A/N: sorta like a spin off from my other story 'just like his dad' about Mai and how she felt in the time she had to leave – yeah well, it's all explained in my story. Personally, i liked writing this and the depth it carried with it. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy it.
It hurt more than I had expected. To leave SPR without telling anyone but for a note on his desk. I forbade myself to think his name. Just his name is enough to tie my guts into knots of dead ends so tight that I feel sick to the core. It'd be worse in the morning with the nausea.
I curl up into a tight ball on my bed, pulling the covers around me – trying to somehow, replicate a feeling of security. And every so often, I'd remember him. Making me unable to move. To function. To live.
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The contractions rip through me, making me scream in pain and exhaustion. But no one is here to comfort me.
"That's it honey, just keep pushing. Come on dear, you can do it." A kind nurse encourages me, just before another sharp contraction tears through me.
I scream and moan, I push and draw in hard labored breaths but the pain still assaults me.
"That's it honey! I can see the head, just one more! One big push!" The nurse squeezes my hand tightly as I push once more. I feel my baby slide out with the help of a doctor and several nurses. The nurse beside me smiles encouragingly at me, beaming happiness.
"You've done it honey." I keep dragging in hard breaths, the pain just only starting to dull.
"My baby…" I wheeze out, holding my arms out.
"It's a boy honey." The nurse passes me a small swaddled bundle in a light blue towel. I take the small bundle from the nurse and hold it to my breast, crying. I push the towel down, pressing light kisses on him. A beautiful mop of black hair, half closed eyes hiding those beautiful dark blue orbs I know he'll have.
"Congratulations honey." The nurse mummers, pushing my hair back from my sweaty face.
Maybe I'll be able to live. Maybe with this baby's help I'll be able to live.
A/N: a really quick one-shot, might do a two shot but it's too late now. Thanks for reading.