Mulder found himself wandering near the reflecting pool in a haze. That's often how he found his mindset since she left. It was his own fault, really, but that didn't help ease his deafening thoughts. One would think after over a year of her absence, he'd be accustomed to the feeling, but each day hurt a little more. There were so many questions that floated around in his mind, wondering what the final straw was for her. What he said to her that night at the Gunmen's wasn't fair to either of them, and he knew she felt embarrassed, but to just leave with a simple note on his desk. She lurked into his office space when she knew he wouldn't be there, and said a silent goodbye. Their words still haunted him.
"Well, then I can't help you anymore." Her tone of voice had a finality in it that he didn't want to hear.
"Scully, you're making this personal." As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He could feel the stares of the Gunmen burning into his back. They had made things personal in preceding months, and wanted to chalk this rebellion against Diana up to jealousy. He was smarter than that, but his mind was being pulled in every direction, feeling closer to the truth than ever before.
"Because it is personal, Mulder. And if you take that away, then there is no reason for me to continue." If he wasn't so stubborn and annoyed with her in this moment, he would have seen the truth in her eyes.
He could see her apprehensions towards him any time that Diana was part of the equation. He figured they'd have a silent argument, and then just continue their work as they normally did. But this was different. He hurt her, and himself in the long run. There was no substantial argument to defend Diana, he just did. Scully expressed her concern, and he shot her down. Not his finest move, but he never thought that would be the reason she would leave. He knew she had a jealous streak a mile wide, but they had moved towards something recently, he thought she knew how important she was to him. Realizing now, his intentions may have been a little too subtle, he thought he had time to make it up to her. It was when he attempted to call her that he began to question what the hell was going on. His call was ignored, eventually going straight to voicemail. On any other occasion, he would be breaking down her front door to make sure she was okay. His selfish, one-track mindset told him he didn't have time for her mood.
He slumped onto a bench, running his hands through his hair with an exasperated sigh. Recently, he could tell Diana was trying to steer him off his path, his life quest. His gut told him that Scully was right, but his conflicted thoughts and fascination with the enticements that Diana dangled in front of him overpowered everything else. She had managed to get herself assigned as his new partner once the x-files were reinstated, it appearing that she was on his side. His passion for continuing this fight had been lost along with Scully's absence.
His head popped up at a familiar voice, glancing around to see where it was coming from. He didn't spot her right away, and almost swore he was losing his mind until he saw a glimpse of her face appear from behind a stroller. She was sitting at a bench near him, cooing at a tiny bundle. Before he knew what he was doing, he was approaching her, a puzzled look on his face.
He realized in the middle of his stride that this wasn't exactly the smartest tactic. He ducked behind a crowd, taking the seat on the bench behind her. He watched intently.
He wanted to say hi, wanted to ask what he's clearly missed. Before he could work up the nerve, a small cry from the stroller in front of her broke his reverie. His eyes quickly diverted to the small baby she pulled into her arms. He froze, everything else around him standing still in this moment. Maggie Scully uncovered the baby's face as she reached forward to retrieve a bottle. Those eyes, that nose. It was Scully in every way. The hair was perhaps a little more of a chestnut brown color, a definite hint of that Scully red. He knew how genetics worked, knowing that this child could simply be one of her nephews, but his gut told him something else. Especially seeing that pouty lower lip take the nipple of the bottle in his mouth.
Maggie sensed someone staring in her direction, startled to see just who that person was. She calmed herself, seeing the wonder in his eyes, not knowing the whole story of what happened between him and Dana. One look at this child and anyone would know who of her children he belonged to, but she knew that Mulder had no idea. Though by the way he stopped breathing, he might suspect.
"How have you been, Fox?" He shook his thoughts, meeting her eyes with a sheepish expression. He was caught, and half wondered if this woman hated him. He couldn't even fathom that thought, he had come to accept that Scully wanted nothing to do with him, but her mother had become such a strong figure in his life as well.
"I've been alright, just working." He shrugged, no real passion behind his response as there used to be. "Yourself?"
"Oh, I've been just great. This little one keeps me busy during the day while D -" She paused, there was no way around this conversation. It just wasn't her conversation to have. Scully had been quite clear that he had no interest in being part of the child's life, Maggie just never knew it was because he didn't know the baby even existed. That small detail was quite apparent by the eager look in his eyes. He looked at her expectantly, needing any kind of answer as to how this happened. There were so many questions in his gaze.
