I wrote this on a whim for a friend, and thought it was funny. Enjoy
It's a hot summer day as you head over to the Loud House, to spend some time with your best friend Lincoln Loud. Honestly, though, you couldn't give a shit less about him. The boy (calling him a boy might be a bit generous) was the most annoying prick this side of the Missippi or however you spell it my autocorrect isn't working
Nah, it's because his house hosts the hottest babe in all of Michigan. Scratch that, the hottest babe in Michigan or any other province of Canada.
No, not Lori, with her silky, sweet-smelling blonde hair.
No, not Leni, with her curvy figure, well kept by exercise and veggie smoothies.
No… it's Bun Bun.
You remember how you hit puberty. Back when you were a little boy, Lincoln showed you that doll of his and your balls dropped so fast there was a tremor. Ever since then, you fantasized about that sexy fuck toy every second of every minute of every day.
And now it was your time to strike.
Your phone rings. It's your friend from school (lol that's how you know this is fiction. You have no friends)
Hey man, can you show me your homework? I don't feel like doing it.
"Fuck you," you whisper as you toss your phone into an open manhole.
A bird flies over and shits on your head. Immediately, your nasty lizard tongue flies out of your mouth and wraps around the poor fowl, bringing it into your mouth. You chew and swallow before burping, an evil grin on your face. Nothing was stopping you now.
As you finally get to the Loud House, you see an aged up Luna playing guitar or some shit in the garage. You know… this could be your last chance to have a normal girl.
"Naw, that sounds weird…" you say to yourself, before puffing up your chest and knocking on the front door. Your fists are so pathetically weak that it barely makes a sound, but before you cry like a bitch and go home, Luna calls "Hey dudes, there's someone at the door dudes. Might want to get that dudes."
no u
The door opens, and the warm smile of Lincoln greets you. "Hey [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVER HAVE A WOMAN IS THIS ANON SHIT]! What's up?"
"Hey Linc," you greet, "Wanna play hide and seek?"
"Sure."
"Great. Go hide."
He runs off, and you have no intention of finding him.
You rush up the stairs, punching Luan on the way up. There was no reason to do so. I… I mean, you… felt like being mean.
Oh, alright fine. You do the same to Lucy.
You burst into Lincoln's room, and kick out Lynn, who's been eagerly waiting for Lincoln to return and ravish her. Nope, this ain't their degenerate story. This is your sexy story. It's filled with romance and action and shit.
You approach the rabbit doll, caressing it gently for a second. It's so… well made, you realize. It means a lot to so many people. It may be something small, but… to anyone who's ever seen this rabbit, especially your bro Lincoln… it's downright beautiful.
"That's deep," you say to yourself as you grab a pair of scissors and give it a new hole.
"Hey baby… how would you like a two inch dick all up in ya?" you say and before it could say anything, you shove all one and a quarter inches of you inside Bun Bun.
"Oh yeah… oh yeah… oh YEAH!" you say as you immediately cum. Your seed fills the toy rabbit, and you collapse to the ground, sweaty and tired. It'd been a great day. The best day ever.
The best day ever…
Oh no.
At this point, you pathetically realize that this was the highlight of your life, and nothing would ever come close to this. Saddened by this realization… you kill yourself by drinking bleach ayy lmao ecks dee
THE END… or is it? X FILES THEME PLAYS