Through the Doors
I haven't given up on my Sam story, I love the idea even though I'm kind of stuck, but my Wordy muse is just going nuts (rightfully so after all that's been happening!) I've wanted to write something but then I don't want to write something, it's tough. Considering they wrote Wordy out, they actually did it exceptionally well and I think I was just so saddened that I didn't want to write it. I mean, we've been guessing this was coming for a while but still...it's so weird to have those thoughts confirmed. Well, here's something to get myself going again, think of this being set a week or two after "The Better Man." Let me know what you think. I don't own Flashpoint.
"Wordy, we're still better together than any six people you could find on the force." Ed tried, though he knew it was an effort made in vain as more silent tears leaked from his friend's eyes.
"Eddie, I'd go through any door with you." His voice broke slightly as he tried to maintain his composure, just a moment longer. "But none of us can do this job forever."
Those words hadn't fully set in until he'd actually taken off the gear, cleaned out his locker, left the SRU as an active field member for the final time. Ed still didn't want to believe that this was the new reality they'd been thrust into. He had spent a lot of time talking to Wordy, getting the exact details, seeing if his prognosis might ever make it possible for him to return to the SRU but each answer seemed to dishearten him more.
He drove the familiar streets, the cool, early morning air awakening him as his windows slowly defogged. He tried to keep his anxiousness at bay. Wordy had been for tests over the past months and had been able to manage on his own until now. The doctors specifically told him that he wouldn't be able to drive right after this one, so he asked Ed for he pulled up to the curb he saw Wordy get up from the front steps of the porch. He'd told Shelly that they were going to go to the gym together.
"Morning." He said nonchalantly. His body language screamed nervousness but Ed didn't say anything until they were a full block from the house and Wordy finally relaxed and threw the bag into the back seat. Ed kept his eyes on the road, knowing that Wordy didn't need judgment right now, but feeling it seeping through anyway.
"I know Eddie." Wordy said knowingly, almost sadly as he looked through the window. "I need to tell her what's going on but..." He shook his head as Ed hazarded a glance over, dividing his attention between the road and his friend.
"It's tough, I get it." Ed reassured gently as they pulled into the parking lot.
"I mean, how do I break that news to her...to the girls...?" He was breathing a bit heavier now as he grew overwhelmed by the different problems and emotions.
"Wordy, the time will present itself. Let's just focus on right now, on these tests, okay?" Ed tried to focus him, to calm him, as he grabbed his gym bag from the backseat and walked with him towards the hospital. "You got everything you need, right?" Ed asked as he passed the bag to his friend.
"Yeah." He said as he took a steadying breath. "Medical records, test results from the other doctor, a list of prescriptions, change of clothes..." He took a few deep breaths and they approached the doors of the hospital and he led Ed towards the neurology unit. The hospital was a web of hallways, offices, exam rooms, and waiting rooms but Wordy navigated them expertly. Ed could tell that he was thinking and that he was still stressed but he knew that words wouldn't help him. He placed his hand on Wordy's shoulder for a moment as they waited for an elevator, a simple gesture but one that didn't go unnoticed. He saw Wordy take a deep breath and give him a small smile as they reached the correct floor. As they followed the signs to the correct department Ed sensed Wordy slowing down slightly.
"You alright, Wordy?" He asked as he slowed his pace a bit to keep up with his friend.
"Fine..." He wasn't particularly convincing and Ed's expression conveyed his disbelief. "It's just, I don't know, I don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help it." They'd stopped now and Wordy leaned against a wall. To a passerby they probably would have looked like they were having a casual conversation but Ed knew Wordy and could read him better than he could probably read Sophie. He saw the anxiety in his features coupled with the exhaustion. Keeping his secret from the team was one thing but keeping it from his family seemed to literally be eating away at him. Ed nodded, trying to figure out what to say but eventually settled for patting him gently on the back.
"I know buddy, I know. Let's just get through this, okay? We can think about your family later but right now there's nothing you can do about that. We're right here. You good?" He said as he stood up a bit straighter, a sign to move on. Wordy took another breath before nodding, looking Ed in the eye for a moment, and heading down the hallway.
Ed hated seeing his friend like this. In the twenty years they'd known each other Wordy had never seemed so anxious, so worn out, so scared. It was odd for Ed to associate the idea of being afraid with Wordy, he'd always been fearless on the job and he'd been in more than a few situations where it would have been perfectly acceptable to be afraid of the outcome, but Wordy had always seemed immune. He'd always powered through the tough times and fought through the pain (physical and mental) to get home to his family. Now that was the problem though. When he'd told the team about the Parkinson's they'd all assumed that Shelly had been in on the secret and that it would be a great relief for Wordy to finally be free from all the hiding; they'd been wrong. He'd kept his doctor's appointments, medications, diagnosis, and bills from Shelly for months and it was getting more difficult for him to manage.