"He gets so demanding when it's time to eat." She attempted to ease the tension surrounding them, smiling down at the baby as he began to fuss in her arms. "Would you like to join us?" She gestured with her eyes to the empty space next to her on the bench. He nodded, not able to form words, and plopped down beside her. His eyes never left the baby.
"Sorry, that took a lot longer than I thought it was going to. Where did you want to go for lun -" She paused her words, finally glancing up from digging for her phone in her purse. They both stared back at her. She met Mulder's eyes, her breath catching in her throat. Her eyes quickly flicked between him and the baby, seeing the question in his gaze that lit a fire in her soul.
She had waited for this day, wondering how it hadn't happened sooner. It's not like she left DC, just transferred back to teaching at Quantico, which he no doubt knew. The transition at the time was a nice break, and it definitely wasn't as demanding on her body as field work. It was the best decision for her and her child.
"Well, it looks like he's just about done, so we're going to take a little walk." Maggie said warmly, giving her daughter a pointed look, causing Scully to plead with her eyes not to leave them. Maggie knew very little, but enough to know that he was no threat to her daughter. Not in the way she was to his heart.
Mulder stood, not sure what to do in this moment. She looked different, a good different. Her hair was longer, and her face relaxed, happy. It wasn't enough to mask the pain in her eyes when she looked at him. He gave a small shrug, silently begging her to help him out. He still never knew why she left. A few unanswered phone calls turned into her number being disconnected. The only reason he knew she was okay was because Deputy Director Kersh handed him a copy of her resignation letter with a smug smile on his face. He gave him the x-files back at Spender's insistence, and the letter that would shatter his life into a million pieces.
"You look good, Scully." He finally broke their excruciating silence. She huffed a small laugh, not entirely sure how to feel. He looked genuinely happy to see her, though the guilt so evident in his eyes. The one thing she could see, more than any other expression, was that he had one very important question for her.
"How have you been?" She asked quietly, gesturing for him to sit back down as she joined him, taking the spot that her mother had vacated.
"I've been." A non-committal shrug was his only response. How could two people who were able to read each other's thoughts, spent nearly every hour of every day talking to each other, have nothing to say? Well, there were a few things to say, but neither of them knew where to start. "How's Quantico?"
"It's nice to be a department head, and I still offer my services to any active cases when needed. I was here for a meeting about a new case, it's my first field assignment since I returned from matern -" She paused, realizing the weight of her statement. There was no way to avoid this. He saw the proof with his own eyes. She cleared her throat. "Maternity leave."
He nodded, pursing his lips together as we watched the crowds pass them. His head finally hung low, resting between his hands as his elbows were perched on his knees. She heard the deep breaths he was taking, uncertain how to read this reaction. Sure, the baby looked like her tiny clone, but he had some of his features if you were looking for them. She would bet money on Mulder looking for them.
"How old…?"
"Just about 5 months." She smiled, a blissful expression making her eyes sparkle. "He's growing so fast." Her voice was just a whisper, trying to lighten the ominous air hovering over them.
"He looks like you." His voice was rough, the attempts made to choke back the lumps in his throat.
"Mulder…"
"I don't know what to say, Scully." He let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. Her eyes brimmed with tears, knowing this distance was created on both their parts. He tried to call her, but she couldn't handle that, on top of everything else. She had to do what was best for her, or what she thought was best at the time.
"There's a lot we need to discuss." Regaining her composure, she jutted her chin out confidently, still not meeting his eyes. She didn't see it, but she could sense his nod.
"You didn't think we should have discussed this, oh I don't know, over a year ago?" The sudden anger of the situation surged through him, before he was able to contain it. She narrowed her eyes at him, she didn't want to do this. Not here, not now.
"When did you expect me to bring it up? When you went head first into the false conspiracies that were being dangled in front of you, or maybe when you dismissed anything I even had to say?"
"So you knew, that day at the Gunmen's, you knew?" He leaned forward, his harsh breaths tickling her face as he gritted his teeth.
"No." It was just a whisper. "No, I didn't know then."
"But you didn't think to tell me when you did find out?" He spat again. Every emotion washed over her. Anger, guilt, fear.
"I wouldn't have wanted to make it more personal." Her voice was calm, even, despite the emotions building inside of her. His eyes met hers again, now understanding more than ever before what finally sent her away from him.
"Scully…" His hand automatically reached out for her, his facial features softening.
"I should probably go find out where my mom wandered off to before lunch is over." She stood, no room for further arguments. He panicked, standing as he watched her walk away from him. He was almost relieved she gave him the courtesy of doing it while he was preoccupied the first time, the sight was breaking his heart all over again.
