The hand of beloved

by BeautifullyXFlawed

The living room used to be so bright with the smell of cooking pasta and sauce swirling through the air. Ludwig sniffed the air in hopes of catching the ghost of the smell that once annoyed him; his small hope was dash when his nose was met with nothing. Sometimes when he sits here, his ears could pick up the song of carefree singing. But of course that was just a trick, a visage.

The Hand of a beloved

By Tatiyana Parker

Fandom: Hetalia

Warning: violence, angst, Character death.

Ship: GerIta

Word count: 3,250

Ludwig sat down in the dim lit living; lips set in a frown and forehead wrinkled up from stress and his deep thoughts. Ludwig sighs as he stares at the empty space of the living room. He removed all the furniture that was once there, the pain of having it was too much. The TV sat unused against the wall and the pictures that once hung from the walls were stashed in a closet.

The living room used to be so bright with the smell of cooking pasta and sauce swirling through the air. Ludwig sniffed the air in hopes of catching the ghost of the smell that once annoyed him; his small hope was dash when his nose was met with nothing. Sometimes when he sits here, his ears could pick up the song of carefree singing. But of course that was just a trick, a visage his brain created to help cope with the crippling depression.

Ludwig grit his teeth and thought "how could the days go by so quick?"

Day 42

Ludwig sat in his lab, going over his lab reports over and over again as if his life depended on it. His eyes strained to focus behind his glasses; but the more he read the more the words blurred into nothing.

"West." A voice came from the door way that led into the lab. Ludwig recognize the voice instantly; but he didn't turn around. He needed to find what he was looking for.

"West!" The voice said more urgently, yet Ludwig still didn't turn around. A few minutes heavy footsteps echo through the cold white lab, the footsteps stopped just behind him. Ludwig paid it no mind, his eyes constantly scanning the paper searching for any missing evidence. Yet in the back of his mind he knew he missed nothing; but he still held onto that fragile bit of hope that he could find something.

Ludwig feels on a hand on his shoulder before he forcibly ripped away from his research. Ludwig found himself staring into the red orbs that belong to his older half-brother Gilbert.

"West, you need to relax a bit. You're constantly working and if you keep it up. You're just going to run yourself into the ground." Gilbert explains, worry for his little brother written all over his face. For a moment Ludwig felt some guilt as he stared into his brother's eyes. He could see the deep rooted worry that his brother had for him. Ludwig closed his eyes, ready to give up until a face flashed behind his lids. Ludwig opened them again before turning away from his brother.

"Brunder I am sorry; but I need to continue this work." Ludwig replied. Gilbert balled up his fist in frustration; he couldn't keep watching his brother slowly dig his grave.

"Feliciano wouldn't want you do this to yourself." Gilbert said under his breath. Ludwig's face darken before he turned around quickly. He grabbed Gilbert by the collar of his shirt before slamming him into the nearest wall. Gilbert gripped Ludwig by the arm and stared at him with a blank expression. Ludwig's face was twisted up in anger and his eyes screamed 'kill'.

"You know nothing, Brunder!" Ludwig yelled into his brother face, causing Gilbert to flinch a bit. "You never had someone to love, to promise that you will protect them with your life!" Ludwig yelled once again, tightening his grip as Gilbert starts to scratch at his arm.

Ludwig lowered his head as he says "you don't understand you can never understand because you have never had someone in your life that you want to hold on to dear life." Ludwig's grip slowly loosen as he explained "You don't know what it like to come home to find your once bright happy home, dull and lifeless. You don't know what it like to have the person that brighten up your day, stuck in a hospital. You don't know what it like to have the power to save that person; but you just fucking can't!" Ludwig dropped his brother as tears rolled down his face.

"Feliciano is in a coma, laid up in a hospital no longer smiling while I'm here living and can't even find this goddamn cure!" Ludwig screamed then sobbed as tears poured from his eyes. He then collapse in his chair, a hand over his eyes as he cried out all the pain he held in.

