A beautiful song inspired me (Swing life away by Rise Against) to write this fanfiction. Maybe there will be some M rated chapter, still don't even know the details but I updated it so you can decide that I should continue or not. ( :

I hope you like this, the English is not my first language and all the mistakes are mine.

I don't own the Blacklist!

"I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow"

1. Enough

Elizabeth woke up four in the morning and her first thought was the next;

Enough!

Wake up, go to work, chasing bad guys, come home, fall asleep, repeat.

Elizabeth Keen had enough of her life.

She just survived the days since Tom had disappeared – which was almost a year ago. She was only thirty-two but she felt herself old and weak. Every goddamn day was a great pull on that pretty rope around her and day by day, inch by inch this rope got tighter, it took away all of her breaths and strangled her.

But today was different. Something new; time of the realization. The reason of her misery was the role she lived in; the perfect-good-girl-law-obeying FBI agent who lived how the society required from her.

And she was sick of it.

As she lay on her bed and stared the ceiling her thought went back to the ancient times when she had used to be free and happy, doing what her heart wanted consequences had been damned.

At the summer of 2003, she had packed her necessary things into a bag, kissed her beloved father's cheek, got into the car and she had gone for two months. She hadn't planned anything; she had woken up in Maryland and fall asleep in Charleston. She had been everywhere, around the country while she had met with the most interesting people and things in this life.

From East to West, North and South.

Liz had spoken with a family who had been working on their farm for a living, with a homeless man who had been a veteran from the war of Vietnam. There had been a girl who had worked at a jazz club as a singer and waitress too; the same who had satisfied her curiosity about kissing a woman, then there had been the old lady who had been waiting for her bus when Lizzie had picked her up, because the bus had never arrived. Rose, the old lady had told Liz that she would go to see her grandson for a first time.

Liz's heart melted at the warm memory then she chuckled when the thought of Rick crossed her mind. Rick had been a sweet transvestite who had taken her to a gay bar. It had been a hell of a night! She had absolutely loved it.

Liz clearly remembered that her next destination was Peter's arms. Peter had been a 45 year old history teacher. For a first sight he had been shy but in the bedroom he had been the most skillful and passionate lover she had ever had. She had stayed with him for three days and they had left his bedroom only when they had been hungry or one of them had had to use the bathroom. Both Lizzie and Peter had known that they would never meet again so they had been honest with each other in the most brutal way; no topic had been inappropriate during that three days. And of course they had lived out their wildest, almost perverse fantasies on each other.

She had got really drunk with a group of hippies at the beach – that was the day when the song Because by The Beatles had won a totally new perspective in her.

Before she had returned to home, Liz had stopped at a tattoo artist who had created a visible fond memory of her fantastic summer on her skin in a small symbol of swallow at the left side of her lower back…

Liz sighed. She wanted to change into her twenty-one years old version again who wasn't afraid of the world but most importantly; who wasn't afraid of herself.

Because the scariest moments were when she was awake in the lonely hours of the morning and she was just wondering about leaving this house, the city, the country, Ressler, Cooper, Aram, Samar, Dembe, Red….Red. Her heart ached for a pregnant moment then jealousy ran through. She was jealous of his life sometimes. Maybe he was the misery himself, with broken heart and broken life – but at least he could live by his own rule and no judge above him but his principles. He had the power to jump into his jet and fly everywhere he desired; watching the sunrise on the Great Wall, having breakfast in Australia, feel the cold Russian winter, enjoying a great lunch in Florence, savoring every sip of the greatest wine in a balcony at Provence, fill the delicious silence with a cup of English tea and witnessing the calming rainy afternoon in London, feeling the last sunburst of the day on his skin in Portugal, get overwhelmed by the heated Havana night and watching those beautiful green lights at the Artic as the last sight of the day. She wanted all of this; meeting with ordinary and weird people, cultures, languages, foods, drinks, pleasures, arts, designs. Listening live music, watching movies, get drunk, having hangover, dancing, swimming in lakes, drowning into the sensation of a man's touch, make love while the weather goes hell outside, feel the wind of her naked skin, seducing, flirting, loving…feeling alive! Feel all of her senses come alive again and cry because of the happiness.

Just once again.

Her breaths quickened at the thought; why not? There was no Blacklister and she hadn't taken any day off in the past two years, so why not?

She quickly went to have shower, dressed up and left her house.

She was about to get into her car when she had realized that the Sun started climbing up to the sky while the somnolent city was still peaceful. She wanted to last this beautiful picture as long as possible and Red's actual safe house was thirty minutes from there so she chose walking while Liz was listening her favourite morning playlist through the headset.

She was reckless.

Maybe this was going to be a mistake in the perspective of her carrier.

But she liked it! God how she loved it!

For a long time this was the first thought which excited her completely. Liz felt like who had just woken up from a terrible nightmare where she had been totally disinterested and emotionless.

She had stopped at a bakery and she bought a few pastries for breakfast. Maybe Red would accept her offer with something sweet, she thought.

It was still early when she arrived but Liz was sure that Red had already run three businesses. To her biggest surprise, instead of the fresh Concierge of Crime in three piece suit the sleepy Red opened the door while he tried to put on the bathrobe but his right hand which held the gun prevented the plan. For a brief moment she couldn't help but her eyes wandered on his body from his masculine calves, across his burgundy boxer underwear (which clearly show his not so small manhood), up on his not-so-well-shaped-but-still-tough-and-hot torso. Her eyes caught the sight of his tattoo on the left side of his chest but as the bathrobe hid it, she blushed a little and looked at Red's eyes who thankfully hadn't witnessed her staring.

"Lizzie, what do I owe the pleasure to see you here…" she found quiet cute as his still sleepy eyes tried to catch the exact time on his wristwatch. "Five in the morning?"

"Can I come in?" when she saw his still questioning eyes Liz offered the paper bag with a small smile on her face. "I brought some pastry for breakfast too."

Red narrowed his eyes but let her in. He had no earthy idea why she had been there but he didn't mind at all since she had been so kind to him. However he felt that Liz would want something in return.

"What is your morning drink?" Liz asked while she put the muffins and croissants to a big plate.

"Usually I drink tea but today I think the coffee would be the best." he rubbed the nape of his neck while he couldn't help but yawned.

She didn't know why but she found this side of Red quiet adorable.

"I'll make some. How is this machine is working?" she was too occupied with the coffee machine, she hadn't even heard Red's question, only when he grabbed her wrist gently and stopped her.

"Lizzie, what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing is wrong." she said with innocent eyes.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that you're here but you should tell me the reason." his voice was law and gentle.

"Okay. I want something. F-from you." she swallowed and closed her eyes for a moment. Now or never. "For a first time I didn't come here as your partner; I'd like to be your client."

"I'm not sure that I understood you." he furrowed his brows.

"Red, please, I want to disappear for a while…and I'd like you to help me."

to be continued…

Please, be gentle but…should I continue or just simply throw it into the trashcan? :D