Monday, April 11, 2016
When I get one shot ideas after watching Your Lie in April ;))
If you didn't cry while reading this, you have no heart because I cried while writing this (jk), and I never cry while reading or writing. 'Nuff said. (Or maybe it was because I was writing some of it during 1 AM in the morning...)
This is comprised of flashbacks, all the italics are in the past. Sorry, if this puts you sleep, I have writer's block.
[START] {I guess this is where I hand you a box of tissues?}
The cell phone from his hand dropped as the news was broken to him. He got up, shakily, only to have his legs give out under him. Falling to the ground, he stared at the walls blankly, unable to comprehend the news.
A (H/C) haired girl walked into the volleyball gym, she wore the Karasuno girls uniform, and her arms were crossed.
It didn't take long for everyone's attention to be averted to her.
"Aren't you (Y/N) from (school name)? You were part of the most famous girls volleyball team in middle school." she didn't recognize the boy who seemed to be in his third year.
"Yes, I am (Y/N), and I am here to be your manager." she announced.
"Our manager? But couldn't you be in a volleyball team right now?"
She flashed him an irritated look. "I do as I please. It doesn't concern you whether I could be part of a volleyball team as a regular, or if I chose to become a manager of the boys volleyball club."
The boy looked away at the look she was giving him.
"Well, we can start by sharing our names and what year we're in. I'll be working with you all this whole year, and you all don't want ridiculous nicknames. I'm (Y/N), and I'm in my first year."
Had it already been so long since then?
/
It had been two weeks with (Y/N) as their manager, and everyone had warmed up to her quickly. She turned out to be nicer than their first impression of her, but when someone pressed her buttons, she didn't hesitate to knock out whoever it was hitting on her.
Another girl from first year, Kiyoko had joined up as manager, and it really helped (Y/N), now she had help taking care of the rowdy teen boys when the coach wasn't around.
It was after practice, everyone was cleaning up, and (Y/N) was still hanging around.
"Is there something you need?" After a bit contemplation, Sugawara walked up to her and asked.
"Well," she looked at the ground. "If anyone wanted to practice a little more, I have nothing to do today, so I can help out...I remember you asked that you'd like me to throw you balls a few days back. I was busy then, but I'm free now."
"Oh, you can? Thanks. I want to practice receiving, so if you can serve..."
She nodded. "Okay, sure."
After everyone had gone, they started to practice.
Somehow, it became a routine. Everyday, after practice, when everyone had left, she'd help him out, serving, or becoming a spiker, helping him practice being a setter.
Occasionally, a few other people would join and when there was four people, they would have two-on-two matches.
Even so, (Y/N) kept her physical activity to a minimum.
"Is it okay if I ask why you stopped playing volleyball?" It was a month or so later, when Sugawara tried his chance to ask her the question that had been on everyone's mind.
She shook her head. "I don't really want to tell anyone that."
He nodded. "Okay, if it's something you aren't comfortable telling people, I won't ask again."
"Who knows?" She smiled mysteriously. "You'll find out eventually. Next year."
"That's a long time from now."
She shrugged. "Don't worry, I won't keep you all in the dark forever."
If only he had been kept in the dark forever.
/
Sugawara and (Y/N) sat in silence in the park, licking their ice cream before (Y/N) broke the silence.
"Let's go ice skating!"
"Do you know how to skate?" he asked.
"Sort of..." she admit. "Well, do you?"
He shook his head.
"Okay, then! It'll be a new adventure for us! C'mon, it's still early, let's go to the ice rink before it gets too crowded." she said getting up, and dragging him along with her.
"Agh!"
That was the sound of (Y/N) groaning as she failed for the billionth time to skate without clutching the wall surrounding the ice rink.
Sugawara skated over, weaving through the crowds effortlessly.
"It's not fair, how are you so good at this?" she grumbled as he held out his hand, and she grabbed it, pulling herself up. "I mean, this is your first time skating."
"Some people are just born naturally talented." he smirked.
"I don't want to hear that from you." she scowled, skating away, and once again, slipping.
"This is impossible!" she groaned.
He held out a hand to help her, but she didn't comply.
"I can do it myself, thank you very much." Sure enough, she pulled herself off the icy floor, wobbling.
