Auxilium Memoria: The Choices that Weren’t Our Own Chapter 1, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: All characters from this chapter belong to the fabuloso J.K. Rowling. Can't say the same for later chapters but that's later, isn't it?

Author's Note: Halo, halo all. Welcome to my first fanfic. In lieu of a most annoying and lengthy general strike in B.C., I'd resorted to reading a whole bunch of this wonderful stuff and have decided to try my hand at writing it. Review and I shall build a small temple and burn incense for you each night. :Grin: Tell me whatever is right and wrong with it!

WANTED: Anyone want to help me edit? I realize that as much as my story makes sense to me, it probably isn't so clear to everyone else… I can't count on you to read my mind and know where I'm getting at so, I need someone to read over the chapters before they're posted to give me the 'go ahead'. I may repost the next three or four chapters depending on what has been edited.

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Title: Auxilium Memoria: The Choices that Weren't Our Own

Description: Her world had been bent and twisted the moment she stepped into Hogwarts. Suddenly she's chosen to be the guiding light to the one boy with whom she could never hold a proper conversation in a war where her choices could damn them all to hell. She is the Auxilium Memoria. H/G. OC/G.

Chapter 1: Maddening Indifference

Summer was always too hot, too crowded, too full of laughter at the Weasley home. It didn't take a random showering of galleons or the surprise laryngitis of Molly Weasley to bait the Weasley children into a delirium of nonchalance. Bill and Charlie had come home for the summer of Ginny's fifth year, and it sufficed to say that she was perhaps the only one who had shied away from the raucous pranks of her elder siblings. Lounging under the old beech tree, she observed her brothers playing a makeshift game of Quidditch. Apart from the lot, only Bill and Charlie had offered her a little peace of existence from time to time that she had so often found in Remus or Sirius back at Grimmauld Place.

Ginny grimaced, Sirius. Really, it was the last thing she needed to be thinking about that afternoon at The Burrow. Her parents had specifically moved back there to dissipate some of the residual bitterness around Sirius's death, and here was Ginny Weasley, the baby of the family, sitting under a beech tree scowling at her entire troupe of brothers playing Quidditch blissfully forgetful of the events of last summer, thinking about Sirius Black. Fantasic.

True enough, the week before had marked the one year anniversary of his death which Ginny commemorated alone in the wee hours of the morning under that very same beech tree, and so you'll forgive her black mood that afternoon, in the midst of so much joking around and a strong concentration of Fred and George Weasley, as she recalled the two other people who probably felt the impact of Sirius's death as acutely as she did: a certain Remus Lupin and one Harry Potter. She leaned into the tree and closed her eyes, soaking up the sunshine.

Harry Potter. Unlike Ron or Hermione or anyone else for that matter, Ginny knew the feeling. She knew how he felt. She knew it, felt it, taste it like bile on her tongue every single day and was hard-pressed to hope that the cutting pain in her chest might cease as the days passed. She winced to think about Harry. How much stress can one person handle, how many times could Life cheat him and throw him to the ground before he gives up?

Ginny was not a bad person by any means, but Sirius's death had made a patchwork quilt of her emotions and morality jarred as it was, she had told herself that someday she, and not Harry, would look down at a dying Bellatrix Lestrange and tell her slowly and patiently the story of Sirius Black and have the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She'd let Harry sit back and watch. Grotesque but necessary. Ginny wasn't sure she hated anyone as much as she hated Bellatrix Lestrange. Not even Tom… Yes, the same Tom that had pervaded her body and soul during her first year. She shuddered in the afternoon heat.

"OI, GINNY!" Slightly shocked out of her reverie, Ginny cracked open one eyelid and spied Fred looming over her. "Ah, knew you were still alive to us somewhere in there. How about a game? We miss our faaaaaaaaaavourite baby sis and her talents at knocking the stuffing out of wee Ron over there." Grinning, Fred gestured at Ron who was being successfully stalked by George and a volatile bludger.

