Title: Eternity
Author: Rach
Pairing: D/C
Summary: Very sad fic. Connor reflects on his life and Dawn. Connor POV
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine...I just keep all the characters in a little toy box and like to take them out to play with them. If they were mine, the most clothing Angel would ever wear would be a towel::::drool::::: uh, but Joss and the rest of the Mutant Enemy crew don't agree. They also paired Connor and Cordelia together so... i think that's proof enough:::::snicker::::::
Spoilers: Home and some for Chosen. It takes place 10 years into the future....2013.
Rating: PG-PG13....Nothing naughty, just sad.
AN: Hey guys, this fic idea came to me when I was brushing my teeth last night..... you find inspiration in the *weirdest* places. Okay, well this is a sad fic. That's the warning. If you want to read a happy, feel-good happy ending fic, DON"T READ THIS! Okie dokie, on with the fic....
It had been one year. One year since it happened. It has been 365 days since the woman I love.... I can't even come to say it. I still don't believe it. I still find myself reading something, or watching something I think she would like, and I call for her. I say her beautiful name that brings me nothing but joy. Dawn. I try to avoid it. I try to never say that name. I can feel the certain sting of tears as my eyes begin to water.
I remember when I first met her. It had been 6 months after Angel...I mean Dad had given me a new life. One with a normal family, and a normal girlfriend. It seems perfect, right? What more could I ask for? It didn't explain why I always wanted to go walking at night. Why when I saw a vampire in the park I didn't run. Instead, I felt oddly comforted. It didn't explain the dreams I had every night of the Irish Lullaby being sung to me, of living in a hell dimension. I could see the silhouette of a dark and mysterious stranger, and I wanted to cry. I didn't understand why I always felt sad, like I had disappointed him in some way. For some reason that made me upset. It wasn't until I saw his face that I knew. He had my eyes. Not the same color, because mine are blue and his were a deep chocolate color, but the look in his eyes. It was the same I had. I knew I had to find this man.
So I found Angel, and he confessed eventually. I was mad, but I knew he did it for me. It took me four days to get over it. I told my "family" that I couldn't live there anymore. I lied to them. I told them that I was moving... to Europe. They were heartbroken. And my girlfriend.... I thought I loved her. I did. I wanted to stay with her, but when I told her about everything, she ran away. Of course she would have. She was a polite girl who liked to shop and go to the movies. Why would she want to be with the spawn of two demons? I thought I was going to be broken up about it. Like I said, I thought I loved her, but I wasn't heartbroken. It hurt a little, I won't lie. But it didn't feel like my heart was shredded. It didn't feel like I could never love again. I could still eat and sleep and go out with friends. It wasn't like that, not like it is now... with Dawn.
I moved back in with Angel. He worked at Wolfram and Hart, but he still kept the hotel. I moved into one of the many rooms on the 2nd floor. I got the suite. Five days later, dad's first love, Buffy the ex-slayer and her gang came to visit... or stay for awhile since they had nowhere to go. That's when I first saw her. I saw the chestnut colored hair and ocean blue eyes and her tall, lean body and I remember thinking 'God, she's beautiful.' She didn't feel the same way. We would tease each other and play pranks and make each other's lives a living hell. It wasn't until seven weeks later when we were wrestling over who got to use Dad's favorite sword when we kissed. I can remember feeling like I was floating. I felt a shock, as if she electrocuted me, go through my whole body. From my lips to my.... toes...and some other places, but that didn't matter. After that, we were inseparable. I mean it. We would never be more than an arm's length away from each other. One night, we fell asleep in my bed only to be awoken by screaming and a very loud screech. Buffy and Angel had found us. I was taken into the kitchen and Buffy stayed in my room with Dawn. We both got "the talk." We just laughed about it, but Buffy and Dad didn't think it was so funny.
It didn't matter what had happened that day. It didn't matter who said what, or who did what, or anything. As soon as I saw my love's face, the day was perfect. The best day ever. All I needed to see were her beautiful eyes that changed to different shades of blue. When she was angry, they were dark, like sapphire's glittering at me. When she was happy, or in a playful mood, they changed to a light crystal blue, almost teal. They twinkled every time she smiled. And when she was nervous, or anxious, they were the color of the ocean. A deep blue that you could drown in. We dated for a little while, two years or so, when I asked Angel to take me to the jewelers... to get a wedding ring. I was so nervous. I was scared I was going to get the wrong ring, or it wouldn't fit. Dad just smiled at me and ruffled my hair. He took me and the jeweler greeted him. He was in here about two weeks before to get Buffy a ring. He was so excited when he told me. Apparently, she was done "baking," whatever the hell that means. I picked a platinum band, with a princess cut diamond in the center, decorated with sapphires on the sides. It was absolutely beautiful... and it was so expensive. Dad paid. I love my father.