"See? I could do it, I could do i-" she lost her balance and fell forward, knocking Sugawara down with her.
"Well, on the bright side, my landing wasn't as hard as my previous ones." she mused. "On the dark side, I give up." she sighed.
"You're so heavy." he grumbled.
"You're so inconsiderate." she mumbled. "Saying negative things toward a girl's weight."
"It's not my fault you nearly crushed me." he reponded, helping her off the floor as she got off of him and sat down on the icy rink.
"Rude." she huffed, skating toward out of th rink, this time, clutching onto his arm for support.
"We're never doing this again." he told her.
"Agreed." she said without hesitation.
It seemed like yesterday happy times like those were occurring.
/
Once again, the two of them were sitting in the park bench, now eating steamed buns. It was dark out, the lights of all the houses were turned off. Least to say, it was very late out. The stars shone above over them, (Y/N) staring up them, a smile playing at her lips.
"The stars are so beautiful." She sighed. "I'll never forget this."
(Y/N) was leaning against Sugawara's shoulder, a little tired, but she didn't feel like going home, for a reason she didn't feel like specifying.
"Me either." Sugawara agreed.
They sat in peaceful silence for a while, when (Y/N) felt him squeezing her hand.
"(Y/N), there's-"
"-something you want to tell me?" She pulled away from him, a weak smile on her lips.
"Yeah." he nodded.
She had an unreadable look in her eyes. "As much as I want to hear it, don't say it." She pleaded.
"What-why?" He asked, a frown making its way onto his face.
"Because...I think I know what you're going to say, and I don't want to hear it. Not now. It's not because I don't feel the same way - then again, I'm not sure if it's that - but can you wait until next year to say it? I just...I have a lot on my mind at the moment, and if it's what i think it is, I won't know how to respond." She tried to explain, trying not to give anything away, and at the same time, trying to convince him. "This is probably way too much to ask of you, but please wait until next year to tell me what it is. I promise I will properly respond to your feelings."
Hesitantly, he nodded. "Okay, promise me that you and I will make it to next year for this to happen."
She held out her pinky. "Pinky promise!" She grinned.
He chuckled, but gave in anyway.
Why hadn't he realized what it was then?
(A/N: I swear this was better in my head!)
/
Sugawara looked at the (H/C) haired girl's desk, where she would usually be sitting, concentrating on noting down everything word that left the teacher's mouth. Today, was the exact opposite however. She was asleep on her desk, as if she was making up for a few nights worth of sleep.
Which was odd, for even if she had pulled an all-nighter, (Y/N) never slept in class.
The teacher called out to her, to answer a question, only to be confused by the surprising sight of (Y/N) sound asleep on her desk.
"(L/N)!" he called loudly, and stirred.
"Five more minutes..." she mumbled, but a few seconds later, she shot up, sitting straight as a ruler. "Sorry," she apologized in mortification. "I wasn't aware that I'd end up falling asleep if I put my head down for a minute or two."
"Are you okay?" he asked on concern. "Do you need to go to the nurse's office?"
She shook her head. "No, I'm perfectly fine." Which was a far-fetched, and obvious lie - her eyes were red, and there were dark bags hanging under them. Her nose was runny, which she would wipe every two seconds with a tissue, and she would yawn occasionaly. Of course, everyone knew better than to say anything otherwise.
During lunch break, Sugawara didn't (Y/N) in the lunchroom, nor did he see her outside. He went back to the classroom, and found her sound asleep on her desk.
"You should really go home." He told her, shaking her awake.
"I can't miss out classes before finals. What if I miss important information?" She yawned.
"I'll take notes for you, you're only going to get more sick if you keep going like this." He told her.
"But-"
"Then you won't be able to give your finals, you'll have to make them up. If you have to make them up, you won't be able to go the Tokyo Away Games after finals." He reasoned.
"I hate it when you're right." She grumbled.
He gave a small smile. "Let's take you home."
"My parents aren't home," she answered the question that was about to be asked. "But you better go back to school." She was about to shut the door on his face, but unfortunately, being sick had sapped out a lot of strength from her and he was able to stop the door from closing with his hand.
"Nice try, but you need the care." It was something that was unsaid between, he knew, and she didn't want to tell him.
Silently, (Y/N) reluctantly let him in.