"Reeeeheeeeheeeheeeeaaaaaly? Fine, two games tops." she said, resigned.

"Deal, baby sis." Fred hauled Ginny to her feet and grinned as she mounted her broom. Quidditch really was therapeutic she decided as she kicked off, the wind whipping through her hair, caught the Quaffle and charged a squawking Ron. Ten nothing: Ginny, George, and Charlie. Smiling wanly, she tucked the memory of Sirius in the back of her mind… maybe she'd go for the team again this year.

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Inside the kitchen of The Burrow, Arthur Weasley was having a far less pleasant day than hoped for. His wife stood before him, eyes blazing. If it weren't for her laryngitis, he was quite certain he'd be shredded by her lecturing. Still, fact remained fact, and the letter sitting on the kitchen table still bore the official seal of the Order.

"Molly, breathe before you hurt yourself." he said tiredly. "We're going back to Grimmauld Place."

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"They're coming back?" he asked blankly.

"Yes, Harry, they're coming back."

"They're coming back!"

"Yes, Harry, they're coming back." repeated Remus.

"They're coming back!" Really, sometimes Remus was worried about the boy. Harry stood there, a week into summer break, a zombie for most of the time, waving the letter in front of him. The Weasleys were coming back.

Hermione wandered into the kitchen. Dumbledore had forbidden her to go back home with her parents fearing the worst.

"They're coming back!" Harry stated gesturing to the letter. Hermione glanced warily at Remus.

"He's been at it for a while now."

"Emotional scarring?"

"Pending judgement."

"I'm worried."

"Mmm."

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Ginny stood in her room. Where to being? Where to begin! Less than two hours ago, the sweating Weasley children had filed into the Burrow kitchen fearing yet another lecture on spending summer time wisely to find a very resigned Arthur Weasley holding a letter.

George had snatched it out of his father's grip, earning a well-placed glare from his mother, and proceeded to read aloud the contents to his siblings.

"Dear Arthur and Molly… well that ought to make us feel special, eh?" some amount snarling from Molly got him right back to the letter, "As it were, I feel it would be wiser for you and your family to stay at Grimmauld Place after all…"

…

And quite frankly after that the rest of the letter was quite forgotten. Ron whooped and thumped Fred on the back till the latter grew weary and slammed Ginny's hardcover copy of Hogwarts: A History on his head to which Ginny loudly protested, snatched back her book and otherwise felt a well of elation at the prospect of seeing some of the Order again. George eyed Fred and the two of them immediately excused themselves to go to their room to 'pack'. Bill ruffled Ginny's hair and Charlie jumped in to do his piece. Finally, the reactions died down and the Weasley children retreated to their respective rooms to pack for the trip.

So, Ginny stood in her room. Where to begin:Ugh: Right. Clothes. She opened her trunk and piled several school shirts in. Robes came afterwards followed by her Gryffindor skirts, ties, shoes. She had haphazardly started throwing balled up socks into her trunk when one landed with a :thunk: rather uncharacteristic of balled up socks weighing several grams.

Intrigued, Ginny picked it up and immediately felt the presence of something very solid and very round. She unravelled the socks to catch a small ball the size of an egg in her palm. It was heavy, a glassy ball that broke the light the way water did. Well, it definitely wasn't hers, intriguing as it was.

Years of playing with unknown magical objects, a certain demonic diary coming to mind, Ginny learned not to toy with the mysterious. Slowly she wrapped it back in the socks, noting for the first time that they were definitely too large to be hers. Feeling more than a little perplexed, how on earth did the thing get into her sock collection? Ginny deposited it into her trunk vowing to ask Remus about it when she got back to Grimmauld Place.

Her belongings quickly piled and finally she stuffed the last of her quills into the wooden box. Big as it may be, the trunk had dated back to her mother's Hogwarts days. "How surprising." she remarked to no one in particular, "Ginevra Weasley toting a fossil to school yet again." Grunting, she slammed the lid shut. If she got half a word in edgewise, she'd get some decent dress robes this year that weren't of the mouldy variation. Worse comes to worse, she'd transfigure the bloody things out of dust. For all the bad that Tom Riddle had plunged her into, the inevitable fact remained that she was damned smart because of him.