I asked her. She cried and I was so scared. I thought they were sad tears. Then I saw that her eyes were crystal blue. She was happy. She said 'yes.' I swear my heart was in my throat until it leaped right out of my chest. Figuratively speaking of course... though I have seen that happen before. We told everyone, all her friends. Buffy cried and squeezed me in a tight hug. Angel hugged us both and ruffled my hair again. That's like a father/son kiss for us. Willow squealed and jumped up and down, which scared me, but Dawn promised me she wasn't evil. I still keep a knife in my jacket pocket whenever I see her. Xander hugged Dawn and told me I better be good to her. Spike... well Spike wasn't that happy. He told me if I touched his 'Niblet' he'd show me how he got his nickname. I don't know and I don't want to find out. It was two weeks before the wedding when I came home and heard Dawn crying. I heard her soft sniffles and I ran upstairs to find her in the bathroom. She was still in her maid-of-honor gown from Dad and Buffy's wedding, but she was curled into a little ball and sobbing her sweet heart out. I held her and she finally told me that she was sad. Her mom wouldn't be there for our wedding. She would never meet me, or spoil the grandchildren we were supposed to have.
It was a beautiful June day when the ceremony took place. I stood at the front, waiting for my blushing bride. I was standing beside Angel and Xander. When I saw her come down, attached to Giles' arm, my jaw dropped. She looked breathtaking. Her hair was swept up in a french twist... whatever that is, with only a couple of brown curls framing her face. She was smiling so much that her face glowed and her crystal blue, happy eyes gazed at me. Showing me all the love she had for me in her heart. She mouthed 'I love you' and I mouthed back 'I love you more.' We said our vows and kissed. I swooped her up as vast amounts of birdseed began to sprinkle upon us. Why do they do that? It wasn't sweet, it just hurt... and this pigeon kept picking at my head. Dawn thought it was hilarious. We had a wonderful reception, a wonderful first year. We did everything together. We ate the top of our wedding cake on our first anniversary, we were both there when Dad became human... then we left because things were getting pretty hot between Buffy and him. We were there when Buffy told us she was pregnant, we saw the ultrasound, and we were in the waiting room when my half sister Kathleen was born. She was named after my aunt, who my father treasured more than any other member of his family. She gave him the nickname Angel.
Seven years after I met her was when Dawn first started getting the headaches. We thought they were just migraines. It wasn't until she had one and passed out that she went to the doctors, with me. I wish we never went. Maybe if we never went, then we wouldn't have known and it would have gone away. My wife, my lover, my best friend... was going to die. She had a brain tumor that would eventually spread. It would push into her brain stem and kill her. I was in shock. I fainted and I felt like an ass. My wife was dying and I pass out on her. I never stopped apologizing. I remember how we invited everyone over for dinner. We were going to tell them until Xander decided to tell us that he and his new girlfriend Abigail would marry in the summer. Everyone was so happy. I felt terrible. I tried to celebrate, but I couldn't. Then Dawn stood up and said the inevitable words. "Hey guys, I have less than one year to live... could you pass the pumpkin pie, please?" Forks dropped and all eyes were on Dawn. Buffy looked at her sister. She thought she was kidding. She wasn't. Buffy cried and Angel held her. Dawn cried and I held her. Willow cried and Xander held her. Spike stood from his chair and walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I could hear him crying. Loud, heart wrenching sobs were the only sound in our apartment. Willow and Xander had to leave. They couldn't deal with it yet, they needed time. Angel carried Buffy out in his arms. She was still crying when I called him three hours later. Spike never left the bathroom while we were awake. The next morning I went in there and he was gone. The mirror was smashed and tear drenched toilet paper was in the trash can.
One month went by, then two, then three. I saw my love deteriorating before my very eyes. By the fourth month she started getting more frequent head aches. Buffy and Dad came over every day. As did Spike. Willow and Xander came when they could. They were so hurt and they didn't want to hurt their poor Dawnie. My Dawn. She was so strong. Until the end. She never let anyone be sad around her. She had strict rules that if you cried over her she would kick you out. I stayed with her everyday. It wasn't until the sixth month when things got bad.
