Hey, so this is the first chapter of a horrible, horrible fanfic. This is mostly told in Tina's point of view as a series of one-shots. Some chapter will have a intro like this one in Tina's view. Oh God, what has my life come to?

~~~~~ZOMBIE BUTT APOCALYPSE~~~~~

Hot teenage boys have been running in the streets, biting people, eating them. It has started. The apocalypse.

The City Government had quarantined people from the outbreak, but I knew it wouldn't stop. I am Dr. Tina Hotbody, the lead scientist of the Zombiefacation field. When the news started blaring about zombies in the streets I called my team of scientists to Wagstaff Fort, a military base where I knew we would be safe.

The soldiers had boarded everyone inside the cafeteria, and started to pass out guns. A red-haired solider came to me. He was built like a body builder with buns from the heavens, he made he me feel weak at the knees (AN: WHY DID I WRITE THIS!?). "Here you go ma'am," he said to me with a hot, lispy voice as he passed me an AK-47, "Is there anything else I could help you with?" he asked leaning into me.

"You could tell me your name," I said.

"I'm Lieutenant Jimmy Pesto," he answered, "and I'm here to help you with anything you need."

"Could you come with me to the laboratories?," I flirted, "I need to run some tests."

XXX

One we got to the lab he pushed me on to the table. We started to make out. I grabbed his butt so hard and he grabbed mine. But, oh no! I forgot I had some of the zomibe virus in my pocket! The vile broke and he fell to the floor in pain.

"I'm turning!" He yelled.

"Don't worry!" I yelled, "I have the cure!"

"What is it?!"

"Love!"

I started to kiss him, feeling myself turn into the undead. Our- now- rotting hands held each other, then they broke away. To grab each others zombie butts. I saw the sparkles around us, warning me that we were about to fully turn.

"Grab harder!" I yelled with my scratchy voice, "We're almost turned!"

At that moment I squeezed his butt with all the love I could muster, and he mine. The sparkles disappeared with a bang leaving us making out on the floor, hands-on-butts, and hearts-in-hearts.

"Tina! You've saved us!" he thanked me.

"Nonsense, I'm just doing my job."

XXX

At the news that I found the cure people run into the streets to grab the zombies butts. I had won the Nobel Prize for my successes in the field. That just leaves my whirlwind love, Jimmy Pesto.

XXX

He was waiting for me outside of my lab.

"Jimmy, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, Tina. We need to talk."

"We are talking."

"Something went wrong when you cured me."

"What!?" I said alarmed.

"I'm still in love with you!", he said, tears had formed in his eyes.

"So I'm I," I said "Yours is the only butt I want to grab."

We started to make out. Our butts would be together forever...

Dear god, why?