The remainder of the afternoon quickly paled to evening and very soon Ginny finished wiping the dinner dishes dry, taking care to store them. When on earth she was going to eat off of those plates again she didn't even want to guess. The prospect of seeing her one third of her confidante again was an overwhelmingly welcoming idea so the dishes really could wait.

Ginny shut her eyes as she thought about the Confidante. She, in her memory which was concise and limitless, remembered their entire relationship to the last t… and it hurt her. Every conversation that passed between them had etched themselves into her mind, their smiles played and replayed. La Confidante.

"Remus! Ponce!" Sirius sputtered, bursting into the room after him.

"Sirius! Royal arse!" he replied by means of an answer. Remus sank into the armchair of the back Drawing Room. The last conversation with Dumbledore and the Order had been particularly trying and Sirius's comments really weren't helping the throbbing sensation in his temples.

"How can you sit there and talk to them like… like that when they're trying their damnable best to parade Harry around like…like…" Sirius finished by flopping into the adjacent cough.

"Eloquently put" Remus shot back. "I'm civil, if you will .The dog bites you, you don't very well bite the thing back. Harry's got a little more backbone than that, you know, he could fight them very easily himself."

"Harry's not James like they all think, you know. And he doesn't need another battle on top of the one he's dealing with already!" Sirius retorted. Remus frowned and very nearly replied. It was true though. Harry wasn't his father. He wasn't flamboyant; he wasn't a prankster; he didn't exude arrogance like his father had so endearingly done. Harry was not James Potter in the least. Damn, the boy just had to look so much like him.

"You're right."

"Of course I am."

"Well then, Sir All-Knowing-and-Pompous, perhaps you could - " :fwump:. Both men started, wands drawn. The clothed table in the corner had either taken to speaking ("Ouch!"), or… or Ginny Weasley was hiding there very quietly immerging just then with a less than sheepish look on her face.

"Ouch."

"Yes, that has been established." said Sirius, eyebrows raised. Ginny scowled. Eyebrows were not raised at her. She was young but she wasn't stupid or ignorant as the Order found convenient to think, and raised eyebrows simply weren't acceptable.

"'Ouch' for hitting the bloody table." she said. "But a big 'Damn you' for that one just now." Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. Now that wasn't expected… well, no one ever does expect the Spanish Inquisition, but still. "Damn you." she repeated. "If you've half the wit you're so reputed for back at Hogwarts you'd stop engraving your arse prints into those couches and tell someone about it. Tell Harry! Beat it into Dumbledore. I don't care. You've brilliantly pointed out the obvious, thank you very much, Sirius, Harry isn't his father. I'm not so sure the rest of them have cottoned on, go tell them that before Harry explodes from all the stress and we're all damned to hell!"

Okay. Ginny was having what you'd call a rough night. Hermione had rubbed her completely the wrong way about her upcoming O.W.L.s (the ones she had decided to take at the end of fourth year, unknown to everyone but Dumbledore), Ron had conveniently lost his balls and agreed wholeheartedly with her, and Harry was off brooding in the corner like he was the only one God had forsaken, and damn it all the hell, it was just a bad night. Ginny had retreated downstairs to the drawing room to gather her wits when she heard footsteps and threw herself under the table. Hearing the only two men in Harry's life who hadn't taken to patronizing him talk about him in his real light had smacked some life into her sulking state of mind, and it just irked her that none of the Order had even contemplated Harry being someone other than his dad: someone who didn't leap at an opportunity to show off his skill. Well, here it was… someone knew, and by god she'd get it through to the other as well… so... "Well?"

