Author's Note: Disclaimer found below.

Warnings: This story contains a.) shonen-ai, b.) outright yaoi, and c.) sex involving such. If guys groovin' on guys isn't your thing, turn back now. Oh, and there's also either incest or masturbation, depending on your preferred interpretation of the SHM. ;-)

This chapter is the most explicit, but I feel that the sex is vague enough to only warrant an "R" rating, hence why I'm posting here. If you feel that this is in error, please contact me, and I'll take the story down to repost on a different site. Not gonna bite your head off. :-)

First Watch: Kadaj

Most nights, the three of them would work in concert. Find a place to camp, secure the bikes, make a fire, eat, set up the bedrolls. Begin their shifts for the night - instinctively, always in the same order, with Kadaj first - two of them sleeping while the third kept watch.

Most nights.

Some nights were different. Kadaj tried to place just why things happened differently, and the only thing he could come up with was that the more intense the day was, particularly the fighting, the more likely it was that things would be this way.

He sat on an outcrop of rock on the hillside above the dell where they'd made their campsite, hugging his knees to his chest as he scanned the surroundings, and tried not to be distracted. His brothers had barely finished eating this time, perpetually edging closer together until Loz was running his fingers through Yazoo's hair and Yazoo had complained that it was too warm and unzipped his coat a bit. Kadaj had left at that point. He'd had to; they'd have been on him if he'd stayed, and then there'd be nobody to keep watch.

It wasn't warm at all. Not up here. He'd zipped his coat all the way up and the wind still nipped at him, even through the leather.

The wind could be downright unhelpful, at times. Like now, when it was cold and carrying distracting sounds to him from the campsite below. He glanced down at his brothers, the firelight gleaming from leather and skin. Still mostly leather at this point. They curled around each other like yin and yang, the wind bringing him their low, muffled voices.

Perhaps it was the thrill of killing that did this to them. The flavor of blood; feeling the prey's struggles become weak, then cease; the way the eyes became unfocused and dull. The power of taking. Of Ending. Between that thought and the sounds of his brothers, he was beginning to want release himself.

He looked away again. Apart from the warm light below, only the crescent moon gave light to the barren plains. The only sound besides the wind and the voices it carried was that of the blades of plains grasses softly hissing against each other.

There was peace in that emptiness and similarity of sound. Even if his brothers were nowhere near as quiet as the grass.

The sounds changed, Loz's voice suddenly more clear, groaning Yazoo's name loudly enough that anyone else who might be near would know it. Kadaj winced. They had no sense when they were like this - only want. It fell to him alone to face the world and keep them safe while nothing else existed for them but each other.

Yazoo was making those breathless little whimpers that always seemed so incongruous coming from that voice, if not that appearance. He was on his back, his coat only on by one sleeve now, his unclothed arm clawing at Loz's bare shoulders as his brother crouched low between his legs. His voice cut off mid-cry as he arched his back, legs bracing and slipping in the dirt.

Kadaj looked away again. He almost wished that there was something to see in the darkness. Something to distract. Something less beautiful.

Another sharp sound from Yazoo, and Kadaj whipped his head around to look at his brothers again. There was no need. No danger. Only Loz on Yazoo, still as stone, waiting for his brother to tell him to move again and almost visibly trembling with the anticipation. Low voices - they spoke to each other with words that Kadaj didn't understand.

Kadaj's chin dropped to his knees and he stared out at the dark and silver landscape. This was not the viciousness that he associated with sex spurred by death. There were times that he'd barely been able to breathe for the heat of it, the power of feeling one of his brothers squirming beneath him, completely in his thrall the same as prey that fell to him.

This was nothing like. It was slow and comfortable and familiar and... warm. He wasn't sure of the right words to describe it. This was not want. It was need.

His eyes strayed to them again, falling to the rhythmic motion of Loz's hips. He was on his knees, driving hard into Yazoo, who'd locked his legs around Loz's waist. The bedrolls had become so displaced and disheveled that each thrust drove Yazoo's shoulders into the rocky ground.

It must hurt. It had to. But that didn't seem to matter.

Kadaj blinked slowly as Loz moaned, curling over Yazoo, both of them breathing hard. They stayed like that for a few long minutes, speaking in low voices again, with Yazoo stroking Loz's hair and shoulders.

And then Yazoo moved again, shifting, slowly pushing Loz onto his back. Kadaj heard him laugh.

They could go on for hours like this, playing off of each other. They were going to be so exhausted tomorrow.

Perhaps it wasn't the power of causing death. Perhaps it was the death itself - the taste of mortality that was otherwise so foreign to them. The knowledge that this existence would change. End.

Perhaps being reminded of that made them want to savor what was here.

He wanted to be with them.

He knew that, when they were done, whichever had more energy left would come to trade places with him, and the other would happily play with him for as long as they could stay awake, if he wanted. It was only necessity that shut him out.

But that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted all three of them together, and safe, and free. It wasn't going to happen until Mother came and made the Planet hers - and even then, things might... be different.

There would never be enough time for them to be together.

He didn't know if his brothers even knew that.

It hurt.

It didn't matter. What was, was. If all he could do was watch, and keep the world at bay for a few hours so that his brothers could be together... then that was what he would do. For their sake.

All the same, it would be nice if it would rain. It wouldn't stop Loz and Yazoo - probably wouldn't even slow them down - but at least then he wouldn't have to listen to them.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII, its story, and characters are the property, copyright and trademark of Square Electronic Arts L.L.C., and no ownership or claim on said property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by their use in the work(s) of fan fiction presented here. This fan fiction constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This fan fiction is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes.