Story: Love Now, Live Later
Summary: "What do you plan to do when Shinra is gone?" It was a question with an answer that she hadn't quite understood or ever considered before. But now she thought about it, and she knew that Shinra would one day die and she would still remain the same. ShinraxCelty.
Disclaimer: I don't only Durarara!
...
"Say, Dullahan-san, if I may ask, what do you plan to do when Shinra is gone?" It was a question Izaya had asked with an answer she hadn't quite understood or ever considered before.
[What do you mean?"] She asked.
"Well, you are a mythical fairy that goes to greet the dead, and you've also been in existence for centuries upon centuries, if you think about it. Look; I'm really not trying to be pretentious, or anything," he smirked in amusement at her oblivion, shrugging a bit nonchantly, but he glanced back up, his auburn eyes meeting the helmet where her eyes would be. "but Shinra is just some mere human that happened to fall in love with you in a small portion of your many years of existence, to be honest. So are you saying you really never thought about all that at all?"
Izaya spoke in a tone that seemed to be provoking a genuine curiousity, and really wasn't anything too prying, after all, and was patient.
He tossed a rock up as he waited, glancing at her silent figure from the side.
He was right. She hadn't considered it before. She didn't really want to think about what he said, but she knew it was true. Her life had been so long compared to his, and she was practically immortal so she never really had to worry about her own death, and had sort of left her past life of visiting those on their death bed behind. But now she thought about it, and she knew that Shinra would one day die and she would still remain the same. Her body didn't age like his and she was basically frozen in time. So what would she do when he passed? Now that she knew him, and he had always been there since, she couldn't quite imagine life without him. Would things eventually just go back to the way it was before or would she continue partaking in Japanese living? Would she finally be captured by the police or something else?
She doubted anybody could ever love her the way Shinra had and vise versa. Hell, their meeting wasn't even suppose to happen, but by some fluke, it had, and over the 'few' years she he had gotten to know him, she had began to experiance joy she would have never known had she not met him, and had grown attached to him and had also gained friends, and had grown accustomed to Japanese culture and these humans' ways of living.
- Before, I wouldn't have known, but now, when I think about it, if he were suddenly gone, I... What would I do?
[...I didn't,]
She had finally typed her answer, and at reading it, he narrowed his eyes a bit.
[Because I guess I never really thought about the difference between how we age.]
"Really? Wow," he gave rather pitiful smirk, and it wasn't clear if he was mocking her or not. And she decided she didn't care. "I guess the saying 'ignorance is bliss' really does fit this, then, ne? I honestly thought you had, so I was curious what you would say. You know, I bet Shinra probably doesn't even know, either. Or maybe he does," Izaya smiled. "and that's why he doesn't say anything. Possibly, he just wants to make you savour your life as much as he possibly can as long as he's still alive. As long as you stay with him, I take it that his life with you might just be the only goal he has in that short life of his."
Celty thought about it and agreed. That sounded like Shinra. He was always lying to her to keep her with him, and to keep her from seeing the worst parts of life. All because he only wanted her to look at him.
- But when Shinra's gone, what will there even be to look at anymore?
[Well, he did say he wanted to give me new memories, apart from the ones I lost when I lost my head, but I don't know.]
Celty had started typing, but didn't know what all to say to that.
-"I can't read him like he can me."
"I think you should just treasure all of them like he so strongly wants you to, Celty. Ne?"
she heard Izaya say, and wondered if she had heard wrong. Izaya had never spoke with any kind of kindness nor support for somebody like her.
[Huh?]
She had typed her inquiry, but Izaya gave a rather spiteful smirk, as if ignoring her, but what came out of his mouth after that confused or surprised her, one, no less.
"Alas, this world really is so full of so many different kinds of tragedies, wouldn't you agree, Courier? Financial problems, suicide, hate, war, death, and so much more. And then there's love."
Before she could have replied, he continued. "And that's why I love this world, because who else will, if I don't, ne?"
She would have called him a disgusting bastard knowing about his twisted form of 'love' but something stopped her.
It could have been some underlying tone in his voice, or maybe it was the look in his eyes. Either way, no matter what it was, she knew that something had momentarily captivated her attention and made her want to just listen to him.