"Um yes… :cough, we'll just go down there and do that won't we?" asked Sirius pleasantly, "LISTEN HERE YOU HALF-FOSSILIZED ARSES. HARRY IS HARRY. JAMES IS JAMES. HARRY IS NOT JAMES. YOU WANT TO FIGHT? HUH? HALF-WITS:pause: … AH! I THOUGHT NOT!" he nodded vehemently to emphasize his point. "Yes, I'm sure that would go down splendidly with the Order."

Sirius's demonstration was funny. No, damn funny, it was hysterical. Ginny stood there like a rock. Then she cracked a tiny smile… then she completely lost it and fell on the ground laughing till tears threatened to spill. Very soon Remus and Sirius joined in. The three of them… the slandered remains of the legendary Marauders and the youngest Weasley all fell about laughing. Laughing

That had been their very first conversation. That was two years ago. She and Remus and Sirius had had a wonderful friendship from that night on. She never failed to write them twice a week when summer had ended and Hogwarts took over. Remus and Sirius knew positively everything there was to know about Ginny, young though she was. She told them about the Diary… she told them what she told no one else. She told them how she feared she wasn't as innocent and pure as everyone took for granted she was; she feared the darkness that had pervaded the dreams since that blasted diary during her first year; she told them how terrified she was that Tom was not done with her. Yes, Ginny told them everything and now, Sirius was dead. Time was so unkind.

Sighing, she finished wiping the table and started up the stairs to her bed. It was to be her last night at The Burrow for many, many nights to come, but it didn't matter just then. Tomorrow she'd go back to Grimmauld Place, and she knew at Grimmauld Place there would be one person waiting for her in the back Drawing Room.

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you when we were getting high?

Cos people believe that they're
Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The world's still spinning round
We don't know why
Why, why, why, why

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high

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Notes:

Time frame: In accordance with Rowling's books, the Order is established during the summer of Ginny's 3rd year. Sirius dies at the end of her fourth year. In this fic, Ginny befriends Remus and Sirius during the summer of her third year… she takes her O.W.L.s a year early due to her supreme brilliance, at the end of her fourth year… This coincides with Sirius's death. The "present" in this fic would currently be the beginning of the summer of leading to her sixth year. Sirius has been dead for a full year. Yeah… just thought this would be helpful because I was confused turdless while I was writing it!

Black Ball Thing: Well… it will be established in later chapters that this orb is, in fact, black, and its significance will come into play… decidedly later.

La Confidante: La Confidante is Ginny's affectionate nickname for the trio: Sirius, Remus and herself who met every other night during summertime at Grimmauld Place. Between the three, secrets had been told in expressed confidence and Ginny had found a little space of belonging… that's why Sirius's death has hit her like a charging rhinoceros, she really loved him.

Champagne Supernova: This one of my favourite songs by Oasis. Rest assured, I DID NOT write it. Treat is as a vague outline of Ginny's dream the night before she and her family are relocated to Grimmauld Place.

Harry: Harry will definitely become a little more uh, animated and energetic in the later chapters… He's coping with a hard time, poor dear.

I hope you all enjoyed that! That particular chapter was edited solely by me, so if there are any pressing errors, please inform me of them. Tell what you thought! Cheers.

Excerpt from Chapter Two:

Ginevra.

Ginny stirred… someone had called her name…

Several moments of silence passed.

Ginevra…

Okay, she definitely hadn't imagined it that time. Ginny sat up in bed and glanced warily around her bedroom. It was pitch black, and it really didn't sit well with her that she was hearing voices in the middle of the night calling her name.

Ginevra!

She snapped her head to the wall next to her. Oh merciful Merlin, please don't say that the wall was talking to her. Ginny peered closely at it… wait a minute. The wall was blurred a little. Since when were walls blurred! She reached out with a hand and tentatively prodded the spot and yelped in surprise when her finger went clean through it. Argh! Permeable walls! Her finger still inside the wall, she sat stunned not knowing what to do until she felt a huge tug and found herself sprawling through the blurry spot in her wall and landing on the other side… on very hard stone.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I. AM. HORRID.