Dawn could no longer go outside. She couldn't walk for longer than five minutes, or her deteriorating muscles would collapse. Her skin lost it's tan glow and took on a sallow tint. She was losing weight rapidly. Her petite form became even more petite. My love never broke down though. She acted normally. Even cracking jokes about it sometimes. It wasn't until the seventh or eighth month that she cracked. She was lying on our sofa wrapped in blankets when I served her some soup in a bowl. I asked if she wanted a tray but she refused. She was holding the soup when her hand gave out. The hot, steaming liquid spilled all over her, the blankets, and the couch. I ran to her and picked her up. I ran to the bathroom and laid her in the bathtub. I turned on the water and began to sooth the red blotches that were beginning to appear from the scalding broth. It was then, that my love, my wife, broke down. Angry cries came from her as she screamed and writhed in the tub. I tried to sooth her but she kept screaming. "Why me? Why me? I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Please tell me this is a nightmare." Seeing her cry, made me cry. I turned off the cold water and lifted her out and dried her off. We were both still crying. I wrapped her in more blankets and rocked her. I told her I loved her. It wasn't fair! Why did the woman I love have to die? What did I do wrong? I'm sorry God. Please, make it end.
On our anniversary, which was also the ninth month since we found out, Dawn collapsed. I was in shock. I can't remember doing anything, but somehow I lifted her up, and layed her gently on the couch. I called 911 and paramedics came. They took her out and I stood in the middle of our living room. I couldn't move. Buffy called later... I don't know when. It could have been ten minutes, or ten hours. I'm not sure. It broke me out of my reverie and her and Dad came to pick me up. I walked into the hospital in a daze. I was standing still yet I was walking to the front desk. I asked what room she was in, and they told me 620. That was our wedding date. June 20, 2006. I walked into the room while Buffy and Dad waited outside. They knew I had to be alone with her. I walked in and saw my precious, my princess hooked up to twenty different wires. I sat in the chair by her bed and reached for her small hand. It was colder than mine. Her eyes fluttered to reveal ocean blue depths. I told her that the hospital wants her to stay here. She refused. She said she wanted to be home when it happened. I didn't need to ask what she meant. I knew.
September 15, 2012. My life shattered. Dawn was lying in our bed while I slept next to her. She was still hooked up to wires. I woke up in a cold sweat... and I knew. I knew it was time. I held her and I whispered in her ear. She was asleep but I know she could hear me. 'I love you Dawn. I always will. You can let go now honey. Everyone loves you. I will miss you forever. I love you, my wife." Then, it was done. The heart monitor flat lined and I pulled her closer and sobbed into her hair. I stayed there until the phone rang. I told Dad to come over and bring everyone. We cried, we screamed. People said it wasn't fair, and it wasn't. Buffy cried on Angel's shoulder as he sobbed into her hair. Willow went catatonic for a few minutes until she completely broke down. Xander was away. He went to Paris to meet his fiance's parents. We called him and he was coming home. Everyone hugged me, but I didn't feel it. Didn't feel anything. I couldn't move. The funeral was terrible. The coroner's made her look beautiful, like the nervous girl I met ten years ago. More people came, more people cried. My little sister Kathy walked up to the coffin and said "Goodbye Aunt Dawnie. I know you will be an angel in heaven. I love you." She then walked up to me. "Connor, Aunt Dawnie wants you to know that she is happy and she loves you very much." I was broken from my catatonic state and I looked into my sister's hazel eyes. Like her mother. Kid's are amazing. Somehow, I knew she was right. Somehow, my Dawn had talked to her.
So now, here I am. It's been one year. I sit in front of her grave and see the rotted abundance of flowers along the ground. Everyone brings her flowers. Everyone loved her. How could you not? She was beautiful, inside and out. I reach into my jacket pocket and find a weather envelope with my name on it in loopy handwriting. I found it when I was cleaning out her dresser drawer. I wanted to wait until tonight. I open the top and pull out a folded piece of paper. I unfold it and I read.
Dear My Connor,
I don't know what to say. Words cannot express how I feel for you. I was always an outsider. I never fit in. I was a glowing ball of energy for a couple of thousand years until I was given human form. I never had anything that lasted. I had Mom, but she died. I had Buffy, the sister who didn't have to love me, but she did. Boys were for the popular pretty girls. Not me. Then I met you.
