Lafayette opens his eyes, blinking in the bright light. What happened? He couldn't remember; one second, he was in a hospital room, sick, the next, he's here. Where is here anyway? It was particularly strange.
He was standing on an endless white plane, with no walls or ceiling. He couldn't see a light source, and yet, there was no such thing as darkness. Even his own shadow had disappeared from under his feet. Laf took a deep breath, taking a step forward. His footsteps echo endlessly, and it sends a shiver down his spine.
He clears his throat, which also echos, "Bonjour?"
...Bonjour?...
...Bonjour?...
...Bonjour?...
Lafayette startles at the sound of his own voice, fading off in the distance. He turns in a circle, looking for something, anything. "Y a quelqu'un?"
...Y a quelqu'un?...
...Y a quelqu'un?...
...Y a quelqu'un?...
He gets no reply. Lafayette wraps his arms around himself and tries not to panic. This is very strange indeed. Why can't he remember anything? Where's his wife? His children? Where's the world? People, buildings, trees, animals, cars; it's all gone.
"Oops! Sorry I'm late!" A voice says from behind him.
Lafayette turns around, surprised to see a woman in a red suit standing before him. She has her hands in her pockets. Her hair falls in glorious curls around her shoulders, her eyes shine with an intensity that makes Lafayette shift on his feet. Her lips pull up into a playful smirk.
"I was a bit held up." She offers as an explanation.
Lafayette glances around, surprised to see another person. "Uh, where are we? What is this? Have you seen my wife? She's this tall and-"
The woman waves him off with one hand, saying, "Adrienne is fine. Alive, on Earth."
Lafayette blinks as he realizes, "Oh, so, that would mean that I'm…?"
"Dead, yeah." The woman walks towards him slowly, her eyes wandering away from him in an almost bored manner. "Please don't cry. It's always awkward when they cry."
Well, Laf isn't one for tears, but he certainly had to take in a deep, shaky breath. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling a bit hysterical. "Right. Dead. Okay."
The woman shrugs, "You lasted longer than I expected. I thought you'd die at twenty. You and your friends. Wild ones. Really fun, great entertainment." She smiles at him, and Lafayette shakes his head, still dazed.
"Who- who are you?"
"God." She replies instantly. "Can't you tell?"
Lafayette shakes his head once more, "You do not look like my god."
She shrugs, "And yet, here I am. It's not my fault you got it wrong. Don't worry, so did everyone else."
He closes his eyes and asks in a whisper, "So this is it then? My hell? It is being alone in this wasteland? Is this where I beg for your forgiveness? Confess my sins?"
"Nah." God shakes her head, "This is just the doormat. Hell doesn't exist. Surprise!"
Laf looks up at her, shock written clear on his face, "What?"
God grins, waving her hands lazily, "Yeah, everyone sins; it's okay. I don't care. In fact, this is Heaven. And in Heaven, you get to pick a sin you'd like to keep doing for forever."
Lafayette blinks in surprise as seven doors appear behind the woman. She doesn't seem fazed in the slightest. Each door is labeled, and Lafayette reads them quickly.
Luxure.
Gourmandise.
Cupidité.
Paresse.
Colère.
Envie.
Fierté.
"Les sept péchés capitaux?" Lafayette mumbles to himself, staring at each door carefully. They all look a little different. But one keeps catching his eye; he tries to look away, but it draws his attention.
God smiles, obviously aware of his struggle, "It won't be hard for you to choose one, I'm sure."
Lafayette chuckles awkwardly. He licks his lips and he asks, "Will you tell me about the Lust door?"
"Called it." God grins to herself before she waves her hand. The Lust door moves forward in the line and opens just wide enough for Lafayette to see inside. "In Lust, you will look as beautiful as you wish. You will be surrounded by images of the most attractive people on earth; regardless of if you ever met them. Or, if you wish, you could have custom people? Friends you never confessed to? Generals you pined after?"
Lafayette can't help but stare at the sandy beaches just beyond the door. A couple lays nude on a blanket, thoroughly engrossed with each other. Their hands roam, as their bodys shift together. To the left, up a dune, the sands turn into a thick woods. Lafayette can see a cabin up on the side of a mountain; more musical moans trickle down from the trees.
A pair of women walk hand in hand right in front of the door; their perky breasts bounce with each step. One of them sees Lafayette staring and gestures for him to join them.
"Nothing is too kinky, no one is off limits." God continues by his side, gesturing to down by the water's edge, "And, since this is your own personal Heaven, there's no worry of rejection."