"Where the hell have you been?" Diana was annoyed with him lately, much thanks to his overt efforts to piss her off any chance he had.
"I took a long lunch." He grumbled, plopping into his chair.
"We have a new case." She handed him the folder, an exhausted sigh escaping his lips. He glanced at the file, knowing already it wasn't an x-file, but another goose chase to keep Fox Mulder away from the truth.
"It's not for us." He tossed it back to her absentmindedly. "Plus, I already told you I'm assisting Michalson on a profile."
"Right. I still don't know why. You haven't offered your services to the VCS in a while. You know what it does to your mind, Fox." She rested a calming hand on his shoulder, her voice dripping with a smoothness that unnerved him.
"Well maybe this one will be different." He grumbled, shrugging off her hand. She narrowed her eyes at him. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her, not that he told her a lot of things lately. Her task was simple, keep him distracted with as many nonsense cases as possible. She was also to seduce him, make him trust her implicitly. Things changed when Scully rendered her resignation. Diana thought it would be an advantage at first, now realizing how wrong she was. Part of Mulder's passion for the x-files had somehow transferred into the tiny redhead, and with her gone, so was his longing for working towards his quest. His trust defaulted back to no one.
His feet felt heavy, like every step held the weight of his problems. How could she keep this from him? He knew she was hurt, now knowing that it was his words that completely shut her down. There was a moment of doubt in his mind that maybe he was jumping to the wrong conclusions, but examining the baby with his trained investigative eye told him everything he needed to know. The shape of his tiny face, the small, but broad shoulders. The way his lips pouted in protest, the same way his own did.
It wasn't possible, they had tried and failed several rounds of the IVF. He held her as she sobbed in his arms, kissed her forehead and repeatedly told her to never give up on a miracle.
He settled into his seat at the briefing, other agents milling around and trickling in. The indistinct chatter becoming the background noise for his sporadic thoughts.
How, when? He did the math as his pencil tapped on the table in a rhythm of his thoughts. She said the baby was 5 months, okay, work backwards. He knew the 9 months it took to carry the baby, usually 40 weeks to be exact. 5 months, 9 months before...He leaned forward, the realization causing his entire body to jolt forward in an upright, seated position. No doubt in his mind of when it happened, the confirmation only settled in as he met the familiar blue eyes that rushed into the room just before the briefing was set to begin.
She took the seat opposite from him, the table giving her distance. Her attention remained on Michalson while he spoke of the case, though her mind was on the fact that she could feel Mulder's gaze burning into her. There was no way around this, no way to avoid the current situation at hand. It was her own doing, the distance between them, the fact that he didn't know. It was an inner battle when she found out. Should she tell him? Could she handle the resentment that he would eventually feel towards her, towards their child? He made his intentions clear, she knew what was important to him, and it didn't involve her.
"Dr. Scully, I'll need the results from the autopsy as soon as it's done." Michalson's voice boomed in her ear.
"Yes, sir. Of course." She cleared her throat, bringing her back to the room.
"Agent Mulder, I know you've been working on the profile, any updates?"
"Uh, no sir. I was hoping the results from the autopsy would help give me more insight." He chanced a glance over at Scully, her eyes meeting his for a brief moment.
Michalson continued his briefing until he dismissed everyone to their own areas. Scully slipped out the door before Mulder had a chance to catch her. She felt foolish, there was only one place he had to look to find her, if he even wanted to. They both had their own parts of the case to work on, and they weren't partners anymore, though that didn't stop her from looking for him as the elevator doors closed.
It took longer than she expected for him to make it down to the morgue. She could hear his pacing footsteps in the hall before he actually made his appearance known. As the door opened, she took a deep breath, preparing for this. She wasn't sure what 'this' was exactly, but she was ready.
"I was hoping you had more of an update on the autopsy." His voice was void of emotion, the monotonous hum he held for questioning a suspect.
"I'm just about finished. I can forward my notes to you once I type them up." Enter Dr. Scully. The cold, detached 'ice queen' was out to play.
"That would be helpful, thank you." He nodded, making his departure. He only reached the door before feeling like a jackass all over again. "Scully…"
"We need to talk, I know."
"I owe you an apology."
"That's a good start." He met her eyes then, seeing a small, timid smile. He returned the gesture, another nod that signaled that they could indeed do this, have this conversation. "Why don't you stop by tonight?"
"Do you, uh - same apartment?" He asked, slightly startled by her invitation.
"Same apartment…" She let her voice trail off. "Same key."
