the Smallville self-appointed 'leaders' to get together and whine. No one ever came to these things, which is why they were conducted in a coffee shop.
"I'm just saying that if we painted the water tower we would get more tourists," Frank Winston said, for the millionth time.
"That's why we put 'meteor capital of the world' on the welcome sign, Frank! If that doesn't get people here, why would a water tower?" Argued, Sid Smith.
"What if we start getting hoods?' Peggy Houston interrupted, "They'll corrupt our schools systems with drugs and crime and-"
"Peg, This is Smallville not Pleasantville." Carol Stemson, or The light in the darkness, as Clark liked to refer to her in these situations, rolled her eyes.
"Clark? What do you think?"
Why did they always ask him what he thought? He didn't care. But he couldn't say that, there'd be a riot. He loved Smallville. He really did, it was a great place to grow up. In fact, that was the only reason he was still living here. The crime and drug rates had been at an all time low, since he became Sheriff, imagine that! The occasional petty theft and Marijuana use was common, but nothing heinous. Which is why Clark was surprised to see his neighbor Ben burst through the front door, looking disheveled and shaking like a leaf.
"Ben what the hell happened to you?" Frank asked, pulling out a chair for his old friend.
The older man plopped into his seat and Clark brought him a tall glass of water.
"Thanks," Ben took a long gulp from the glass. "I was just in a fender bender, that's all."
"With who?"
"These three girls. You should know, Sheriff they're renting from your mother," he said, accusingly.
"What?" His mom hadn't said a single word to him about it.
"There's something not right about 'em," Ben continued "especially that tall brunette. They're up to something. I can feel it."
Peggy looked horrified "See Carol! I told you. I told you all! I bet they're prostitutes!" She shrieked, turning up her button nose in disgust.
"I highly doubt Martha would let street walkers into her home!" Carol replied indignantly, but then added hesitantly, "right, Cla-er Sheriff Kent?"
"You better look into it, Clark," Ben interjected.
"Look into what? Did they not have any insurance, or something?" Clark asked.
"Well, yes but I have a bad feeling about them!"
"Sorry, Ben. I can't arrest someone because of a 'feeling.'"
"I don't want you to arrest them! Just keep an eye one them, is all."
It wasn't a bad idea and he was sure they were probably just couple of college kids from the city. That's usually who his mother rented to. And he had to go to the farm anyway-
"All right, Ben. If it'll make you feel better. What was her name, the brunette you talked to?" Clark asked, in his 'cop' voice.
Ben reached into the front of his breast pocket. A look of agitation washed over his face as he opened the pocked wider and looked down into it. "Oh hell! I put it in here. I swear I did!"
"Ben?"
"Dammit all!"
"What are you talking about?"
"The insurance card. I put her insurance card in my breast pocket. I know I did!"
"I'll get you another copy of their information, tonight." Clark promised, then he looked back at his fellow towns people. "Anymore new business?"
********
As soon as Lois saw the sunny yellow farmhouse in the distance some of her earlier apprehension dissipated. What was it about the color yellow that made one feel a bit brighter and—hungrier?
"Hey Chlo, what's our renter's name again?" She asked, thinking about Ben Hubbard's reaction earlier.
"Martha," Chloe replied, absentmindedly. "Martha Kent."
For the second time that day Lois slammed on her breaks so hard they squealed. "What?"
"Lois!" Chloe snapped, "Whip lash!"
"Kent. As in Sheriff Clark Kent!"
Chloe stopped rubbing her neck, her eyes growing wide. "Shit."
"I thought you said she was a widow!" Lois twisted in her seat so she could look at her cousin.
"She is," Chloe said, irritably. "Let me think. Her husband died six years ago- it must be her son."
"Son? We're renting from a woman whose son might be the Sheriff!"
"If I'd known I wouldn't have given you the number!" Chloe's head fell back into the seat, exasperatedly.
"I thought you did background checks on-"
"On Lana," Chloe interjected. "I did an extensive background check on Lana and Isis and the Luthors. I set up our cover- you didn't exactly give me a lot of time, Lo!"
"I know. I know. " Lois put her head in her hands for a moment then looked up. "Sorry, Chlo. You know I appreciate-"
Chloe shook her head, "we're family."