"Ludwig, you cannot blame yourself, everyone looking for this cure and no one is even close." Gilbert said as he rubbed his throat. He walks over to his brother before laying his hands on Ludwig's shaking shoulders. "You cannot destroy yourself trying to find this cure; Feliciano wouldn't want to see you like this."

"Then what do you want me to do! I don't want to let Feliciano die!" Ludwig yelled before sobbing again.

Gilbert squeezed Ludwig's shoulders to get him to look at him before replying "I want you to relax west, I want you to go to the hospital. Look at Feli and think about how he would feel if he saw you right now. Then get back to work." With that said Gilbert stood up straight and left the lab to let his little brother think.

Day 50

Ludwig stared at the heart monitor that slowly beeped, showing Feliciano's steady heartbeat. Feliciano laid there skinny and very frail, not like the Feli he wants knew. Wires covered almost his entire body, despite this though Feliciano looked very peaceful under the mask that forced his lungs to breathe. Ludwig just stared at his Italian, hoping that maybe he would wake up and give him that big smile. Oh Ludwig how I have missed you so much, let's go make pasta! Tears pricked the corner of his eyes, wishfully thinking the love of his life would wake up. Ludwig reached out and took Feli's limp lukewarm hand into his.

He squeezed it lightly as he whispered to the comatose Italian "Do not worry Feli, I will find this cure. You will smile again, I promise you." He then leaned over, placing a light loving kiss on top of Feliciano's forehead. Ludwig looked over Feliciano's face one more time before left the room, the steady beep of the heart monitor following him as he left.

Day 51

"Poor Ludwig." They whispered as he passed through the hallways of his work. He tried to ignore the whispers as he passed; but his ears always picked up the things they say.

"His husband been in a coma for a year now right?"

"Yea, I heard the only reason he looking for the cure is to save him?" one of the female scientists whispered.

"He never going to find it." One replied back, black talons tapping on the clipboard she held in her hands.

"He might as well give up."

Day 100

Ludwig sat in his study; the only thing to be heard was the scratching of his pencil against the paper. Hot tears rolled down his pale cheeks, he almost chewed through his chapped lips.

"I am sorry to inform you Mr. Ludwig; but we could not save him." Those words repeated over and over in his head constantly. They swirled and twisted causing his head to pound all over. Ludwig placed the pen down gently, tear drops fell onto the page. He reached into a drawer on his left, pulling out a sliver pistol. One bullet in it, it will only take just one. He brings the barrel up to his temple, pressing it lightly. Hands shook as he places a single finger on the trigger. Slow shaky breaths as he slowly pushes down on the trigger. He takes a deep breath then pushes it fully down.

Click!

There is nothing, no blood, no blinding white light. No Feliciano to greet him at the golden gates with that bright smile. There is no sweet release that Ludwig begged for. The gun jammed at the last minute leaving Ludwig alive and in pain. Ludwig threw the fun in anger; he fell to his knees and screamed every last emotion he felt. Anger, sadness, loneliness, all inside this desperate scream that did not sound human.

Ludwig screamed for good two minutes before his throat started to burn and itch. His screams died down as he prayed and begged God to take him from this pain. There was nothing though, Ludwig laid in the middle of his study crying. He was broken and empty without the love of his life. Feliciano was pronounced dead on December 15th, Christmas day. He died peacefully in his sleep, there was no suffering. The doctor called Ludwig that morning with the news. Ludwig felt numb, his promise he made to Feliciano was broken because he was a failure. He planned that morning to get it over it, drinking almost twenty beers in a row. He wrote the note and you know what happens from there.

After calming down a bit, Ludwig tried desperately to take his left again only to be met with the same result. After the second failed attempt Ludwig laid there in the middle of the floor. Falling asleep to the light sound of snow falling outside the window.