She changed into her pyjamas and laid down in her comfy bed, instantly falling asleep.
Sugawara came from from the kitchen, tea prepared for her, but instead found her peacefully asleep.
He stared at her peaceful face, contemplating whether he should wake her or not. In the end, he ended up placing a wet cloth on her burning forehead. Was it normal to be burning up like this?
She would probably be fine tomorrow. All set, and ready to cram as much as she could for finals. This was just a minor cold.
(Y/N) awoke to the darkness of her room, thankful she was alone, before she burst into a hacking cough. She covered her mouth as she felt an all-too familiar metallic taste against her throat.
"I guess it was selfish of me to think that everything would be okay," she smiled bitterly as tears fell down collecting in her red hand.
She never made it to the games.
/
(Y/N) stared out of the window on the top floor of her hospital room. "It's so boring here." She sighed.
The door was thrown open as the volleyball team burst into her room.
"(Y/N)-senpai!" Nishinoya and Hinata rushed to her side. "Are you okay?"
The looked at everyone who had entered. She raised an eyebrow. "How the hell they let the whole circus in?"
Since day one of their third year, (Y/N) called them a circus because of hyperactive Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Hinata. She didn't mean to be insulting, she called them that in an affectionate manner.
"They had sympathetic nurses?" Daichi said unconvincingly.
"You know what?" she shook her head. "I don't want to know."
"That...would be a wise choice." Daichi sweatdropped.
"How are you feeling?" Sugawara asked.
"I feel grea- what?" She asked as everyone gave her a look which screamed, 'I don't believe that.'
"Okay, I'm having a surgery the day after tomorrow." She finally said after a while, facing away from everyone.
"(Y/-"
"Kiyoko, no." (Y/N) took a shaky breath, and turned around, giving them a bright smile, which even the dense of people could tell was forced.
"I'll be fine, okay? I'll be coming to practice, and you all will forget this ever happened. We'll all go to the Tokyo Away Games, yeah? So, everyone do your best on your exams. Don't forget to bring me my notes, okay Sugawara? - Guys, stop staring at me like that. I'll be perfectly fine." She crossed her arms.
The atmosphere was tense, no one found it in their hearts to believe what she was saying. After catching a simple cold, she ended up in the hospital? Now, she was having a surgery? Success of surgeries were never above 50%.
Ignoring that, with heavy hearts, everyone tried their best to joke around.
"I'll never forgive you if you break that promise." Tanaka said, and (Y/N) was surprised how the tone of his voice seemed so devoid of emotion.
"Agreed." The whole team said simultaneously.
She laughed. "You guys should have more faith in me." She was going to say more, but her attention was averted to the door that was opened, two more people joining them.
"Welcome, ringleader!" (Y/N) joked in attempt to get rid of the tension.
"The tension is so thick, it could be cut with a butter knife." Takada noted. "How are you feeling, (Y/N)?"
"I feel fine, really." She responded.
"I don't believe that, but here, I got you a few steamed buns you really liked from my shop." Ukai handed her a bag with four buns.
"Thank you," she said gratefully, instantly taking one out and starting to eat it. "Hospital food is so bland." She shook her head.
"That reminds me, Sugawara, you have the brownies for her, don't you?" Daichi asked.
Sugawara seemed to be lost in thought, a worried expression on his face.
"Sugar-chan?" (Y/N) said sweetly as everyone looked in anticipation for what happened next.
He looked up, "Yes...?" he asked nervously. He didn't like that tone of her voice, he was aware what came after it.
"I hear you brought brownies?"
He nodded hesitantly, pulling out a white paper bag with the logo of (Y/N)'s favorite shop on it. He handed it to her, and she used the close distance between them to her advantage and roughly pulled his ear.
"Ouch!" he winced, instantly backing away as she grabbed the bag.
"If I see anyone that isn't smiling, and looking worried, I will not hesitate to the same to you. Got it? Now put those smiles on your face, I'm not going anywhere!"
I hope.
For hours, all of them talked and laughed, ignoring the warnings given that visiting hours very nearly over. No one wanted to leave. It wouldn't be the same without her at practice. There wouldn't be anyone to help practice like she did, someone to laugh at their fails good-naturedy, all the while helping them get better, there wouldn't be anyone to make them feel as if they were invincible, there wouldn't be (Y/N).