His heart stopped in that moment. She never changed the locks, never officially shut him out of her life. He still held a part of her in the semblance of a tiny gold key that never left his key ring.
"Different phone number." He mumbled, feeling the wave of guilt break his heart all over again.
"No…" He gave her a quizzical look, and her cheeks blushed in the event of being caught. "Blocked number." He made a silent 'ah,' nodding in understanding. He couldn't argue that he didn't deserve it.
"I have some stuff to finish once I receive your report, but I can be there after."
"How'd you end up assisting on the case anyway?" She gave him a quizzical look, knowing what these kinds of profiles do to his sanity.
"Michalson asked if I could do the profile, and it gave me an excuse to not have to be in the basement."
"You, trying to escape the basement? It has been too long." She teased lightly, trying to ease the tension between them. He welcomed the break with a breathy chuckle, nodding at her astonishment.
"You'd be surprised." He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Or maybe not so much."
"I'll send you the report as soon as I'm done."
"See you later, Scully." He stood closer to her, not knowing when his feet gravitated towards her. There was a confusion, wanting to embrace her, knowing it wouldn't be welcome. He could read the anticipation in her eyes, a wave of relief washing over him that he still had that ability.
Mulder smiled to himself as her email came through on his computer. Her message just said, 'your turn,' with the report attached. Diana sensed a shift in his mood, he almost seemed relaxed, but it wasn't towards her. There was something soft in his eyes, something that she's never quite seen before. Annoyed, she yanked her coat off the chair and made her way towards the door of their cramped office.
"I'm leaving for the day." She said assertively. He glanced up from his screen, nodded wordlessly, and turned his attention back to his computer. "Will I be seeing you later?"
It was a loaded question, the implication quite obvious. He had used her, in his time of broken need. There was a hollowed emptiness that consumed his soul, and she thought she was winning. Every time they came together, he felt dirty, guilty. He was quite literally sleeping with the enemy. After a forced entry to his apartment from the Gunmen, who he had persistently avoided, they basically told him to pull his head out of his ass. They called him on his bullshit, mostly Frohike, and told him to open his eyes. That's when he realized that every move he made forward, Diana took them 5 steps back. He started questioning who she was having side conversations with, and why she often smelled of smoke. Their almost forced intercourse just became motions of two bodies together, no real meaning behind it. His anger and self-guilt of what he did to Scully was the only thing that kept him functioning on a daily basis. He needed to prove to himself, if anyone, that he wasn't as big an idiot as he made himself out to be.
"No, I have plans." He dismissed her, turning down her implied offer. It was the first time, usually he just went to her place, did the deed, and left. Sometimes he investigated her apartment, looking for any concrete evidence, other than the smoke lingering in the air, that she was working against him. Once, he went through her phone while she showered, but he figured she would have another one for that kind of business.
"What kind of plans?"
"Nothing that concerns you." He leaned back in his chair, strumming a pencil on his fingers, glare straight ahead. She narrowed her eyes at him, now knowing for sure he was hiding something by the sly smirk on his face. She would need to find out immediately. Nothing brought this kind of mischievous confidence in him anymore, unless that was it. Had he talked to Scully? Her bosses made a pretty good effort to keep them apart at all costs. No, he couldn't have. If he had, he would have known about the child, and he would not be in this good of mood, would he? She was able to gain on the broken man that she had created and maintained the last year or so, but this Fox Mulder before her, this was the man who felt like he could conquer the world with his little redheaded partner by his side. She didn't like the gleam in his eyes.
"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
Mulder worked on his profile for a few more hours, not wanting to divulge too much into the mind of this twisted bastard, especially not before going to talk to Scully. His heart skipped a beat just thinking about that. He was invited into her home again, welcome to apologize. It's no doubt what he would need to start with, but that wasn't going to be the base of their conversation. No, they had a tiny, more important thing to talk about now.
Scully was exhausted, mentally and physically as she made her way to pick up the baby from her mom's. It was a lot for the day, and she knew that her mother would hound her, not so subtly, for questions about how her conversation with Mulder went. There were many tired discussions about whether or not she should give him the chance to prove himself. The overwhelming sense of future guilt from pulling him away from what was important to him crashed down on her thoughts. Her mother had practically pleaded with her to tell him, saying that he might surprise her. She knew he would, but would he then resent them for veering him off the path of finding Samantha? Maybe not right away, but down the road. They had only been together once, when faced with yet another life or death situation. She knew this one consumed him of more guilt than some of the previous ones, because he wasn't there. Leave it to Mulder to assume the responsibility for something that was completely out of his control.