Before Wordy could hesitate again Ed took a slightly large step in front of him and pushed the door open, holding it open. Wordy slapped another smile onto his face. Ed had always admired the way that Wordy could smile through anything. It took years for him to let his guard down around Ed but even in the most tense situations, Wordy could usually be seen with a smile. Ed found a seat in the small waiting room as Wordy went to the check in desk and spoke to the nurse. It struck Ed that the room looked like a normal doctor's office waiting room; he'd only spent his time in the ER and the operating rooms so he wasn't really expecting a carpeted, painted room. Wordy sat next to him with a clipboard loaded with papers as he rubbed at his temples and started with the endless forms. Ed watched silently for a few minutes before grabbing a magazine off the table in front of him. He didn't really read the words as much as he skimmed the articles and flipped the pages, needing to portray some form of calm.
"Can I put you as one of my emergency contacts?" Wordy asked softly in the silence of the waiting room.
"Sure." Ed nodded as he glanced at the form briefly and saw Greg's name also listed. He resisted saying anything, knowing that right now wasn't the time to bring up his loving wife and family that would have and should have been there with him. As Wordy finally completed the forms, a nurse approached them and took the clipboard.
"You two can follow me." She said simply as they both stood and followed her through a set of doors that led to rooms Ed associated with a hospital. The light blue and white colors almost burned his eyes as they followed her into a small room with a chair and a hospital bed. "Family can stay until they're ready for the procedure." She threw over her shoulder as she motioned for them to sit down. Ed and Wordy both shared a quick look but decided not to correct her assumption.
"Are you..." She looked down at the forms that Wordy had handed her. "Greg Parker?" Ed smiled charmingly before shaking his head.
"No, Ed Lane." He said simply. She nodded as she pulled a hospital gown out of a drawer.
"Mr. Wordsworth if you could change into this in the curtained area," She motioned towards the corner of the room where a small blue curtain hung from the ceiling. He nodded and got up without a word as the nurse started to write some things down on the forms. Wordy emerged from the curtained area after a few minutes, awkwardly trying to hold the gown and his street clothes. Ed took the clothes from him and shoved them in the gym bag as Wordy sat down on the bed and tried to get comfortable, obviously failing.
"Any allergies?" The nurse asked as she faced Wordy.
"Nope."
"Any other medical conditions or surgeries?" Wordy again shook his head and mumbled no.
"When was the last time you ate?"
"About nine last night." He said softly. She wrote something on the clipboard.
"Okay, someone will be in soon to finish the prep." She said with a slight nod before leaving the room. Wordy let out a breath that he seemed to be holding as Ed leaned back in the chair a bit.
"You good?" Ed asked gently as he saw a slight quiver in Wordy's arm. He tried to ignore it but his eyes kept jumping between Wordy's hand and Wordy's face.
"I'm good." He seemed resigned, almost depressed as he looked at the wall in front of him. Ed bit his lip for a moment, watching carefully and trying to figure out what to say.
"You sure?" He pried slightly, knowing that it wasn't true. Wordy let out a small sigh before shaking his head.
"I think that Shelly thinks I'm having an affair." He said simply, seemingly pained by the statement. Ed's eyes grew wide as it took all his effort to keep his jaw from dropping.
"What?" He said a little too loudly for the small room. "No she doesn't, Wordy." He regained a bit of composure and tried to calm down. "She knows that you love her more than anything in the world and she knows you wouldn't do that. Why do you even think that she's thinking that?" Wordy rubbed his temples for a moment, still not looking at Ed.
"I would think I was." He said incredulously. "I'm disappearing for hours that she can't reach me, I'm hiding the mail from her because she can't see the medical bills, I won't let her touch my cell phone because there's messages on it from doctors..." He trailed off, in his own world of self blame and doubt as Ed thought carefully about his words.
"Wordy, buddy," He paused until Wordy looked up, his full attention on Ed. "you're living another life here. You're hiding a big part of yourself from her and I'm sure she's realized that something's changed with you but I know that she is not thinking that you're cheating on her. Shelly's a great person and a great wife and she's giving you the benefit of the doubt. It's up to you to clue her in when you're ready but I think you're underestimating her." Ed said honestly as Wordy looked at him questioningly.
"By not telling her what's going on you're saying that you don't think she could handle it-"
"That's not what I'm saying at all Ed." He interrupted him quickly. "I...I don't want her to have to deal with this until I know what I'm dealing with. It's already going to be a long, drawn out process of me...of my brain and nervous system..." Ed knew he was trying to avoid saying the words and Ed didn't really want to say them either but it was time for a reality check.