Reluctantly, as the phone calls from their families started, everyone said their goodbyes, and left. Only one person remained by her bedside.
"Come on Sugar-chan," she teased. "It's time you left as well. You need your sleep." Everyone had reluctantly left her, and he was the last one left.
"You promised." He stated.
"Stop being so dramatic. I told you, I'll be perfectly fi-"
"Stop saying that!" He cut her off. "It sound like trying to convince yourself it'll be alright, but you don't believe it yourself."
"I believe it. I'll be fine, I'm not going anywhere. I can't leave you guys. Stop worrying like a mother, and go home and get some sleep." She smiled comfortingly, trying not to let out the fact that what he had said was exactly the truth.
"There's just no winning against you." He sighed, getting up.
She smiled innocently.
"Just know," he said, pressing a kiss against her forehead. "I'm not waiting for next year to come after this."
And with that, he left.
I wish. She thought bitterly as the tears which she had been trying to keep in for so long, finally escaped.
If only he hadn't waited.
/
"Thank you for being our daughter's friend, and someone she came to care for." (Y/N)'s father was unable to keep his composure.
"When (Y/N) realized she didn't have long to live, she shut herself down from the outside world, swearing that she would never get close to anyone. She even shut us out, and it really hurt us. She finally joined the volleyball club, and being close to the sport she had loved ever since she was little, managed to open her heart. We're thankful that you and the whole volleyball team cared her for her so much, although I'm sure you all are hurting as much as we are. Thank you for caring for our daughter, and here are her parting words." He handed Sugawara two envelopes.
One was labelled, Sugar-chan, and the other one was labelled, The Circus.
/
"(Y/N) actually..." Everyone was depressed, and no one was in the mood to practice that day. Instead, Daichi read aloud the letter she had written the team.
Hey circus disguised as a volleyball team,
Everyone cracked a smile at that, even in her parting words, (Y/N) had included that.
I promised, didn't I? And I ended up breaking it. Sorry guys! You guys are sad, aren't you? Moping around, and refusing to practice. C'mon, you morons, moping around won't do anything, so after you read this letter, you better get up and start practicing.
You guys better go to the nationals, okay? Make my ghost proud!
Daichi.
You better do a good job being the captain, and lead this circus to the nationals, okay? You guys are working hard, I know you can do it.
Asahi.
Keep being a great ace. Even if your spikes are blocked, don't let it get to you, instead work on finding way to get even more powerful. Your the ace, ay, you can do it.
Ennoshita.
I'm counting on you next year to be the new captain, I know you can do it. After all, you can take care of the hyperactive second-year duo.
Narita.
Work harder, ay, don't let that shrimp be in all the matches. You need to be up on that court as well. What kind of senpai would you be if you never went up there?
Nishinoya.
Oy, guardian deity. I'm counting on you as well. Become the best libero there is, so your skills even surpass mine. I know you can do it.
Tanaka.
Oh, man. What do I say? Maybe, you're hurting a lot as well, aren't you? Do your best, you dummy. I was always that annoying manager who never hesitated to knock you out with a punch, so don't miss me. Do your best and become one hell of a spiker.
Tsukishima.
There's no one here anymore that responds to your sarcasm equally, whoops. You know, I had a goal that I'd break through that block, but I guess I could never do it. Make sure that no one can either, okay? Become one hell of a blocker, and would it kill you to try?
Yamaguchi.
You're getting better, I know you can definitely become a great pinch server. You'll be scoring points like nobody's business one day.
Kageyama.
You're one hell of a setter already, so what do I say? Become a better setter? Oh, I know, become better. I mean, there's always room for improvement, no matter how good you are. Bring out the best in all of the spiker's ability. I know you can do that much.
Hinata.
You're looking great! You make an excellent decoy. Remember those points scored by everyone else, you have a part in that. Soon, you and Kageyama will be even stronger than now. DO your best!
Kiyoko.
Well, I guess this isn't too surprising is it? Even after I had said all that, did you believe me that day? Was I convincing enough? I guess that doesn't matter now. Do your best to take care of them, and you started to look for another manager from the first year, right? I hope someone comes along and picks up from where I left things unfinished.
Coach Ukai.
