The Reasons For Odd Things
by Mystitat
Warnings: Major Macavity out-of-character-ness. Not to be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form.
I don't know where they get this stuff. I'm not like that at all! I have no idea how all the Jellicles got the idea that I'm evil!
Okay, maybe I have some idea. It all started when I tried to sell Demeter my product. I thought she would like it! She is a very beautiful queen. She tried it for a while, but then decided to stop. Apparently, it gave her her a rash. Then she told all the other Jellicles that I was awful, but I was making a ton of money from it, and now they think I'm evil! Come on! Just because I run a business and make tons of money from it does not make me evil!
Wait, you what? You thought I sold her what? Puh-leeze!
Where did you think the "Mac" line of beauty products came from?
I don't get what the big deal is. There is nothing wrong with a tom selling products to queens. In fact, my business has expanded so much that my products are sold in human stores worldwide! Hell, some toms even buy Mac products.
Mistoffelees is my best customer. Everyone thinks his fur is sparkly from magic. I know the truth.
The whole "evil" thing just got worse at the last Ball. You see, I had this brilliant marketing idea: I would get Old Deuteronomy to try out my products one way or another, and he would be sure to tell the whole tribe that they were wrong about me! Well, it worked to a point. I did successfully get Old Deuteronomy to try out my products. Unfortunately, Demeter took the opportunity to spread horrible rumors about me! It's just so mean ...
Well, something had to be done about that! So I switched plans. I would explode into the Junkyard and show off Mac make-up through ... interpretive dance. I even dragged out Demeter to do the dance with me (I know she knew it; she used to model for me). But that bastard Munkustrap would have none of it, and started fighting me, for crying out loud! I'm telling you, he was so convinced I was evil. Well, obviously, I was fighting for my life, but I finally managed to escape with most of my fur intact.
While I had gone, I had left Old Deuteronomy with my associate salescats. Now all the Jellicles were out to look for him. I couldn't let them find my storefront! (With what they thought, they would wreck it for sure, and I would be out of business!) So, in a hurry, I struck a bargain with Mistoffelees and the Rum Tum Tugger (Tugger particularly enjoys my feline frizz tamer). We made a deal: they would bring back Old Deuteronomy, and I would supply them both with free Mac products for one year.
The good news is that the plan worked: Mistoffelees showed off Mac to its best advantage (he used about one hundred dollars worth of loose glitter), and Old Deuteronomy was recovered without ruining my business. The bad news is that now Old Deuteronomy is convinced that Mistoffelees is the head purveyor of Mac products. Mistoffelees uses his year-long free supply to provide for his needs, so I make no money from it! And he hasn't said anything to the tribe about how I'm not evil!
Oh well. A year isn't very long. Besides, he's become quite fond of my wrinkle creme.