Like a Sunflower

"Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what it's like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me…"

Stay with me – Danity Kane

There are wounds that you know will always be open. Even when you think they have left just a scar, something will happen to let you know that it isn't true.

I've found my place in the world, or at least I think so.

But there are things that keep hurting me, that I keep feeling as something unfair, as a betrayal.

Sam and Emily will marry. This shouldn't hurt me, really. But if I remember the happy moments passed with him, if I think that, maybe, I could have been in my cousin's place, I feel bad.

I'm in a strange position between present and past.

My heart doesn't belong to Sam anymore, it beats for someone else, but it's difficult leaving the past behind.

I'm walking on the road without knowing where to go. I just can't stay still at home, even if I don't have a destination. But my feet guide me to only one place: his house.

And he's there, next to the door. Looks like he was just going out. He looks at me and I look at him, in silence.

After his return to the reserve, we've become friends. Only then we understood that our pain was of the same nature. He was suffering for Bella as I was suffering for Sam. And while all the others were annoyed by my thoughts, he stayed next to me.

I didn't plan that. I never thought about him. I thought that the experience with Sam would have prevented me forever from falling in love, and not certainly with another werewolf.

But you can't rule your heart, unfortunately.

Jacob has become the one that prevented me from falling, the sun that, with his rays, broke the clouds. My only point of reference in a world of people that leave you alone, of false friends that disappear when you need them the most.

And I'm like a sunflower, my life is all around him, my sun, my vital energy. And when night comes, and he isn't there, I don't know where to go or what to do.

I can't live without him. Against every logic, I fell in love with him.

I'm stupid, I know, and I'm sure I'll suffer as I suffered for Sam, but it's something I can't control.

I can't stop being his friend, because to me it would be like losing everything.

As I see him, feels like my body is moving ignoring my mind that is telling me to be careful, and that also Jacob could do what Sam did.

My heart doesn't listen to that voice.

I run to him, and when I reach him my arms search contact with his shoulders, my body search his. I hold him, as strong as I can, I want to feel him next to me, I need it. I feel his strong arms holding me, and I feel safe, invulnerable, protected.

I don't cry in his arms, I'm too proud to do that, but that embrace is the proof of what I feel.

Then I raise my head, and his face is in front of mine, and I meet his wonderful dark eyes.

And, again, my body moves regardless of my mind.

I don't know what's the invisible force that makes me do that. I don't know what makes my lips search his.

I don't care about being rational and fight my feelings anymore.

Now, we are only me and him, and our kiss.

A desperate kiss, as desperate is my need of him.

Around me there's only Jacob, in my mind there's only Jacob. That moment, the moment of that kiss is like undefined, suspended in time.

And even then I can just let me go into his arms, my head on his chest.

He holds me, tighter. He passes an hand through my hair, gently.

I can't let him go, it's like I fear losing him.

I put my head on his shoulder.

- Don't leave me.... - I murmured. My voice is desperate, imploring.

His lips are near my ear... I can feel their warmth....

- Don't worry..., - he whispers, - ... I will always be here....

Only then, slowly, I let go of him. We keep looking at our eyes.

None of us is smiling. We both know that, someday, one of us will have to break our promise.

One day, the imprinting will catch us, and our roads will part.

But I don't care. I left the past behind, and I'm not thinking about the future.

Now, finally, I'm living in the present.

And my present is you, Jacob Black.