God, you got on my nerves. I think I loved you since the moment I saw you. I remember our first kiss. Your soft lips and soft hair that I ran my fingers through. When you told me you loved me, my heart swelled with joy I could never imagine. When you proposed I remember crying and you thought I was sad. Never. I was so happy. I couldn't wait to spend my life with you. I couldn't wait to grow old together and make little babies... I would dream about what our kids would look like. If they would have your eyes, my nose, hopefully, your mouth. I prayed they would have my fashion sense.
I guess that's gone. I should be bitter. I should be cursing at the heavens, but how can I when they gave me something better. They gave me you. My life is complete. I have found my soulmate. You are the one I will love forever. I loved you when I first met you and I will love you until the day the stars fall from the heavens... unless that happens tomorrow... you know what I mean.
When I'm gone, please don't shut down. Don't runaway, or do anything you might regret. When Buffy died she told me that the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. She told me to live, for her. I'm asking you the same thing. Be happy, my love. I will be watching over you. Always. Forever. I'll wait for you forever. Then when that day comes, I shall be with you again. Please, let that be later, much later. I want you to stay around so you will have stories to tell me when I see you again. I want to hear about Kathy's graduation. I want to know how Xander and Abigail are. I want to hear how Spike has managed to get punched in the face by Angel. Again. I want to hear about Willow. And I want to hear about you. Don't be afraid to love Connor. You have so much love in you. Don't waste it. Just, don't forget me. Remember, I'll be waiting for you. Then when it's time, we will be together. For eternity. In my whole life, I have never loved anything more than you. You *are* my heart, my soul. Carry me with you, wherever you may go.
With All Of My Heart,
Dawn
The letter is barely legible now from all the tears. I'm choking back sobs until I can't hold it anymore. I cry. Cry harder than I ever have. I reach next to me and place nine white roses on her grave. One for each year I knew her. One for each year I loved her. I wipe my eyes and I stare into the gravestone. "I love you Dawn. Forever. I'll be with you one day. I hope you're happy my love." I kiss the gravestone and stand up. A soft breeze blows through the air and I can swear I hear Dawn's laughter. Her little giggle. I smile as the breeze brings a happiness to my heart I have never felt before.
I love you Dawn. For eternity.
Author: Rach
Pairing: D/C
Summary: Very sad fic. Connor reflects on his life and Dawn. Connor POV
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine...I just keep all the characters in a little toy box and like to take them out to play with them. If they were mine, the most clothing Angel would ever wear would be a towel::::drool::::: uh, but Joss and the rest of the Mutant Enemy crew don't agree. They also paired Connor and Cordelia together so... i think that's proof enough:::::snicker::::::
Spoilers: Home and some for Chosen. It takes place 10 years into the future....2013.
Rating: PG-PG13....Nothing naughty, just sad.
AN: Hey guys, this fic idea came to me when I was brushing my teeth last night..... you find inspiration in the *weirdest* places. Okay, well this is a sad fic. That's the warning. If you want to read a happy, feel-good happy ending fic, DON"T READ THIS! Okie dokie, on with the fic....
It had been one year. One year since it happened. It has been 365 days since the woman I love.... I can't even come to say it. I still don't believe it. I still find myself reading something, or watching something I think she would like, and I call for her. I say her beautiful name that brings me nothing but joy. Dawn. I try to avoid it. I try to never say that name. I can feel the certain sting of tears as my eyes begin to water.
I remember when I first met her. It had been 6 months after Angel...I mean Dad had given me a new life. One with a normal family, and a normal girlfriend. It seems perfect, right? What more could I ask for? It didn't explain why I always wanted to go walking at night. Why when I saw a vampire in the park I didn't run. Instead, I felt oddly comforted. It didn't explain the dreams I had every night of the Irish Lullaby being sung to me, of living in a hell dimension. I could see the silhouette of a dark and mysterious stranger, and I wanted to cry. I didn't understand why I always felt sad, like I had disappointed him in some way. For some reason that made me upset. It wasn't until I saw his face that I knew. He had my eyes. Not the same color, because mine are blue and his were a deep chocolate color, but the look in his eyes. It was the same I had. I knew I had to find this man.
