Oliver crouched on the rooftop and held his breath. He didn't know how long it had been since the last time he stood here. Months? Weeks? He didn't know and didn't want to know. The air was cold and he steadied his breath. She had gotten smarter since he had been here last. Her drapes were closed. Her windows locked. Some of her innocence lost. That was his fault and a twinge of guilt made him cringe. He wanted to tell her he was alive. He desperately wanted to see her, smell her, hold her, but he was scared. The thought of being afraid made him smile. Oliver had faced many fears but the idea of making Felicity angry kept him paralyzed on that rooftop.
He took a deep breath and made his way down the fire escape. There was only one way to move forward, he was going to have to face her. The snow crunched under his feet as he fell from the last rung of the fire escape. His breath hung in the cold air and he shivered slightly, pulling his black coat tighter. He quietly walked across the street; up the stairs and without hesitating any longer he knocked firmly on the door.
He didn't know what time it was but he knew it was late and he knew she wouldn't open the door without looking through the peephole. He held his head up high so she could see him clearly. He heard her footsteps lightly pad across the floor and the light in the peephole darken and then she screamed. It was a short, frightened scream and the sound of it made his heart break.
"Felicity? It's really me. Please open the door. We have a lot to talk about."
Silence hung in the air. Oliver tried the doorknob but it was locked. He tried again. "Felicity, I know you're upset, please let me in" – the pleading in his voice surprised even him. The time he stood there felt like an eternity but finally he heard her fumble with the locks and the door swung open.
She backed away from the door. She was wearing lavender flannel pajama pants and a matching tank top, her hair loose around her shoulders. But it was her eyes that made Oliver catch his breath. Her normally bright blue eyes were sunken, rimmed red. It was obvious to Oliver that not only was she crying now but also had been crying for a very long time. Her hands were clamped tight over her mouth as if preventing the screams that were deep inside her from coming out.
Oliver stepped over the threshold, closed the door behind him and reached out to Felicity. He took two steps forward trying to put his arm on her shoulder but she pulled away from him. Oliver's heart sunk. He knew this was going to be hard. Part of him had secretly hoped she would have just jumped into his arms but the fear, hurt and anger in her eyes told him this was going to be even harder than he anticipated.
Felicity shook her head and lowered her hands and in a shaky breath she whispered, "You are dead. You died. I cried for you. I've been crying for you. I haven't slept in weeks" Oliver hung his head in defeat. "I know. I thought I was dead too." He looked up and tried again to step closer to Felicity. This time she didn't back away. Oliver stood close enough to smell her berry-scented shampoo, and to see the ridges in her glasses. He desperately wanted to reach out and pull her into his chest but he didn't want to mess this up. He had spent his whole life saying the wrong things and he didn't want to do that now. "The only thing that kept me going was the thought of you Felicity. I was wrong. I was wrong about so many things." Oliver sighed and his shoulders hung a little lower.
Felicity looked up at him and Oliver noticed her expression change from shock to anger and in a quick movement she slapped Oliver hard against the face.
"YOU DIED! YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU LOVED ME AND THEN YOU DIED! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT DID TO ME? AND THEN YOU WALTZ BACK IN HERE AND THINK THAT I'M GOING TO BE OKAY WITH THAT?"
Oliver's cheek stung but he didn't rub it to make it better. He'd put Felicity through hell and he knew it. He deserved much worse than a slap across the face.
Felicity crossed her arms and started pacing around the room. "Who else knows? Have you seen Thea? Diggle?" Oliver quickly interjected, "No, you are the first person I came to see. You are the only one I thought about. You are the only one that matters."
Felicity continued to pace and Oliver stayed still. He was going to take whatever she threw at him because he knew he deserved it. He wasn't going to defend himself or ask for anything. He was just hoping – hoping that perhaps she might still love him. Oliver could see Felicity's mind processing. He had seen her do this many times before, her eyes darting quickly, her mind racing. She was figuring things out and he just needed to give her silence.
Her pacing slowed and then stopped and when she looked up at him her whole body had changed. Her cheeks were red with emotion, her eyes were sparkling and Oliver braced himself for another onslaught of anger. What she did next surprised even Oliver. Felicity turned around, took four quick steps and leapt into Oliver's arms and began sobbing into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight. He eased them both to the ground. He lifted her face and brushed away her tears and he murmured gently, "I am so sorry Felicity. I didn't mean to scare you and I definitely didn't mean to hurt you. I really do love you and I understand if you don't feel the same. Why would you? How could you? But I do beg you to forgive me. Please forgive me Felicity." Felicity's tears continued to fall and she straightened her glasses. "I thought you were dead Oliver. I..I was heartbroken. I didn't want to wake up or go to work and I stayed out of the Foundry for weeks. Diggle had to beg me to return." Oliver's heart ached; there was no way he could make up for this. He held Felicity close in his lap and the warmth of her made him want to never let go. They sat there staring at each other and Oliver swiped the last couple of tears from her cheek. Felicity took a deep breath, closed her eyes and when she opened them she had a smile on her face. Oliver cocked his head to one side curious why she was suddenly smiling and before he could ask, Felicity grabbed both sides of his face and kissed him. Her soft pink lips were pressed firmly against his and Oliver felt a warm tingling spread all over him as if Felicity's love alone could heal him. Felicity slowly pulled away and gave a big sigh. She stood up and shook her head. Oliver looked up at her, his face filled with confusion unsure what this turn of emotions meant. Felicity extended a hand and helped Oliver stand up. She held his hand and pulled him over to the couch and indicated for him to sit next to her. "Okay, so tell me what happened on the mountain top".