"Wordy, this can kill you." He spoke calmly but confidently nonetheless. "And she deserves to know about it and she deserves the opportunity to help you." He paused for another second, seeing the words setting in on his face. "You've got enough on your plate Wordy. You've got enough to worry about and hiding yourself from your family shouldn't be something else for you to think about." Ed hadn't wanted to have this conversation before the testing but he saw the connections and realizations forming on his face.
"Mr. Wordsworth," A doctor walked quickly into the room without looking up from the chart in his hands. "any questions before we get started?" It took Wordy a moment to transition from his mind to reality.
"Um..no, no questions." He stumbled over the words as Ed stood and squeezed his shoulder.
"I'll see you when you're done." He said with a smile that Wordy briefly returned.
Ed made his way back to the waiting room and sat down quietly in a corner chair. He hoped that he hadn't been too hard on his friend, he didn't know what he'd do if the roles were reversed. Sophie and he had been through so much together, on such unsteady ground, that he wasn't sure what kind of reaction she'd have. She'd just be strong. He thought with a slight smile as he considered his tough-as-nails wife. What about Shelly though? She was a much different kind of woman but still one that was married to an SRU officer. She had been through hell when she was younger, an abusive relationship eventually leading her to Wordy, her protector and superhero. Ed understood why Wordy didn't want to shatter his wonderful family life by dropping this bombshell but he was also sure that it wouldn't come as too much a surprise that something was wrong.
He couldn't have kept the shaking to himself all that time. Sure, he'd probably offered some excuse and all the other showing symptoms probably had some excuse but Shelly was smart and she'd piece together the signs. Ed felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and felt his heart stop when he saw the number.
"Hello?" He said, already realizing that he was messing up. He never answered his phone with 'hello,' it was always 'Lane.'
"Ed, it's Shelly." He forced himself to breathe as she spoke. "I've been trying to get in touch with Kevin but I can't reach him..."
"Oh, he must have left his phone in the car." Ed said with a nod, more for himself than for her. Think now, think. He didn't want to lie but he also knew that he couldn't tell Shelly what was going on. As much as he knew she would be supportive and it would be good for Wordy, he had to do it himself.
"No problem." She said softly, though he could tell that she was weary. "You guys still at the gym?" He had to think about the answer. The background noises weren't right for the gym, his breathing was too even for him to have just been working out.
"No, ah...no we were working out but..." He coughed into the phone, giving himself a moment to think. "...but Spike gave me a call. He needed help fixing a leak in his basement. You know Spike, the guys a technical genius, builds robots and stuff but you give him any took bigger than an Allen Wrench and he's at a loss." He squeezed out a laugh as he heard Shelly hesitantly do the same on the other end of the line.
"Gotta love Spike." She said cautiously but Ed knew it wasn't a complete success. "Can I talk to Kevin?" She asked with a seriousness Ed had never heard from her.
"You know, he's knee deep in water trying to get a patch on this pipe..." Ed bit his lip, hating every word he was saying, feeling dirty every time he opened his mouth to lie and cover their tracks. "...Spike, not that screwdriver, the other bit..." He realized what he must have looked like in the waiting room holding multiple conversations but he didn't care at this point. "Shelly, I've got to go, I'll have him call you." He said quickly as she mumbled something and he hung up. It took all he had not to throw his phone against the wall. He shoved it into his pocket and wiped his hands furiously on his jeans, anxious and angry that he had to lie. Despite his wishes, he pulled out his phone again and dialed Spike's number.
"Spike," He picked up after two rings and Ed spoke quickly.
"It's Ed. If Shelly calls, me and Wordy are helping you fix a leaking pipe in your basement." He said simply, hoping that Spike wouldn't ask questions. He didn't think that Shelly would follow up but he had to be safe.
"O...K..." Spike obviously wanted to know what was going on and Ed didn't blame him, but at that moment a nurse walked into the waiting room and called his name.
"Got to go." He stood up, hung up the phone, and followed the nurse in one seamless motion. She spoke to him as they walked to a different room, this time further down the hallway.
"The procedure went as planned, a doctor will be in shortly to talk about the results." She turned a corner quickly but Ed stayed within a stride of her. "The anesthesia should be wearing off within the next few minutes. He might be a little confused or agitated at first, just keep him calm and laying down that way he doesn't get a headache or get nauseous." Ed nodded as she stopped in front of a room. "Press the call button if you need anything."
Ed took a breath before walking in the room and taking stock of Wordy, not realizing until now how fast the two hours in the waiting room had gone. Wordy looked even more exhausted as he laid in the hospital bed. Ed couldn't tell if it was the harsh hospital lighting or not but he swore that Wordy had looked older, developed lines on his face that had never been there before. There was an IV in his left wrist, the blanket laying across his body at an angle. Ed almost couldn't stand seeing Wordy like this, couldn't stand thinking about his this vulnerable. Wordy had always been the tough one of the group, he never let anything get to him, but somehow this disease had snuck past all the defenses he'd built.