So I found Angel, and he confessed eventually. I was mad, but I knew he did it for me. It took me four days to get over it. I told my "family" that I couldn't live there anymore. I lied to them. I told them that I was moving... to Europe. They were heartbroken. And my girlfriend.... I thought I loved her. I did. I wanted to stay with her, but when I told her about everything, she ran away. Of course she would have. She was a polite girl who liked to shop and go to the movies. Why would she want to be with the spawn of two demons? I thought I was going to be broken up about it. Like I said, I thought I loved her, but I wasn't heartbroken. It hurt a little, I won't lie. But it didn't feel like my heart was shredded. It didn't feel like I could never love again. I could still eat and sleep and go out with friends. It wasn't like that, not like it is now... with Dawn.
I moved back in with Angel. He worked at Wolfram and Hart, but he still kept the hotel. I moved into one of the many rooms on the 2nd floor. I got the suite. Five days later, dad's first love, Buffy the ex-slayer and her gang came to visit... or stay for awhile since they had nowhere to go. That's when I first saw her. I saw the chestnut colored hair and ocean blue eyes and her tall, lean body and I remember thinking 'God, she's beautiful.' She didn't feel the same way. We would tease each other and play pranks and make each other's lives a living hell. It wasn't until seven weeks later when we were wrestling over who got to use Dad's favorite sword when we kissed. I can remember feeling like I was floating. I felt a shock, as if she electrocuted me, go through my whole body. From my lips to my.... toes...and some other places, but that didn't matter. After that, we were inseparable. I mean it. We would never be more than an arm's length away from each other. One night, we fell asleep in my bed only to be awoken by screaming and a very loud screech. Buffy and Angel had found us. I was taken into the kitchen and Buffy stayed in my room with Dawn. We both got "the talk." We just laughed about it, but Buffy and Dad didn't think it was so funny.
It didn't matter what had happened that day. It didn't matter who said what, or who did what, or anything. As soon as I saw my love's face, the day was perfect. The best day ever. All I needed to see were her beautiful eyes that changed to different shades of blue. When she was angry, they were dark, like sapphire's glittering at me. When she was happy, or in a playful mood, they changed to a light crystal blue, almost teal. They twinkled every time she smiled. And when she was nervous, or anxious, they were the color of the ocean. A deep blue that you could drown in. We dated for a little while, two years or so, when I asked Angel to take me to the jewelers... to get a wedding ring. I was so nervous. I was scared I was going to get the wrong ring, or it wouldn't fit. Dad just smiled at me and ruffled my hair. He took me and the jeweler greeted him. He was in here about two weeks before to get Buffy a ring. He was so excited when he told me. Apparently, she was done "baking," whatever the hell that means. I picked a platinum band, with a princess cut diamond in the center, decorated with sapphires on the sides. It was absolutely beautiful... and it was so expensive. Dad paid. I love my father.
I asked her. She cried and I was so scared. I thought they were sad tears. Then I saw that her eyes were crystal blue. She was happy. She said 'yes.' I swear my heart was in my throat until it leaped right out of my chest. Figuratively speaking of course... though I have seen that happen before. We told everyone, all her friends. Buffy cried and squeezed me in a tight hug. Angel hugged us both and ruffled my hair again. That's like a father/son kiss for us. Willow squealed and jumped up and down, which scared me, but Dawn promised me she wasn't evil. I still keep a knife in my jacket pocket whenever I see her. Xander hugged Dawn and told me I better be good to her. Spike... well Spike wasn't that happy. He told me if I touched his 'Niblet' he'd show me how he got his nickname. I don't know and I don't want to find out. It was two weeks before the wedding when I came home and heard Dawn crying. I heard her soft sniffles and I ran upstairs to find her in the bathroom. She was still in her maid-of-honor gown from Dad and Buffy's wedding, but she was curled into a little ball and sobbing her sweet heart out. I held her and she finally told me that she was sad. Her mom wouldn't be there for our wedding. She would never meet me, or spoil the grandchildren we were supposed to have.
It was a beautiful June day when the ceremony took place. I stood at the front, waiting for my blushing bride. I was standing beside Angel and Xander. When I saw her come down, attached to Giles' arm, my jaw dropped. She looked breathtaking. Her hair was swept up in a french twist... whatever that is, with only a couple of brown curls framing her face. She was smiling so much that her face glowed and her crystal blue, happy eyes gazed at me. Showing me all the love she had for me in her heart. She mouthed 'I love you' and I mouthed back 'I love you more.' We said our vows and kissed. I swooped her up as vast amounts of birdseed began to sprinkle upon us. Why do they do that? It wasn't sweet, it just hurt... and this pigeon kept picking at my head. Dawn thought it was hilarious. We had a wonderful reception, a wonderful first year. We did everything together. We ate the top of our wedding cake on our first anniversary, we were both there when Dad became human... then we left because things were getting pretty hot between Buffy and him. We were there when Buffy told us she was pregnant, we saw the ultrasound, and we were in the waiting room when my half sister Kathleen was born. She was named after my aunt, who my father treasured more than any other member of his family. She gave him the nickname Angel.