She was shot, by her temporary partner, facing imminent death. Though it wasn't, she had a miraculous recovery, and was out of the hospital in a little over a week. Mulder had flown home with her from New York, letting her settle into her apartment. She felt like she could conquer the world, beating death for another countless time. Mulder had been so tender, caring. Their flirtations had increased, more specifically after her failed IVF attempts. There were no discussions about what would happen if it did take, but there was a silent understanding that they were moving forward, together.
She had made the first move, knowing he wouldn't dare, even in his dreams. He was hesitant, not believing that she wanted this. There was a subdued laughter building inside of her. He would believe in anything else, but not the idea of being wanted, of being loved. She had told him that she was sure, over and over again, every time he posed the question. He asked as she straddled his lap on the couch, and slowly took off her shirt. He asked when her hand snuck between them to grip him through his jeans, and again as she lead them to her bedroom. He asked as he settled himself on top of her gingerly, careful not to put any pressure on her freshly healed wound. He asked as she yanked his jeans down, gripping onto his boxers to join. And just as he hovered over her, eyes wild with arousal and adoration, he asked as his tip teased her center, just before he entered her.
"Hi honey, there's some food still on the stove for you." Maggie greeted her daughter warmly as she walked into the kitchen. Scully's mind was elsewhere, but the comforting surroundings and excited expression the baby's face made when he saw her made everything settle. She picked him up and held him close to her, inhaling his scent and letting it wash over her nerves. Her mother could tell there was something to discuss, choosing her words carefully. "How was your meeting?"
"Just the first briefing, so I'll be working on this until we solve it." She murmured, her face still buried in baby scent.
"How does it feel, being back as a field agent?" Maggie's expression was calm, a worried undertone to her words. Scully knew that things had to change, once he was born. She couldn't pick up in the middle of the night anymore, being gone for days at a time. It was a night of reflection when she found out, after getting over the shock of things, she made a decision. She wrote her resignation letter, and the letter to Mulder, through tears, and cried herself to sleep that night. A mix of wonderment and joy, and the heartbreak of walking away.
"I'm sure it won't really hit me until we officially get into things. As of right now, I'm only doing the autopsies. If there's another victim, I might have to go out in the field, but it's too soon to tell." She shrugged, settling the baby in his car seat, hoping for a quick escape.
"Did you talk to Fox?" Scully let out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping as she plopped back into her seat. No such luck.
"Briefly. I'm supposed to meet him back at my apartment in a while. He's still finishing some things up for the case."
"You're working with him again?"
"He's part of the team, yes." She jutted out her chin, avoiding her mother's eyes.
"Did you talk about anything else?" Maggie asked persistently.
"I told you, mom, we're going to talk about everything later."
"Well, I should hope so. He is that baby's father, Dana, and by the look in his eyes, he had no idea. You told me he didn't want to be involved, which I found shocking, knowing him as I do, but I never questioned you on it." Scully internally groaned at the lecture she was getting, wanting to roll her eyes and stomp up to her room like her teenage self used to.
"I know, mom. We have a lot to talk about."
"You need to tell him, everything. It's not just him that's going to be affected by this." Scully finally met her mother's eyes as Maggie gave her a pointed, knowing look. Scully let out a heavy sigh, Josh.
She had met him at a conference that Quantico sent her to a few months back. It was the first thing she did after having the baby, feeling restless cooped up in her apartment. She pleaded her case, that it wasn't office, nor field work, and felt just fine attending the local 3-day conference. He was on an adjoining panel, speaking about Criminal Analyzing. A tech geek, if she had to classify him. He was plain, and simple. His kind eyes mustering up the courage to speak to her over the pastry table. His timid demeanor and analytical intelligence was everything that Mulder wasn't, and she welcomed the contrast. They had casually dated, until he expressed that he was very interested in pursuing something more official with her. She gave him a sincere smile, and agreed. The fact that she had a newly born child didn't seem to deter his interest in her, and that made her feel a semblance of satisfaction. She couldn't honestly say that she loved him, but she had been content in their relationship. It gave her someone to have there, though no one would ever fill the void that Mulder had engraved into her.
"I'll talk to him, both of them. It's just a lot." Maggie nodded, covering her daughter's hand with her own.
"You need to figure out what's best for yourself, too, Dana. And most importantly, what's best for this one right here." She turned her attention back to the baby as Maggie played with his feet, cooing at him.