He started to stir slightly, moving to a more comfortable position as he reached his arms up to his eyes. Ed held his left arm down gently, not wanting him to pull out the IV by mistake.
"Hey there, buddy." Ed said clearly, a little louder than necessary. "You did great." He added as Wordy opened his eyes a sliver, shutting them against the light quickly. He moved to sit up but Ed placed a hand on his shoulder. "Stay laying down for a bit, Wordy." Ed said softly but Wordy didn't seem to be hearing him as he tried to push against his hand. "Wordy, it's better if you lay down, it'll help your head." Ed was using both hands to hold Wordy's shoulders down before he suddenly stopped pushing against him.
"Ed?" He was obviously still under the effects of the anesthesia as his eyes fluttered open, a funny smile on his face.
"What'r you doin 'ere?" He asked with a bit of a slur. Wordy had been a lucky one. Despite all the times he'd been hurt, he'd never needed surgery. He hated pain medication, said that it messed with his head, but no one really knew the true extent.
"You asked me to come to drive you home today after your test, remember?" Ed spoke slowly, hoping that the medication was wearing off.
"Where's Shelly?" He asked, his voice still a little slurred.
"She's at home. You told her we were going to the gym." He decided not to regale Wordy with his tale about Spike's plumbing until he was a bit more lucid.
"Can...can you call 'er?" Wordy asked as he opened his eyes widely. "I gotta...gotta tell 'er." Ed bit his lip before speaking.
"You sure you want to do that now? Maybe wait until tonight, you know, sit down with her and talk to her at home..." He wanted desperately for Wordy to tell his wife what was going on but he didn't think that coming off of anesthesia, in the hospital, over the phone was the best way.
"Now." He said firmly as he held his hand out for Ed's phone. Ed checked the hallway quickly to make sure they weren't going to get in trouble (he didn't think the nurses would appreciate cell phone use in the recovery room) and handed Wordy his phone. Wordy took a few breaths before pressing buttons on the phone, but not anywhere near the right buttons.
"Maybe I should dial..." Ed said as he took the phone and plugged in Wordy's home number. "Shelly? Yeah, it's Ed. I've got Wordy here and..." Ed wanted to pre-empt Wordy's conversation but couldn't think of anything to say. "I'm putting you on speaker, okay?" He pressed the button as her voice floated into the room.
"Okay Ed, what's going on?" Wordy seemed to perk up at the sound of her voice as tried to sit up again.
"Shelly-"
"Wordy, you gotta stay laying down." Ed said as he put the phone next on Wordy's pillow and he pushed him back down again.
"Kevin, what's going on?" Shelly seemed genuinely worried.
"Shelly, I love you so much. You know that, right?" He asked, a tear coming to his eye.
"Of course I know that Kevin. And I love you too honey but please tell me what's going on."
"Shel...I've been...I've been keeping a secret from you and I'm so sorry." He paused a moment to take a breath and wipe his face with his right hand. "I'm sick Shel. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry and I didn't want you to be hurt because of me but...but I can't do this alone." Ed thought he heard her holding back tears on the other end of the line but Wordy swallowed and continued. "And the doctor's going to come in here soon and tell me about this test I had today and...and if you can, I really want you to be here." There was a pause and they heard some rustling over the phone.
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Ed, if I bring Allie..."
"I'll watch her." He finished her thought as he heard her crying softly over the phone.
"I'll call when we get in the parking lot." She said as she seemed to collect herself.
"I love you Shel, please don't be upset." Wordy said as he eyes drifted closed for a moment.
"I love you Kevin. We love you and you're going to be okay." She said confidently as they hung up the phone. Ed looked at Wordy for a minute and watched him wipe the tears from his eyes.
"I'm proud of you, Wordy." Ed said softly as Wordy nodded and took a breath, the first breath, it seemed, he'd taken in a long time. The first breath that was free from secrets and obsessive worry. The first breath of unburdened air in months.
Ah, not sure if I like this one. Went in a bit of a different direction than I'd planned and it took a lot longer than I'd planned. Oh well. I took some medical liberties with this one, I really just needed something where Wordy wouldn't be able to drive and this was the only scenario I could think of. I don't know for sure, but I think that when they showed "The Better Man" Wordy hadn't told Shelly yet. The episode before, "Through a Glass Darkly," when Wordy's running late, Shelly doesn't know where he is. "The Better Man" is supposed to be the next day (because the lock is broken and he hadn't seen Ed since then) so I just, don't think Shelly knew or didn't know everything. So with that rant, let me know what you think please.
One more thing: make sure you guys are following Flashpoint Team One on Facebook. It's a page run directly by the producers and they're really good to the fans, giving us up to date information, random give aways, and awesome fan discussions. Give it a "like," it's definitely worth it!