Title: Saying it

Summary: I'll always remember what happened when I had to say goodbye, when I had to say I do, when I had to say hello, when I had to say no, when I had to say yes, when I had to say I'm sorry, and when I had to say I love you.

AN: All right guys! Somewhere in the very back part of my teeny tiny brain lurked a thought, and when the thought resurfaced I remembered that i had a second chapter to this so i decided to continue it XD

Disclaimer: Rose are red violets are blue do i own Shugo Chara? Absolutely not pwn!

Chapter One: Saying Goodbye

It was never an easy thing to do. I don't even know why people bothered inventing the word. That was all it was, a seven letter word that shouldn't mean everything, but just enough to tell you what you needed to know. I never thought I'd have to be the one to say that dreaded word. But that was just because I wasn't one to associate with other people. I was antisocial, a person who hated being with other people, a person comfortable with being alone, of being contained in silence.

That was who Rima Mashiro was. Moving from place to place, from one school to another, it never bothered me like I thought it ever would, but I guess that was only because, I never had to use the dreaded seven letter word, what with everything that was happening with my parents and all.

"She has a good personality" you once said, that's right, I heard you. I'm not one to listen in on other people's conversations, but I just couldn't pull myself away from the door, once I heard that your topic of conversation was me. I just wanted to see what you thought of me, did you think I was bratty, spoiled, a liar?

Apparently not. Following up on my feelings the jealousy melted away, my feelings growing incoherent and mixed-up. I had a very good chart of people in my life. Each and every person was sorted into a category, keeping my life in perfect balance.

There were strangers; these were the people that I don't know, people who I don't bother with. Next were my friends, two particular names there you might recognize, Amu Hinamori and Yaya Yuiki. There were also my acquaintances Tadase Hotori, Kairi Sanjou, and Kukai Souma. I might have a separated column for possible acquaintances, Ikuto Tsukiyomi and Utau Hoshina's names are jutted down there somewhere, because Utau is usually with Amu so I get to hang out with her and Ikuto talks to me about his so called 'strawberry'. He's a good guy.

But you, I just can't place you anywhere, not in friends, not in acquaintances, not even in possible acquaintances, but I don't think you fit into strangers either.

At the age of thirteen you've been through a lot, and putting you into one of my black mail schemes just wasn't going to pull through my conscience, at least that's what I thought when I started planning on pairing Amu and Tadase up. The way you looked at my best friend while she spoke to Tadase, it sort of pained me to see how you longed for her. Yes Nagihiko, you are not the only one capable of understanding other people's emotions.

With every year that passed, my feelings for you grew more tangled and jumbled up than ever. But a certain someone sees my confusion and instead of helping me clear my feelings up, they decide to play with them even more. At mornings when we pass by each other while walking to school, you send me this innocent smile that made me think whether you were mocking me or you were seriously genuine. When the teacher gives us worksheets and you happen to finish early, you pass by my chair and give me this look that I can never understand.

Middle school passed by quicker than I would have ever thought possible and before I had known it, High School had already begun. Maybe that was just because I've been utterly abandoned by my closest friends, by the people on my extensive list. First Kairi had gone, then Yaya got a scholarship for her ballet in France, followed by Tadase moving up to Kyoto for a better school, Kukai had gone on tour with Utau, which didn't affect me very much, still, the last to move was Amu who decided to follow Ikuto on his search for his father, even Kusukusu had gone, saying that my time of need for her was over.

But what annoys me to this very day, is the fact that I would gladly take the pain of me saying 'Goodbye' to them a hundred times over, because it would never seem to qualify to the pain that I felt when I merely thought of saying the dreaded seven letter word to you. I will never know why you affected me this much. It would have been really easier if I hated you. But what with everything going on and with the years passing by fleetingly like seconds, I couldn't push you away. I guess the melted jealousy had been reformed into something else, possibly to the multiple stages of like.

