The Secret

He wanted to carry him as he had when he was child. He wanted to cradle him to his chest and say it would be alright. But it wouldn't be alright, he knew that when he ran to him after seeing him on the floor. He wasn't breathing and he had no pulse. His eyes stared straight ahead and they had gone completely black, they were dilated. And blood, it dripped from his nose and mouth. He had briefly looked for bullet wounds. Maybe he had taken a bullet meant for him. Jerry was dead, he knew that. So where was he going? The secret service agents had tried to take him from his arms, but he would not let go. He had to get him to the ambulances that stood by for him when he traveled. Maybe by some miracle they could save him. What in the hell had happened?

Mellie had screamed for him, something was wrong with Jerry he had fallen. It was a nightmare. What could have happened to a strapping young man in a matter of minutes and kill him other than outside forces. What was happening? "You must give us your son Mr. President, please let him go." It was Tom, he was pulling at Jerry. He was attempting to pry him from his arms. His arms were getting weak, he had begun to struggle for breath, and he could not go on. He gave over and allowed Tom to take Jerry from him. "Get in the car Mr. President I will see to Jerry," Tom said.

From the car he watched Tom lay Jerry on a stretcher and from there paramedics disappeared with Jerry into the back of the ambulance. He closed his eyes and held back the tears. He would cry for Jerry later. He had to get a grip, something was not right. The door opposite opened and Mellie stepped in.

"Fitz, where is he, what happened to Jerry? He was bleeding, was he shot? Why would you run out with him like that? What in the hell were you doing," she screamed? "Karen is in shock. She refused to come with me."

"Mellie I think he is dead. I think Jerry is dead."

"What do you mean you think he is dead? Sixteen year old boys don't die. They grow up and go on dates. They go off to college. They become doctors and lawyers. They marry and have babies. They do not die. What in the hell do you mean my son is dead. Have you lost your mind Fitz?"

"Mellie stop it. They are working on Jerry in the ambulance. Tom will tell us something soon. You need to calm down. I just made an observation. He looked in very bad shape Mellie. I am not a doctor so we just have to wait." He was not a doctor but he knew death when he saw it. His son was dead. Unless the ambulance crew had revived him, which could be possible. Only the best were in the Presidential detail. They had saved his life with quick intervention and maybe they could save Jerry. Yes maybe they could.

Suddenly Tom opened the door. Sir we are about to leave with Jerry and head to the nearest trauma center. I will be with the ambulance Sir don't worry. They are doing all they can.

"Is he breathing Tom?"

"Not on his own Sir."

"Did they find any wounds on him Tom? Was he shot? What did they say?"

"I watched them strip him down Sir. There was not a mark on him anywhere. They placed a tube in his lungs to breath for him. They were doing CPR and they were giving him meds through a needle in his arm. I have nothing else definitive to tell you. Because they don't know what happened to him. Sir we need to go. I am staying with Jerry. I will see you at the hospital OK?"

"OK Tom, thank-you."

"This is ridiculous Fitz. Shouldn't Karen be with us? Suppose they want to harm both of our children. They haven't found the entry wound yet but I know he was shot. He took a bullet for you. He is going to die because someone hates…

"Mellie for the love of God will you stop it? Karen is safe in the car she is supposed to be in. You saw her yourself before you got in this car. She did not want to come with us and I did not want to force her. She is safe where she is. Stop blaming anyone. I don't know what happened and certainly you don't know. So stop all this speculation and accusation it is fruitless and meaningless right now. And I am not going to listen to it. I will ride with Karen. I mean it!"

They rode in silence to the hospital. Mellie was upset but she knew that Fitz was at his limit with her. She was at her limit too. She wanted to know what had happened to her son. She would get answers at the trauma center. She would demand them and someone had better tell her what was wrong.

They arrived at the hospital and they were ushered into a waiting area. Someone from the emergency team had come in and asked some questions on Jerry's medical history. To his shame he knew very little and Mellie knew absolutely nothing. They were horrible parents he knew that already. This incident only magnified it. They were told that it could be awhile before they knew anything. Karen was also in the room. She had been crying but she refused to say anything at all. She just sat in a chair staring straight ahead. They had been in the hospital about forty-five minutes when a young woman dressed in green scrubs and red Krocs came into the room.

"Mr. President, Mrs. Grant; I am an Dr. Meredith Olson. I am in charge of the team that worked on your son tonight. I regret to inform you that we were unable to revive your son after running the table of drugs and protocols on him for almost an hour. He came in pulseless and not breathing on his own. We never got anything at all back, no pulses, no spontaneous respirations, nothing. I am so sorry President and Mrs. Grant. His entire body was filled with a very unusual form of bacteria. It was very aggressive and it apparently started shutting down his body organs even before he arrived here.

This bacterial agent is usually only found in a laboratory Mr. President we have no idea why enough of it was inside your son's body to kill a horse. I have turned over my findings to the secret service. I was told I could share my findings with you and other than that this is a high priority case being investigated as a possible homicide. Do you have any questions for me," she asked?

He had questions but he would direct them where they needed to go. "I haven't any questions, Mellie do you have any questions?"

"No, I have no questions?"

Karen jumped up from her seat and faced both of them. "You have no fucking questions. You have no questions? Someone murdered my brother and you have no questions? Of course you don't. Jerry and I were nothing but photo ops for you two. You don't even care that he is dead. You are both fucking hypocrites and I hate your fucking guts. Doctor I have questions lots of them. My brother was fine before he stepped onto that stage. I want to know who killed my fucking brother."

Fitz spoke first. "Karen I know you are upset but this is no way to speak to another adult. You apologize this instant! I mean it Karen right this minute!"

