CSI: Alone: Private Conversation

A/N: This is what came to mind when I woke up this morning after staying up all night reading N/G fanfic and watching N/G videos on youtube. Grave Danger could have ended very differently than it did. And with a solid relationship between Nick and Greg, how would Greg handle it if things didn't turn out for the better? I hope you like it, and please don't forget to post reviews. I love reviews as they let me know people are reading and enjoying what I write, which means everything to me! Thank you! And if you find mistakes, please let me know! I'm only writing this on five hours of sleep...I think...lol...

Greg got into the Denali's driver seat and shut the door as Warrick came over.

"Yo, Greg, you get that evidence back to the lab and I'll meet you there as soon as I'm done processing here. Shouldn't be too long. You wanna grab lunch with me then? It's almost three am already."

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds fine," Greg said, a sad faraway look in his eyes.

"Look man, I know it's your first night back and things might be hard. Hell, I know they are. It's been hard on all of us this past month. But don't worry, we got your back. Ok? Remember that we're a team, a family. We work together and we stick together. If you need anything you've got my number."

The youngest CSI only nodded as he stared out the windshield not wanting to have this conversation with Warrick.

"Alright then, I'll catch you back at the lab."

Warrick slapped the roof of the Denali before walking back to the crime scene they'd been processing.

Greg drove away with his mind spinning. Warrick knew nothing. None of them knew the truth of what happened. He looked down at the colorful handmade embroidery floss bracelet on his wrist and tears stung his eyes. No one noticed a year ago when he'd gotten it that he never took it off. Never. He couldn't call Warrick, because he didn't know the truth and wouldn't understand.

Greg walked into the apartment early one morning after a grueling night at work. He found Nick in their bedroom looking at something in his hands. When he saw his boyfriend of two years and the unhappy look on his face Nick quickly thrust whatever it was in his hands into his pocket and moved back on the bed to allow Greg to sit in front of him.

"Rough night?" Nick asked, beginning to rub his shoulders in a comforting massage.

"You're lucky you had it off. It was awful. But I don't want to talk about it."

"You keeping things bottled up inside isn't going to help you Greg."

"I just want to forget it happened and enjoy being here with you. Oh, that feels really good," Greg moaned at Nick's touch. "How was your night?"

"It was good. I watched this cool show on Animal Planet."

"Nicky, you need to get a life when I'm not around."

"You are my life. And speaking of my life, I need to talk to you about it and yours."

"What do you mean?"

Greg sat up and turned to face Nick, his eyes searching his boyfriend's face for any clues as to whether this would be a good conversation or a bad one.

Nick looked down at his lap for a second before he began, "It's been two years since we started going out. And one since we officially moved in together," he paused gathering his words and his courage. "Greg, I...I want to make this last. Forever. I want you to be mine forever. I want to be yours forever."

Greg stared in shock. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Nick pulled something out of his pocket. "I know it's not much. But I made you this."

He showed the knotted embroidery floss bracelet in his hand. The floss was in eight different colors of the rainbow that faded into each other.

"And yes, I am saying what you think I am. I want this to make it official. It's all I've got. I chose the colors to represent everything about our lives together, our love together, the good times and the bad. That's why it's a rainbow. Not because people see that and think of gay pride or whatever. I just got it finished before you came home."

Tears filled Greg's eyes as he took Nick's head in his hands and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Nicky Stokes, I love you so much. I would love to do this with you. But I have nothing to give in return."

"You just being you, being here with me is all I need, Baby."

Nick tied the handmade bracelet on Greg's wrist.

"So, where did you learn to make this? It's so beautiful and perfect."

Nick laughed. "My sister taught me when I was little. But this was hard. I haven't done it in so long and this was the most colors I've ever used at once. I've been working on this for a month now. I botched it up so many times. I'm glad you like it."

"No, Nicky. I don't like it. I love it, just as much as I love you. And you're gonna have to teach me how to make you one of these."

Greg thought he could come back and everything would be ok. But the tears were now making tracks down his face and neck to stain his shirt. His hands were starting to tremble a little. He was going to have a breakdown. On the clock. Something he'd vowed not to let happen tonight. He was going to be a new CSI. He'd planned to come back a new person, no longer the newbie, no longer the fumbling idiot he'd been before.

Greg struggled to clear his eyes so that he could drive safely. It was looking like neither one were gonna happen. He was going to be the newbie for the rest of his life, and he was going to be crying himself to sleep for the rest of his life.

