Note: This is a replacement chapter. Upon some very helpful feedback and ensuing conversation with AlsoKnownAsMatt, I pulled the angst piece I had here and moved it to a non-Chronicle location, because it truly does not fit with my universe... so it is now in a separate work titled "Random Bits." It is a much better home for my AU wanderings. :-) I also though I might start QSII with the last chapter of the original QS story, and opted out on that one as well. So... something new! Enjoy!

Timestamp: This happens immediately following the destruction of the Normandy, over time from Ch 2 of Only Hope Remains through chapter 7 of Working with the Enemy.

Misplaced Faith

Ashley watched Liara snatch up her helmet and walk purposefully to the door of the Madrid. The minute the hatch was open wide enough to step through, the Asari stepped out and almost immediately vanished into the crowds of Arcturus Station. Not once did she look back as Ashley watched Garrus and Riana hurry to keep up with her on their way out the door. She glanced at Karin Chakwas and saw the woman struggling not to cry, so she walked over. "There's a lot of anger pent-up in that normally serene blue body, isn't there?"

Karin started and turned to the Lieutenant. "Yes, there is. I worry about her. About how she'll cope with the loss of..." Karin paused and shook her head. "For her, Shepard and the Normandy became everything. Over the last year her world has shifted dramatically. Twice. Maybe even three times if you count the loss of her archeology career at the start of it all. That's a lot for anyone to handle." Karin pressed her fingertips hard against her eyebrows and traced them outward, continuing all the way to her temples in an attempt to push away the headache that was quickly gaining purchase. "All we can do is pray that she finds her way through this."

Ashley nodded. "She's strong, Doc. She'll make it. And she's got Garrus." Ashley's eyes closed as she whispered, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace."

As Ashley was speaking, an Arcturus Station official had come in the door and was requesting the Normandy crew begin moving toward the debriefing rooms. Karin laid a hand on Ashley's shoulder, interrupting the Serenity Prayer. "I fear Liara will face many more hardships than joy in the coming months. We need to try and stay in touch with her."

"Yeah. I tried to get her to stay until the debriefs were done. Told her I could probably get a couple weeks' leave and go with her." Ashley sighed. "But no way she was going to wait. I can't say I blame her, but whether they go now or eight hours from now..." Her voice cracked and she squeezed her eyes closed for a moment and took a deep breath before she continued. "...they're still only going to find a body. Assuming they find anything at all." With a final shake of her head, she glanced one last time at Karin and saw the same pain reflected in the doctor's eyes as what she felt. They had lost an important part of themselves that day. Something they doubted they could ever replace.

The debriefs were horrible; having to relive the torturous attack. Ashley berated herself for leaving before everyone was off the Normandy, thinking she should have checked. She should have looked for the skipper. As Liara was directing everyone into the escape pods, she told Ash that Shepard had gone to get Joker. It was just a fleeting thought... 'Go get the skipper' had run across her brain but was gone just as quickly, replaced with what Ashley was sure was the truth. The commander knew how to take care of herself, but Ashley also knew it always helped to have someone covering your six. Ashley didn't think she'd ever be able to forgive herself. The debriefing official was sympathetic and reminded Lieutenant Williams she did the right thing. Her responsibility was commanding the squad of marines, the ground team, and it was her job to accompany them and ensure the mission went on. He had told her, "Shit happens. It's war. We lose people. Don't blame yourself, blame the enemy."

When she walked out of the debrief, she was surprised to find Councilor Anderson waiting for her. "Lieutenant Williams. A word?"

She promptly walked over to him and stuck her hand out. "Good to see you, Sir. Wish it was under better circumstances."

A pained look flashed across his face as he shook her hand in welcome. "Yes, well. It is what it is. The loss of any ship is tragic, but the Normandy? She was top of the line." He paused and let out a deep sigh before he continued. "You know Shepard was much more than just a commander to me. I worked with her mother and watched her grow up from a distance. I followed her career and handpicked her for this job. Pulled her out of a bad spot to get her back on track."

