I'll Make Myself Deserve You

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I'm sure somebody owns Tenchi Universe. I think it's the Cartoon Network.

Like they'd really care about me writing this.

Summary: Ryoko's dying thoughts. I know it's been done, but I just saw the episode and I had to give it a whirl.

-*-*-

Unrelenting pain surged through her body, radiating outward from the wound in her abdomen. Funny, that even a fatal injury didn't hurt as much as the breaking of her heart. If anything, it promised relief.

How long have I been in love? she wondered dazedly to herself. So long, I can't remember. So short a time, it seems to have gone by in seconds. The blood rising up in her throat gave her an excuse to choke a little. Loosen some of the tightness in her chest that had nothing to do with her difficulty in breathing.

"I'm just being silly," she chided herself aloud, seeking solace in the callous pirate that she once had been. Perhaps if she could just remember how not to care... But her mind was too full of fog to grasp any memories completely. "I'm kind of lonely," she confessed to the projected face of Ryo-ohki.

But I didn't fail you, Tenchi. That knowledge alone was her comfort. His smile of gratitude as he'd gone... leaving her forever to rescue the woman she despised more than anyone.

It wasn't his fault. It was her own, for being a lowly criminal without a conscience. She'd recognized the good in him, a stark contrast to the evil and selfishness that constituted her own tainted existence, and fallen in love immediately. It had taken seconds for her to realize, there was no one in the universe quite like Tenchi. Then it had taken a few seconds more for her to realize she was unworthy of such a pure soul. She had decided at that point that she would win him anyway... by hook or by crook.

Her best hadn't been good enough, however. Everything she was just wasn't good enough to make Tenchi love her. Despite this, he'd treated her so kindly... been so patient, even taken care of her.

And Ryoko had begun to change. Slowly, but surely, the kindness bestowed upon her had made its way to her core, made her aspire to something more than fulfilling her own desires. The Goodness inside Tenchi had touched her, and spread until it took hold of her completely.

Of all the least expected things in the universe, Ryoko the Space Pirate, Scourge of Planets, had changed. The old her would have called it "going soft." The person that she was now recognized herself as the person that had always been inside, behind a wall of aggression and power. Who could've guessed?

Her altruistic gesture might've finally proved her worth. She'd helped him... she'd put forth all the willpower she possessed into making sure that her Tenchi made it to the palace. For the first time in her life, Ryoko had done something selfless.

Too late now to make a difference, though. Not enough to make up for all the wrong she'd done. And now her time was up, and she hadn't won Tenchi. She wouldn't even get to see him triumph... not that it mattered. She would never get to see him again at all.

Death was something that she'd faced every day of her life as an outlaw. She'd laughed in its face, daring it to catch her- secretly fearing it all along but loving the thrill of escaping it time and again.

Now, Death stood over her broken form, demanding payment of the debt it was owed.

Is it time to go already?

She closed her eyes and steeled herself. After a lifetime of boldness and adventure, she would not be afraid now.

Goodbye everyone, she thought as thought slipped through her grasp. Everything was fading, now.

Goodbye, Tenchi.

-*-*-

Fin