Finished with great help of Ninrien.
DECADE
Chapter 1
Ned knew that his wife had always held a special worry for their younger daughter. Cat saw a plain child likely to grow into a plain maiden, Ned thought about another girl with a long solemn face and secretly prayed that his lady wife was right. However, as had happened so many times before the gods paid no heed to his wishes. With the passing years Arya grew into a rare beauty. Ned watched some of Cat's fears ease only to add new ones of his own.
He was not the slightest bit surprised when Arya scared off the first boy they had told her to marry. It took two more broken betrothals to convince Cat. In the end even she had to see that there was no use in forcing Arya into anything. Still, his lady wife couldn't entirely abandon the hope of seeing their younger daughter safely wed. Numerous lords, heirs and even younger sons, powerful merchants and proven knights found themselves lured to Winterfell under one pretext or another. Ned could not remember the castle ever being so full of guests and yet his wild daughter continued to remain unmarried. While Sansa had been always quick to warm up to a comely face, prowess in a tourney or a courteous compliment, Arya was as cold as the heart of winter when it came to the charms of men.
And then everything changed. A nigh few days shy of Arya's sixteenth nameday, he heard her laugh.
Ned had been woken by a troubling dream. He couldn't even remember it, only a vague feeling of foreboding lingered- to clear his mind he sought the godswood. He was almost to the heart tree, when he heard Arya laugh breathlessly. The sound startled him a little; he hadn't heard her laugh for months. He hurried to reach her but she was already gone.
His prayer was a short one that night. Once back in the castle Ned slipped into the chamber Arya had once shared with her sister. His daughter was already asleep though still clad in one of her simple gowns. With a touch of melancholy he remembered the time when she used to run around in boy's clothing. She was no longer that mischievous little girl.
"Sleep well, sweet one," he whispered. Arya stirred but didn't wake.
Ned's own sleep deluded him for hours. When he did finally fall asleep, he was woken suddenly by a frantic knocking. The sky outside was still dark. That meant little with winter quickly approaching. He grabbed his robe and hurried to answer, on the other side stood Cat holding a candle, excitement shining in her eyes.
"Arya asked for a new gown," she said before the door behind her had even had enough time to close. "A pretty, womanly one, not one of those septa's robes she usually wears. She even had her hair brushed and trimmed. She is in love, Ned! It must be the Cerwyn boy or that damned young Braavosi, or maybe -"
Someone else was knocking too. Cat frowned but nodded at Ned's unvoiced question. He called for the intruder to enter. Maester Luwin startled when he spotted Cat and his lady wife noticed it.
"What is the matter, Maester?" she asked. "My lord husband holds no secrets from me, you may speak freely."
"I know, my lady... "still, he hesitated before finishing "...Jon Snow came to visit from the Wall."
Cat's mood changed in an instant.
"I see," she retorted coldly, and briskly left the room.
Why now? Ned had to wonder once Cat was gone. Even after all this time Cat had not warmed up to the young man, but that was not what troubled Ned most. It had been six long years since Jon had joined the Watch, six years since Ned had seen him last. Though Benjen had mentioned in his letter that they should expect someone from the Watch, he had written no word of Jon. Ned was looking forward to the unexpected reunion, but he dreaded it as well. Robert, once so full of life, had been lying in his grave for nigh on two years and Jon was no longer a boy. The time had come to tell his nephew the truth and Ned wasn't sure he could do it. He turned to his window to look at the godswood as if the ancient trees could give him answers. In the east, above the tops of the high sentinels the sky was lightening. The sun finally came out giving the trees their shapes. Ned frowned and turned to the master.
"Did Jon arrive before the dawn?"
"No, my lord. He arrived yesterday shortly after you went to bed."
Ned found Jon in his solar- he was leaning against the narrow stone sill silently watching bustle in the yard.
"Jon."
The man turned. He still much resembled Ned himself even clean shaven but Ned could see some traces of his Valyrian ancestors too. They were there if you knew to look - in the shape of his eyes or the curve of his mouth.
"Lord Stark."
And in his voice. If his face had not changed much with age, his voice had. There was a hint of iron in that voice, as had once been in Rhaegar's. Ned frowned.
"Father." Jon corrected himself, he even smiled a little."I wasn't sure you still counted me for a son."
Ned felt the pangs of shame and sadness. He loved Jon dearly, but nonetheless a shade less than his true children.
"You will always be welcome, here."
The look Jon gave him was full of gratitude.