I know the drill that goes on in my world. People would look at me, stare at me, and lust for me. But that was all that they could do. They would never actually love me for who i really was, not for who i might have been under the cute face and beatific smiles. They never notice the pained expression in my eyes like you did whenever you saw mewalking through the halls of the well known Seiyo High School University.

During graduation, though we hadn't spoken in years, I couldn't bear to say goodbye. You stared at me with glazed eyes and a rather ominous aura, as if you were dreading to tell me something bad, something you knew I wouldn't like. When you opened your lips to speak, what I wanted to do more than anything was to scream at you, ask you how you would possibly know what I liked and what I hated when you had ignored me for the past six years.

But the next thing you said stopped my rant short. Everything you did, you said, it all proved to be out of your character. You got down on your knee. You placed your hand, it engulfed my own, the warmth of your skin made me feel so light, so… so alive. Your eyes then shone in brightness that I recall seeing from when you watched Amu all those years. Then a thought occurred to me. You couldn't have fallen for me?

Turns out, sometimes the cynical Rima Mashiro could be proved wrong. You raised a velvet box in front of me, opening it gently. But I never got to see what was inside, and that was only because I had run away. Away from you. How would you expect me to look you in the eyes when you did what you've done, when everything in my mind screamed 'he's a dancer, sooner or later you'll have to find a way to tell him the seven letter word, can you live with yourself if that ever happened?'

The answer is no. I will never be able to do that, if ever it might happen. Much to my luck, you caught up to me, standing under the taunting cherry blossom tree you gave me a small smile. This smile was something I understood. It was your way of telling me that it was all right, everything was all right. Being unable to say anything else, you opted for pulling me into a hug, that was something I couldn't pull away from, and I just let you hug me, keeping me in the warmth you always held.

Two years later you and I had spent our lives in a prestigious college. You've influenced me in so many ways that I couldn't even start to think of counting them, cause I know you'd laugh at me and say 'Rima-chan you're giving yourself a brain hemorrhage, will you please just forget about it', and afterwards I'd do as you say. But whenever at some mornings, I'd wake up beside you and just stare at your sleeping face, you'd suddenly open your left eye then tease me for staring at you.

Life was perfect then. We'd have fun, as college friends, we never did reckless stuff. We always played safe; we always stuck by the rules. The best part of everything was, I never even thought of using the dreaded seven letter word. We never did get together though; we didn't become the perfect couple I once deemed we would be. I admit. I, Rima Mashiro can be very girly at times. And yes I think about these things, I mean what girl hasn't.

Several months later we broke the rules. No. we did more than just break them, we shredded the rules, we bended the rules, and we completely disregarded them and got together. We spent the night together, champagne in our hands, eyes with lust filled gazes and smirks growing bigger and bigger. You would speak to me, your voice oddly seductive and comforting. You kissed me for the first time, and I didn't mind that you had taken my first kiss.

In fact, I liked it. That wasn't the only thing I lost that night. I had also given myself to you. In turn you had given yourself to me. I was so lucky that night, I felt so selfish, so… so demanding that you would only belong to me, that no one else in the world would have the right to touch you because you were mine. That… that was how I felt when I woke up the next morning, face to face with a gentle smiling you.

Two months later I took the test. Guess what, you're a father. You freaked out when I told you, and it was hilarious. I wasn't even half as freaked as you were when I found out, and I was the one who was pregnant. When you got over the shock you grinned that Cheshire cat grin I fell in love with, then you scooped me in your arms, bridal style then twirled me around. Now, I was not the same girl you met back in grade school.

I was no longer the cynical Rima Mashiro. I had learned to express myself in feelings and emotions I would never have thought possible. I changed because of you. My life was a success because of you. I needed you so much, and you, of course, were there. You stayed by my side, during the hormonal attacks, the crying moments and of course, who could ever forget, the dilemma of an annoyed pregnant blonde.

Now I will never have to find a way to say goodbye. Because there will never come a time when I will have to use it.

AN: This is basically the same chapter so just review the next one since that's the new one but if you haven't reviewed the first one then please :D