One year later

Ludwig sat in a café, glasses on and writing a paper for the research he had gotten so far. After going through therapy, Ludwig made it his goal to find the cure. He didn't want what happened to him to happen with another family. There has been no breakthrough yet, the air in his own lab was tensed. Everyone wants to find this cure; they want the fame and money that comes with it. All Ludwig wants is to end the suffering that many people in the world are going through. He looked down at his watch to see it was almost time for his older brother's Christmas party. He decided at the last second he would go, after all there was no one at home waiting for him. So Ludwig packed up all his stuff and pulled on his coat. He left the café after paying for his coffee; snow was falling down as he walked up.

Ludwig looked up for a second before getting into his car and drove off. Once he got to Gilbert's house he knocked on the door, a second later the door open to reveal Gilbert in all his glory.

"West you came!" Gilbert yelled before pulling Ludwig into the house. "I'm glad you decided to get the stick out of your ass." He pats Ludwig on the shoulder while laughing a bit. Ludwig gave his brother a smile and a nod. Ludwig looked around to see a bunch of the scientist talking and sitting around. Some were drinking and making small talk while others danced a bit the music that played in the apartment.

"Oh Ludwig you came to a party, glad to see you finally out of the house." Eliziveta said as she walked up, a small glass of wine between her perfectly manicured fingers.

"Ja, I might as well come since I am done with my work and no one will be waiting up for me." Ludwig said with a small grin.

Eliziveta returned the smile before taking Ludwig's hand as she said "Come there is someone I want you to meet." Eliziveta then forcibly pulled Ludwig through the party, leading to the kitchen. Ludwig raised an eyebrow questioning before stopping her midway.

"Wait one second Eliziveta who is this person you wish for me to meet?" Ludwig asked as the brunette turned to look at him.

"Oh her name Daisy; she a bright beautiful girl who has been assigned to my apartment recently and I believe you two could be 'friends'." Eliziveta said dropping hints of what her intentions were when it came to this introduction. Ludwig sighed then pinched the bridge of his nose, Eliziveta knew he wasn't with anyone; but they did not give her the permission to play matchmaker.

"Listen Eliz I know you feel like you are helping me; but I do no need your help in my love life. I will find someone who I am ready to move on and right now I do not feel the need to move on from Feliciano." Ludwig explained, trying not to wince a bit when he said Feliciano's name. A year later and the pain of losing of his lover was still hurting him.

"Oh I understand the love you have for Feliciano; but I feel it's time to move of Ludwig. Just this one time, give Daisy a chance. If it does not work out I promise you I will leave you alone." Eliziveta pleaded while staring into the blonde's dull blue eyes.

Ludwig sighed then have a few seconds answered "Okay fine I will give this girl a chance if you promise not to meddle in my love life again."

Eliziveta's face brighten up with a smile before leading him towards the kitchen once again. As they enter the kitchen a sweet sing song voice flowed through the air.

"I feel this party should have more pasta, pizza is great and all; but pasta." The crowd in the kitchen parted as the two made their way to the voice. Then Ludwig laid his eyes on the beautiful long browned hair woman by the stove. Her lush brown hair was up in a ponytail, held by a red ribbon. Her chocolate brown eyes shined with happiness as she babbled on about pasta to a party guest who looked like they could care less.

Her carefree loving smile brought a blush to Ludwig's pale face as he watched the angel talk. She was wearing a fuzzy white Christmas sweater that was bit too big for her with a long skirt that touched the floor and was the color of the Italian flag.

"Oh Daisy I have someone I want you to meet my dear." Eliziveta said as she pulled up the stunned Ludwig. "His name is Ludwig and Ludwig this is Daisy."

Daisy looked towards the two before she replied "oh hello." She walked up to Ludwig and gave him a bright smile. "Hi Ludwig as Eliziveta I am Daisy." Daisy sweet voice and bright smile caused Ludwig's blush to get an even deeper red.