Lafayette follows her gaze, and lets out a soft gasp, when he sees his friends playing in the water. John is wrapped up in Hercules' arms, wet skin smoothly blending together. Alexander and Thomas wrestle in the shallow tide. And Washington, holy shit, Washington stares right at Lafayette, his eyes dark and wanting. His hands are on his bare hips; and he's only so deep in th ocean that the waves brush the tip of his hip bone. On the low part of the wave, as the water retreats, Lafayette can see the barest hint of what's waiting there for him.
"You could have any of them." God mummers in his ear, "All of them, if you wish."
"And… and my wife?" Lafayette asks, unable to look away from the strong men in the water. "Will she…?"
"An idea of her will be here, if you wish it. If not, it's like she never existed. But her actual spirit will never join you. She'll have her own personal Heaven, away from yours." God looks down at her nails, picking at the dirt under them, "So, there's no fear of cheating. You can have anyone, everyone, forever."
Lafayette swallows hard and nods. He takes a shaky step forward, his eyes locked on Washington's gaze. "I- okay. Yes. I want this one."
"You sure? You don't wanna look at any of the other sins? I think you'd like-"
"No. This is where I'm meant to be." Lafayette says, already stripping out of his clothes. "I- this is perfect."
God smiles and leans against the side of the door, "Yeah. I thought so. Have fun, little one."
She only watches long enough to see Lafayette's ecstatic smile at being able to have what he never could on Earth. She snorts as the man throws himself into Washington's arms, how he buried his face in the general's neck. Sighing in satisfaction, God steps back out of the Heaven, closing the door behind her.
She dusts off her hands and mentally checks another soul off her list. "Right. Who's next?"
"And… you're God?" Hercules asks, his arms crossed. He seems skeptical.
"Yeah, that's what I said." God crosses their own arms, mimicking the bigger man. "Don't'ja believe me?"
Herc scowls, bending down a bit and placing his hand over their head, "You're just… real small?"
God rolls their eyes, "Look, sometimes I look a bit different, okay? I guess today I'm a kid."
"Right…" Herc looks the small child up and down. They don't really seem very godly. More like a whiny brat. But, whatever. "And this is Heaven?"
"Yup!" God bounces on their toes, "And now you getta pick your sin! Pick any one you want!"
God waves their hands around in a little dance and seven doors appear. Herc's gaze brushes over all of them, uninterested.
"I'm not really that big of a sinner, man." Herc says skeptically.
God snorts, "That's what you think. Erryone's a sinner, buddy. Just pick one. Looky, we got Lust! You want Lust?"
"No."
"Howa bout Sloth? You can nap all the time?" God asks, "I like that one."
"No."
God watches him for a moment, puffy cheeks scratched in concentration. "Oh! I know which one you are. Oh, yeah, yeah!"
They take Herc's big hand and pulls him forward to the Gluttony door. "You like snacks! So do I. But look, look-"
The door opens and Herc looks in. A large table that could fit a hundred people stands before him. Endless piles of his favorite foods await him. His mouth waters at the smell of them. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Chicken soup. Turkey and Ham and Steak, cooked perfectly. Chinese and Mexican and Italian dishes just ready for the tasting. Hamburgers and fries; shakes and ice cream. Sweet and salty and tangy and fresh.
Herc's stomach growls and he looks down at a smug child. "Alright, this looks pretty awesome."
"You can eat as much as you want and you'll never get a tummy ache! Any craving you have; it's here, ready instantly!"
"And to drink…?" Herc asks, glancing around the room.
"Anything, man. If you're asking about alcohol - which I know you are - yeah, there's any kinda liquor you want." God grins, puffing their chest out, "I thought of everything. Oh! And! You won't gain any weight or anything! You haven't been in Heaven until you've been in Gluttony."
Herc nods to himself, shrugging, "Yeah, I'm alright with this."
God waves him goodbye as Herc starts to pile his food onto his plate. The door closes behind them.
"I admit, this isn't what I was expecting God to look like, but I'm not disappointed." Thomas walks around God, admiring the view.
"You know, you're the first person in literal eons to attempt to seduce me." God deadpans, watching as Thomas licks his lips.
Thomas shrugs, "What do you expect? You appeared to me looking like that."
God threw his hands in the air, "I'm literally wearing your body! I look like you!"
"Exactly." Thomas says, leaning forward, "I've always be told to go fuck myself."
"Yeah, you're Lust." God mutters, bringing the door forward. "Go, go on, you little cretin."
Thomas swats God's hands away, "Excuse you. I'll decide that."
