Disclaimer: Not mine.
"Where's Fin?" Elliot looks at the man who just burst into the waiting room. He stares hard at the older man before him, jaw set, wondering how to tell him. The man meets his eye briefly before looking to Olivia. "Where's Fin?" he repeats.
Olivia looks at him, pitying him without meaning to. She can't help herself. He's already lost so much. "John, why don't you come get some coffee with me?" She pleads with him with her eyes, hoping he won't force her to tell him here.
"Where is he?" is all he replies.
Olivia walks over and puts her hand on his arm. "C'mon, John." It's soft, trying to ease him into going with her. He looks at her hard, and she wonders if he knows somehow. "C'mon," she says again and finally, he follows, quickly catching up with his long stride. She walks to a room meant for nurses on their breaks, glad for the fact that it's empty. "John, sit down."
He doesn't move from his spot on the floor, instead, just stares at her from behind his tinted glasses. "He's dead, isn't he?" His voice is oddly flat.
She's taken aback by this and can only nod. "I'm so sorry, John." She looks at the man before her, taking in everything from his glasses to his shoes and back to his face again. "He died in surgery. The doctors tried, but there was nothing they could do."
He continues to stare at her and she wonders what is going through his head. Wonders what he could possibly be thinking. As she looks to where his eyes are, she sees a tear run down his cheek. "John--"
"Cragen here?" he asks, cutting her off.
"Yeah, he was with the doctor when you came in."
He turns and walks back out the door, face set. He wipes away the single tear path as he walks into the waiting room. Cragen is back and looks up from talking with Elliot. Both men fall silent and their faces are grave. John looks from one man to the other, noticing how they seem to act as though the grief is all his. As if it really isn't their loss, but John knows as well as they do that later, they will cry. They will mourn the friend and partner they all lost today.
"Captain, can I speak to you?"
"Sure, John." His normally loud voice is soft now, subdued with sadness.
He leads the Captain to the hallway, away from Elliot and Olivia. "I quit."
"John, this is--"
"I quit. I can't take it any more. I'll put my papers on your desk tomorrow."
"You can't let this--"
"Yes, I can. And I am." He looks at his captain with conviction in his eyes and Cragen just shakes his head.
"Please, John. Rethink this. Give it some time. A week, at least. Please."
He's quiet a moment, thinking. "No, my papers will be on your desk tomorrow."
Cragen looks at him sadly. That would be losing two of his top four in less than twenty four hours. He reaches up and pats John's shoulder. "Go home. Get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
John walks away quickly, not wanting to be around his colleagues when he breaks down and cries. They don't need to witness that. They've got their own pain to worry about, their own grieving. Tonight, it's just him and the four blank walls closing in.
But by the time he reaches the car, the tears are coming and when he sits down and goes to turn on the car, they are streaming down his face. He's sobbing and hating it. Hating that he can't even make it home and hating why he's crying. The reason behind it. His partner is gone. Dead. Never to interrogate another suspect. Never to run after a perp. Never to bicker with him over seemingly worthless things. Never to laugh with him and joke with him. Never to care about him again.
His partner's gone.
Dead.