Her drive home felt slow, like she was on her way to walk into the lion's den, offering herself up as a sacrifice. How the hell was she supposed to tell Mulder everything, and expect him to just fall right into their lives? Would he even want that, or would he resent her as she always feared? She could never ask him to leave the x-files, or stop going on his alien chasing binges, but things were different now, and he needed to understand that, if he was going to be part of their lives. And then there was Josh, she would have to throw in that little admission as well. Her heart sank at the thought that he, too, might be in a new relationship. The lump reaching her throat as images of Diana flashed through her mind.
"Josh, what are you doing here?" She startled as soon as she stepped into her apartment. He had clearly been waiting for her, sitting there comfortably on her couch. He stood to greet her with a kiss, offering to take her bag so she could get the baby settled.
"I thought I'd surprise you. You've been busy this week, and we haven't really had a chance to talk." He looked so genuinely happy that she was here, this whole thing was already not going well. Mulder would be there any minute, and she estimated she had about 10 minutes to kick Josh out before he got there.
"Is there something specific you want to talk about?" He gave her a puzzled look, and she knew her question had an urgency to it. The guilt began to settle in nicely.
"No, well, maybe. I was still hoping we could take a vacation away soon, just a weekend."
"I already told you I don't think I can right now. I had my meeting for my first field case back, and I'm just getting reacquainted at work with everything." She still hadn't made a move to sit, and he began to sense her nervousness.
"Hey, what's really going on?" She felt him come up behind her as she settled the baby in his bassinet. There was no way around this. She turned to face him, her eyes cast downward at her hands.
"I ran into someone today. I -" She paused, not able to find the right words. "It's um, well, his father." She glanced back at the baby, laying there happily, completely oblivious to the mess his surrounding life was about to become.
"I don't understand, I thought you said that he wasn't in the picture. You just made it seem like he, I don't know, left and never came back." Josh was rubbing her arms comfortingly, damn him for making this harder.
"No, he - uh, he's an Agent, with the FBI. He, um, well he was my former partner." She bit her lower lip, feeling like she was in a full confessional.
"So this new case…" Josh was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. She let out a heavy sigh.
"Yes, he's the profiler for the case."
"Does he know, about the baby?"
"He suspects...but he's actually, um, on his way here so we can talk." She chanced to look up at him then, seeing a mixture of different emotions filter across his face. "I wasn't expecting you."
"Clearly." She was actually surprised to hear the sternness in his voice. Josh was always so gentle, and shy. She'd never seen this side of him. "I suppose my surprise is not welcome then."
"I'm so sorry, I just really need to talk to him." He stepped forward to kiss her chastely, his gentle demeanor returning.
"I understand, Dana. Just call me later?" She nodded, not really having more to say.
As he gathered his coat and keys off her front door table, the knock came, freezing them both in place. He glanced over at her, and saw the wide-eyed, terrified expression in her gaze. He began to question whether or not he should leave her alone with whoever this was, but he then understood that she was more terrified of herself, having to reveal her truths. She never quite mastered that skill, he spent a good portion of their relationship attempting to peel back her layers. There were a lot of them, new ones every day.
Josh opened the door, his coat draped over his arm as he met Mulder, eye to eye. They were the same height, both about the same physical build. Josh had a few extra pounds on him, lacking the daily physical activities of chasing down perps. Mulder immediately began sizing him up, seeing Scully come to stand beside him. He had dirty blonde hair, and glasses that hid his sparkling blue eyes. He was normal, boring, if he had to give him a classification. Glancing at his department store suit, nothing designer, like what hung in Mulder's closet.
"Hey, come on in." Scully finally broke the silence, Mulder giving her a wary look. He was hoping to have this conversation with her alone. He awkwardly stepped in between them as they both stepped to one side to allow his entrance. He turned just in time to see this man lean down and kiss her, one hand resting on her waist.
"Call me."
"I will, I promise." She licked her lips, not meeting Mulder's eyes as she closed the door behind Josh. This wasn't going to help the situation.
"You didn't have to - I, uh, I can come back another time." He stammered. She simply shook her head, they needed to do this, now or never.
"Would you like some coffee?"
"No, I'm okay. I think I drank enough coffee to last me a few days, but it got me through my profile." He shrugged, just now noticing the bassinet in the corner of the room. He took a step towards it, almost afraid that if he got too close, something bad would happen. Scully took the chance to stand next to him, startling him at first.
"Do you want to hold him?" Her voice was small, wary. His wide, hazel eyes stared back at her with an incredulous look. She stifled a laugh at his panicked expression, lifting the baby and placing him gently in his arms. "He's a good sleeper."