God lets out a long sigh, but steps away to allow the man to choose his Heaven. Thomas takes forever picking, looking at each and every Heaven. He does pause at Lust, but continues looking. God's surprised when Thomas opens the Greed door.
"Really? You were already rich on Earth." God comments, stepping up to watch as Thomas takes in the sights of Monticello. "Why would your Heaven just be more money?"
Thomas shrugs, "I liked my life. I may be many things, but above all else, I enjoy comfort. Besides, I had a very large library at my mansion, and I had yet to finish all the books."
God shrugs and says, "Suit yourself."
Thomas saunters into the Greed Heaven, his hands in his pockets. He smiles at the high ceilings and marble floorings. God shakes his head, his poofy afro bouncing as he does so. Sometimes he doesn't understand humans. He's just glad Thomas stopped before he got to the last door.
There's not many humans that intimidate God. The idea is ludicrous. And yet, here is one. Maybe that's why God appeared in this form. Seated low, looking up at the man before him.
"You're not what I expected." George Washington says, observing the wheelchair.
"I never am." God replies, gesturing over to the doors behind them, "Regardless, we have some things to discuss. Which sin would you prefer?"
Washington's frown pinches even further, "I don't wish to live in sin in paradise."
"But sin is what makes paradise so enjoyable." God says, "And you don't have to be the most dirty, worst-case dirtbag - not that you are, of course! You can live in the most subtle, relaxed form of sin. It doesn't have to be intentional; just make it your own."
Washington still seemed unsure, but God is used to this. Some humans are disturbed by the truth of what Heaven really is. God takes the time to ease the man into the situation. Eventually, he is able to coax Washington to look into each of the doors, one by one.
Washington pauses as Sloth, looking inside. This Heaven is the most comfortable, with endless rows of fluffy beds. Blankets and pillows and stuffed animals are piled in neat stacks on each mattress. A hammock hangs from above, silently encouraging someone to come take naps.
"I have angels that come by and give massages." God says, leaning back in his wheelchair. "And you can shift the world to imitate Earth weather. It can be a warm, sunny day for you to curl up under the window. Or a rainy day, where you can wrap yourself in blankets. Or a snowy day, where you can sit by the fire."
Washington rubs his chin thoughtfully.
"You had a very busy, stressful life on Earth. Why not spend eternity relaxing?" God smiles, gesturing to the world before them.
Finally, Washington nods, agreeing. "Very well. I suppose, this kind of sin is ... acceptable."
"Of course." God watches as Washington slowly makes his way into the Heaven. Washington, surprisingly, walks past all the cozy beds, and instead finds a large comfy chair. He lowers himself into it carefully, hesitantly. But once he sits down, his body relaxes and a faint smile spreads across his lips.
God closes the door as silently as possible. Some humans need help figuring out what they want most; that's why he's here.
John Laurens takes her by surprise. God stares at the man, then at the door he chose.
"Really? You?" God asks, "Are you sure?"
John seems uncomfortable by the idea, but he nods nonetheless. He can't make eye contact with her, but she's used to that as well. Many humans refuse to look her in the eye once they find out she's their creator. Sometimes it's respect, sometimes it's fear. She doesn't care either way.
"Why?" She's sitting cross legged, in the air, near his shoulder. She rests her head in her hands and stares at the door before them. "You barely even looked at the others. I would've thought you'd pick Lust or Envy. You could finally have Al-"
"No. This is the one."
God huffs, not enjoying being interrupted. So she repeats, "Why?"
John shifts on his feet once more, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. "I- when I was a soldier, there was a certain… thrill to being in battle. And, well, there's lots of frustrations inside me, and… Look, I won't actually hurt anyone, right?"
"No, it's all fake. Imaginary, if you will." God confirms. "No other human would get hurt."
"Then, then this is what I need." John doesn't even blink at the sight before him. His eyes simultaneously darken and light up at the scene this Heaven presents.
God shrugs, "It's your Heaven."
John stands there, in the doorway, for a long moment. Finally, he takes a deep breath and steps forward. His chin is held high and his shoulders squared as he strides forward. God watches with fascination as this mostly cheerful man completely throws himself into the unexpected Heaven he chose. John's pacing speeds up as he approaches his first victim; he pulls his fist back and socks them right in the jaw without hesitation.
God winces at the crack sound of fractured bone. John was right. This is where he belongs. Impressived, God floats away, closing and locking the Heaven. Despite creating it, this one always leaves a bad taste in her mouth.
She glances up at the label, carved into the metal door.
Wrath.