Perhaps... it was because just then, she realized that what she'd seen, his twisted love for humanity might not be all that different from Shinra's twisted love for her when she thought about it. Maybe Shinra's words about wanting to love somebody even if hurt people had influenced Izaya.
And just as she had expected, he soon continued when he saw that she hadn't said anything and probably wasn't going to.
"I myself, just want to love everybody and for them to accept who they are and love themselves for it as long as they live. I want to make a use of all humans. And I love them all, broken or not, but that monster Shizu-chan hated me for no real reason, you know? So that's why I hated him, because I can't stand being hated by humans. I have to love them all, so I just want them to all love me, too. As I said before, though, I'm not a hero and I'm not perfect at all. I wouldn't throw my life away for a human because if I was gone, I won't be to love my humans as long as I would have been able to before. On the other hand I'm not heartless enough to go and kill somebody. Believe it or not, I do value human lives just like anybody else, you know? Say," he glanced at her briefly, before looking towards a nearby park where several children were running around and playing with a ball. "if I may ask, have you ever heard of a manga or anime called Noragami?"
[...No. What's it about?] Due to the influences she'd had from Yumasaki Walker and Karisawa Erika, she'd picked up on the meaning of some common terminology used in Japan, and especially more about the Japanese animation industry.
Apparently she, herself, was also considered to be 'tsundere' by them, and Shinra had only ever added to their odd antics. Not that she particluarly minded it, but she hadn't thought that Izaya would care for it.
Then again, maybe he'd want to be a part of it because of his 'love for humanity' and would have wanted to understand it all for the single purpose of further understanding his humans.
"Well, in a sense, it's about kami that are created from the wishes of humanity," he explained with a distant look in his eyes as he stared up at the sky. "'good' and 'bad' ones alike. To be more frank, those wishes are the only thing that keeps them in existence But if one ever happened to fall in love with a mere human, it would be really tragic, because they're quickly forgotten by all humans, while they, themselves, don't. Aside from that, the human they love would eventually die, leaving that kami there to continue searching and just find another purpose as they continue struggling just to keep existing. When the only wishes they recieve are wishes to kill other people, then they have to grant them all because they're afraid of dying. Then there are others that live so long until they just want to die. To be even more honest, my dear courier, I really do pity you. It must be quite hard, ne...?"
And before Celty could say anything, Izaya had briefly patted her shoulder before walking off, leaving her to ponder his words. He didn't even look back, secretly wishing he hadn't said anything. He knew that Shinra would probably be mad at him, but he'd already opened his mouth,hadn't he?
"Guess I did it again, then, huh...?"
Later that day...
Beside Kawagoe Highway, A Condominium.
"Hey, welcome back, Celty!"
At seeing Shinra, the man she'd learned to treasure so much, and hearing his voice, despite being a dullahan which shouldn't even be feeling these things to begin with, so many intense emotions had whelled up in Celty's heart and her chest tightened.
[Hey, Shinra. Glad to be back. How are you?]
She tried to type casual, but felt like her reply was off and too formal. She couldn't even look up at him anymore, and began to walk to her room, when Shinra stepped in front of her and grabbed her shoulders.
"I'm doing well enough," he smiled, with a sudden mix of worry in his eyes. "but what's with that melancholic expression, hm? Can you tell me? Did the cops come after you again?" Shinra asked softly, reading Celty well enough to know that she was obviously upset about something. How did he always manage to do that?
Shinra opened his mouth to speak, but closed it when she lost it and tightly embraced him, not currently able to come up with words to express herself at the moment.
"Celty... I'm so happy you're holding me like this, but you're suddenly acting way too kind to me!"
[What? Do you want me to kill you?]
"Okay, now you're sounding like Shizuo-kun," he laughed a bit nervously. "but really, what's wrong? I can't fully help you unless you talk, ne? Why are you crying, my honey...? Believe it or not, it makes me want to cry, too..."
"Can you at least please look at me?" Shinra asked, feeling a pang in his heart at seeing this.
She couldn't.
"Did somebody say something mean to you? Please talk to me, Celty? For once, I'm truly oblivious, but I'm assuming something happened after you finished that job. Was it Izaya...? Did he say or do something?"
-"Should I tell him?" She wondered.
"Please do?"