Ashley nodded but didn't say anything, unsure yet where the conversation was going. Anderson sniffed and continued. "Sorry, Lieutenant. I didn't call you over here to reminisce. I'd like to offer you a job as my military aide." The look on Ashley's face told him she was going to decline, so he rushed ahead.

"Before you say no, hear me out. Hackett's working on some sort of special project. I'm not sure yet exactly what it is, but we'll need someone to run it and we want it to be you. We can't do that if you're locked into some other three-year assignment. As my aide, as soon as he gets the project running, I can request a new aide and turn you loose."

Ashley crossed her arms and stared at the floor in thought, wondering what the project could possibly be. She looked back up at Anderson, "Any way I can talk to Admiral Hackett about it before I say yes?" She saw Anderson grin as his eyes flicked up over her left shoulder. She turned to see the Admiral standing a ways behind her and snapped to attention. "Sir, I take that's a yes?"

The Admiral nodded. "Yes, Lieutenant. If you'll follow me, please."

Ashley cast a quick glance of farewell to Anderson and promptly followed the Admiral into a secure briefing room. He sat her down and discussed the real reason they had the Normandy out in the Terminus Systems. The remaining Geth and the ships that had gone missing were just the start of their problems. Small colonies were also falling off the grid. Communications were going dead and supply ships were rerouted with all their cargo because those same colonies seemed abandoned when the transports arrived. No signs of struggle, no indications of pirate or slaver activity. Just gone. Hackett looked at her. "I'll be honest, Lieutenant. Many of the colonies already have anti-Alliance leanings and I'm afraid they're being recruited by Cerberus. With the Geth still out there along with the potential Reaper threat, we can't afford to add Cerberus into the mix. We need to get someone on the inside out there to find out what the hell's going on. It'll be dangerous; you'd be on your own. You won't have a squad. I'd love to send an N7, but those colonists are out there to get away from the Alliance. There's no way they'll accept an N7 Operative."

Ashley smirked, "But a brand new baby lieutenant as a liaison isn't so much of a threat?"

Hackett nodded. "Exactly. We're just trying to find a colony that's willing to accept a bit of Alliance aid. Money, equipment, colonial defenses. That sort of thing. You'd be part of the package deal once we get one put together. Sort of a one-person oversight committee, purportedly to make sure they're actually using the resources and not reselling them."

"Ok, Sir. But why me?" Ashley looked to Hackett with honest curiosity on her face.

The Admiral shrugged. "Because Shepard had an eye for talent and she wanted you on her squad. Then she fought to get you promoted. And I've seen nothing that would disprove her notion that you're worth the investment. I trust her judgment, and if you're good enough in Shepard's eyes, then you're good enough for me."

Ashley suffered through almost fifteen months of being Anderson's aide. The job itself wasn't horrible, but the civilian aide was Udina and given their previous interaction with the lockdown of the Normandy, Ashley was not a fan. Fortunately, they generally moved in separate circles and Ashley had to admit she learned a lot about how the council worked and how strained the military-civilian relationships could be during times of uncertainty. She certainly couldn't complain about her accommodations on the Citadel. Normally ambassadorial aides were more senior officers, so she was living well for a lieutenant. Finally the day came when she was summoned to Anderson's office and when she arrived, Hackett was waiting for her. She was headed for Horizon.

Her welcome at the colony was mixed and it didn't take her long to figure out there were basically three factions. There was the group that was happy to see her; the ones who weren't there to avoid the Alliance but for the adventure of colonial living and the unexplored. They were nervous about the rumors of disappearing colonists and were eager for aid. The next group was composed of the folks who just didn't care one way or another; happy to take assistance from whomever was willing to offer it, as long as it came with no strings attached. They were the true adventurists and were out there just to prove they could do it. Then there was the third group; the malcontents. This was the group that Ashley was concerned with because they actively despised the Alliance, for any number of reasons. Thing was, the group wasn't a large enough percentage to account for any real threat of a Cerberus defection. Therefore, what she reported back to the Alliance was a mixed blessing in that since Cerberus wasn't mining colonies for personnel, something else had to be going on, but what?

