Halo – Master Chief Toy Box
Chapter 1 – B0013
Engineer: Ok, bring out the chief.
Master Chief comes out of a freezer.
Engineer: Hello Chief B0013.
B0013: Hello.
Engineer: You enjoy your nap? Well, time to wake up. We're going to check a few things, so just follow what we have to say ok? (Pulls out small machine) Look at the light chief. (Holds light to his left)
B0013: (Looks right) Ok.
Engineer: (Holds light to his left) How about now?
B0013: (Looks left) Ok.
Engineer: (Holds light up to the ceiling) Now?
B0013: (Looks up) Ok.
Engineer: (Drops light on floor) Final one Chief.
B0013: (Looks up even more) What the…
Engineer: Chief, look down.
B0013: (Struggles) I can't.
Engineer: Uh-oh. We have a defective chief. One that can't look down. Ha. Get another chief and throw this one away.
B0013: Wait, can't you fix me?
Engineer: No, we only build chiefs. We can't fix them.
B0013: What happens to me?
Engineer: You will be recycled into a machine which will shred, compact, and contrict you into tin cans.
B0013: I can still fight! Give me a chance!
Engineer: Hmm…fine, but we're bringing out another Chief just to make sure we don't look bad.
Another Master Chief comes out of the freezer.
Engineer: Hello Chief B0014.
B0014: Hi.
Engineer: Let's go test out other stuff.
…
In a dark room…
…
B0013: Uh, I can't see.
Engineer: That's the point. Touch your shoulder to bring on a handy flashlight.
B0014: (Turns on his flashlight) Functional.
B0013: My turn. (Turns on flashlight which has a batman symbol) Cool.
BAM! The bat mobile breaks down the wall. Batman comes out of the car.
Batman: What's the trouble.
Engineer: What's he doing here? SECURITY!
Batman: Uh-oh. See ya kid. (Leaves)
Engineer: Ok, awkward. Anyways…next test!
…
In the armory…
…
Engineer: Right now, you have a shield surrounding your entire body. If it ever goes out, hide behind something until it goes back up. Now, shield test. (Pulls out pistol) Who wants to go first?
B0014: I do no… (Gets shot) (Dies)
Engineer: Well, he failed. Your turn.
B0013: Um, will this hur… (Gets shot) (Lives) Ow. That hurt.
Engineer: Pass. But you still look like an idiot, looking at the ceiling. Get another model!
Another chief comes out of the freezer.
B0015: Hello.
Engineer: Next test!
…
In a gunnery range…
…
Engineer: Ok, we'll be testing your shooting potential.
B0013: Um, how am I suppose to do this with my…condition?
Engineer: Grab a gun and shoot at a fly on the ceiling or something.
B0015: (Grabs a pistol) Get me something to shoot at.
A target comes out.
B0015: (Hits target in head) Headshot. (Continues firing there) How you holding up B0013?
B0013: (Shooting at ceiling) Fine.
Engineer: You two will suffice. Next!
…
In the gym…
…
B0013: Why does an intergalactic space station have a gym?
Engineer: To play…dodge ball! (Presses button)
"Space Jam" plays, a lot of Master Chiefs charge into the room.
Engineer: Except we don't use rubber balls… (Presses button)
Small boxes expand from the wall, like a file cabinet, revealing grenades.
Engineer: We use grenades! (Blows whistle)
B0015: Grab some grenades and let's go B0013.
B0013: (Grabs grenade, feels around for pin) Where's the pin?
B0015: That's a plasma grenade! Press the button and toss it! (Dodges explosion)
B0013: Take this! (Presses button and throws it up to the ceiling. It drops down and explodes on B0013) Ow.
Another Master Chief comes by. Model A1234.
A1234: Oh, ouch. You ok?
B0013: No. This is stupid, I'm going to recall. (Waves white flag)
A crane comes out from the ceiling and moves around. It goes over B0013 and goes down. It grabs his leg, but slips and B0013 falls on his head.
B0013: Ow.
A1234: Haha.
Engineer: Oops. Crap, quick, give me 50c.
The crane goes down again and grabs B0013 tightly. It rises up, but a grenade hits it and the crane lets go of B0013, who once again goes down and falls flat on the ground.
Engineer: (Hits protective glass window) Rigged!
The crane goes down and grabs B0013. It goes up and brings him over to a pipe facing it. On the side of it says "Prize Bucket." B0013 drops into the tube and comes out into the armory.
…
Armory…
…
B0013: Ow.
Engineer: Sorry Chief, didn't mean to take so long.
B0013: It's ok.
Engineer: We'll send another Chief in your place. (Presses button)
A screen comes down with a selection of chiefs that could be ordered.
B0013: (Scrolls through) Let's try F1430. (Presses order chief button)
A vacuum sound comes from a room. The engineer and Master Chief head to the door. They look through the window. In the middle of the room is a blue Master Chief covered in ice. The entire room is rotating and the floor looks like a plate.
Ding! The door opens and the new Chief comes out.
Engineer: Hello Chief F1430.
F1430: (French Accent) Bonjour.
Engineer: Um, why do u speak French?
F1430: (French Accent) Because French iz ze language of love, no? (Clicks tongue)
Engineer: (…) Ok, we got a bisexual, French robot. Um, I'm afraid we're going to have to freeze you for the good of humanity. Security!
F1430: (French Accent) No! I'll be back! Eh? (Gets dragged away)
Engineer: Stupid robot, Canadians don't speak French.
B0013: But they do.
Engineer: Really? Hm, don't care. Now, get another Chief.
B0013: (Orders Chief) Ok.
Ding! Another Chief comes out of the microwave. I mean, thawing room.
Engineer: Hello, Chief X1337.
X1337: Hello.
Alarm goes off.
Speaker: Incoming missile blasts! Take cover!
A huge green beam blasts into the ship. B0013 is incinerated.
Engineer: Yikes! That's going to be painful.
X1337: Where did that come from?
A big alien spaceship starts to board the space station.
Speaker: We're under attack, all hands to defend!
X1337: You heard the man, give me a gun.
To be continued…
Engineer: Here's a pistol.
X1337: That's it?
Engineer: What you expect, a rocket launcher?
X1337: Well…with high tech weaponry all around us, I expected you guys to be awesome.
Engineer: No, what makes us awesome is that we build high-tech Master Chiefs who fight for us. We don't fight at all. Now get out there and die for your country! (Presses button)
The floor under Master Chief opens, and he falls into a hole.
Engineer: Don't die now, we'd hate to replace you.