Lois took a deep breath and smiled at her, "everything is going to be all right."
"Yep," Chloe replied automatically "nothing but smooth sailing form here on out."
Lucy snorted. She had been focusing on trying to repair the video camera, only half listening to her sister and cousin. But her ears perked up at the end.
How many times had her mother said that to them? Lois wondered, as she cautiously turned into the Kent's drive. How many times had she and Chloe repeated the same mantra to Lucy after her death?
Lois jabbed the gear into park and let out a long breath. They could do this. It wasn't like the Sheriff still lived at home. Right? God that's all they needed. Well, her picture of an over the hill Andy Griffith went straight out the window. Now she didn't know what to expect. And she hated that feeling.
As the three girls exited the car the front door opened and Mrs. Kent came out to meet them. She looked like she was only in her late fifties, Lois guessed. Her hair was a brilliant shade of red and she smiled warmly at them.
"Hi. I'm Martha Kent." She extended her hand and Lois shook it politely. "Lois. And this is my sister Lucy and our cousin Chloe."
"Nice to meet you all. Let me show you to the guest house."
'House' was being a bit generous, Lois thought as she gazed at the shack before her. It was a nice shack, at least. The cheery color of the house, but significantly smaller. It would do just fine for them.
"It's lovely." Lois commented, smiling appreciatively. Thankful she didn't have to lie to the older woman.
"Well, I'll just leave you girls to get settled in. Dinner is in an hour. I hope you all like pot roast!"
Lois's stomach growled loudly at the mention of food. Right now she'd be willing to eat an entire cow- live if she had to. "Thank you, Mrs. Kent that sounds wonderful."
Lois and Lucy haphazardly unpacked while Chloe immediately set up her equipment: laptop, printer, scanner, - things of that sort. In a matter of minutes Lois was looking at a bright new shiny insurance card of Ms. Lois Jillian Leitz. "What's this for?"
"Just in case," Chloe replied. "We'll be long gone by the time he figures out it's fake. It'll send his insurance company for quite a loop."
Lois frowned. "We'll have to leave him some money- at least enough to get his car fixed." She decided, feeling immensely guilty.
"We will, Lo." Chloe put a comforting hand on her cousin's shoulder.
Lois's smile fell when she heard a car pulling into the drive. She pushed the hideous sunflower drapes aside and peered out the window- her stomach in knots. A striped truck with the words 'Sheriff' printed on the side came to an abrupt halt behind her SUV. She worried her bottom lip and it started bleeding again.
"Looks like someone's home for dinner," Lois said glumly.
"What are you talking about?" Chloe was beside her in a second. The two cousins watched as the car door opened. Chloe gasped appreciatively, "he can arrest me anytime." Lois didn't say anything. She was feeling queasy again.
"I wanna see!" Lucy pushed between her relatives. "Oh my god! Why couldn't we have crashed into him, instead of Old Macdonald!"
Oh this was not good. Lois watched as Sheriff Kent walked around her car- examining it for damage. Obviously, he'd talked to Mr. Hubbard, Lois concluded. He was gorgeous. Tall. Dark. Muscled. He screamed trouble with a capital 'T.'
"I hate to interrupt the swoon feast, but he's a police man! We have to stay as far away from him as humanly possible. Understand?" The brunette turned to her sister and cousin, cocking her eyebrow, dangerously.
"Yes, mom," Lucy mocked, rolling her eyes.
"No, she's right Luce," Chloe admitted with a reluctant sigh.
"Can we focus on more important things than the local eye candy, please?"
"Well, we could," Lucy started, smiling wickedly at the window, "but he's coming this way."
Lois whirled around, and sure enough, there he was in all of his Greek God-like glory. Jesus! He even made the damn cop swagger sexy! Chloe and Lucy sprinted toward the door- tearing it open- meeting him on the porch.
Lois followed, but stayed frozen in the threshold as the sheriff walked deliberately up the steps- his eyes carefully observing each woman with trained precision, as they all exited the cottage. Her body automatically straightened when his sea colored orbs captured her hazel ones. With breaking his gaze, he politely tipped his hat and smiled a heart-melting smile at them- "Welcome to Smallville, ladies."
TBC
********
A/N: OK. You know what I want from you. I'm not too proud to beg!