Hunting Education
A twilight parody
Bella and Edward were sitting together at the Cullen house, waiting for something to happen, when Edward grunts and rolls his eyes.
"What is it Edward?" Bella asked,
"Alice....." Edward growled under his breath. Just then, Alice comes running in and jumps on the couch Bella and Edward were sitting on.
"Hey Bella! Wanna learn something about...... actually, I'll let you find out right now! Rosalie! Come in here now!" Alice yelled, and Rosalie came into the room, looking like a model, and glares at Bella.
"Welcome to Hunting Education!" Alice said hyperly, and laughed.
"Alice......" Edward complains, when Bella interupts him,
"No, Edward. I've always been curious about hunting."
Rosalie walks up to front, holding an American girl doll,
"This is a human. This is not food." Rosalie said holding out the doll, looking pissed she had to do this.
"Humans are friends not food!" Alice chimed in, making Rosalie even MORE pissed. At that moment, Jasper walks in holding a humongous stuffed bear,
"This is Mr. Fluff- of damnit." He suddenly cut off and was silent.
"As Jasper was saying, this is Mr. Fluffy- Stuffing, Jaspers stuffed bear. Aka, a bear. And, this is my stuffed animal! It's a horse and his name is Raymond!" Alice said hyperly holding out a horse, and throwing it on the couch
"Back to the point!" Rosalie said, harshly.
"Well, as if you didn't know, hunting is how Vampires feed. Like this," Jasper then runs at the bear, and jumps out it, and fake sucks his blood. "See?"
"Yes, I see, but why am I never allowed on the hunting trips?" Bella asked.
Edwards eyes widened, "Alice, don't you dare tell her."
Rosalie smirked, and said mockingly,
"You mean you mean to tell her that your not the one to hunt, that you can't even catch a deer. You need Esme to do it, or were you refering to not telling her that you finish hunting early and watch Bella miss you?"
"No! He doesn't do that! He dances, and writes fanfics about him and Bella! Oops, did I say that out loud?" Alice said innocently, Edward glared at her, and mouths 'Your dead'
Jasper smirks and walks over to Alice and hugs her,
"Settle down Edward."
"Your one to talk, Mr. Fluffy-Stuffing. Also, will you stop thinking about Alice like that?"
Both Edward and Jasper stare at each other, the room was silent. When Jasper smiles evily.
"Oh, god Jasper! That's sick! Make it stop! Come on Bells, lets go."
Rosalie smirks,
"Don't follow him Bella! You don't know what he's gonna do!"
Right before Bella and Edward left, Alice shouting one thing,
"Remember Edward! Humans are friends not food!"