He coughed into his hand and looked away as he replied "yes, yes hello it is very nice to meet you." Daisy giggled a bit when she noticed Ludwig's voice.

"Aww you're blushing, that is so cute Luddy." Daisy said giggling even more. This once again caused Ludwig blush to deepen and stretch all the way up to his ears. The rest of the night was filled with an embarrassed Ludwig and a bubbly Daisy. By the end of the night though, sparks were flying between these two. Soon the party was coming to an end and Ludwig found himself following Daisy to the door.

"It was really nice meeting you Ludwig I had such a fun time!" Daisy said looking up at him.

"Ja… I was wondering Daisy if you were willing to um…" Ludwig trailed off as his blush returned to his face. Daisy waited paiently, tilting her head to the side a bit questioning. Ludwig bit his lip before words started spilling from his lip "I was wondering if you would be so kind to maybe go out on a date me with me. I mean with not so many people around, like a dinner maybe."

Daisy interrupted Ludwig's rambling "I would love to go on date with you, how about my house. I can make a really big pot of pasta for the both of us, you like pasta right?" Ludwig stared into Daisy's brown eyes as he searched for words to say.

His face then soften into a smile before he answered "Yes I love pasta."

"Then it's a date." Daisy said with a bright smile before taking a card out of her person. "Here is my number, give me call alright." Ludwig nodded then watched as Daisy left the house. She gave an enthusiastic wave to Ludwig who of coursed returned it back. Daisy then got into her car and drove off as Ludwig stood in the doorway watching.

"Oooo look at the little lover boy." Gilbert yelled in a teasing tone causing everyone to laugh.

"Shut up brunder no one asked for your two cents." Ludwig yelled back causing more laughs to erupted from the party guest.

One year later

Ludwig sat in his study going over some reports; he could hear his girlfriend Daisy in the kitchen happily humming. The smell of pasta filled the air and oh how Ludwig missed it. Ludwig writes down a couple of equations before he realized something. He read over the report once then twice before rushed out of his study towards the basement. He sets up his chemical kit that he kept at home and started to mixing chemicals.

Three hours passed before Ludwig exited the basement, a vial of liquid in his hand.

He walked briskly to the kitchen before he called out "Daisy I think I found it, I think I may have gotten the cure." Daisy turned away from cutting sausages to look at her German lover.

"Oh Luddy you shouldn't play jokes like that on me silly." Daisy said with a smile as Ludwig walked over to her.

"No I am serious; I think I have found the cure. Finally I can end the suffering, I end all the pain." Ludwig replied excitedly, a rare huge smile on his face. Daisy stared at him in disbelief; she gripped the knife in her hand tightly. Ludwig started babble, happiness of finally finding a way to end some of the suffering in the world.

Daisy smiled sweetly as she hugged Ludwig from behind. "I am so proud of you, you can save the world." Ludwig smiled and opened his mouth to say something; but stopped as a sharp pain ran up his spine. "Too bad I cannot allow that." Daisy whispered. She pulled the knife from Ludwig's stomach. He fell to his knees clutching his stomach, blood dripped staining his white shirt.

He turned to look at his lover who still had that sweet smile on her face. "Why?" Ludwig whispered.

Daisy gripped Ludwig's hair and placed the knife to his neck. "Because I looked for the cure all my adult life and I will not let you take that away from." She whispered as she pressed the knife into Ludwig's neck. "But thank you for being so sweet, I have to say this is the happiest year of my life." Daisy sliced opened Ludwig's neck slowly.

"But I want to be happier." Blood squirted out of the slash on Ludwig's neck, blood poured from his mouth. Daisy let go of Ludwig, letting him fall in the pool of blood below. As his life slowly drained from Daisy hummed a tune while she washed the knife. She then grabbed her cell phone and made a call.

"Oh yes this Daisy Vargas, I have some great news. I ponetially found the cure; but before I hand it over I will need just a few things." Daisy said as she stared down at the corpse of the man she once called her lower.