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This is bad. I should stop now before I make things worse. My hand glazing over his pale skin as he let out a little snore, how I looked at his chest going up then down, the black hair that suited him so well, how his toes squished together as he slept…Beautiful. However I shouldn't be doing this but these urges are getting out of control after holding it in for so long. My hand started from his soft black hair then going onto his surprising warm cheek and now it was at his rib cage. When he let out a little mumble I pulled my hand back like his skin was fire, I was scarred if those ocean blue eyes open to see me touching him while he sleeps. I quickly got away from his bubble and turned around facing the darkness of the plain room, my face heating up by the second, this isn't the first time I done this while he sleeps but I would usually touch his cheek and his hair and that's all but I went further tonight and if he didn't mumble there I might of went further. I'm in love with him, I love the person who has been my friend for over ten years now, the person I trust most and will give him everything. I love Haruka Nanase.
"Makoto," Haru looked over to me rubbing his eyes slightly adjusting to the darkness in the room, he must of notice I wasn't holding onto his top (well my top that he used whenever he came to my house) like I usually do when he spends the night over with me, Haru could be a very deep sleeper but when something common leaves from his body he'll wake up. "Oi, are you alright?" To others Haru would be considered someone that was cold but to people that Haru is friends with he would always consider them before himself that's one of the reasons why I love him.
"I'm ok, Haru-chan." I tried to sound as cheerful I could be, trying not to seem nervous at all. Haru just looked at me and sighed taking my hand and putting it on his night top, he turned around getting comfortable in my pillow (which was my favourite pillow) as my face was heating up because of the contact from Haru.
Before I went to sleep Haru started to talk, "…drop the 'chan'…Night, Makoto." I had a small smile and let the darkness take over me, that night I only dreamed about touching Haru and going further but I know these thoughts were wrong, I shouldn't feel like this.
The next day we had a swimming practise with Samezuka, it all went fine and smooth, we had a relay and we beat Rins team. Though before we finished Haru and Rin had one of their common free style races, Haru won again, no big surprise. But seeing those two talking and Rin patting Haru on the shoulder made my stomach turn, all I wanted to do at that moment was to get Haru and run away with him, but I won't. I don't like making Haru upset and I know he felt a relief when Rin became friends with him again. I turned around when I heard Nagisa calling for me asking if I was alright, I just said I was and kept those feelings inside, I gave him a quick smile and went to go get change. When Gou told us we need to start leaving we all got together, but Haru wasn't there, he was in the changing room with us just a minute ago. We let a few minutes pass thinking he was still getting change but it was taking too long so before I could go look for Haru he was there beside Rin who had his cocky smile on his face. Gou got in front of Haru and crossed her arms looking up at him, I didn't feel jealous when it was Gou I know for a fact that she liked Sousuke and vice versa, I believe their going out actually. "Haruka-senpai, we need to get going before we miss the last train for the hour." Haru just stared at her with his poker face, he opened his mouth about to say something but Rin decided to speak to Gou.
"Haru's going to stay with me tonight, like he usually does on Fridays. Did you guys not know?" All of us must have had a shocked look on our faces I knew I have; none of us knew that Haru stayed with Rin on Fridays. I felt a slight jealousy early on but now there was so much overwhelming my whole body. Before I could ask Haru why he didn't tell anyone, epically me, he answered the question that one of the others asked while my brain was thinking of why he didn't told me and to calm myself down also.
"I thought Rin didn't want me to tell." He said it plain and simple like he usually does, though he also might of mean he was doing stuff with Rin, without realizing I felt a drip of blood going down my hand, I didn't realise I was digging that hard in my palm that I would bleed. I quickly put my hand on my bag strap so it would soak into that and not drip onto the ground of the swimming pool. Gou sighed and gave Haru a small smile saying we need to go now before the train gets here. We all exited the swimming pool, Rei, Gou, Nagisa and I went straightforward while the other two went off to the dorms.
When we're halfway to the station I remembered my hand was covered in a bloodstain, I forgot that I accidentally dig my nail too far into my palm earlier on. Without even thinking I started to speak without control, "I forgot my goggles at the pool, you guys go on ahead even if the train gets here." Gou looked at me like I said I didn't eat a cake while cake crumps were on my face. She reluctantly went forward with Nagisa and Rei waving at me asking me to text her if I'll make it for the train. When they were out of sight I ran towards the dorms, I felt like I was on fire since Haru stayed with Rin. Why does Haru want to stay with Rin!? A thought came in my mind, one that I've nearly forgotten; it was around the time when Haru and I first became friends with Rin. It was a week after and we were waiting for Haru who was getting his forgotten lunch from his mother, the words Rin said though made my younger self's body run cold and it still does, "Nanase is cool huh? With his freestyle! I might ask him out!" The laugh and the blush on the shark boy's face made my younger self feel like I was going to throw up. A hundred thoughts ran through my little head back then as I took in those words that the other just said. I remember I wasn't really sure if I really liked Haru back then but when Rin said those words was the time I accepted I like Haru. I think Rin still has feelings for Haru if I remember from one of his letters.
The both of us wrote time to time to each other. Rin asked me not to tell Haru and I did what he requested me to do. However he sent me a letter that was a year before he came back, he stated how he missed us and started to say about this part time job that he had and how he really wanted to ask someone out but he didn't stay in contact with the person. I wrote Rin back saying he should tell the person his feelings and coagulation him about his job and such. However the last ever letter that I ever read that made me stop writing him, it made me feel sick but I wasn't threated though cause I knew he was staying in Australia and had no contact to him. I remember what he wrote even if it was from two years ago.
I like Haruka…Haruka Nanase, I've been in love for him since I've left Japan.
I ran much faster now seeing the dorms that Rin was located, I didn't have a plan in mind of what I was going to do but I know for sure I was going to show Rin who Haru belong to.