Seven years after I met her was when Dawn first started getting the headaches. We thought they were just migraines. It wasn't until she had one and passed out that she went to the doctors, with me. I wish we never went. Maybe if we never went, then we wouldn't have known and it would have gone away. My wife, my lover, my best friend... was going to die. She had a brain tumor that would eventually spread. It would push into her brain stem and kill her. I was in shock. I fainted and I felt like an ass. My wife was dying and I pass out on her. I never stopped apologizing. I remember how we invited everyone over for dinner. We were going to tell them until Xander decided to tell us that he and his new girlfriend Abigail would marry in the summer. Everyone was so happy. I felt terrible. I tried to celebrate, but I couldn't. Then Dawn stood up and said the inevitable words. "Hey guys, I have less than one year to live... could you pass the pumpkin pie, please?" Forks dropped and all eyes were on Dawn. Buffy looked at her sister. She thought she was kidding. She wasn't. Buffy cried and Angel held her. Dawn cried and I held her. Willow cried and Xander held her. Spike stood from his chair and walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I could hear him crying. Loud, heart wrenching sobs were the only sound in our apartment. Willow and Xander had to leave. They couldn't deal with it yet, they needed time. Angel carried Buffy out in his arms. She was still crying when I called him three hours later. Spike never left the bathroom while we were awake. The next morning I went in there and he was gone. The mirror was smashed and tear drenched toilet paper was in the trash can.
One month went by, then two, then three. I saw my love deteriorating before my very eyes. By the fourth month she started getting more frequent head aches. Buffy and Dad came over every day. As did Spike. Willow and Xander came when they could. They were so hurt and they didn't want to hurt their poor Dawnie. My Dawn. She was so strong. Until the end. She never let anyone be sad around her. She had strict rules that if you cried over her she would kick you out. I stayed with her everyday. It wasn't until the sixth month when things got bad.
Dawn could no longer go outside. She couldn't walk for longer than five minutes, or her deteriorating muscles would collapse. Her skin lost it's tan glow and took on a sallow tint. She was losing weight rapidly. Her petite form became even more petite. My love never broke down though. She acted normally. Even cracking jokes about it sometimes. It wasn't until the seventh or eighth month that she cracked. She was lying on our sofa wrapped in blankets when I served her some soup in a bowl. I asked if she wanted a tray but she refused. She was holding the soup when her hand gave out. The hot, steaming liquid spilled all over her, the blankets, and the couch. I ran to her and picked her up. I ran to the bathroom and laid her in the bathtub. I turned on the water and began to sooth the red blotches that were beginning to appear from the scalding broth. It was then, that my love, my wife, broke down. Angry cries came from her as she screamed and writhed in the tub. I tried to sooth her but she kept screaming. "Why me? Why me? I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Please tell me this is a nightmare." Seeing her cry, made me cry. I turned off the cold water and lifted her out and dried her off. We were both still crying. I wrapped her in more blankets and rocked her. I told her I loved her. It wasn't fair! Why did the woman I love have to die? What did I do wrong? I'm sorry God. Please, make it end.
On our anniversary, which was also the ninth month since we found out, Dawn collapsed. I was in shock. I can't remember doing anything, but somehow I lifted her up, and layed her gently on the couch. I called 911 and paramedics came. They took her out and I stood in the middle of our living room. I couldn't move. Buffy called later... I don't know when. It could have been ten minutes, or ten hours. I'm not sure. It broke me out of my reverie and her and Dad came to pick me up. I walked into the hospital in a daze. I was standing still yet I was walking to the front desk. I asked what room she was in, and they told me 620. That was our wedding date. June 20, 2006. I walked into the room while Buffy and Dad waited outside. They knew I had to be alone with her. I walked in and saw my precious, my princess hooked up to twenty different wires. I sat in the chair by her bed and reached for her small hand. It was colder than mine. Her eyes fluttered to reveal ocean blue depths. I told her that the hospital wants her to stay here. She refused. She said she wanted to be home when it happened. I didn't need to ask what she meant. I knew.