"Definitely something he inherited from you." She huffed a breathy chuckle, glad he was being so calm about this. It was a different mood than she encountered earlier, but he no doubt had thought about nothing else all day. He gazed down at his son, running his index finger over his tiny features. He was soft, and warm. It gave Mulder a sense of love he couldn't remember ever feeling.
"He also has a tendency to ignore me when I'm trying to scold him for attempting to wiggle away when I change him." She mock glared at Mulder, causing him to chuckle and relax for the first time.
"That might also be genetic, too." He said lightly, gingerly placing the sleeping child back in his bassinet.
She gestured for them to sit, wanting to make this as comfortable for the both of them as possible. She could see the heartbreak in his eyes, Josh's presence no doubt amplifying those emotions. There was a strong urge to hold him close, comfort each other as they've done so many times before.
"Mulder-"
"Scully-"
They both started, giving each other a sheepish smile. They were still one part of a whole, each other's better half. Without their togetherness, they both felt lost, just moving in daily motions. He took a deep breath, they couldn't get anywhere if he didn't apologize for what started this initially.
"I'm sorry. That day, when we were at the Gunmen's, what I said -" He shook his head, his eyes dark and haunted. "You didn't deserve that."
"I've always wondered, why you were so quick to trust her. You knew my apprehensions, and yet you dismissed my evidence, it's like you didn't trust me anymore."
"No, Scully." He leaned forward, reaching out to grasp onto her hand. He paused, pulling back, and trying to restrain himself. "I've always trusted you."
"Until then. What made you choose her over me?" He winced, that's essentially what he did in the moment, and it's been the worst decision of his life.
"Idiotic tendencies led by a single mindset and adolescent need for avenging his family?"
"Is that your professional opinion?" She huffed, causing him to smile.
"That's a first-hand experience opinion." He admitted. "I should have never dismissed you, especially like that. Things were personal, they were always personal for me where you were concerned, and I shouldn't have held a double standard over your head."
"Wow, you been working on this apology for a year?"
"Gave me time to perfect it, hoping to right the wrong of the stupidest thing I've ever done."
"That's saying a lot, considering I've had to save you from some pretty stupid stuff over the years." She smirked at him, causing him to laugh. It dimmed quickly, his eyes catching hers.
"None of those even compared to this, none mattered as much to me." Her breath caught in throat, eyes brimming with tears. Damn, she promised herself she wouldn't cry. She was honestly more expecting it to be a loud argument than a calm discussion. This really was important to him.
"I'm sorry, that I left like that. I couldn't face it, Mulder. When I said there was nothing left for me, I meant it. If you took us away from me, I had no reason to continue our fight. I was invested because it was our work, and you just threw it all away as soon as she dangled supposed evidence in front of you."
"I know, I'll tell you I'm sorry for the rest of my life, until you believe me." She laughed, knowing he would make good on that promise. "But Scully, you didn't even think to call?"
He gestured towards the bassinet, his voice strangled, hurt. A tear fell down her cheek, meeting his eyes and seeing the anticipation of her answer. She let out a shaky sigh, running her hand through her hair absentmindedly. It was a moment of truth, something she's been terrified of for months. She had convicted him before he was even on trial, not giving him a chance for a counter argument. No opportunity to change her mind of the decision she had made.
"Mulder, when I found out, the only thing I wanted to do was call you. I was elated, shocked, and then terrified of your response." She paused, fidgeting with her hands. "I couldn't even fathom the thought that you'd be resentful towards me, towards us." Her voice now just a whisper.
"Oh, Scully." He took her hand that time. "I know I haven't given you any reason to believe otherwise, but I want this. I didn't think I ever did, given my own family background, but it's something that weighed heavily on my mind when you asked me to help you with the IVF."
"I thought you were just doing that for me. I never thought you'd, we never talked about -"
"I know, and we should have. I felt that loss more than I let on, and I shouldn't have shielded you from that." A deep sigh escaped his lips as another tear fell from her eye. "How did this even happen?"
"I don't know, honestly. I was sick for several days in a row, and I followed up with my doctor to make sure it wasn't anything lingering from my recovery. Gunshot wounds are unpredictable, and I was terrified that maybe they missed something. My doctor told me everything was fine, but that I was about 3 weeks pregnant. I thought he was insane." She huffed out a silent laugh. "I couldn't even believe the results when they were in my hand."
"You never did give up on that miracle." He muttered quietly, causing a smile to reach her lips. Another thought popping in her head, the frown replacing the small moment of joy.
