Disclaimer: The Mortal Instruments and The Infernal Devices are not mine. Yes, I have drawn the fearless rune on my cheek and written the meaning on my knuckles in Sharpie for a roller derby bout (which actually occurred today). But that doesn't in any way mean they belong to me. (No, I will not tell you my derby name, for then you could find out where I live. Creepers!)
Warning: This story will not include any graphic sex or nudity, but it will more likely than not include bloodshed. It shouldn't be too terribly graphic. If you have not read up to CoFA and CP, then there will be spoilers. You have been warned.
A/N: First off, I'd like to apologize for being gone so long. I know that I have not in any way been very reliable when it comes to updating stories and the like. However, I cannot help it. So this is my written apology. Now, on to the real A/N: Magnus and Alec are wonderful characters, whom I've tried very hard to keep in that character, though at times it is very hard to do so. This story is set post-City of Fallen Angels and pre-City of Lost Souls, since the latter has yet to be released. I've probably forgotten some plot points that are rather vital to the story, and for that I apologize. If you send me a PM or a review pointing something out, I will do my best to fix it and work my plot around it, as I'd like this to try and stay as canon as possible. Oh, and one last thing. If at any time I write Miyako instead of Magnus, please forgive me... Miyako is a character of mine, and my fingers have issues differentiating between their names at times! Just point this out (although I should have fixed it myself if it happens) and I'll edit it. Enjoy, and remember to review!
Chapter 1: The Argument
"What are you reading?" Alec asked as he stepped through the doorway of Magnus's apartment, spying the cover of a thick white book lying atop his famous rainbow pants.
Magnus glanced up quickly and set the book beside him, unconsciously covering the title with a thin hand. "Nothing," the warlock replied. He scooted across the couch, trapping the book between his back and a pillow, and patted the seat next to him for Alec to sit down. "Come canoodle with me."
Alec made a face at him, but crossed the room and sat close beside him anyway. "That's the first thing you say to me? That you want to ... 'canoodle', as you call it?" He frowned. "Magnus, I want to talk to you."
Magnus was immediately concerned. "What's wrong?" he asked as he turned to Alec, who propped his legs on his boyfriend's lap. "Did something happen with your family?"
Alec looked away from him, searching for something to settle his gaze on. Finally, it rested on Chairman Meow, who was lounging at Magnus's feet. He really didn't want to tell him what was on his mind. They had talked about it before, but nothing had culminated in happiness for them on the subject. He doesn't understand, he thought. That's why...
"No, nothing is wrong with them. They are as happily ignorant of the way I live as they've always been. They might acknowledge our relationship, Magnus, but they try very hard not to think about it."
He hummed sympathetically and hugged Alec gently. "I know, but it'll be okay. At least your mother hasn't hanged herself and your father, who really wasn't your father, tried to drown you."
Alec stared at him reproachfully. "Magnus, I... You were the one who asked if they-"
Magnus sighed. "I wasn't trying to be passive aggressive, dear. I just meant to say that it could always be worse." Blue sparks flew from his fingertips, and he magicked a single red rose into his hand, the lower part of its stem wrapped in creamy ribbon to help prevent being stabbed by its thorns. "For you," he said softly, passing his boyfriend the flower. Alec sniffed it and gave him a small, lopsided smile. "Tell me what's on your mind. You've worried me now."
"Fine," he murmured, twirling the rose between his thumb and forefinger. "Since you asked so nicely... Well, it's about Camille," he said finally, deciding to build up to the real topic.
Magnus looked surprised. "Alec, I thought I told you... I'm not in love with Camille anymore," he said with utmost patience.
"No, that's not what I meant... What I meant was..." Alec fell silent. "Oh, forget it." He stared at Chairman Meow once more, wishing the cat would leave. Sometimes he felt like he could understand them as Church could.
The cat simply stared at Magnus, then stood and hissed at Alec. He walked past the couch, turning only long enough to glare at his master. "He's gone now. And you know that he can't really understand our words or thoughts, right?"
"How did you..."
"You muttered it," Magnus said, reaching for his hands. He took one and kissed it, smiling at the mortal man whom he loved so much.
"But you're the one who always talks to him like he can understand us, and-"
"I know. Come on, I have a surprise for you. Maybe it'll make you more willing to tell me what's wrong."
Magnus pulled Alec to his feet and walked him across the room and into the kitchen. "I made dinner," he announced proudly, spreading his hands wide to indicate the counter filled with food.
Alec looked dubious as he poked at a plate of chow-mein with a pair of chopsticks. He sniffed. "Liar," he accused promptly. "You stole this from Taki's."
"Ah, fine!" Magnus scowled playfully, swinging his arms around Alec and kissing him swiftly. "But I wanted it to actually taste good, you know? How would you like it if the food I made had been awful? You might not love me then!"
Alec just laughed at his overreaction. They sat down and ate, Magnus watching him carefully for any shift in his mood. When they finished, Alec finally began to talk.
"It wasn't really about Camille," he admitted. "It was about my mortality." He looked up through his lashes at Magnus in the way that he knew drove him mad.
"Okay..." He took a deep breath. "What about it?"
"You know how I feel about it. I want to be immortal, too."
"And you know how I feel about it. I'd rather die with you than make you immortal. And plus, we don't have a way to do that yet, even if I did. Alexander, you don't want to live forever. People-"
"If I'm with you, I do want to live forever, Bane."
Magnus grinned wryly. "So we're on surname terms now, are we? Well. Don't call me Bane, Lightwood," he said lightly. "Now, as I was saying, people die. They live for a century if they are lucky, and then they wither away. You would miss the people in your life. Think, outliving your parents, your sister, your parabatai... You wouldn't like it, darling."
Alec looked away once more for the night and frowned. He knew that Magnus would say this; it's what he always said. But why couldn't he think of his own feelings? "I know all that. But Magnus, I love you. And if you tell me the truth, then you love me back. Why can't you-"
"Stop. I do love you. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that before you believe me, Alexander..." He sighed wearily, his eyelids drooping. "Now, I refuse to talk about this any longer for the night. I'm exhausted, and I think I made Chairman Meow run away again, thanks to your paranoia about him understanding people. Maybe you should go home."
Alec glared at his boyfriend, his eyes narrowing in contempt. "Fine, I will." And with a choking feeling in the back of his throat, he put his stele in his pocket and stormed out of Magnus's apartment, leaving the door wide open behind him.
The warlock sighed deeply, the sadness of hundreds of years of loneliness evident in his expression. Then he crossed the room and closed the door, murmuring, "I wish you knew the truth..."