September 15, 2012. My life shattered. Dawn was lying in our bed while I slept next to her. She was still hooked up to wires. I woke up in a cold sweat... and I knew. I knew it was time. I held her and I whispered in her ear. She was asleep but I know she could hear me. 'I love you Dawn. I always will. You can let go now honey. Everyone loves you. I will miss you forever. I love you, my wife." Then, it was done. The heart monitor flat lined and I pulled her closer and sobbed into her hair. I stayed there until the phone rang. I told Dad to come over and bring everyone. We cried, we screamed. People said it wasn't fair, and it wasn't. Buffy cried on Angel's shoulder as he sobbed into her hair. Willow went catatonic for a few minutes until she completely broke down. Xander was away. He went to Paris to meet his fiance's parents. We called him and he was coming home. Everyone hugged me, but I didn't feel it. Didn't feel anything. I couldn't move. The funeral was terrible. The coroner's made her look beautiful, like the nervous girl I met ten years ago. More people came, more people cried. My little sister Kathy walked up to the coffin and said "Goodbye Aunt Dawnie. I know you will be an angel in heaven. I love you." She then walked up to me. "Connor, Aunt Dawnie wants you to know that she is happy and she loves you very much." I was broken from my catatonic state and I looked into my sister's hazel eyes. Like her mother. Kid's are amazing. Somehow, I knew she was right. Somehow, my Dawn had talked to her.
So now, here I am. It's been one year. I sit in front of her grave and see the rotted abundance of flowers along the ground. Everyone brings her flowers. Everyone loved her. How could you not? She was beautiful, inside and out. I reach into my jacket pocket and find a weather envelope with my name on it in loopy handwriting. I found it when I was cleaning out her dresser drawer. I wanted to wait until tonight. I open the top and pull out a folded piece of paper. I unfold it and I read.
Dear My Connor,
I don't know what to say. Words cannot express how I feel for you. I was always an outsider. I never fit in. I was a glowing ball of energy for a couple of thousand years until I was given human form. I never had anything that lasted. I had Mom, but she died. I had Buffy, the sister who didn't have to love me, but she did. Boys were for the popular pretty girls. Not me. Then I met you.
God, you got on my nerves. I think I loved you since the moment I saw you. I remember our first kiss. Your soft lips and soft hair that I ran my fingers through. When you told me you loved me, my heart swelled with joy I could never imagine. When you proposed I remember crying and you thought I was sad. Never. I was so happy. I couldn't wait to spend my life with you. I couldn't wait to grow old together and make little babies... I would dream about what our kids would look like. If they would have your eyes, my nose, hopefully, your mouth. I prayed they would have my fashion sense.
I guess that's gone. I should be bitter. I should be cursing at the heavens, but how can I when they gave me something better. They gave me you. My life is complete. I have found my soulmate. You are the one I will love forever. I loved you when I first met you and I will love you until the day the stars fall from the heavens... unless that happens tomorrow... you know what I mean.
When I'm gone, please don't shut down. Don't runaway, or do anything you might regret. When Buffy died she told me that the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. She told me to live, for her. I'm asking you the same thing. Be happy, my love. I will be watching over you. Always. Forever. I'll wait for you forever. Then when that day comes, I shall be with you again. Please, let that be later, much later. I want you to stay around so you will have stories to tell me when I see you again. I want to hear about Kathy's graduation. I want to know how Xander and Abigail are. I want to hear how Spike has managed to get punched in the face by Angel. Again. I want to hear about Willow. And I want to hear about you. Don't be afraid to love Connor. You have so much love in you. Don't waste it. Just, don't forget me. Remember, I'll be waiting for you. Then when it's time, we will be together. For eternity. In my whole life, I have never loved anything more than you. You *are* my heart, my soul. Carry me with you, wherever you may go.
With All Of My Heart,
Dawn
The letter is barely legible now from all the tears. I'm choking back sobs until I can't hold it anymore. I cry. Cry harder than I ever have. I reach next to me and place nine white roses on her grave. One for each year I knew her. One for each year I loved her. I wipe my eyes and I stare into the gravestone. "I love you Dawn. Forever. I'll be with you one day. I hope you're happy my love." I kiss the gravestone and stand up. A soft breeze blows through the air and I can swear I hear Dawn's laughter. Her little giggle. I smile as the breeze brings a happiness to my heart I have never felt before.
I love you Dawn. For eternity.