"Greg?" a familiar voice called his name and his heart stopped for a second.

He looked over to the passenger seat, his eyes instantly clear and wide.

"Nick?"

His boyfriend looked back at him, his body looking a little hazy, but better than the last time Greg had seen him. His brows furrowed in worry and his sharp CSI Three eyes finding every sign of Greg's impending breakdown.

"You're keeping things bottled up inside again. You can't do that. You need to talk to someone, G."

"But they don't even know! No one knows!"

"Greg, pull over before you have a serious breakdown."

"But I have evidence. I need to get it to the lab."

"No. You need to survive. You need to get through this because you getting yourself killed on the way to the lab isn't going to do much good."

"I can be with you," Greg said almost hopefully.

"Greg, no. No you can't. Don't argue with me on this. Pull over. Now. There's a motel parking lot," Nick's hazy form said, pointing towards the lot.

The Level One CSI did as he was told and pulled into the parking lot. Finding an empty space he turned the engine off and stared out the windshield.

"God, Nicky. For three years, none of them knew a damned thing. And when...when he buried you...and...you know...I took all that time off. They were all strong. They could handle it. But in their eyes your best friend was losing it and they didn't understand why. Griss let me go. Let me take the whole month off. But it didn't do any good. I still cry myself to sleep. I still miss you beside me every night. I feel so cold and alone. I thought I could do this job. Come back, be more like you. You were good at what you did. But I guess not," Greg sighed at his last words.

"Greg, listen to me, you're wrong about that. You are good at your job. We solved a lot of cases together before."

"Yeah. Together. You're there and I'm here. I'm here, alone."

"Hey, honey, I will always be here for you, you know that. I love you. I won't ever leave you."

"But you did. Nicky, you left me. And I'm not blaming you, of course. It wasn't your fault. But, but, you changed me. You made me a better person. Somehow, no one looked down on me anymore after we got together. Now, it's all gone. They think I'm a loser again."

Nick sighed. "G, you need a break. Why don't you grab a room for an hour before you head back to the lab. Radio Griss, tell him you're taking a break."

"But the evidence, Nick. I can't leave it here!"

"It's evidence. It ain't going anywhere."

Greg picked up his radio and told Griss he would be taking an hour break, without explaining anything. He didn't even wait for a response from his supervisor as he climbed out of the Denali to get a room.

"Why am I doing this?" he asked, sitting down on the hard motel bed.

"Because you need to relax and we need to talk."

"About what?"

"The fact that Warrick was right earlier."

"What do you mean?"

"You are a team. A family. You work together and you stick together. If you have any problems you can go to them."

Greg noticed that Nick refrained from using 'we' as he was no longer part of the team, part of the family.

"Nicky, you know I can't."

He looked at his hands as Nick's hazy form stood a few feet away watching him.

"The reason I never wanted to tell them the truth about us wasn't because I was afraid of their reactions," Nick said. "I knew they would accept us with open arms. But I was afraid they would split us up. Put one of us on Days or something so that we would never be able to see each other because department policy says we could easily compromise a case being together. But I know this is a tough job. Some of these cases can get to you easily. Mentally and physically. I wanted to make sure I was always there for you if anything happened. I didn't want you to have to go through something alone, without me. I wanted to work the same hours because I wanted to be there if anything happened to you. Like it did for me that night," Nick paused. "I must have done a pretty good job cause you're still here."

"Then I did a lousy one cause you're not."

"Greg, you couldn't have known what was going to happen. You weren't there with me when I went out on that run. There was nothing you could have done to change anything."

"Sure. I could have been a better CSI. I could have found you sooner. Before your air ran out. You don't know how much that killed me. When we got there and found you...gone..."

Tears sprang to Greg's eyes as he remembered that horrifying night.

"Greg! Get the fire extinguisher!" Grissom called out.

Greg ran to the back of his Denali and pulled it out.

"Short bursts Greg. Don't suffocate him," his supervisor warned as they opened the clear casket a crack to let Greg kill off the fire ants.

Catherine shouted at everyone to stop, announcing the fact of the bomb underneath his boyfriend. When they opened the lid further to hook the clip to Nick's belt Greg could only watch as he noticed Nick wasn't moving. It all happened so quick, Nick being pulled out and the dirt falling in. Greg was held back as paramedics tended to Nick, delivering CPR, before they stood up and shook their heads that it was too late. Nick was gone from him forever.