"How is the Watch treating you?"
"Well. Ser Denys has fallen ill and Maester Samwell doesn't think he will get better. Lord Mormont offered me his command in the Shadow Tower."
That wasn't surprising; years ago Ned had been confused when Jon was assigned to stewards and not rangers. He was an able warrior, more skilled than Robb or Ned himself. Mormont's decision only became clearer once he learned that he had named Jon his personal steward- the Old Bear had been grooming Jon for command from the beginning.
"Have you accepted?"
"Not yet."
"Why?"
"I am not sure that I'm ready. There are better men besides, uncle Benjen for one."
"If Benjen wanted to be anything but a ranger he would. What is the real reason, Jon?"
Jon turned towards the small fire flickering in the hearth.
"It suddenly seems all too real," he said with his eyes upon the flames. " I took the black six years ago, yet only now am I starting to understand what it really means. And then..." Finally he looked back at Ned. "...sometimes I feel as if I have forgotten something very important and I have to go back to remember, because if I were to go forward I would lose it forever."
"Back? To Winterfell?"
"Where else?"
To Dorne, to Harrenhall, where it all started. The time came.
"Do you want to know about your mother?"
"Yes. It seems to trouble you."
When had he grown so perceptive?
"It does."
"Then leave it for another day. For now I only want to be reminded of the old days, or of the little that is left of them. I met Rickon in the yard; he didn't even remember who I was."
Ned could hear the pain in his words.
"He was four when you left. Bran asks about you sometimes, so does Robb. It's a shame you came now. Bran squires for the Tullys, but Robb won't be in White Harbour for long."
"I wanted to be here for Arya's nameday."
Ned couldn't stand to look him in the eye. If there was one person who had mourned Jon's departure it was Arya. Yet after some time, she had ceased to ask about him, or to talk about him at all.
"Arya -"
To Ned's great surprise Jon burst in a fit of laugher " – wrote that she would skin the next fool who tried to gift her with "jewels as pretty as her eyes" so I came in person to make sure that the guest right would be honoured in this house."
"You write to each other?"
Jon frowned "As often as we can. I thought you knew."
He didn't.
"Arya doesn't share her secrets with anyone."
"She doesn't trust easily, but she is a remarkable woman. Strong, clever, brave, beautiful and... " Jon went silent.
There was too much passion in his words for a brother talking about his sister. Jon seemed to realize it too. Ned saw waves of confusion and guilt storm through his face. Suddenly he seemed horribly uncomfortable talking to Ned.
"I'm sorry, Lord Stark. I have to go I've... I've forgotten to water my horse," he mumbled and stormed out absurdly.
Your horse has been in the stables since yesterday, Ned thought but he didn't say it. Gods have mercy, were the words he whispered once Jon was safely gone.
They had little time to talk after that first day. Preparations for winter were taking a lot of Ned's time, and it seemed that Jon was avoiding him in any case. He had no doubt that if Jon had wished to ask him about his mother when he rode to Winterfell, it was far from his mind now. His nephew seemed preoccupied even if there was only one Stark to keep him company for Rickon didn't seem to be warming up to Jon, to Cat's great delight. Ned even heard him call Jon a thief, though as ever Rickon gave no explanation to his words. With Robb away with Wylla and their children, Brandon in the Riverlands and Sansa in the Vale expecting her first child, Jon spent all of his days with Arya.
Ned watched with worry as Jon helped Arya to saddle her horse for their countless long rides, as they went hawking or fishing together. It seemed that every time he turned he saw them laughing and whispering to each other in hushed voices. Ned knew that nothing would ever happen as long as Jon believed that Arya saw him only as a brother. Unfortunately for all of them Eddard Stark was sure as winter that she didn't.
The girl was in love- the dresses she wore, the way she glowed, the way she smiled. It was plain to see; though Ned expected that Arya herself would probably be the last one to notice. He rubbed his brow and wondered how many other men also guessed as he had and worse, figured out the object of her affection. He was yet to hear any whispers but he knew that couldn't last forever. And what about Jon? Ned had to ask himself. No, it doesn't matter. Jon was still a man of the Watch, and he believed they were siblings. After warring with himself for days, Ned decided to keep it that way and remain silent about Jon's parentage. In another world Jon wouldn't have to live a lie, and maybe he and Arya would have married and no one would have frowned upon the match. In this one though, he would need to be her brother for the world and apart from that, he had taken the black. Truth and thoughts of what could have been would only torment them both.