"Karen how could you speak to us like that? And that language in front Dr. Olson is inexcusable. Apologize this instant!"

"Don't wait on it Mr. President and Madame First Lady because it ain't gonna happen. I meant every word I said. So deal with it. Dr. Olson I will apologize to you. Can you tell me when the autopsy will be completed on my brother?

"Autopsies are usually completed within two to three days Miss Grant. But his one has been expedited. He never gained consciousness. For all intent and purposes he was DOA on arrival to this facility. I have friends in the forensic lab here but I am not sure where the autopsy for you brother will be done. Because I have signed my name to this case I assure you will have an advocate. I want to know what killed you brother as much as you do.

President Grant I realize that you and your family are under a great deal of stress. These are very trying times. I am sure you have your own therapist, but if I can recommend anyone please let me know. As I said anything I can do to help you just let me know. Mrs. Grant, Miss Grant, again I am so sorry for your loss. When I left they were preparing the body for the family to view. Just let me know when you are ready." With that said Dr. Olson left the room.

Karen looked at her parents and shook her head. "You two are a piece of work. I guarantee you Jerry is dead because of you two. I know it and I will never ever forgive you for it. I want out of this room with you two. Call for my detail and send me back to the hotel. I can't stand the sight of either one of you!"

Fitz stood there defeated as Karen spoke because in his heart he knew it was true. Somehow he and this re-election were responsible for the death of Jerry. And Mellie was complicit in it because she coveted the White House more than her own children. And he trying to just get through this and hang on to Olivia was just as bad. He coveted Olivia just as much as Mellie coveted the White House. He had indeed neglected his children. They had been used as photo ops their entire lives.

They were brought out for show. Hell Mellie had only conceived them for show. She had only laid down with him to conceive them and then he was effectively cut off from her bed the moment conception was confirmed. It was shameful this farce he had participated in. He was ashamed that he had gone along with this thing in the beginning and continued it with the conception of Teddy. Olivia had told him to do it and he had done her bidding. He couldn't refuse her anything, even that.

He had known in his heart he should have refused to do it. For days he could not even form an erection with Mellie because his distaste for her was so deep. He had finally had to bring Olivia into his head to even get an erection. Thank god she conceived that one time because he could not have done it again. It was a disgusting act and he hoped to God that Teddy never came to find out about it. It would be Mellie's story to tell because he would never tell another living soul of his perfidy. It was too vile and too sorry. He harbored anger at Olivia for it too, but never enough to change his love for her.

So now he stood in a hospital waiting area where he had just been told his son was dead at the hand of some laboratory made killer bacteria. Someone had found a way to get at him through his son. Jerry was dead and Karen hated him. There was a baby back in their hotel suite with a nanny that he called momma. And he had not given the child the kind of love he should have given him. He held back from Teddy because Mellie had given birth to him instead of Olivia. He was a horrible father to all of them and Karen had every right to hate them both.

"Okay Karen please just have a seat. I will get your detail to take you back to the hotel. You have every right to be angry with us, with me. I know you won't believe me but your mother and I do love you. We loved Jerry too and we love Teddy. You children are more than photo ops to us. Don't shut us out Karen. We need to stick together through this. Jerry would want us too. We are a family."

"Dad don't pull your Fitzgerald Grant III charm out of the bag. I know what a consummate politician you are. You lie like a rug. You never loved any of us children. For the love of me I don't know why you two had kids. You hate each other's guts. So save that "we are family" bullshit for someone that believes it."

Mellie jumped up then. "Karen enough with that potty mouth of yours. You have no idea what you are talking about. Your father and I love all of you. We have sacrificed so you kids could have the best of everything. His becoming President was for the entire family's benefit."

"Mom you are so pathetic flitting around like you are so important because you are the First Lady. It is all you live for the prestige of it all. You will do anything to stay in the White House for another four years. And that includes staying with a man that can't stand the sight of you. Dad despises you Mom; you think we didn't know that? He loves Olivia Pope."

"Young lady that is enough! You do not talk to your mother that way. She is your mother show her some respect. And stop speaking on things you have no authority to speak on. Have a seat and let me get your detail to take you back to the hotel."

"Do you deny you love Olivia Dad?"

"Karen! Stop it! I will not have this discussion with you. Sit down and shut your mouth. I mean it Karen."

Mellie had turned her back on this conversation and was sniffing into a hanky. He could offer her no comfort. He did not love her and he wasn't going to start today. He walked to the door and called Tom inside. "Tom call Karen's detail up here. She wishes to return to the hotel. I want her taken there and she is not to leave her room for any reason. Is that clear? Karen get your things together and stand outside with Tom until your detail arrives. Needless to say go to your room and stay there. Don't try me Karen not tonight. When we all are calmer we will talk. Good night!"

As soon as the door closed Mellie lit into him. "I hate your guts too, you son of a bitch. You can't even hide the fact from your own children that you love that whore. And she is right all of this is your fault, Jerry's death, all of it. If you were a proper husband and father instead of spending your life sniffing after Olivia Pope like a dog in heat none of this would have happened. You make me sick."

"Okay Mellie you have made you point. And it doesn't change a damn thing. Jerry is still dead. Neither you nor I will ever win parent of the year. We should have never had children. You don't have a mothering bone in your body and I have let you ruin the lives of these children just to keep the peace. Oh I accept my part in this debacle you are not alone in their ruination. Not at all. I am just as responsible as you. We are two people that should have never married. You and both know that. Whether or not I win re-election we have to put a stop to the misery we are in Mellie. But for now we had a son to bury."

Fitz went to the door and found Tom. "Tom let the doctor know we are ready to see Jerry now. Mellie are you ready to see our son?"

"Yes I am ready."