Author's Note: Kind of a crappy little flash fic that came to me, and HAD to be written down. Inspired by a comment made in a review. Companion piece to Betrayal.
Hawke was drifting away from him... no, she had drifted away from him. Anders had began noticing her grow quiet and withdrawn when the others began leaving their sides. It was strange... while he appreciated her humor somewhat, there had been many times he had prayed that she would just once be serious. Now, however, she was serious all the time. As in Kirkwall, she had led them from place to place, settling skirmishes, righting wrong, and making a bit of cash on the side, but it seemed like her heart was not in it. She had no passion anymore... except when it came to the news of the Mage/Templar War. As soon as a rumor reached them about it, she was on her feet and driving them to the next battle.
Anders watched her one evening, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. She had grown quieter and quieter with each companion that left her side. Fernis had lingered the longest, to the mage's annoyance, but finally, even the faithful elf had left. At first the ex-Warden had been ecstatic... until he realized Hawke had stopped talking. Well, she answered when she was spoken too, and she would occasionally ask questions of others in town, but any conversation that was not strictly survival related disappeared.
As he watched her, he noticed that she moved, not with her normal liquid grace, but with sharp, jerky, agitated movements, like a disgruntled puppet whose strings had been cut. He also noticed that she avoided him. The distance she put, and maintained, between them ensured that they would never accidentally touch, that they would never brush against each other, and now that he thought about it, every time he had tried to touch her for anything other than healing, she had pulled away, and found something to do far away from him. When was the last time she had touched him, just because she wanted to?
It had been such a long time, it took him a while to remember that it had been before he blew up the Chantry. The realization agitated him. She had forgiven him! Agreed to stay with him! Why was she acting like this now? Well, he was not going to sit here and take it! He was going to demand an explanation! He was going to get some answers!
Some small part of him worried that she no longer loved him, but that whisper of a thought led to another thought... She had been with Fenris. That was the only logical explanation! In fact, in the Circle of Magi, now that he thought about it, he was sure that after talking to him, Hawke had all but run over to the elf! That would explain her behavior after the warrior left!
Anger tore through him, and he surged to his feet. By the time he had connected all the points, it was late, and Hawke had gone to her room... because she would not share one with him. She had claimed it was because she had nightmares, and did not want to keep him awake. He had suspected that the real reason was the nightmares he had, but now, he knew better! She had been sleeping with Fenris under his very nose!
His rage manifest as flames that chased up and down his arms as he stomped through the small shack they were holing up in for the present. He shoved the door open roughly, barely registering the sound of it slamming into the wall as his eyes searched the room. The fire that danced over him lit up the darkened room, chasing away shadows and revealing to him the form of Hawke on the bed. She was not, as he had been half expecting, wrapped in the arms of another man. Instead she was curled in on herself, her face buried in a pillow. It took him a moment to hear over the sound of his blood pounding in his ears, but when it pierced his haze of fury, his anger drained away like water. She was sobbing.
"Hawke?" he asked tentatively and walked into the room, "What's wrong?" His heart ached to see her like this. She was a strong, confident woman, and this was not at all like her! If this was because of Fenris...
Hawke lifted her head and looked at him, her once vibrant eyes now dim with sorrow, and exhaustion. "Everyone I love leaves me," she said, her voice encapsulating all of the despair that her broken soul possessed.
Anders crossed to her immediately, and took a seat on the bed. He reached out, to try to pull her into his arms, but withdrew in confusion and hurt when she pulled away from his touch. He let his hands fall to his lap. He watched her for a moment, feeling sorrow churn within him, taking the place of the anger he had felt before. They said if you loved something, you should let it go, right? "If this is about Fenris..." he said hoarsely, looking away to keep her from seeing the tears in his own eyes.
"Fenris," she whispered, making his heart sink, "Varric, Merrill, Aveline, Bethany, Mother... You."
His head snapped up in surprise, and he found those heart broken, and heart breaking eyes on him. "Me?" it came out as a surprised whisper, "But... Hawke I'm right here! I'll never leave you!" He reached for her hand, trying to touch her, hoping to somehow show her his devotion...
His heart shattered when she flinched away from him, and shook her head. "No, Anders," she said quietly, "You left me when Meredith took over Kirkwall."
The mage drew back as though he had been slapped. A denial rose immediately to his lips... and died there, under his beloved's exhausted, sorrowful gaze. Memory after memory flooded his mind, perhaps pushed there by a spiritual hand, and he realized that she was entirely right.
He got to his feet without saying another word, and left the room. He took only enough time to gather his things, before walking out into the night. He paused, only once, to look back, hoping against hope that Hawke would come after him. That they could make it work out... but the path behind him was bare, and the shack was just as he had left it. She was not coming... why would she? He had been gone to her for many years now, so having him gone physically would make no difference.
He turned his attention back to the path ahead of him, and started walking. Hawke was just one more thing the Templars had taken from them... and he was going to make them pay.