In a state of shock Greg stumbled back to his Denali and leaned against the side, away from everyone else for a long time, letting the reality of it all sink in.

"You're what kept me holding on to life down there," Nick's hazy form said. "I had that gun and I almost used it. But then I thought of you, and our life together and I couldn't throw that away."

A sob escaped from Greg. "If I'd only been quicker. Smarter. I could have gotten to you in time. Could have saved you. Then you'd be here beside me right now and we'd be back at the lab having a coffee break."

"Greg, honey, I am right here beside you. I always will be, no matter what. No matter where you are or what you're going through, you can always count on me being here beside you. Even if you can't see me, I'm here."

Greg did his best to calm down, but his sobbing didn't want to stop.

"Remember those days when we used to play Name that Chemical Compound? You were always smarter than me in that department. You wanted to become a CSI right from the start, and you did. You and I solved many cases together. I know you're smart. And I know you're strong. You're the strongest person I know, baby."

"Why would you think that?"

"I never knew how to talk to you before now. But I've been watching over you since that night. I know what you've gone through. And I know you survived because you're here now. You went back to work. It takes a strong person to do that."

"You...you were there? You saw..." Greg's eyes widened at the thought of Nick watching him nearly lose it so many times in the past month.

Greg looked down at the knife in his hands and gulped. He'd never carried on the job. He couldn't deal with the thought of using a gun and actually killing someone with it. But this knife was different somehow, and he had a different purpose with it. It wouldn't be used to kill anyone else. No one knew the truth of what had happened. There was no one he could talk to. All he wanted was to see Nick again. And he would do anything for that to happen.

"But you didn't do it," Nick said, recognition in his eyes at what Greg was remembering. "I didn't know what to say all those times. I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to see you go through with it. It killed me every time you looked at that knife like it was your only way out. But you put it down. Every time you grew stronger. You didn't do it. And I know people from my past that weren't that strong, that couldn't hold on when they thought there was nothing left."

"I wanted to," Greg said, looking at the ground in shame. "I really wanted to. But, but something told me not to. It was like you were there. Maybe. I kept thinking about how you'd react if you found out what I was going to do. I didn't want to hurt you. I couldn't."

Nick smiled, for the first time since his arrival in the Denali. "You're smarter and stronger than you think, Greggo. I know you can do this. You can keep going. Nothing is ever easy in life, but someday people will be looking up to you."

"You really think so? Me? Little screw up me?"

"Did I ever say you were a screw up? You're going to be just fine, Baby. And I know that cause I know you."

Greg looked up at his boyfriend, a sense of wholeness coming into his eyes.

"By the way, while you and Warrick were processing that scene back there I saw a spot of blood you both missed. It's on the back of the headboard in the master bedroom. You might want to call him and have him grab that before he leaves the scene."

Greg smiled. "I think I might keep you around for awhile, cowboy." He picked up his phone and dialed Warrick's number.

"Brown."

"Hey, Warrick, um..." Suddenly he wasn't sure how to tell him about the evidence Nick had found. "You still at the scene?"

"Yeah, what do you need?"

"You know, I think I forgot to check behind the headboard in the master bedroom. Might be some blood back there. Can you check?"

"Sure thing. Hey, I got a call from Griss. Said you were on break. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's just fine," Greg said, looking into the beautiful deep brown eyes of his boyfriend kneeling in front of him. "I'll be back in a little bit. And can we postpone that lunch a little bit? I've missed you guys and I'd rather be there when everyone's on break together."

"Sure thing, man. Sure thing. See you then."

Greg hung up and looked at Nick who was smiling.

"I can't believe this is happening, Nicky. This is not how I pictured things going down."

"How do you mean, baby?"

"You're here. I'm talking to you. I've missed you for a whole month, I tried to end things. You know my heart broke in half. I thought it really had, literally. I thought the first night I was alone that I was going to die because my heart hurt so much."

"Greg, honey, it's over. You're gonna be just fine, I promise. You know I'll always be here to look after you. I'm sorry I wasn't there in the beginning. But..."

"Shhhh...don't say it. I understand."

Nick looked at the clock on the night stand.

"You've got half an hour before you have to be back. Take a nap. You need it."

As Nick spoke Greg realized just how tired he really was. Maybe a short nap would help. He lay down at Nick's insistence and found himself calming down.

"I love you, Nicky," he whispered.

"I love you too, G."

A/N: That's the end of part one. There is one more part left which includes an emotional coming out scene, a little humor, and maybe, just maybe, some spiked hair!