Disclaimer: Not mine.
You know what I want? Another chance. At everything. A chance to tell my father how much I loved him. A chance to tell someone about my neighbor. A chance to make any one of my marriages work. A chance to make it all work like it was supposed to.
You ask, how was it supposed to be? You've got a job, a home, friends. How was it supposed to be?
For starters, I was supposed to be happy. Not this shell of a person. Not this cynical, mean old bastard. Not this pitiful old man. I was supposed to have a wife and kids who loved me and I them. A wife and kids I'd do anything for.
I was supposed to save lives. I'm a cop. It's the very definition of my job. Cops save lives. I hurt them more than I help. Sure, there's the occasional life that I save, but it's not enough. Lord, it's not nearly enough. Look at Sarah Logan. I might as well have killed her. I should've told Cragen I couldn't, told him to hand it off to someone else. Someone who didn't care like I did.
I was supposed to save my neighbor, too. That's why she stood there everyday. She was waiting. Waiting for me to open my big mouth and tell someone. I didn't even tell anyone afterwards. Didn't tell them I had seen her like that. Seen her black and blue. She waited for me until the end. And I never came.
I was supposed to have a father see me grow up. See me succeed. See me fail, of which he would have seen more. He was supposed to be here so I could tell him how much I love him, how much I care. Tell him I don't hate his guts. Tell him I'm here for him and he doesn't have to give up. To tell him I get it, how he feels. Tell him I know what it's like to question everything you've done and wonder if it was right or wrong, justified or not. I was supposed to have him here.
But I guess it's too late now. For everything.