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"I can't believe we actually talked you into taking salsa dancing with us Jeff," Britta said with more than a hint of smugness in her voice.
"Listen, Britta, I recognize what you're trying to do and it's not going to work. You couldn't talk me into a 300 dollar pair of jeans, and you most certainly couldn't talk me into salsa dancing."
"Is that so," Britta retorted, "then why are you taking the class?"
"First of all, I'm taking the class because it would be a crime to deprive the artistic world of my rhythmic potential. Second, I hear the teacher is a real cutie and I could always use an extra dancing partner…" Jeff allowed his voice to trail off, insinuating the sleazier of his double-meanings.
"You're really gross Jeff. Just really gross," Britta said, sounding partially disgusted but mostly amused at Jeff's seemingly boundless ego. "Let's just get through the first class before you start trying to sleep with the teacher."
As they walked into the dance room, Jeff was momentarily encouraged by what he saw: red high heels that matched an immodest red salsa dress. This moment of encouragement was short-lived, however, when he realized that the person wearing the dress was completely bald, and also a man.
"Oh dear God. Dean Pelton."
"Hola ladies and gentlemen, who's ready for some salsa deaning," Dean Pelton excitedly asked the class. "As some of you are already aware, the normal salsa instructor has fallen ill and I've been 'forced' to step in and take over for her. Now, shall we begin introducing- Oh! Mr. Winger, if I had realized you were in this class I would have worn something a little more elegant. How foolish I must look…"
"Really Dean?" Jeff answered, "because it looks to me like you're wearing a pretty elaborate ensemble already."
"Oh, this ratty old thing? Aren't you a gentleman," Dean Pelton said, his cheeks turning as red as his dress. "Well, now that I can die a happy dean why don't we move on and get started with a little bit of salsa? Who can tell me the most important thing in salsa dancing?"
"Rhythm," Annie blurted, eager to get the right answer.
"Rhythm is important in any kind of dancing," the Dean replied, "I'm talking about what's important in salsa dancing."
"Passion?" Britta guessed.
"You're getting warmer Ms. Perry," Dean Pelton said, looking quite practiced as he maneuvered the room in a pair of stilettos. "Does anyone else have a guess? No? Well I'll tell you. The most important part of salsa dancing is a good partner, a passionate partner, a partner you can work with in unison as if you're a single, sexy dancing being…"
"Is it just me," Troy said, "or is the dean starting to make a lot of sense?"
"Now, what do you say I quit talking and we start dancing?" Dean Pelton asked the class, looking at the faces of his students for signs of enthusiasm but finding what could mostly be described as a subtle optimism. "OK, well let's go ahead and everyone find a partner. Remember what I said…"
"Alright, Annie, Britta, I won't have you two fighting over me," Jeff said in such a way that it was unclear whether he was kidding or not, "but yes, of course I'll be one of your partners."
"Oh gosh Jeff, what more could a girl ever ask for?" Britta said with a roll of her eyes. "Annie, he's all yours."
"Ummm… I was sort of hoping Troy might want to be my partner. He's already proven he can dance."
"Yeah I'll be your partner Annie," Troy said, his voice trailing off, "We'll be partners…sexy partners."
"Great," Jeff said, "that makes it easy then. Britta, looks like we'll be partners after…"
"What?" Britta asked with feigned surprise, "Oh I'm sorry Jeff, you just missed your chance. Abed and I already agreed to be partners."
"We did?" Abed asked, uncertain whether he had missed something.
"Yes. Abed."
"Oh, OK. We did. Cool. Cool cool cool. I'm thinking 'Flashdance', or maybe 'Footloose.'"
"Seriously Britta?" Jeff asked, exasperated, "Troy I can understand, he played sports. But Abed? You know what? Screw you both, I can find a partner outside the study group." As Jeff looked around room, though, his swagger began to falter ever so slightly. Everywhere he looked everyone (even Leonard) had a partner.
"Mr. Winger, is there a problem?" the dean asked.
"No problem, no problem at all. Just looking for a partner…"
"Is that all? Well that's not a problem at all! I've got the perfect partner for you!"
"Great, who is…" Jeff started to ask before realizing that Dean Pelton was batting his eyes at him. "Oh dear God."
"More like 'oh dear Dean'…. on second thought that may have been a bit of blaspheming, my apologies. Anyway, you don't have any other choices," said Dean Pelton with an air of finality that left Jeff speechless and Annie and Britta with satisfied grins. "As I'm sure you all know, this is an eleven week class that officially meets twice a week…"
"Officially? What do you mean officially?" Annie asked.
""Patience, Ms. Edison. Here's how the class is going to work: for the first eight weeks we're going to learn the basics of dance and salsa, then you're going to have two and a half weeks to prepare for the final class. What's the final class going to be, you ask? A contest! Our very own 'Dancing with the stars!' And before you ask Annie, the contest will not impact your grade…. but it will impact your chance of winning first prize!"
"What's first prize?" Jeff asked, intrigued by the idea of winning something.
"TBD!" exclaimed the dean, hoping enthusiasm would make up for the lack of an actual prize.
"You know what this means don't you?" Jeff said, looking at Annie and Britta.
"What does it mean, Jeff?" Britta and Annie asked in unison.
"It means Dean Pelton and I are going to crush you."
"Bring it."
Ten and half weeks passed until finally the day of the contest arrived, bringing with it an excitement and anticipation that swept up the entirety of Greendale, so much so that Dean Pelton was forced to cancel classes and move the competition into the gym so the entire student body could be present. The allure of what "TBD" might be combined with Jeff, Annie, and Britta's competitive zeal had spread to such a degree that when it came time for Dean Pelton to actually announce what the prize was he couldn't bear the thought of disappointing anyone. So when the dean announced at the end of the first eight weeks that the prize was a years' worth of free tuition for the winning pair it's no real surprise that it set off a furor unlike any other the school had seen since the last round of Paintball Assassin.
Truly none of the couples had failed to bring their A-game; by the time there was only one pair left, Jeff and Dean Pelton there was no clear favorite. (If any one pair took the most liberty with what truly constitutes salsa it was Abed and Britta, who performed a perfect recreation of "Dancing to the Max" from the first season of 'Saved By the Bell.') As Jeff and the Dean walked on to the floor there was no arguing that they were the most impeccably dressed; both Jeff's suit and Dean Pelton's could have been imported directly from Havana. As they moved into the final flourish of their dance, Jeff dipped the Dean perfectly in time with the music, punctuating the final note by kissing Dean Pelton on the lips. The stunned silence of the audience was outmatched only by that of the Dean, his face once again turning a shade of red normally reserved for fire engines and stop signs. And as the slow smattering of applause gave way to a raucous reaction that made it clear who was the crowd favorite, Jeff turned to Britta and Annie and said, "Never bet against a Winger."