Since her arrival, the colony had flourished with the new Alliance support, accepting everything from school supplies to perimeter anti-personnel defense cannons. The one thing that continued to plague them was the anti-ship weapon network. It was supposed to deter pirate and slaver attacks, but they couldn't get it calibrated properly. Ashley was striding through the colony with one of the colony's electronics experts. "Lilith, we've got a problem."

The woman shook her head, "Still can't calibrate the targeting matrix?"

Ashley rolled her eyes and responded, "Those defense towers are useless if we don't get it figured out."

"Sorry, Ashley, but getting our communications systems back on line takes priority." Lilith shrugged in apology.

Ashley stopped and Lilith stopped and turned to her. "Yeah, ok. I'm surprised certain people haven't tried to blame that one on me, too."

Lilith smiled. "You know some of the people out here don't trust the Alliance. Don't take it personally. You've only been here a few months. Give 'em some time. They'll warm up."

Just then, a rumble from the heavens interrupted their discussion and they looked up to see a black cloud forming rapidly in the sky. Ashley's mind jumped back in time to Eden Prime, remembering the last time something caused an unexplained atmospheric disturbance. Purely as a reflex action, her hand reached over her shoulder and she grabbed her assault rifle. She looked through the scope and saw a massive ship coming out of the unnatural black rolling cloud. "Shit! Get everyone to the safe house." As a huge cloud of what looked like swarming bees appeared, moving quickly in their direction, Ashley's orders became more urgent. "I'll cover you! Run!"

The colonists scattered and Ashley started a fighting withdrawal, her assault rifle firing in rapid controlled bursts but having little effect. One of the things stung her and she felt her muscles slow down and then refuse to respond altogether. She watched helplessly as more and more of the colonists were affected and the unknown ship flew overhead, sounding like it eventually settled on the other side of the colony. In her head, Lieutenant Williams screamed in frustration, able to see and hear but completely unable to do anything to help. She suddenly realized she knew that ship. It was the same configuration as the vessel she saw from the Normandy's data drive recordings that Admiral Hackett had mysteriously obtained. Whoever had killed the Normandy was also collecting the colonists and as she stood there completely paralyzed, she understood she may get first-hand experience as to what was happening to them.

She listened to the sounds of gunfire in the distance and tried to determine who the hell could have gotten to Horizon so quickly to lend support. She had no idea how much time had passed when her muscles finally started to relax and she heard the first booms of the anti-ship guns. She didn't know who had gotten them firing, but she didn't care, she was just ecstatic they were working! Her eyes were dry and she involuntarily blinked, causing her to realize she was regaining control of her own body. She fought the paralysis and slowly started moving as she heard the ship's engines fire up in the distance. As she moved, her body responded better and better, but she was still cautious. As she worked her way across the compound, she saw strange beings, unlike anything she'd ever seen before, staring at the sky in the dawning comprehension they had been abandoned. Knowing they were somehow responsible for all the missing colonists, Ashley took no chances and cut them down without remorse. She glanced up and watched the ship vanish into the sky and an eerie quiet settled over the colony.

She moved faster in the silence, realizing the enemy was dead, and could hear one of the dissidents, a mechanic named Delan, yelling just around the corner. She stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a female voice mention Shepard, then moved in a more controlled fashion when she heard Delan answer, "Shepard? Wait. I know that name. Yeah, you're some big Alliance hero."

Shepard's head snapped around and huge smile lit her face when Ashley walked out and spoke, "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a god, Delan. Back from the dead."

Delan crossed his arms in loathing. "All the good people we lost and you get left behind. Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." He threw his arms up in disgust and stalked off.

Ash walked up to the commander and looked at her warily, "I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did." She stuck her hand out and the commander grabbed it and pulled Ash in for a hug.

"So did I, Ash. I've been in a coma for two years...just woke up not too long ago. Damn good to see you!" Shepard still had a big smile on her face.