It will get better, Ned told himself and so held his tongue and watched silently as Arya blushed and looked away confused when Jon kissed her briefly on the brow at her nameday feast. He will leave soon and they won't see each other for years maybe even never again... It was all so familiar and just in that moment Ned remembered why- he had thought the same thought a lifetime ago at the splendid tourney of Harrenhall.
Cat figured it out in the end. She sought him in his bedchamber on the evening before Jon's departure. His mood was dark, hers was darker.
"You've seen it!" she accused him. Eddard Stark didn't have to ask what.
"Yes."
For the first time since they had married in the sept of Riverrun, she slapped him. She had surprising strength.
"It's your fault. If you hadn't brought him here, if you had sent him away earlier, if you had never allowed him to come back…" tears filled her eyes. Ned went to her and took her in his arms. She let him.
"It's my fault too. I prayed every day to the Maiden and to the Mother and the Crone too. I prayed hard that Arya would find a man she could love… The septons always tell us to be careful what we wish for, let the gods fulfill our wishes. If people knew..."
"No one has to know, Jon is leaving tomorrow."
"Yes, he is leaving and he will never come back" Cat whispered in a venomous voice. "But she will be cursed forever. Her own brother..."
Cat spent the night wakeful in his chambers and in his embrace. Ned had never felt so strong an urge to tell her the truth and yet, he kept his silence.
In the morning they went to the yard and watched Jon and Arya exchange their final farewells. Ned had to hold Cat firmly by an arm, otherwise she would have run to them and torn them apart. It would do no good-only make the folk wonder, and ones with good eyes might remember that Arya's kisses had been a few too many and Jon's hugs a little too long for a brother and sister.
Still, many must have noticed how different his daughter became once Jon had left. She had almost glowed while they were together, but on the day of his departure she became a shadow of that happy girl, even more solemn than before. She refused to attend feasts and her lessons and divided her time between brooding in her chambers, praying in the godswood and riding aimlessly. Rickon who seemed to be glad for Jon's departure soon become sullen too. Robb and Rickon were day and night as Arya and Sansa had once been and Rickon was only six years older than Robb's oldest boy Hoster. The brothers never had been close. Wolf blood called to wolf blood, however- Ned's youngest son often sought Arya's company and though Jon may not have stolen the girl herself, it was as if he had made away with a big piece of her heart.
A fortnight later Robb returned.
"What happened to Arya?" he asked Ned the same day.
Jon, Ned thought but said nothing.
Later, a raven came from Benjen. When Ned heard he almost snatched the parchment from the Maester's hand and hurried to his solar. He opened it with shaking hands. It didn't bear the words which he feared but only a question:
"What happened to Jon?"
Arya, Ned answered for himself. He fed the message to the flames and sent his brother a few meaningless lies.
He could not tell them the truth, not even Benjen, though he had always suspected that his younger brother knew more about Jon's parentage that he let on. Ned was sure that he would take another secret to his grave until he chanced upon his daughter in the godswood about a month after Jon's departure.
She was slashing angrily at the branches around her with a slim, short blade. Once again she was clad in man's wear and already sweaty despite the coldness of the air. She must have been at it for hours judging by the exhaustion her movements showed.
"Arya," Ned called gently.
She didn't stop.
"I talked with mother," she whispered breathily after she savaged a few more branches, "about Jon."
She slashed again.
He was such a fool, he should have known that Cat would talk to her sooner or later.
"I would like to talk about Jon too."
Just then she stilled and looked at him with eyes full of guilt and pain.
"What I feel for him is wrong."
"No! Yes. Maybe."
Despite the solemn mood his awkward answer made her smile briefly.
"I didn't mean to. I have missed him every day since he left and now…" she averted her gaze to hide her tears.
Ned hugged her tightly.
"He has taken the black, sweet one."
"And he is my brother," she said bitterly.
Ned couldn't take it any longer.
"He isn't. He never was. I had no choice, Arya…"
She looked so much like Lyanna, she was even the same age as Lyanna had been when he had seen her for the last time. It made it both harder and easier to break the promise he had given to his sister. He did it nevertheless, he told her everything he knew, starting from the tourney at Harrenhall up until the day he brought Jon to Winterfell.
"I won't make the same mistakes Father, I swear," she assured him when he had finished.
Ned never loved her more than in that moment. The next morning, she was gone.
"Keep an eye on Jon," Ned wrote to Benjen as soon as he found out, but then the winter arrived and he got no answer for three long years.