"Oh, yours is easy." God grins as soon as they see him. They pull up the doors and waves over the correct one. "We don't even have to do the tour."
Aaron looks at the door and then to God, an irritated expression permanently on his face. "Should I be offended?"
"Look, I'm just spillin' tea and spittin' truth and whatever you kids say these days." God sighs, running their hands through their hair. "This is how you lived on Earth, why not continue the pattern?"
Aaron crosses his arms over his chest. "What's in there, then? What am I so Envious of? What's my dream come true?"
"Why, it's anything you've ever wanted." God says, opening the door with a flick of their hand. Burr steps up the doorframe, looking inside. He's immediately blinded by the flashing of lights. He raises a hand to try and block out some of the light, but he lowers it in shock when he sees the scene in front of him.
"President Burr, what do you have to say about your success in being elected?" A reporter asks, shoving a mic in his face.
"President Burr, President Burr!" Another calls, trying to get his attention.
"President Burr, do you have a comment on your political rival, Alexander Hamilton's recent failures?"
God appears by his side, whispering in his ear, "You've succeeded where others failed. The only elected politician to have a 100% popular vote. No one else stood a chance."
Burr didn't need to be told twice. He steps up to the podium inside the Heaven, and for the first time in a long time, his smile is genuine as he addresses the public.
"My fellow Americans. Thank you for voting for me. I will not disappoint."
God rolls their eyes playfully as they close the door to the Heaven, not at all surprised by the man's excitement or joy. They walk away from the Envy door, stretching their arms above their head. They've had a busy few centuries. So many souls to help sort. Thankfully, they're almost done. There's just one more.
Oh. Right. The last one.
That fucker.
Alexander Hamilton doesn't cry when he appears in Heaven. He doesn't cuss or scream or kick. He doesn't seem lost or confused. Instead, he paces in place, his eyes glancing around the area quickly.
When God appears, he halts instantly; turning to watch him. He crosses his arms and tilts his head, waiting for God to say something. God gestures around them, "So, welcome to Heaven."
"Is it always customary to leave people waiting for forever?" Alexander asks, squinting at God. "Cuz, I've been here forever, and I didn't think this was all there was to it, so I just kept waiting, which is particularly difficult for me, so what do you think is the big idea?"
"Uh, I'm God and I do what I want?" God shrugged, "Look, it was an accident, okay? I was busy with all the others, and I knew you'd be … difficult, so."
Alex stared for another long moment before relaxing a little and shifting on his feet, "So, uh, this is Heaven?"
"Kind of." God gestures around them at the white expansion. "This is just a waiting room. The real Heaven; your own personal Heaven, is in one of these doors."
Alex watches with rapt attention as God makes the seven doors appear before them. His eyes quickly scan over each door. "The seven deadly sins."
"Yup." God pop's his 'p' as he says it. "And you get to pick one to spend the rest of your eternity in."
Alex isn't shy about walking up to the doors. He opens them one at a time, staring into them, deciding.
Lust is the first door. He sucks in a sharp breath at the sight of John Laurens spread out on a bed, head thrown back in pleasure. Alex stares for just a few seconds too long, his cheeks darkening with each passing moment. John tilts his head to meet his eye, silently pleading the immigrant to come and join him.
"It won't just be John, either." God says, leaning against the doorframe. "It could be anyone, everyone. And they'd be willing to do anything with you."
Alex swallows hard. It takes him a physical effort to close the door and step away. He's sweating a bit as he rests against the door, his eyes wide. Finally, he shakes his head and then moves over to the second door.
"Really? No to Lust? You're, like, the king of Lust!" God says, gesturing to the door they just passed.
"I'm browsing." Alex replies, "I want to see all of the options first." He licks his lips and shyly adds, "Lust is still on the table."
God watches as Alex opens the next door. Alex pauses, his hand going to his stomach as he stares at the endless supply of food before him. God purrs, "You won't have to be hungry anymore, Alexander. Sharing food scraps, skipping meals, won't be an issue in this Heaven."
Alex reaches out for a roll of freshly baked bread before stopping himself. He closes the door to that one as well. He mutters to himself, "That one's pretty good, too."
The next door has Alex's jaw dropping as he stares at the lavish mansion library. The bookshelves never seem to end, rising higher and higher, further and further into the Heaven. God appears by his side, whispering, "You'll never live in poverty again. Anything you could possibly buy is yours for the taking. You can have all the books in the world; any painting or artifact. You will be the most wealthy person in history."