-"...! He did it again..., but if I told him..., would he get mad at Izaya? What Izaya said was cruel in a way, but he was right. And now I don't know how to act."
"Just talk to me and act like you always do. I'm sure Izaya has no ill will against you when it comes down to it, but either way, you're here now so that's really all that matters, you know?" He said, and that's when she couldn't take it any more and snapped at him.
[But you won't always be here, liar! What am I suppose to do when you're gone?!]
She suddenly began typing anxiously into her PDA. Shinra was standing back, and was ready to read every word Celty typed, even if he was up all night.
[Izaya made me realize something. You'll die eventually, so don't even try to say that you'll always be here! You're only a human, you idiot! You have one short life compared to me! Why are wasting it on me?! You became detatched and practically friendless and it's all my fault! I don't understand you at all!]
"Celty..."
[We shouldn't have even met! You would be normal and would have a normal life, and I wouldn't have to suffer because when you're gone, I'll be alone! All the time we've spent together, none of it will be worth it because you won't be with me anymore! I'm terrified of it now! You don't understand, Shinra!]
"Well, I guess you're right that I would be normal in a way, but even if I'd fallen in love with somebody else, I would still be me and would have probably turned out the same, you know? Quite frankly, I don't care to be normal. I never did. Also," Shinra smiled sadly, pulling her back into an embrace again. "you're not alone, Celty. You never will be."
Celty tensed at hearing this, before she prepared to write on her PDA, but Shinra's hand then held onto hers, stopping her from doing so. "Stop that... and just relax and listen to me like always, Celty..., alright?"
Reluctantly, she stopped struggling, but it obviously didn't ease her anxieties very much.
"All those moments we spent together, and your memories of me is what connects us, Sturlinson Celty. Even if I'm not with you physically, you're memories of who I was will always continue to live on inside you, because you have a human's heart which can love, just like me, my father, Orihara-kun, Shizuo-kun, Simon-san, Ryuugamine-kun, Sonohara-san, and everybody else you've met since coming her. We will always live on inside you. I never wanted you to get in contact with you head, or even said anything about this, because, above all, I just want you to be free to live. But I guess I'm kind of glad Orihara-kun did say something, after all. I had no idea you'd take it so hard. Plus, when Celty holds me like this, I get really happy. She's so cute and..." He began to trail off into silence, blushing, when a PDA was suddenly shoved into his face.
[Hey, Shinra... You really are an idiot, but thanks...]
"Hm? No problem! Anything for My Honey Celty!" Shinra blushed giddily. "And that's why you love me isn't it?"
[Shut up...]
"Whatever you say," Shinra beamed, before his expression unexptedly grew serious again. "but can you promise me something, first?"
[What is it?]
"Promise me that you'll love me, for now," he said, reaching up and removing her helmet throwing it onto the couch, before closing his eyes and putting his lips to where her lips would have been had she had a head."and live for me later."
He then pulled her into an even stronger hug than before, resting his chin over her shoulder. "Okay?"
[Deal.]
It was obvious that there were many thoughts and contradictory feelings soaring through her mind and head, but there was no one word to describe them all, and she then decided that maybe there didn't need to be, after all, for maybe the only thing she should follow had been with her the whole time, and the answer was in her heart, even if she didn't physically have one.
She didn't need a head to verbally convey her thoughts, and she didn't need it, because she was a dullahan and her true feelings lied in her body.
She already had a way of communinication through the PDA that Shinra had given her. If something happened to it she would definitely feel bad, but she could get another PDA, and speak through it, all the same.
After all, someone once said actions speak louder than words. Shinra had taught her a lot in these few years she'd been in Japan, and what he had taught her and especially shown her, he would always live on through everything she did.
Right now, she would love Shinra, and let him love her in his whole short life if that was what he wanted and later, when he was 'gone', her purpose for living would be to live for and through everything he had given her, all physical and intangible aspects included.
Shinra was ecstatic at her reply.
"Celty! You make me so-"
[You agreed to be quiet, remember?]
"Ah, you're right. You act so mean sometimes, but you're actually really sweet, you know?"
[Idiot.]
"But that's one reason why I love you, Sturluson Celty."
...
"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring." - Oscar Wilde
~ Fin
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A/N: I hope you all liked it? Please review and tell me what you think! Onegaishimasu! 3