A/N: It's raining. It's dark and cold and overall nasty outside. I'm in pathetically sad mood. The story itself is not completely sad though. Someone has to find some comfort, right?
A year. A full year had passed since the day his home city of Jedha was turned into complete dust by the Empire. All the family members and friends, all the places Bodhi Rook had knew from early childhood, everything was gone for a year already. And he had caused this by his agreement with Galen Erso first and then by his search of Saw Gerrera. He had caused this by making a bunch of terribly bad choices. Was he a bad person then? Obviously, his help with obtaining Death Star plans on Scarif did not mean a thing; the harm was already done. How was he, an ordinary meaningless cargo pilot, able to survive that much longer since those days the billions had passed away in the green rays of death coming from the sky on three various planets?
It wasn't a good day for Jyn either. For months already she was sure she had come to terms with all the horrifying things her father's creation had caused; she finally managed to genuinely mourn over Jedha, Scarif and Alderaan the evening the Death Star was no more. Unfortunately, today she just couldn't, wouldn't, get up from her bunk. Everybody knew how she was related to the person who had built that monstrosity of a weapon and she simply wasn't able to look anyone in the eye on the Jedha destruction remembrance day.
Neither Jyn, nor Bodhi has appeared in the mess that day, not for breakfast and not for lunch. Cassian knew exactly why, as he tried very hard to not get drown in memories himself. Exactly one year earlier quite a bit of important things had happened. He was at loss whether to consider whole Jedha incident a complete tragedy, though. After all, if not his Jedha assignment, if not his last-second decision to rescue Jyn from crumbling Gerrera's hideout, he'd be a different person now - if he'd still be alive that is. Now he could focus his life on something - someone - else than just the Rebellion; he no longer was living from mission to mission, he was truly living. Now he knew again how to love and how it felt to be loved back. He had people to come back to, again. It pained him way too often to see how worried they could be over him coming back to the base late or wounded; but it was better to have his heart ache than to feel nothing at all, he was happy to decide.
There was just one person that could understand him, Bodhi thought. With Jyn they both were sharing the burden of being Galen's relatives, by blood or by actions. And Bodhi just knew her enough to be sure today she was grieving too. Mustering up, he sneaked out of his quarters - luckily, they lived close to each other, otherwise he wouldn't be able to bear the angry stares he would surely receive during any longer walk through the corridors.
Jyn simply refused to get up to answer the knocking on her door. Whoever important would want to enter they would know the code anyway, and everybody else could go and kriff themselves. Sprawled under blankets, she saw Bodhi entering her room. Jyn patted a spot beside her and he collapsed heavily on the bed, barely able to sit straight. He was looking miserably, like if he has had no sleep for weeks. It was quite probable, knowing how fragile he was. Jyn often wondered how Bodhi had to look like before Bor Gullet, before all of this; what had he look to her father like, for Galen to trust him with his biggest secrets. She saw suppressed tears in his eyes and couldn't take that torment visible on his face anymore; she grabbed his arm and dragged him down, so that he could lie beside her. Of course she spooked him out, Bodhi being constantly jumpy, but he was so weak that complied without a word.
Cassian finally was free from duties, so hurried over to check on both Jyn and Bodhi. He perfectly knew they wouldn't be well, no matter what they kept on telling him, and was really worried, especially about Bodhi and his inner demons. What he found in Jyn's quarters, on her bunk bed, was a truly heart-wrenching view though. Bodhi was tightly curled up against Jyn's chest and was crying his eyes out. She was wrapping her arms around him, hugging him with all her might, and was trying to calm him down by gently stroking his hair and murmuring soothing words. Still, what was painful the most was the fact that when Jyn looked up from behind their friend's head, Cassian saw she was on the edge of tears as well; hurt in her eyes so deep he unconsciously made a step back. How often during past year she had to do this, to play stronger than she actually was, to be a support for one of them when herself needed to lean on someone as well? How come he had never notice that she was there for him and for Bodhi whenever they needed her, even if they weren't fully aware they need her, and yet she had never came to them with a problem of her own? Were they so untrustworthy? By the Force, he realized: they were a family now; a makeshift, broken one, but still a family, and he had to make them believe it. Jyn was to him so much more than a lover and Bodhi meant to Cassian much more than a friend could; they were his most important people, his family, first in more than two decades.
This wasn't time for overthinking, for staring, it was time for action; any action that could prove his family he wouldn't back off with things getting complicated. Trying not to scare off wailing Bodhi, Cassian carefully crawled on the bunk, melted himself against Jyn's back and stretched his arms as far as he could, to include both of his family members in the hug; after all, they both needed him, even if none admitted it yet. In a matter of mere seconds, Cassian felt that Jyn's body was shaking because of her own sobs too. He kissed her hair and started to hum a Festian lullaby, a calm sweet song passed down from his blood-related family; apparently needed now in this one, the one he had chose as his. They were a real family, because they were there for each other no matter whether they wanted to laugh or to cry; just always together, always there, always for each other. It's not the blood that make families - it's the love and the commitment that do, and the three of them lack neither
A/N2: Four months passed since the day I've finally realized my life was already completely in dust at my feet and yet I couldn't see it, up until that day. It was 14th anniversary of starting the relationship I'm no longer in, not for weeks already, a decision on my own. If not my brother and parents, I don't know where I'd be now. I'm still not quite sure where - or who - am I now. On top of that, I'm only half-conscious today. My nights are usually bad, but the last one topped everything as it consisted mostly of crying in the darkness, so I'm sorry for heavier language issues than usually present ones. Sorry for boring title too, just grabbed a verse from the story - usually I do it for a purpose, today it was just an accident, a random pick. But today even my native language seems too complicated to be used properly ^^'