Alex hums in approval. "Tempting, tempting…"
God lets out a soft huff when Alex closes the door again and moves down the line. When Alex opens the next door, he appears beside him, grinning, "You always said you'd sleep when you were dead."
"That I did." Alex grins, observing the silk sheets and heavy blankets.
"Now's your time to catch up on all the rest you refused yourself when you were alive." God suggested subtly.
Alex chuckles again and closes the door, "I've gone this long just fine. Looks cozy, though."
The next door makes Alex freeze. He stares at the warzone, the fire and brimstone. There's cries for help and screaming in the distance. An arsenal of weapons sits by the door, waiting for him. Alex's grip on the door handle tightens.
"You were a very violent man, Alexander." God reminds him. "When you were alive. Always challenging people to duels, always trying to be in the middle of battle. Losing your temper, decking Jefferson. You could do that over and over, let out all that built-up tension."
Alex quickly slams the door shut, his eyes downcast. "No."
God takes a step back as Alex rushes to the next door. The man blinks in surprise at what he sees when he opens the next door.
"Alex, come in." Washington says with a smile, "We were just about to have dinner."
"Honey, will you help your brother set the table?" Martha Washington asks kindly.
Lafayette walks past the door, grinning, "I'll set the table if you wash the dishes later."
Alex steps back to glance at the name of the sin. Confused, he looks to God. "I'm jealous of … Lafayette?"
"Not necessarily." God supplies. "But you have always been envious of the one thing others had that you didn't - a happy family. In this Heaven, the Washingtons are your happy parents. Ones that stay together. Ones that don't, well, die. And Lafayette is the loving older brother that James never was. You've always wanted a family to call your own. Here is one, waiting for you."
Washington pulls out a chair, looking up at him. He smiles and asks, "Aren't you coming, son?"
"Not you son…" Alex whispers, unable to look away.
"Maybe not on Earth. But here? You are." God says quietly, glancing between the Heaven and Alexander. "Go on, you know you want to."
He does. Lord, he does. But something makes Alex stop. He reminds himself that there's one last door. He can't be impulsive. Not this time.
Reluctantly, he closes the door. God lets out a deep growl.
When Alex moves to step up to the last door, God stops him. Alex glares up at the other man, hissing, "What's the big idea?"
"Those are your options. Choose one. Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, or Envy." God tells him harshly. "Pick. One."
Alex pushes his hands away, growling, "I want to see Pride."
"No one ever picks Pride!" God replies, "Just pick Lust! Or Envy! I know you want to!"
Alex shakes his head, saying, "Show me Pride!"
"Fine!" God shouts, throwing his hands in the air, "You won't pick it, though. No one does!"
"I'll be the judge of that." Alex mutters as he shoves past God to approach the last door. It's different than the other doors. This one is strangely simple. Just a wooden door, dusty and untouched. Alex frowns as he opens it. Instead of the blinding bright light of the void around them, the Pride Heaven is a dark, empty abyss. It's black surroundings make it hard to see if there's even a floor to it. But in the very center, a few feet from the door, is a single desk, under a dim light.
God crosses his arms over his chest, "I told you you wouldn't like it. Come on, let's go back to see Washington or John or-"
"What's the catch?" Alex asks, turning to look at him. God could tell that his mind was working overtime, the gears churning behind his eyes. Quick, this one. Too smart for his own good. God cursed him silently. "What's the Pride Heaven about?"
God shakes his head, "No spoilers. There's no catch, this is all there is to it. Just come back out here and let's look at-"
"I pick Pride." Alex says instantly.
"WHAT?!" God shouts, his eyes widening, "WHY?!"
"Because you don't want me to." Alex challenges, "Because there's something here that you're hiding. Because this is the one that calls to me the most. So, now that I've chosen it, what's the Pride Heaven about?"
God stares at him for a long time, his insides slowly dying. Finally, he snaps out of it and curses, "Me damn it. You little shit." With a deep sigh, God gestures to the desk and explains, "This is your workbench. You can create anything you want; build your own universe. You are the maker of everything. You have seven days."
Alex grins, not needing to be told anything else. He immediately turns and strolls up to the desk. Curious, he waves his hand and lets out a little squeal when a typewriter appears. God sighs once more, watching as the man begins to type.
God tilts his head, curious. That's certainly not how he would've started. A small smile finds itself on his lips as he watches the human-now-god work. Maybe having some company will be a nice change.
Alex doesn't even notice as the door to his Heaven closes, he's already sucked into the world he's creating.
Ext. Universe. Night.
[A blink of light in the darkness, NEW PLANET is formed. It is the start of a new history.]
Intermission.
Tell me what you think!