Ashley looked at the woman before her, all smiles and obviously happy at the reunion but Ash just couldn't believe it. Two years and not a peep of her survival reached the Alliance. She was sure Anderson or Hackett would have mentioned it had they known. She had been working with them too closely for the last two years for them to have kept that a secret from her. Shepard, or whoever nursed her back to health, had to have worked very hard to keep her survival a secret. Ashley felt betrayed. This woman had been her best friend. Ashley had attended her memorial service and cried like a baby when she met Hannah and felt like she was looking at Samantha, they looked so much alike. Ashley suddenly got angry for having been kept in the dark. "I would have followed you anywhere, Commander. I thought you were gone...I...you were more than our commander. Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

"I tried, Ash. I asked Anderson where you were, and he wouldn't tell me. All he'd say was that you were on a classified mission."

Ashley took a step back. No way Anderson would have kept that information from the Shepard they all knew and loved. They had all heard the rumors and seen the intel reports, but at the time Ashley had dismissed them as impossible, a case of mistaken identity or some imposter trying to cash in on Shepard's fame. Now she wasn't so sure. As she looked around the squad that was with the commander, she noticed the Cerberus emblem on Miranda's uniform and instantly understood Anderson's refusal. She practically spit out her response. "Because you're with Cerberus now? I can't believe the reports were right." Ash backed away, shaking her head in disbelief.

Miranda commented, "Reports? So much for security."

Ashley growled, "Alliance Intel said Cerberus could be behind our missing colonies. We got a tip that this one could be the next to get hit. I went to Anderson, but he wouldn't talk. But there were rumors that you weren't dead...and worse, that you were working for the enemy."

"The Alliance abandoned me for dead, Ash. They left me on Alchera along with twenty dead soldiers. Cerberus found me and put me back together. When I woke up, I went to Anderson and the Council; Sparatus wanted my head for treason and the others just wanted me gone, out of Council space and back out into the Terminus. Cerberus is the only organization willing to give me the resources to fight the Collectors, but I'm not working for them. It's my ship, my crew, my mission."

Ash got in Shepard's face, "Your ship? Do you really believe that? Or is it just what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe that you were alive...I just never expected anything like this. You've turned your back on everything we stood for!" The lieutenant wanted to grab Shepard by the neck and shake some sense into her. It took all of her restraint to not have a go at her right then and there.

"That's bullshit, Ash! They turned their backs on me! I went to them, asking for help and they tossed me out like yesterday's trash. You know me. I'd only do this for the right reason. It's the only way I could find to get into the fight. You saw it yourself... it's the Collectors attacking the colonies, not Cerberus... and they're working for the Reapers!"

Ash shook her head as she responded, "I'd like to believe you, Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. And it worries me that you do. What did they do to you? What if they're behind it? What if they're the ones working with the Collectors?" Ashley knew the technology existed in many forms; implants, control chips, you name it. She knew the woman before her was Shepard, but couldn't trust that she was operating under her own free will.

Miranda couldn't stand it; she crossed her arms and commented, "Typical Alliance attitude. So focused on Cerberus that you're blind to the real threat."

Shepard tried to ignore Miranda and kept eye contact with Ashley. "You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts, Ash. I'm not asking you to trust Cerberus...I'm asking you to trust me."

"How can I trust you, Shepard, when you're working with the enemy? Maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Doesn't matter. I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood. I'm reporting back to the Citadel. I'll let them decide if they believe your story." Ash took another step backward as she finished, preparing to turn and walk away. Her head was reeling with the implications of Shepard being with Cerberus. She had been an adamant defender of Shepard's reputation for all those months, only to be played the fool.

Shepard glanced down to the ground in disappointment. "Ash...Talk to Anderson. He'll tell you I was there. He cut off the treason charge because he still believes in me. Just be sure to tell them what you saw here... the Collectors taking the colonists. Not Cerberus... And Ash?... Ash!" At the sound of the pleading shout, Ashley stopped and looked back as the commander continued. "I'm glad you didn't end up on that damn Collector ship. Even if you don't believe in me, I still believe in you. Keep fighting the good fight. You'll find us on the same side in the end. I promise you that."

Ash sighed sadly, holding onto the hope that in the end Shepard really would prove loyal. She replied, "So long, Commander...and...Good luck." As she walked away, she prayed that her faith in the skipper would turn out to not be misplaced. She just didn't see how.