"I couldn't ask you to give that up either, Mulder. Your miracle is continuing your quest, finding the truth about what happened to Samantha. You can't walk away from that."
"That's why you didn't tell me, that's why you thought I'd resent you." He nodded, putting all the pieces together. It was a valid concern, no doubt his words echoing in her ears, amplifying her worries. 'You're making this personal.' This, it was the most personal news she could ever share, and he caused a doubt in her mind. They created life, together, that now lay in the form of a perfect blend of their DNA, swaddled in his blankets.
"I didn't want you to feel obligated to have to choose this, or the work. You were on the verge of a breakthrough, you had just been given the x-files back. I couldn't crash into your life like this."
"You resigned before you knew though." The accusatory tone in his voice made her wince. He didn't miss a detail.
"Yes, I did. It was too much heartache, and I needed a break. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought everything happened for a reason. It was the best decision for both of us at the time."
"But you kept him from me, Scully. You didn't even think to tell me, to give me that choice?" The strangled cry in his voice caused her to swallow the lump in her throat. She had severely miscalculated how much he wanted this, seeing the longing in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Mulder. I didn't know." He let out a heavy sigh. She was right, he would have questioned her timing had she told him right away. He was being led off on excursions with Diana, and he didn't have room in his mind for any distractions. He still wished he knew.
"It seems we've both got a lot to make up for." A relieved breath escaped her lips, it was his version of beginning to accept her apology. "I want to be around." His voice was firm, no room for argument.
"Of course. We'll figure it out." She reached out and grasped onto his hand again. The phone ringing made them both jump, the clock telling her exactly who was calling. That tended to happen with Mulder, time seemed to disappear, like they were the only people who mattered in any moment. She gave him an apologetic smile, retrieving the phone before the voicemail spread through the room to break up their happy little moment.
"Hello."
"Dana, it's me, Josh. It was getting late, and I hadn't heard from you." He sounded anxious, like he knew Mulder was still there, sitting sprawled out on her couch like he belonged.
"I'm sorry, we've just been talking. I lost track of time."
"He's still there."
"Yes, can I - uh, can I call you tomorrow?" She began to stammer, watching Mulder stand and begin to collect his things.
"Tomorrow? Dana -"
"I'm sorry, I have to go, I'll talk to you later." She hung up quickly, leaving no more room for discussion as she swiftly made her way back into the living room.
"I should get going, I didn't realize how late it was." He shrugged on his jacket, pursing his lips with an unasked question on his tongue.
They both stood before each other, no idea where to go from here. Would he join them for dinners, or simply show up for playtime on the weekends? Maybe stop by whenever he pleased, and felt the need to see his son. He still had a key, after all. He was more unsure about the man that she clearly avoided talking about, but was obviously in her life at some capacity. Not to mention the small detail of him screwing Diana that he failed to mention. They still had more to talk about.
"I'll um, see you tomorrow?" Her voice suddenly small, loss for words.
"Yeah, I'll see you around work." He smiled, opening the door to leave. He paused, turning around to glance back at the bassinet. "When can I -"
"You can come over tomorrow again, after work. It's Friday, so my mom usually stays here with him all day. I can make dinner."
"I just, don't want to intrude, if - um, if other people…" She sighed, leaning her head against the open door. Josh. He was asking about Josh.
"We still have more to talk about." He nodded in agreeance, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. "It was a hard decision for me, Mulder. I need you to know that. The hardest thing I've ever done was walk away from you."
"It seemed to work out okay for you." He didn't mean for it to sound as bitter as the words came out, wincing at his own tone of voice. Not helping. "Sorry."
"It's okay, we'll figure this out." He nodded again, and she could sense there was something specifically on his mind. She waited.
"Scully, what's his name?" He felt embarrassed asking, foolish that he didn't know the name of his own child, his son. He had a son. That one took all day to settle in. The son of Fox Mulder, poor kid. He could only do his best to not completely screw this up, now that he was given a second chance.
When he finally met her eyes, she smiled a smile at him that took his breath away. One of those teeth exposing, ear to ear smiles that made her eyes sparkle. Before they had even slept together, they had been teasing at more of a relationship that extended beyond their friendship. Every once in a while, he was honored to receive one of those smiles in response to a joke or an innuendo. It made his heart swell and love her even more.
"William." She said in a low voice, watching as the recognition hit his face. He smiled, a lopsided grin and a nod of agreement.
"After your father, and your brother." He stated simply in explanation. She met his eyes, holding his gaze, needing him to understand the weight behind her next words.
"And your father."