Thanks for working with us all, I enjoyed practicing along with you when no one else was there to practice. You already knew. You read my profile, didn't you? You just pretended not to know about it all when I would suddenly get dizzy. You never said anything because it was my wish, and you realized. Lead this circus to victory, okay? Help them become the best, because I know they can do it.
Takada-sensei.
You were very inspiring, and somehow, things you said helped me in the situation I was in. Did you know? I'm not sure if you did. If you did, you did a good job of hiding it. If you did, thanks for not telling any of the students.
I guess this is it. My final words to you all. Don't miss violent (Y/N), okay? I just happened to come into your lives selfishly, and now I'm leaving after giving you all false hope. Thanks for putting up with me guys.
Goodbye, everyone, and remember: do your best, and become number one!
Many of the team members were reduced to tears after her letter, and each and every one of them swore to get better, and make it to the nationals.
"Come on," Daichi regained his composure. "Let's all practice, let's make it to the nationals for (Y/N)'s sake!"
Everyone got up, and they all agreed.
"Where's Sugawara?" Tanaka asked.
Daichi stopped. "Probably hurting the most out of all of us." He said somberly.
"Oh, right..." Tanaka remembered Sugawara's reaction when he was handed the envelopes. "Should I-?"
Daichi shook his head, "I think it's best if we left him alone for now."
/
Sugawara opened up the letter, the tears he had been trying to keep in, finally flowing freely as he started to read the letter.
Dear Sugar-chan,
It feels funny writing this letter down when I promised that I would live, that my surgery would be successful. I really wish I could believe it too, but the doctors said there was a 25% chance I'd live. Still, I clung onto that 25%. I thought...maybe, just maybe I'd live to see another day, dare I say it, another year. I'm not supposed to be alive; my third year, no one knows I did it. Truth is, I was supposed to die last year, it should've been impossible that I'd live another half a year.
I bet you're crushed. Oh, what am I saying, you definitely are. I'm sorry...you were better off not getting so close to me, but I was selfish that I wanted to get close to you even though I knew it all this time. I knew I was going to die soon, that I shouldn't get close to anyone, but instead I got so close to you, I'm sure I hurt you more than I can imagine. As I write this, I feel tears threatening to spill on the paper, and Koshi? I'm scared. I don't want to die. I just want to spend another day with you and the team like normal, being able to spend a year with you was all I wanted. It never happened, and I ended up breaking my promise.
I guess, now it's too late, but I'll tell you why I joined as the manager of the volleyball club. You probably already know. I was told if I kept on playing sports, my lifespan would shorten even more. I didn't want to die. I wanted to find someone to love, I wanted them to feel the same way, I wanted to find someone to grow old with, someone to have a family with. I envy those with happy endings, you know? I joined up as the volleyball manager to be close to the sport I loved since I was young. I couldn't just let it go. I didn't know that I'd end up getting close to you, and I can't bring myself to regret that I got so close, because i had so much fun. I know I hurt you. I'm so sorry for that. I guess I should've told you this earlier, huh?
You were going to confess to me that day, weren't you? That day, when i promised you that I knew what it was, and I wanted you to tell me next year, I've rewritten this letter several times, but I always end up including this.
I love you, Koshi Sugawara.
I'm so selfish. I'm dead now, there's no point. But promise me something, please find someone who made you as happy as I made you, someone you care for as much as you care for me - no, someone who you you care about more than me, someone who you will love more than me. I know you can do it, after all, I was annoying, easily irritated, a violent girl with no good qualities. Somehow, you ended up falling in love with me, though.
Don't forget me, though, okay?
It was fun talking with you, getting sick a few days ago, and having you fussing over me like a mother, it was fun ice skating, though I kept messing up, and knocked you down a lot. It was fun looking up at the stars with you. Spending time in the park, practicing volleyball. Remember when I first came? Remember the last moment I spent with you? Will you ever forget? Will everyone remember? Will they remember me as (Y/N), the girl who quit her days as a volleyball legend, to become a manager instead? Will they remember me?
I'm going to wrap this letter up, because I'm going to cry really hard now. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to leave you, I don't want to die. But...I guess that's selfish coming from me even though I had an extra year.
Goodbye...
Reviews would be much appreciated, thanks if you do!